USCGAviator Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 Sooooo I met this woman on POF who is mid 30's very beautiful and nice. I'm 31 and very handsome haha. Now for the meat and potatoes. Our first date was at a fri night bar very loud and busy. Wasn't my ideal place for a first date but we made it work and had good conversation and a good time. We had a second date at a much quieter bar setting. Now this has never happened before. She was txting almost the entire night and apologizing while doing it. We still had decent conversation but her txting was relentless. I didn't start getting pissed about it until I was on my way home. So that night I sent her a text basically saying that she was buried in her phone all night (no emergency txts) which meant to me that she clearly wasn't interested. I also told her I was disappointed that I could find a connection and that I was interested in finding someone to date rather than just go on dates. Next morning I awoke with a really apologetic txt and the she felt really horrible sorry sorry and all that jazz. I ignored it and hours later got another one sayin shes thinking about me and again very sorry and was hoping that we would someday be dating and that she didnt want to jus go on dates. Needless to say we spend another evening together following that night and she didn't touch her phone one time. I'm very pleased things turned out for the better but if she touches her phone again I'm gonna drop kick her haha. I'm guessing she was testing boundaries with me.
Philosoraptor Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 Did you ever find out what she was texting about? There is always the possibility that while it may have not been life or death it could have still been very important. It's good that she was able to keep it away for your next date.
ditzchic Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 It could have been a nervousness thing. I've noticed that one of my nervous ticks is reaching for my phone and answering texts. I'm a big texter so I always have a ton of messages waiting for me but I usually know when to put the phone down. Until the nerves kick in. Wait it out and see what happens. Now that you've told her and she said she understands hopefully she'll stop. If she continues to do it though then yeah, that's probably her not being all that into you.
Author USCGAviator Posted January 17, 2012 Author Posted January 17, 2012 She said it was her friends. One in particular was upset about her own bf and venting to my date. Still doesn't qualify as emergency in my book. I explained this to her and told her I'm a little insensitive to people that can't/won't take charge of their own happiness. She understood that.
Author USCGAviator Posted January 17, 2012 Author Posted January 17, 2012 It could have been a nervousness thing. I've noticed that one of my nervous ticks is reaching for my phone and answering texts. I'm a big texter so I always have a ton of messages waiting for me but I usually know when to put the phone down. Until the nerves kick in. Wait it out and see what happens. Now that you've told her and she said she understands hopefully she'll stop. If she continues to do it though then yeah, that's probably her not being all that into you. She is a shy/nervous woman. She told me was was nervous when she was on her way to our 3rd date. I can tell that's part of her personality.
azsinglegal Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 I'm surprised you went on another date. Texting all night would be a deal breaker for me. Especially so early in the relationship. But again, I'm not attached to my phone. And if I go on a date I tell my friends not to bother me (but try to sneak a text to let them know how it's going while in the ladies room). I dunno...I think people who are so attached to their phones lack some social skills.
Author USCGAviator Posted January 17, 2012 Author Posted January 17, 2012 I'm surprised you went on another date. Texting all night would be a deal breaker for me. Especially so early in the relationship. But again, I'm not attached to my phone. And if I go on a date I tell my friends not to bother me (but try to sneak a text to let them know how it's going while in the ladies room). I dunno...I think people who are so attached to their phones lack some social skills. I agree with you. I've never had that happen to me and it wasn't till after the date that I realized how irritated I was. Either way if it happens again she knows it'll be dating suicide for us. I gave her another shot due to the nature of the crime and the fact that she was very remorseful in numerous texts and in person.
azsinglegal Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 I agree with you. I've never had that happen to me and it wasn't till after the date that I realized how irritated I was. Either way if it happens again she knows it'll be dating suicide for us. I gave her another shot due to the nature of the crime and the fact that she was very remorseful in numerous texts and in person. Sad thing is, folks are addicted to their phones. Have you seen those couples out at restaurants not talking and on their phones the whole time? Or groups of people on their phones and no one is socializing? For me...texting during a date, no matter WHAT is rude and inexcusable. Like I said, more power to you that you saw her again...but if that's her behavior on an early date - it's just going to rear it's ugly head later on. Which if it does - get up and leave, I bet she never notices.
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 I agree with you. I've never had that happen to me and it wasn't till after the date that I realized how irritated I was. Either way if it happens again she knows it'll be dating suicide for us. I gave her another shot due to the nature of the crime and the fact that she was very remorseful in numerous texts and in person. Just bone her! who cares! This probably isn't going to work If she's that inept to common manners and can't put it aside to got on a date with someone for the second time!
love_confusion Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 I just had this happen to me about a week ago and it bothered me quite a bit. I didn't say anything during, but did mention it the next day and he apologized. I didn't want to come across as too upset since we're just casually dating. Sending a text or two is understandable, but having your head buried in your phone neglecting the person you're sitting across from is just rude! Plus, he had the phone right on the table so every time a text came through I could see it. He was texting another female, so maybe he actually wanted me to see the texts... In any event, as I said above, it's rude.
phineas Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 This happened once, chick I went out with was txting all night. Then when I got a txt a little later she actually had the nerve to ask me if it was one of the other women i'm seeing as if i'm some kind of fricken romeo or something. I stupidly saw her again & came really close to excusing myself to goto the bathroom, paying the tab, & then txting her "goodnight" from the parking lot as I drove away. Instead I just told her it wasn't working out. I doubt it even registered because I didn't txt it.
runner Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 oh gawd and this is why i hate smarty fones...ever go out with a group of people, and then once there's even a single lull in the conversation, everyone goes and stares off into that small screen abyss ? ugh. whatever happened to actually listening and engaging each other in conversation ? anyway, if i ever went on a date like in the OP, i'd be so tempted to just walk out and not even say goodbye or anything.
Author USCGAviator Posted January 19, 2012 Author Posted January 19, 2012 Interesting update to this. Since our 3rd date at my house which involved some heavy making out....she pink slipped me the next day. Saying she still has "feelings" for her exbf who's not around. I tell her that's unfortunate and to take care of herself. I immediately stop contact with her. Then what happens? She text me out of the blue 2 days later asking me some random question about deleting an acct from her phone. Then she starts telling me that she misses talkin to me. During our texting I can tell shes trying real hard to be tactical and see if I'm basically down for a FWB situation with her. Basically saying she scares easily and likes her freedom to do whatever. I've usually been the one to initiate an FWB with someone but was much more straight forward. Its kinda funny seeing a woman try to initiate it without trying to come of as easy.
CocoaBrown Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 I'm very pleased things turned out for the better but if she touches her phone again I'm gonna drop kick her haha. I'm guessing she was testing boundaries with me. lol That's good....you know you deserve someone's FULL attention on a date. Even if it is important it's rude. I would rather someone step away and make a phone call if it's really that important. Hope it works out!
Emilia Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 (edited) Well OP, as a 39 year-old woman I can tell you that anyone in their mid-30s who doesn't know how to behave on a date is a complete idiot. Your last post kind of confirms that. Edited January 19, 2012 by Emilia
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