ditzchic Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 After one date. Things went alright on the date we had great conversation. But he is a guy I met online and his pics were old. He's about 75-100 lbs heavier than I expected him to be. I don't find him completely unattractive despite the weight but the fact that he misrepresented himself is a huge turn off. He also made some off-collar dirty remarks through text after the date and I'm just not interested in seeing him again. I've been less frequently replying to his texts and e-mails and staying as far away from making plans with him as possible but he seems to not get the hint. He keeps contacting me trying to set something up. Do I have to give him a formal rejection or should I just stop responding all together and hope he gets the point. I'm really hate the idea of a formal rejection because I can be quite tactless sometimes when I get annoyed. And if he badgers for a reason I don't want to hurt his feelings...
EnigmaticClarity Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 Stop responding. If he persists, clearly he's giving you no choice but an outright rejection. Tell him the truth about his glaring issues if he keeps pressing. The part about his misleading photos would be my first line if he tried to back me into a corner, and if that wasn't enough, I'd get nasty.
Lobouspo Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 Just graciously and politely as possible tell him you are not interested for whatever reason. If he persists, ignore him, if he still persists, threaten him with going to the authorities. There really is a class and tactful way to reject someone
jobaba Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 After one date. Things went alright on the date we had great conversation. But he is a guy I met online and his pics were old. He's about 75-100 lbs heavier than I expected him to be. I don't find him completely unattractive despite the weight but the fact that he misrepresented himself is a huge turn off. He also made some off-collar dirty remarks through text after the date and I'm just not interested in seeing him again. I've been less frequently replying to his texts and e-mails and staying as far away from making plans with him as possible but he seems to not get the hint. He keeps contacting me trying to set something up. Do I have to give him a formal rejection or should I just stop responding all together and hope he gets the point. I'm really hate the idea of a formal rejection because I can be quite tactless sometimes when I get annoyed. And if he badgers for a reason I don't want to hurt his feelings... LOL. You've rejected like 3 men in the past couple of weeks. Just do it the same way you did with them.
Philosoraptor Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 I would just be honest but nice. Say you enjoyed your time out but you don't feel like there was that connection you needed. And wish him the best for the future.
PlumPrincess Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 After one date. Things went alright on the date we had great conversation. But he is a guy I met online and his pics were old. He's about 75-100 lbs heavier than I expected him to be. I don't find him completely unattractive despite the weight but the fact that he misrepresented himself is a huge turn off. He also made some off-collar dirty remarks through text after the date and I'm just not interested in seeing him again. I've been less frequently replying to his texts and e-mails and staying as far away from making plans with him as possible but he seems to not get the hint. He keeps contacting me trying to set something up. Do I have to give him a formal rejection or should I just stop responding all together and hope he gets the point. I'm really hate the idea of a formal rejection because I can be quite tactless sometimes when I get annoyed. And if he badgers for a reason I don't want to hurt his feelings... I met this guy online and we flirted quite a lot until I was wondering why a guy like him who looked cute in the picture and who was actually quite entertaining was on this online dating site. I asked him if his picture was new. It wasn't. He put up some newer ones, like twenty years newer. I was not thrilled with the new pictures and I decided to reduce contact until eventually I ignored him. That was like 4-5 months ago and once in a while he will still contact me, but I continue ignoring him. I have told people before that I didn't feel any spark with them and it was fine. I think it gets harder when you have flirted with someone or got along well with someone and then it turns out they look too different from what you assumed from their pictures. In a way I think, these people do not want to face the truth about themselves, they think they can get away with putting up pictures from themselves, when they were twenty years younger or weighed 50 pounds less, and they are not going to accept a polite rejection as an answer. They will demand answers and eventually you would have to come out with the truth, which is going to hurt feelings.
Author ditzchic Posted January 17, 2012 Author Posted January 17, 2012 LOL. You've rejected like 3 men in the past couple of weeks. Just do it the same way you did with them. I have not! I only officially dumped one guy in the last month or so. The last one before that was like 2 months ago. The others we were just in the "talking" stages so I just stopped talking. Big difference. This guy isn't getting the hint and I'm starting to feel a little bad about it. I'm terrified at the thought of leading people on. I don't want to do that to anyone...
azsinglegal Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 HOLY CRAP?!? 75-100lbs heavier? That's a HUGE difference. Just tell him you're not interested in pursuing anything with him but you wish him the best of luck in finding a good match. I think you're going to have to actually TELL him you're not interested. Some folks just don't get the "hint".
jobaba Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 I have not! I only officially dumped one guy in the last month or so. The last one before that was like 2 months ago. The others we were just in the "talking" stages so I just stopped talking. Big difference. This guy isn't getting the hint and I'm starting to feel a little bad about it. I'm terrified at the thought of leading people on. I don't want to do that to anyone... I'm going to be harsh here because I think it will be constructive. It seems to me like you get off on dating and rejecting men. I've read a lot of your posts and you do truly want to meet a guy possibly, but you're not giving these guys enough of a chance. You run at the first sign of doom. Pretty soon, that well of desirable men in the online dating world is going to dry up and you may be sorry you didn't give a little more time to one that might have been good. What about the divorced guy? He seemed awesome. He was divorced? WHO GIVES A SH@T? We all have our skeletons. You used to be 300 pounds.
EnigmaticClarity Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 HOLY CRAP?!? 75-100lbs heavier? That's a HUGE difference. She'd be doing him a big favor in the long run by telling him this isn't cool.
azsinglegal Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 She'd be doing him a big favor in the long run by telling him this isn't cool. I agree. Like women who post up 10 yr old pictures of themselves but look nothing like that anymore. (Which was what men I met told me was the biggest complaint about OLD). I think the thing about OLD is to be true to who you are NOW. Post up recent pics. If you leave things open to "chance" when you meet someone or "hope" they like you now instead it's setting you up for failure. It's the "bait and switch". Like telling someone you're X to get them interested but later they find out you're Y. Never works.
carhill Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 He keeps contacting me trying to set something up. Do I have to give him a formal rejection or should I just stop responding all together and hope he gets the point. Considering it's been one date and, if he's texting and e-mailing only, I'd do a polite 'I don't see this going anywhere' type response and then block his contact methods. 'Close communication'. No ambiguity.
TheFinalWord Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 After one date. Things went alright on the date we had great conversation. But he is a guy I met online and his pics were old. He's about 75-100 lbs heavier than I expected him to be. I don't find him completely unattractive despite the weight but the fact that he misrepresented himself is a huge turn off. He also made some off-collar dirty remarks through text after the date and I'm just not interested in seeing him again. I've been less frequently replying to his texts and e-mails and staying as far away from making plans with him as possible but he seems to not get the hint. He keeps contacting me trying to set something up. Do I have to give him a formal rejection or should I just stop responding all together and hope he gets the point. I'm really hate the idea of a formal rejection because I can be quite tactless sometimes when I get annoyed. And if he badgers for a reason I don't want to hurt his feelings... You only went on one date and he lied to you about his appearance. I don't think you owe him any explanation. If a girl ignores you after one date 99% of guys will get the hint. If not you can just tell him that you aren't feeling any chemistry.
Author ditzchic Posted January 17, 2012 Author Posted January 17, 2012 I'm going to be harsh here because I think it will be constructive. It seems to me like you get off on dating and rejecting men. I've read a lot of your posts and you do truly want to meet a guy possibly, but you're not giving these guys enough of a chance. You run at the first sign of doom. Pretty soon, that well of desirable men in the online dating world is going to dry up and you may be sorry you didn't give a little more time to one that might have been good. What about the divorced guy? He seemed awesome. He was divorced? WHO GIVES A SH@T? We all have our skeletons. You used to be 300 pounds. I really don't see how formerly being a big girl is a skeleton in the closet? Actually it seems that when I tell most guys it's more of a turn on than anything else.
Imajerk17 Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 Well, I've told ditz that her people-picker has been off--she tends to give guys who are clearly wrong way too many chances while I recall at least one instance when she wrote off guys who could be good for her too soon. But a guy who misrepresents his weight by 75+ pounds? That is a no-no and I agree with ditz that she shouldn't see him again. What else is he misrepresenting? But come on ditz, can't you just let him know straight away you're not interested: "Hey John, I need to be honest with you--I enjoyed our date but I just don't think we're a match. Good luck in your search!"
Feelin Frisky Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 Stop responding. If he persists, clearly he's giving you no choice but an outright rejection. Tell him the truth about his glaring issues if he keeps pressing. The part about his misleading photos would be my first line if he tried to back me into a corner, and if that wasn't enough, I'd get nasty. ^ Pretty much. I'd usually advise being a little more direct but nice about it but it seems you've already done enough evading for him to realize it ain't happening. Congratulations on being a nice person though.
Author ditzchic Posted January 17, 2012 Author Posted January 17, 2012 But come on ditz, can't you just let him know straight away you're not interested: "Hey John, I need to be honest with you--I enjoyed our date but I just don't think we're a match. Good luck in your search!" Maybe it's because I hate being left down that way. After only a date or two, I would rather just never hear from the guy again than be flat out told I'm rejected. Rejection sucks. If I don't hear from him ever again I can always tell myself that he was hit by a bus or abducted by aliens or flying monkeys came and took him or something like that.
Imajerk17 Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 Maybe it's because I hate being left down that way. After only a date or two, I would rather just never hear from the guy again than be flat out told I'm rejected. Rejection sucks. If I don't hear from him ever again I can always tell myself that he was hit by a bus or abducted by aliens or flying monkeys came and took him or something like that. Well, men are different. Your not getting back to him is not only a rejection, but a LACK OF respect on your part. Text him back as I suggested.
Lostinlife4now Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 after one date. Things went alright on the date we had great conversation. But he is a guy i met online and his pics were old. He's about 75-100 lbs heavier than i expected him to be. I don't find him completely unattractive despite the weight but the fact that he misrepresented himself is a huge turn off. He also made some off-collar dirty remarks through text after the date and i'm just not interested in seeing him again. I've been less frequently replying to his texts and e-mails and staying as far away from making plans with him as possible but he seems to not get the hint. He keeps contacting me trying to set something up. Do i have to give him a formal rejection or should i just stop responding all together and hope he gets the point. I'm really hate the idea of a formal rejection because i can be quite tactless sometimes when i get annoyed. And if he badgers for a reason i don't want to hurt his feelings... ignore ignore ignore ignore and he will eventually go away!!!!!
jobaba Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 I really don't see how formerly being a big girl is a skeleton in the closet? Actually it seems that when I tell most guys it's more of a turn on than anything else. I may have come off a bit like a jerk. That wasn't my intention. But I do think you and other women should give some of these guys a bit more of a chance. Getting to know someone is an intricate process. You'd be surprised how much you have in common with someone you might have thought you had nothing in common with the first date. It happened to me... The 300 lb thing was only to illustrate that you know what it's like to be red flagged and so might not be so quick to red flag others.
soserious1 Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 Maybe it's because I hate being left down that way. After only a date or two, I would rather just never hear from the guy again than be flat out told I'm rejected. Rejection sucks. If I don't hear from him ever again I can always tell myself that he was hit by a bus or abducted by aliens or flying monkeys came and took him or something like that. This man is going to face a lot more rejections due to his misrepresenting his appearance via outdated pictures. Do him a favor, let him know that he seemed like a nice man, that the weight itself wasn't the deal breaker but that you really can't get past the fact that he misrepresented himself.
USCGAviator Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 You can always use the classic "I'm not ready for a serious relationship" line.
PlumPrincess Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 I may have come off a bit like a jerk. That wasn't my intention. But I do think you and other women should give some of these guys a bit more of a chance. Getting to know someone is an intricate process. You'd be surprised how much you have in common with someone you might have thought you had nothing in common with the first date. It happened to me... The 300 lb thing was only to illustrate that you know what it's like to be red flagged and so might not be so quick to red flag others. You don't get it. He either lied deliberately or he is very unaware about people's expectations about things like accurate pictures which makes you wonder how advanced his awareness of himself and his social interactions with people in general are. Or he is quite desperate. Either way, these people do not really look like someone you want to date. I don't really think that when it comes to dating in the beginning you should give people that many chances.
Imajerk17 Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 I may have come off a bit like a jerk. That wasn't my intention. But I do think you and other women should give some of these guys a bit more of a chance. Getting to know someone is an intricate process. You'd be surprised how much you have in common with someone you might have thought you had nothing in common with the first date. It happened to me... The 300 lb thing was only to illustrate that you know what it's like to be red flagged and so might not be so quick to red flag others. I definitely agree with you, jobaba, that a lot of what women have people-pickers that don't work for them. And also that looks are not everything. But this isn't so much about looks, it's instead about the guy seriously misrepresenting himself on the profile, which is really the red flag (lack of integrity).
jobaba Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 You don't get it. He either lied deliberately or he is very unaware about people's expectations about things like accurate pictures which makes you wonder how advanced his awareness of himself and his social interactions with people in general are. Or he is quite desperate. Either way, these people do not really look like someone you want to date. I don't really think that when it comes to dating in the beginning you should give people that many chances. I wasn't talking about this guy. I was talking about the divorced guy, the frat boy, the clingy guys, etc. Bolded... whatever works for you.
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