skyle Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 Well it's been a few months since I last posted, and I was in a pretty messed up way. I can safely say, I am in a much clearer place now and actually doing well! Me and my ex girlfriend have been talking quite a lot recently, (she is in a relationship now with a guy, not even a month yet) and we've still spoken about our relationship from before even more deeply and finally got to the bottom of a few things. We've met up a few times and even went to dinner (had to keep it a secret from her boyfriend) because he would ask many questions she said. She knows that I want her back, and we've even spoken about it but she wants to be friends. We still talk like more than friends though. Her and her boyfriend have trust issues already and some of the things she has told me, sounds like it wont last too long. I just want some advice, because I have told her I want to be with her. I have also realised what went wrong, and improved myself. She knows that as well, and she even admitted she convinced herself to hate me after she ended it. We're on good terms now, and although she is with her boyfriend, many of my friends say they think its a rebound. She's also admitted to sleeping with a couple of guys at university and finally admitted they were both a rebound as well. How do I go about this? She knows how I feel, she wants to be friends but the way she talks with me, there's a connection right there and she wants to meet up at university but not tell her boyfriend (nothing sexual, just catching up). We still use words such as baby (just how we are) etc. Just wondering what other people would do in this situation. We've been apart for 4 months, and we were going out for 14 months before that. Thanks!
Philosoraptor Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 Read this back to yourself from an outsiders perspective. This girl is not ready for any kind of relationship. She bailed and rebounded a few times, and starts talking to you while still with someone else. It's sad to say it but you are one of her options and you are being kept close enough so that she can have you if she wants you for a little while again. She will bolt when she finds something else as she does not seem to have any sort of maturity. How has she proven to you that she can be mature enough to be in a relationship with you? By talking behind her current partners back? Of course he'd be upset, he has every right to be.
Author skyle Posted January 17, 2012 Author Posted January 17, 2012 Yeah, she's already told me that she doesn't like relationships. Me & her were different though, and I was her first proper boyfriend. I know how it looks from the outside, and as much as it shows she's not mature enough for a proper relationship, it also makes me wonder she still has feelings for me. It's like she's trying to block it out, and has told me previous times that it wouldn't work, and we've joked about it etc but there's something still there that makes me believe otherwise. I'm seeing it as a challenge.
Philosoraptor Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 A challenge that results in pain is one that shouldn't be accepted. Trust her actions not her words.
Author skyle Posted January 17, 2012 Author Posted January 17, 2012 A few months ago, I would have agreed about the pain. But that's not the feeling that I have any more It's more excitement, and if nothing happens, then so be it. But it's a challenge I would like to try as she means a lot to me still and I know I mean a lot to her as she has said.
Philosoraptor Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 You will do what you do. I wish you the best of luck and peace in your future. Hope everything works out for you
chelsea2011 Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 Well it's been a few months since I last posted, and I was in a pretty messed up way. I can safely say, I am in a much clearer place now and actually doing well! Me and my ex girlfriend have been talking quite a lot recently, (she is in a relationship now with a guy, not even a month yet) and we've still spoken about our relationship from before even more deeply and finally got to the bottom of a few things. We've met up a few times and even went to dinner (had to keep it a secret from her boyfriend) because he would ask many questions she said. She knows that I want her back, and we've even spoken about it but she wants to be friends. We still talk like more than friends though. Her and her boyfriend have trust issues already and some of the things she has told me, sounds like it wont last too long. I just want some advice, because I have told her I want to be with her. I have also realised what went wrong, and improved myself. She knows that as well, and she even admitted she convinced herself to hate me after she ended it. We're on good terms now, and although she is with her boyfriend, many of my friends say they think its a rebound. She's also admitted to sleeping with a couple of guys at university and finally admitted they were both a rebound as well. How do I go about this? She knows how I feel, she wants to be friends but the way she talks with me, there's a connection right there and she wants to meet up at university but not tell her boyfriend (nothing sexual, just catching up). We still use words such as baby (just how we are) etc. Just wondering what other people would do in this situation. We've been apart for 4 months, and we were going out for 14 months before that. Thanks! This situation doesn't sound like a true blue second chance to me. It sounds like you are nothing more than the "other man." Personally, I wouldn't consider it because it shows that she is emotionaly immature, indecisive, non-commital and more importantly, she is cheating on someone - if not physically, she is cheating emotionally. Good luck with that because it is a long painful road. There is a forum that specifically addresses being the other man or the other woman that will shed some light as to what you are in for.
geegirl Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 The mature thing to do would be for her to end her farce of a relationship with her boyfriend, work on her issues and for you to step back and ask yourself if this is what you really want for yourself. Love is wonderful but just because you love someone you don't rush blindly into a "challenge" because at the end of the day, do you really want to be with someone that has the capacity to play both sides while she makes up her mind? What does that truly say about her? Everyone believes their relationship is different. If yours was any different from the rest, you wouldn't be on a forum discussing how to woo someone who clearly states she does not want to be in a relationship. She knows how you feel about her. Let her come to you, the right way. No sneaking around and game playing. If she sneaks and game plays while in a relationship, trust that those behaviors will prevail in her future relationships. This is not about excitement. Taking "challenges" rather than using that clarity you supposedly gained in 4 months is clearly not an indication that you have improved emotionally and mentally. You will do what you need to do. Good luck.
Author skyle Posted January 17, 2012 Author Posted January 17, 2012 Well having a casual conversation with her today on text messaging...it went like so; Me: If it was a different situation, would you give us a chance? Her: Would I give us a chance...I dunno cos I'm not in that situation. It's weird to say anything cos Im not in the situation. If I said no...might not be right but if I say yes...well what's that gonna achieve cos we can't anyways Hmm, then she started talking about just being friends and its awkward cos we're not in the situation so she's not sure what to say.
Author skyle Posted January 17, 2012 Author Posted January 17, 2012 Well having a casual conversation with her today on text messaging...it went like so; Me: If it was a different situation, would you give us a chance? Her: Would I give us a chance...I dunno cos I'm not in that situation. It's weird to say anything cos Im not in the situation. If I said no...might not be right but if I say yes...well what's that gonna achieve cos we can't anyways Hmm, then she started talking about just being friends and its awkward cos we're not in the situation so she's not sure what to say.
geegirl Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 Well having a casual conversation with her today on text messaging...it went like so; Me: If it was a different situation, would you give us a chance? Her: Would I give us a chance...I dunno cos I'm not in that situation. It's weird to say anything cos Im not in the situation. If I said no...might not be right but if I say yes...well what's that gonna achieve cos we can't anyways Hmm, then she started talking about just being friends and its awkward cos we're not in the situation so she's not sure what to say. When someone tells you what you don't want to hear, LISTEN. She's speaking to you loud and clear. Evading should be a strong enough message to you. Don't try to change someone. Don't try to coax someone. Don't try to take on challenges. It just reeks of desperation. She should be coming to you because she wants to not because you're up for a challenge.
BoredAgain Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 This "challenge," as you put it, hardly sounds worth the effort. She is clearly attempting to string you along and clearly not ready for a relationship. As if you needed any more reason, she pretty much told you in her recent text that she's not interested in getting back together. Frankly, I don't buy your claim to want a challenge. There's really nothing in it for you except wasted time and the potential for more emotional pain.
Philosoraptor Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 Well having a casual conversation with her today on text messaging...it went like so; Me: If it was a different situation, would you give us a chance? Her: Would I give us a chance...I dunno cos I'm not in that situation. It's weird to say anything cos Im not in the situation. If I said no...might not be right but if I say yes...well what's that gonna achieve cos we can't anyways Hmm, then she started talking about just being friends and its awkward cos we're not in the situation so she's not sure what to say. Her response is giving just enough to keep you holding on. You need to cut this string or you will be pulled along until she finds someone that she does see a long term commitment with.
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