Melrapuo Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 My ex dumped me a month ago. Havent spoken to her since the breakup. In the beginning it was pretty rough, but life has slowly been normalizing. I'd be lying if i said i didnt miss her. But at the same time i know theres nothing i can really do to change her mind. She told me she wasnt in love with me anymore, and to leave her alone. And i have. NC is pretty much alk i have left, isnt it. I mean, itll help me continue to heal, but at the same it can make you feel pretty helpless. Sometimes i feel we wouldve never worked out, but at the same time i wish we tried again. Is nc really thr only thing u can do? I told her i still love and care for her l, but that i would respect her wishes and leave her alone. Just hoping im doing the right thing for me. And her. Just some thoughts
Philosoraptor Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 There is a ton you can do if you intend to heal and move on. Figure out what you'd like to do with your life and go ahead and do it. Invest time in hobbies, spend some time helping others, learn something new... I made a bucket list and when I was down I would either knock something off or make plans to knock something off. It helped me at the start. But what it comes down to is finding peace with yourself and with the situation. This person is gone, time to move on and find your happiness.
shortee143 Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 Sounds like you're handling things pretty well thus far. We all feel pretty helpless when we get dumped, it can drive us mad, bc we just want to fix it all. I never went NC with ex technically (same friends, see him every weekend, see his gf too, etc). So I had to do all the same as you (as in not hassle im), except while still seeing him in person. I respected his wishes, never begged, called, texted. He knew how much I cared- and I left it at that. I wasnt going to fight for someone that didnt want me to fight for them. Darn, is it hard! Just keep doing what your doing, and continue to focus on things you want to accomplish in life
Pens55 Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 I've been thinking...we all talk about "no contact" here. It seems to have this connotation of wanting and needing to talk to the ex, and that we are planning to do so in the future...I think that mindset sets us up to fail or hold on to negative hopes. Instead, why dont we think of it as looking toward the future? The ex is in the past, and should be in the past for one reason or another. Yeah, I still wish I could talk to my ex, reconcile and live happily ever after. But the fact of the matter is it aint gonna happen right now, or likely ever. So, I am trying to consider it a written chapter of my life, just like when I left my last job. We all think "what if I can get back my ex?" Well, a lot of the time, they are the same person and still not meeting our needs. The rare situations where reconciliation ends happily probably happen after the dumpee stops giving a d*mn about the dumper, thus "no contact" is no longer even on our minds. Dont do no contact just to avoid feelings for the ex, look forward to the future and put that energy into yourself and realize that you have so much more to offer! Sorry, just got back from the gym and feel awesome!!! Rant over
EyeAlone Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 I second the bucket list idea. At first I started training for some races to get "revenge" on my ex. It was in the spirit of a "Haha, look what you're missing!" But a few days ago I realized that it's not for revenge; I've actually been doing it for myself all along. The revenge concept did help me though with getting me started. Don't worry about whether or not you're doing the right thing for her. It's all you now. Worry if you're doing the right thing for YOU. Go do something that you were never able to do when you were in a relationship with her. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself.
RockGuy87 Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 I second the bucket list idea. At first I started training for some races to get "revenge" on my ex. It was in the spirit of a "Haha, look what you're missing!" But a few days ago I realized that it's not for revenge; I've actually been doing it for myself all along. The revenge concept did help me though with getting me started. Don't worry about whether or not you're doing the right thing for her. It's all you now. Worry if you're doing the right thing for YOU. Go do something that you were never able to do when you were in a relationship with her. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. I agree with the revenge concept. My ex before my current one went out for 3 years. She did me in a real bad way when we broke up...wont go into it... But anyways I started to run to lose weight...I wasnt fat but i had some chub to me. I started doing it because there was a concert that was 3 months away that we as a big group bought tickets for. So i knew i was going to see my ex that day 100%!!! I ran like a mad man, did a strict diet and had lost about 30 pounds by then. Lets just say the look on her face was priceless and it was all for revenge. While running i pushed myself to do better because I had a deadline. I eventually ended up losing 70 pounds! I continued after i had ran into her even and it has been one of the best things I did for myself. Never will forget how puzzled she looked when she saw me and her girl friends were complimenting me.
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