PlumPrincess Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 I couldn't edit my post anymore. Anyway: I judge pretty quickly and I prefer to go through large quantities of people rather than stay with one person hoping that if I dig long enough I will eventually realize that this a great match.
Imajerk17 Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 I couldn't edit my post anymore. Anyway: I judge pretty quickly and I prefer to go through large quantities of people rather than stay with one person hoping that if I dig long enough I will eventually realize that this a great match. Maybe that is why you are still single.
PlumPrincess Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 Maybe that is why you are still single. Next time a woman turns out to weigh 50 pounds more than in her picture, don't forget to give her a chance, ok?
Imajerk17 Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 Next time a woman turns out to weigh 50 pounds more than in her picture, don't forget to give her a chance, ok? Nice dodge, except that this isn't why you've rejected the guys you saw.
azsinglegal Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 I couldn't edit my post anymore. Anyway: I judge pretty quickly and I prefer to go through large quantities of people rather than stay with one person hoping that if I dig long enough I will eventually realize that this a great match. While I'm the opposite and don't understand "serial dating". I try to make a relationship out of almost everyone I date. Maybe I should try serial dating because my method obviously hasn't worked for me.
PlumPrincess Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 Nice dodge, except that this isn't why you've rejected the guys you saw. Aaah, you're referring to my other thread. Well, I don't regret rejecting them.
FitChick Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 When I quickly scanned the original post, I thought she said he was 75-100 years old! Frankly, with some of these men, it wouldn't surprise me.
Casablanca Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 She'd be doing him a big favor in the long run by telling him this isn't cool. I agree with this Maybe that is why you are still single. Typically you feel some sort of connection quickly...I say her approach is fine...instead of a few short term b/fs that lead no where, she is looking to invest in only one serious bf
hydorclops Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 OP, you seem like an OK person. Do whatever it takes so that you can say, "I'm happy with how I handled that guy" If he's offended or hurt or confused it's on him.
Author ditzchic Posted January 17, 2012 Author Posted January 17, 2012 Update: So I haven't responded to him at all today. He just texted me that he just joined the gym and is working out for the first time in forever and he doesn't know why he ever let himself go... What do I do now?!?!?! I'll feel like the biggest jerk in the world if I bring up the weight descrepancy now...
Casablanca Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 Update: So I haven't responded to him at all today. He just texted me that he just joined the gym and is working out for the first time in forever and he doesn't know why he ever let himself go... What do I do now?!?!?! I'll feel like the biggest jerk in the world if I bring up the weight descrepancy now... My guess is that he is saying this to try and keep you from losing interest/going away because of his gross misrepresentation of his weight. In the least you can just tell him you didn't feel any romantic connection.
Dust Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 Update: So I haven't responded to him at all today. He just texted me that he just joined the gym and is working out for the first time in forever and he doesn't know why he ever let himself go... What do I do now?!?!?! I'll feel like the biggest jerk in the world if I bring up the weight descrepancy now... Haha why would you ever bring up the weight thing? Why oh why did you not ask for a recent pic as in one taken in the past month or two... I mean you don't want pics from his 2010 celebration unless they still resemble him! Look I think its perfectly acceptable for you to just ignore him. The thing is when girls ignore me I'll continue to msg them and try to wear them down till I get completely board of it. His going to the gym msg was really lame though... I'd more send something like "thinking of you princess, join me for dinner tonight?" If you want to outright reject him do it over the phone. "I don't want to date you" and just leave it at that. Give hime the "I didn't feel the spark between us." Or just txt him "I just wanted to let you know I enjoyed meeting you but I don't want to date you, I just don't feel the spark between us." Then if he continues to talk or txt just repeat "I don't want to date you." Don't say sorry or tell him he's a nice guy or anything! But ignoring him till he figures it out is perfectly acceptable. Just might be anoying for you as he sends lame txts and voice msgs about wanting you. Might be more painless to just let him know
Casablanca Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 Haha why would you ever bring up the weight thing? Why oh why did you not ask for a recent pic as in one taken in the past month or two... I mean you don't want pics from his 2010 celebration unless they still resemble him! Because the guy totally misrepresented himself online. Perhaps she thought they were recent pictures, I dont really ask for recent pictures (though I'm 24, so it is hard for people my age to have really old pictures without noticing they are 5 or 6 years older or more)
Dust Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 Because the guy totally misrepresented himself online. Perhaps she thought they were recent pictures, I dont really ask for recent pictures (though I'm 24, so it is hard for people my age to have really old pictures without noticing they are 5 or 6 years older or more) You're a guy right... sure a 24 year old girl probably won't look much older then she did say 3 years ago... but she could easily look a lot fatter if months or years have gone by.. even at 24! So the guy totally misrepereseneted himself... what good can come of confronting the guy about it. "You're a lot fatter then in your pictures!" I mean the OP doesn't even want to dump the guy just sort of ignore him till he goes away... so if thats one of the options she is thinking about why would she ever go to the other extreme and call the guy out? I say if its not to anoying for her to ignore the guy till he goes away do that. If she would feel better letting the guy know "it's not going to happen I don't feel that way about you" then she can do that too.
Casablanca Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 You're a guy right... sure a 24 year old girl probably won't look much older then she did say 3 years ago... but she could easily look a lot fatter if months or years have gone by.. even at 24! So the guy totally misrepereseneted himself... what good can come of confronting the guy about it. "You're a lot fatter then in your pictures!" I mean the OP doesn't even want to dump the guy just sort of ignore him till he goes away... so if thats one of the options she is thinking about why would she ever go to the other extreme and call the guy out? I say if its not to anoying for her to ignore the guy till he goes away do that. If she would feel better letting the guy know "it's not going to happen I don't feel that way about you" then she can do that too. True, which is why I always go for easy coffee or drinks for a first meeting....little to no investment. I've never asked anyone for recent pics and no one has of me. She doesnt have to put it as blunt as you put it...it can be simply as something "i was off put on how you misrepresented yourself in your pictures. you're weight wouldnt be a deal breaker had I known from the start, but you told a major lie about yourself, that is the deal breaker" One doesnt really "dump" someone after one date, there is no relationship to end
Dust Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 True, which is why I always go for easy coffee or drinks for a first meeting....little to no investment. I've never asked anyone for recent pics and no one has of me. She doesnt have to put it as blunt as you put it...it can be simply as something "i was off put on how you misrepresented yourself in your pictures. you're weight wouldnt be a deal breaker had I known from the start, but you told a major lie about yourself, that is the deal breaker" One doesnt really "dump" someone after one date, there is no relationship to end That's pointless and uncomfortable. Plus she's dealing with a guy... who knows how this loser might go off on her. He could end up saying something about her weight even though she looks fine and cause her to cry. Reject/dump lets not get bogged down in the semantics. It's not like I'm one of these girls here calling a guy who tried to add them as a facebook friend a creepy stalker. It's not like I'm one of the posters on here calling some one who likes teenage girls a pedo. I should have said reject. Dump does imply something more seriouse though. Though there is the saying pump and dump. Thats where you have sex with a girl and stop seeing her. Doens't mean you had anything serious going on.
Imajerk17 Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 Update: So I haven't responded to him at all today. He just texted me that he just joined the gym and is working out for the first time in forever and he doesn't know why he ever let himself go... What do I do now?!?!?! I'll feel like the biggest jerk in the world if I bring up the weight descrepancy now... Can't you just let him know you aren't interested? One text.
SJC2008 Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 His pictures are old so he lied. Not saying he's a bad person but he's probably desperate. Misrepresentation is a deal breaker. I don't mind if you have a "few extra pounds" but I won't waste my time messaging you if you are obviously not and listed yourself as "about average", be HONEST. My friends have told me that I could list myself about average by I err on the side of too honest over decietful.
phineas Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 OK, I've lost 100lbs. i'm literally half the size I used to be. Are you sure he's THAT much heavier? That's not even healthy. Trust me, I know, I was there.
Author ditzchic Posted January 18, 2012 Author Posted January 18, 2012 OK, I've lost 100lbs. i'm literally half the size I used to be. Are you sure he's THAT much heavier? That's not even healthy. Trust me, I know, I was there. I lost 130. Yes, he definitely is. He was on the slim side in his pics. And in person he is a size 42-44 easy...
phineas Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 I lost 130. Yes, he definitely is. He was on the slim side in his pics. And in person he is a size 42-44 easy... pants? that's nothing I was in 48's. ok, not something to be proud of but i'm in 32's now. And women on match my age (40) have been commenting on how good a shape i'm in & from looking at my competition I guess I actually am.
Author ditzchic Posted January 18, 2012 Author Posted January 18, 2012 pants? that's nothing I was in 48's. ok, not something to be proud of but i'm in 32's now. And women on match my age (40) have been commenting on how good a shape i'm in & from looking at my competition I guess I actually am. He's also only about 5'8. And 32's are definitely something to be proud of! Especially when you dropped 100lbs to get to them. I remember how great I felt when I fit in my first size 6's. That feeling was better than any sex I've ever had. lol.
FitChick Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 The man knows he did wrong by posting skinny photos of himself. That's why he said he was going to the gym because he knew that you and probably every other woman he's dated lately were turned off. However, even if he asks why you don't want to see him, never give a guy a reason to argue or bargain with you. You could tell him that you've been dating someone else and want to see how it goes, good luck on your search.
Shaun-Dro Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 I met this guy online and we flirted quite a lot until I was wondering why a guy like him who looked cute in the picture and who was actually quite entertaining was on this online dating site. I asked him if his picture was new. It wasn't. He put up some newer ones, like twenty years newer. I was not thrilled with the new pictures and I decided to reduce contact until eventually I ignored him. That was like 4-5 months ago and once in a while he will still contact me, but I continue ignoring him. I have told people before that I didn't feel any spark with them and it was fine. I think it gets harder when you have flirted with someone or got along well with someone and then it turns out they look too different from what you assumed from their pictures. In a way I think, these people do not want to face the truth about themselves, they think they can get away with putting up pictures from themselves, when they were twenty years younger or weighed 50 pounds less, and they are not going to accept a polite rejection as an answer. They will demand answers and eventually you would have to come out with the truth, which is going to hurt feelings. Reasons like this is why I stay far away from online dating. I refuse to get duped by some old, ugly duckling who uses a phony photo as disguise to who they really are underneath. It's total and complete disception. If they can deceive in something as simple as a picture, they can do it in almost anything else.
Anela Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 Baffles me completely. I've never been on a dating site but, if I was, I'd be mortified if i didn't live up to someone's expectations. The odd time I was set up for a date I told the person to tell the gal I was super fit but homely. I'm 'decent' looking but would much rather for her to be pleasantly surprised than seen some other expression on her face. That's partly what had me turning men down last Spring, and had me running again just last week: fears that I would be a disappointment somehow (I hadn't given much thought to them being such). I'm not in a good enough head space to deal with being a disappointment.
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