louise_23 Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 i hate this kind of post but i need some advice!!! right. well. i went out sat night and happened to meet someone. which i already learned was a terrible idea a while ago, but apparently, after too many shots, it all went out the window. anyway, we ended up sleeping together at his and yeah, terrible i know. however, this guys behavior in the morning has kinda confused me. i mean, i know one night stands generally dont go any further, and i wasnt going to pressure the guy into being all gentlemanly, id have gladly beaten a hasty, yet shameful, retreat. however, he got me to wait for him so he could come with me into town to pick my car up (about 20 minute walk)asked me if i wanted to get something to eat (i declined because i felt really sick) however i say id wait for him to get something and then give him a lift back. which i did. we got on quite well, and he asked for my number and gave me his, and said that he wasnt doing anything later & he'd text...which he didnt. now, im really not into being desperate/ needy and whatever else. and im not into getting my fingers burned either. but why do all that if you werent really interested? one thing thats got me reading into this is...hes only lived here a few weeks and lived here briefly last year...he mentioned another girl that was out the same night as us, and something about her ''harassing'' him. he met her last year when he was here, and apparently she was hanging around near us but i didnt notice. anyway, according to him he never did anything to give her the impression they were an item but that she'd been texting him that night and throughout the week. now, i was kind of drunk so its not a word perfect quote but it just made me wonder... thoughts???
Emilia Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 Wait until he gets in touch, this is messy. Don't contact him. If he doesn't call or doesn't text it's a dead end and it's over. He was clearly indicating some kind of mess, push the whole thing out of your mind unless he calls you and asks you on a date.
Emilia Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 (edited) double post Edited January 17, 2012 by Emilia
LittleTiger Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 He said he would text and he hasn't. The ball's in his court. I would recommend you leave it there. If he bats it your way, fine, if not, forget him.
Author louise_23 Posted January 17, 2012 Author Posted January 17, 2012 Wait until he gets in touch, this is messy. Don't contact him. If he doesn't call or doesn't text it's a dead end and it's over. He was clearly indicating some kind of mess, push the whole thing out of your mind unless he calls you and asks you on a date. He said he would text and he hasn't. The ball's in his court. I would recommend you leave it there. If he bats it your way, fine, if not, forget him. yeah i guess i agree with both of you here. ill never understand guys. why do the whole charade of being seemingly nice and wanting to keep in touch if you dont actually want to?? i wasnt bothered before he started on about it, now i feel a little offended. sigh.
Jessica45 Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 I don't think the being nice part was a charade. Just because he had a ONS doesn't mean he has to treat you like dirt. But it also doesn't mean he wants more from you. It just means he's a decent person. Asking for your number wouldn't mean alot but that he gave you his does say something. I think it's possible that he may call you at some point. How long has it been? He may be a little gun shy after the stalker chick and may be testing you. But I agree with others here, that the ball is in his court.
Author louise_23 Posted January 17, 2012 Author Posted January 17, 2012 I don't think the being nice part was a charade. Just because he had a ONS doesn't mean he has to treat you like dirt. But it also doesn't mean he wants more from you. It just means he's a decent person. Asking for your number wouldn't mean alot but that he gave you his does say something. I think it's possible that he may call you at some point. How long has it been? He may be a little gun shy after the stalker chick and may be testing you. But I agree with others here, that the ball is in his court. its been 2 days.. well curiosity got the better of me and i text him. he replied to the first one i sent but not the second. it was just joking around about my friends going on about him (which they have, unprovoked - sort of like "who was that guy? he was nice!" kind of thing). he asked what they'd said & said was i sure it was about him, so i told him. i dont know. ill leave it in his court now though definitely. i do see your point with "Just because he had a ONS doesn't mean he has to treat you like dirt. But it also doesn't mean he wants more from you. It just means he's a decent person." i just find it so confusing with the politeness n the number thing. maybe stalker chick has scared him. im too lazy to stalk though. sigh! its a shame because we got on really well. oh well.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 its been 2 days.. well curiosity got the better of me and i text him. he replied to the first one i sent but not the second. it was just joking around about my friends going on about him (which they have, unprovoked - sort of like "who was that guy? he was nice!" kind of thing). he asked what they'd said & said was i sure it was about him, so i told him. i dont know. ill leave it in his court now though definitely. i do see your point with "Just because he had a ONS doesn't mean he has to treat you like dirt. But it also doesn't mean he wants more from you. It just means he's a decent person." i just find it so confusing with the politeness n the number thing. maybe stalker chick has scared him. im too lazy to stalk though. sigh! its a shame because we got on really well. oh well. Let me add to that- just because he had an ONS with you doesn't mean he has to be nice to you. When you have sex with someone, you automatically assume sex equals emotional connection. That's not true and while we girls tend to think this way, we really need to think outside of the box. No guy will ever turn down sex, even if it's with the drunkest girl in the bar. Sex is acted upon as a way of relief, a guy will pursue sex when the opportunity presents itself. Sex is a " detached" act, kinda like when blood flows to the penis, brain pattern changes. Just chalk this up to a good night and move on. Especially since his inaction to pursue is all the more evident. ( Nothing can prevent a guy from contacting you if he has your number; unless his phone battery died or he lost it (and half the time they don't really lose unless they voluntarily deleted it in the first place)).
Author louise_23 Posted January 17, 2012 Author Posted January 17, 2012 Let me add to that- just because he had an ONS with you doesn't mean he has to be nice to you. When you have sex with someone, you automatically assume sex equals emotional connection. That's not true and while we girls tend to think this way, we really need to think outside of the box. No guy will ever turn down sex, even if it's with the drunkest girl in the bar. Sex is acted upon as a way of relief, a guy will pursue sex when the opportunity presents itself. Sex is a " detached" act, kinda like when blood flows to the penis, brain pattern changes. Just chalk this up to a good night and move on. Especially since his inaction to pursue is all the more evident. ( Nothing can prevent a guy from contacting you if he has your number; unless his phone battery died or he lost it (and half the time they don't really lose unless they voluntarily deleted it in the first place)). yeah i know deep down you're right. i need to stop drinking. and i think ill delete his number. I hope you used birth control. im not on the pill and i was too drunk to know if he used a condom or not. time will tell i guess. im such a ****ing idiot sometimes.
Cypress25 Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 im not on the pill and i was too drunk to know if he used a condom or not. time will tell i guess. im such a ****ing idiot sometimes. Don't wait until you turn up pregnant! Go to a pharmacy and get Plan B. If this is what happens when you get drunk, then you're right, you do need to stop drinking. I'm sure I don't have to tell you how dangerous this is. Please take care of yourself.
Tybalt Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 Oh my goodness. Plan B, please, please, please. This is an emotionally messy situation, don't let it become a life-altering event. The drinking is not good if it is causing you to do reckless things, but definitely mitigate the problems if you can. That's being more responsible now.
Author louise_23 Posted January 18, 2012 Author Posted January 18, 2012 Don't wait until you turn up pregnant! Go to a pharmacy and get Plan B. If this is what happens when you get drunk, then you're right, you do need to stop drinking. I'm sure I don't have to tell you how dangerous this is. Please take care of yourself. your message scared the life out of me this morning. i have arranged emergency contraception now, thank you.
Author louise_23 Posted January 18, 2012 Author Posted January 18, 2012 Oh my goodness. Plan B, please, please, please. This is an emotionally messy situation, don't let it become a life-altering event. The drinking is not good if it is causing you to do reckless things, but definitely mitigate the problems if you can. That's being more responsible now. wise words. i have sorted it out now after reading yours and cypress's comments this morning. i hadnt seriously thought about it & had a bit of a "it wont happen to me" attitude. but i know im wrong. thank you for commenting.
kaylan Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 (edited) Let me add to that- just because he had an ONS with you doesn't mean he has to be nice to you. When you have sex with someone, you automatically assume sex equals emotional connection. That's not true and while we girls tend to think this way, we really need to think outside of the box. The last time I had a ONS, it was to get over my ex. I actually had a dream about her and when I woke up and found myself next to this stranger, I freaked out. It took everything in my power not to bail right then in there because I was in such an emotional dark place in my life...but I didnt want to ruin my reputation so I stayed. In the morning the new girl and I went to breakfast, and I acted sweet on her just so she wouldnt get that detached awkward feeling that happens after hookups sometime. The next week I explained my situation to her because she could sense I was feeling off. She understood and weve been friends since. We've hooked up again and the doors still open, but it is what it is. Personally when I hook up with a chick I try to make it as enjoyable for her as possible so she doesnt get that slutty used feeling of regret, and so I dont feel it as well. No guy will ever turn down sex, even if it's with the drunkest girl in the bar. Sex is acted upon as a way of relief, a guy will pursue sex when the opportunity presents itself. Sex is a " detached" act, kinda like when blood flows to the penis, brain pattern changes.This part of your post is what compelled me to jump into this thread. I freaking HATE this stereotype of men. I can do without sex and have great will power. So much so that I have turned down several guys in my life who were ready to get it on but I wasnt feeling it for some reason or another. Real life examples(each a different girl): 1. Girl had a bf and I respect relationships because I am very strict on monagamy. 2. Girl tried to call all the shots like the sex was only about her, plus she was acting disrespectful and saying dumb crap. I have too much self respect to let a girl act like an azzhole bitch and still think she can fvk me so I said forget it. 3. Girl was sexually selfish and I assumed the sex would be bad especially since the foreplay was so lame. 4. Girl is a good friend of mine and I dont see her in the way she sees me, so Id be using her if we had sex. 5. Girl rejected me a year ago, and I dont go back to places ive already tried to go. If she didnt want me then, id rather not go through the drama of starting things up now. Its a pride thing as well. Plus I also realize were too good of friends and itd ruin everything. Ive ruined 3 friendships in the past by hooking up. 6. We were co workers, she had a slutty reputation so I didnt think itd be safe, plus I wasnt that attracted to her. She had a chance when I was drunk a week before this meeting, but she didnt take it...so when she finally did come onto me, I was smart enough to stay away. I really dislike your way of thinking because it puts all the power of sex in a womans hands...as if she can always dictate when and where we have it. Whats funny is how girls act like children when I show them they dont have a monopoly on sex. They think any guy they meet will jump at the chance to get puzzy. not all of us guys are like that. I have too much pride, and also am too paranoid of STDs and peoples lies and drama, to just take any sex thats thrown at me. Btw, I never ever hook up with drunk girls. I dont want to take advantage of someone, and I get no sense of accomplishment from bedding a drunk chick. Her selection criteria is mighty small at that point. Just chalk this up to a good night and move on. Especially since his inaction to pursue is all the more evident. ( Nothing can prevent a guy from contacting you if he has your number; unless his phone battery died or he lost it (and half the time they don't really lose unless they voluntarily deleted it in the first place)). Agree with this. Edited January 18, 2012 by kaylan
Author louise_23 Posted January 18, 2012 Author Posted January 18, 2012 The last time I had a ONS, it was to get over my ex. I actually had a dream about her and when I woke up and found myself next to this stranger, I freaked out. It took everything in my power not to bail right then in there because I was in such an emotional dark place in my life...but I didnt want to ruin my reputation so I stayed. In the morning the new girl and I went to breakfast, and I acted sweet on her just so she wouldnt get that detached awkward feeling that happens after hookups sometime. The next week I explained my situation to her because she could sense I was feeling off. She understood and weve been friends since. We've hooked up again and the doors still open, but it is what it is. Personally when I hook up with a chick I try to make it as enjoyable for her as possible so she doesnt get that slutty used feeling of regret, and so I dont feel it as well. This part of your post is what compelled me to jump into this thread. I freaking HATE this stereotype of men. I can do without sex and have great will power. So much so that I have turned down several guys in my life who were ready to get it on but I wasnt feeling it for some reason or another. Real life examples(each a different girl): 1. Girl had a bf and I respect relationships because I am very strict on monagamy. 2. Girl tried to call all the shots like the sex was only about her, plus she was acting disrespectful and saying dumb crap. I have too much self respect to let a girl act like an azzhole bitch and still think she can fvk me so I said forget it. 3. Girl was sexually selfish and I assumed the sex would be bad especially since the foreplay was so lame. 4. Girl is a good friend of mine and I dont see her in the way she sees me, so Id be using her if we had sex. 5. Girl rejected me a year ago, and I dont go back to places ive already tried to go. If she didnt want me then, id rather not go through the drama of starting things up now. Its a pride thing as well. Plus I also realize were too good of friends and itd ruin everything. Ive ruined 3 friendships in the past by hooking up. 6. We were co workers, she had a slutty reputation so I didnt think itd be safe, plus I wasnt that attracted to her. She had a chance when I was drunk a week before this meeting, but she didnt take it...so when she finally did come onto me, I was smart enough to stay away. I really dislike your way of thinking because it puts all the power of sex in a womans hands...as if she can always dictate when and where we have it. Whats funny is how girls act like children when I show them they dont have a monopoly on sex. They any guy they meet to jump at the chance to get puzzy. not all of us guys are like that. I have too much pride, and also am too paranoid of STDs and peoples lies and drama, to just take any sex thats thrown at me. Btw, I never ever hook up with drunk girls. I dont want to take advantage of someone, and I get no sense of accomplishment from bedding a drunk chick. Her selection criteria is mighty small at that point. Agree with this. thanks for the post - really nice to get a guys perspective on this. kinda helped me understand!
kaylan Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 Typo in my post....it should say I turned down several girls in my life...not guys lolz
Author louise_23 Posted January 18, 2012 Author Posted January 18, 2012 Typo in my post....it should say I turned down several girls in my life...not guys lolz hadnt noticed!
mysteriousbox Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 I find this rather curious. Two of the top threads right now are.... one about women making their BFs wait for sex "until it's right" and another thread about some chick getting drunk and hopping into bed with a completely random dude.... And then all her E-Girlfriends giving advice from their own or their friends experiences... Curious...?
Emilia Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 Oh yeah, you've got to love it. I'm going to ask the ladies to define the difference between sex in a short term relationship and casual sex.
Frogwife Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 I find this rather curious. Two of the top threads right now are.... one about women making their BFs wait for sex "until it's right" and another thread about some chick getting drunk and hopping into bed with a completely random dude.... And then all her E-Girlfriends giving advice from their own or their friends experiences... Curious...? Different people having different experiences - curious? Your curiosity is easily aroused!
betterdeal Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 Your local hospital should be able to help you find your nearest GUM clinic if it doesn't have one itself.
Author louise_23 Posted January 18, 2012 Author Posted January 18, 2012 I find this rather curious. Two of the top threads right now are.... one about women making their BFs wait for sex "until it's right" and another thread about some chick getting drunk and hopping into bed with a completely random dude.... And then all her E-Girlfriends giving advice from their own or their friends experiences... Curious...? ive been the other person, the wait for sex one, and ive been criticised for that too. i dont care anymore. i got cheated on in a very long term r/ship (6yrs) and when i actively make the decision to sleep with these guys his face flashes through my mind. i mean, im drunk at the time. but whatever. life's screwed me over so much when i was a well behaved nice person, i figure why not go the other way? is it going to get worse, really? i doubt it.
LittleTiger Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 Different people having different experiences - curious? Your curiosity is easily aroused! Yes indeed........and from the obvious 'angst' this ONS has caused for the OP I would say it's a pretty good argument in favour of 'waiting until you're ready'.
Author louise_23 Posted January 18, 2012 Author Posted January 18, 2012 Yes indeed........and from the obvious 'angst' this ONS has caused for the OP I would say it's a pretty good argument in favour of 'waiting until you're ready'. angst?! its irked me a bit but im not typing lyrics from nirvana songs here. angst! how dramatic
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