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Ex wants to be friends, should i or shouldn't I? i dont know...

bamaguy20

By bamaguy20
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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bamaguy20 Established Member

bamaguy20

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As im sure a lot of you know having read my posts...things between my ex girlfriend and I have been strained..at best.....today however after not having contact for 3 weeks, she responds to an email i sent her three weeks ago.....saying how she wants us to be friends, and that she will always love me and be there for me...shes not saying she wants to get back together, and i know this..but shes saying how we have always had a special connection...which we have....and how she wnats us to be friends..........what should i do...keep in mind this is agirl i am just starting to get over...ive spent many a night crying over her, and feeling the pain of heartbreak....should i tell her no.....try and be friends...i dont know...

estakado Established Member

estakado

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From reading your old posts I can see that Your wounds are too raw to be friends right now. Be friendly and talk to her when she calls but be busy and end the call in 5 minutes. You got to make a strong impression and tell her that she hurt you but keep it moving. You'll always love her and you let her know that already...she is just trying to have her cake and eat it too.

Lonelystar Established Member

Lonelystar

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It isn't a good idea. You need to get over her , and being her friend will only remind you of the good times you two have had. It will hurt a lot more. Trust me I tried.

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bamaguy20 Established Member

bamaguy20

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yeah i just dont know..........i would like to remain "friends" with her, but not the type of friends that hang out, talk everyday, etc.........i think if thigns are meant to be between us..then one day they will, and completly cutting ties might affect that...not to say...im trying to get back with her, or anything of the sort....but at the same time, i know how much pain she put me through, and im not really mad at her..mabye a littl ebit, but at this point i just dont want to be friends, because im afraid all the progress ive made so far in getting over her will be erased if we started talking more and the sort....its a confusing situation..

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bamaguy20 Established Member

bamaguy20

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in addition......im going to respond to her email...........what do you think i should tell her..because i really haven't a clue.........

Lonelystar Established Member

Lonelystar

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Tell her you don't mind being her friend, but keep distance. Once you get close the pain will come back. Trust me!

cantforget Member

cantforget

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In my opinion friendship is like love, it should be unconditional. If you dont feel you can be a true friend who she can hang out with and talk to about anything then its best to say no you cant be her friend. Friends dont keep distance, they are close. Tell her you wish you could but at this point it is to hard for you and maybe in time things will change but I think she will just end up frustrated with you and you with her if you try to persue a friendship whilst you are feeling the way you are. Good luck!

Just Visiting Established Member

Just Visiting

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Originally posted by cantforget

In my opinion friendship is like love, it should be unconditional. If you dont feel you can be a true friend who she can hang out with and talk to about anything then its best to say no you cant be her friend. Friends dont keep distance, they are close. Tell her you wish you could but at this point it is to hard for you and maybe in time things will change but I think she will just end up frustrated with you and you with her if you try to persue a friendship whilst you are feeling the way you are. Good luck!

 

My thoughts exactly. I have tried to be friends with exes before and most of the time it didn't work. There was just too much baggage to make it into a real friendship. And it's okay if you don't become friends. As much as you would like it to happen, sometimes it isn't meant to be. Take it as their part in your life is complete, and now it is time for the next chapter. ;)

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bamaguy20 Established Member

bamaguy20

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dont you feel like though sometimes, people can break up and come back together if it is really meant to be..sometimes it takes breaking up and dating other people and doing your own thing to come back together...thats how i look at it...i look at it as, somewhere downt he road we may come back together and be together forever, or we may not....but i dont think i am completly through with this girl..i feel like we will have something again in the future..ig uess the difference this time is im not tryign to force it or even counting on it.....whatever happens happens i guess...what are yalls thoughts.

estakado Established Member

estakado

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Wait till she meets a new guy and your whole world with change bro....my advice is just to keep it friendly and keep yourself busy and let her call you....you've already made your intentions clear.

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bamaguy20 Established Member

bamaguy20

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what do you m ean..my whole world will change???? she already has met a couple guys shes been talking to, nothing serious yet though..

Velveteel

Velveteel

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I think it was a sweet gesture of hers to write and say she wants to be friends. It means that you're important to her and she doesn't want to cut all ties.

 

But your instinct not to be friends right now is absolutely on target. Trust your intuition. Tell her that you were really happy to hear that she wants to be friends, but that you're not ready. That's all you need to say. She'll understand from that that you're still healing. If she asks for more detail, just explain that you need more time to get over her romantically. Be honest, but brief.

 

I know you're afraid that losing contact entirely will mean giving up hope of a reconciliation somewhere down the line. But it's the opposite, really. You'll heal. Maybe you'll even find someone who makes you happier. And maybe someday you'll re-connect with your ex. But if you try to be friends right now, there'll just be drama and pain.

BrotherD Member

BrotherD

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bamaguy20

 

Cut all ties and dissappear! NO CONTACT. I was told the exact same thing and was privvy to all sorts or horrors. New love interests, trips I wasn't going on, sporatic phone calls etc. I was miserable. The nicer I got the nastier it came back. Yeesh.

 

Let go. Be the guy you were before you met her. Date other women. Get over it!!!

 

I know this is hard to hear. You are obsessed with her at this point. Living without her as you sweetheart probably hurts more than you can bear...I know, trust me. I was hurt to my very core. Never hurt more in my life. Devastating.

 

Take it from me. You think you feel bad now? Wait til you see her with her "new guy" holding hands and smooching! A root canal with no novacine would seem like a walk in the park!

 

If there is anything there from her, if she truly has interest and/or loves you, she will get back in touch with you. If not, you have your answer.

SHE'S NOT INTO YOU! There I said it (For myself actually, I'm finally able to say it...) SHE MIGHT NOT BE INTO YOU!

 

I know the thought of this is deeply upsetting! Again, I KNOW! When your down, post here. When you are "jonesing" to call her, post here.

 

Whatever you do, DO NOT CALL HER!!!

 

If she loves you, she will come back, period. The only way you'll know is to SET HER FREE AND LIVE YOUR LIFE. You have nothing to lose.

 

Sorry to be so blunt, but this is theraputic for me too. I have to realise, that if my ex wanted me, we'd be together! AND WE'RE NOT. I'M POSTING ON THIS BOARD INSTEAD! Pretty awful to finally get it, but that's where I'm at right now and I put myself through months of sheer agony. I could have walked away and avoided the whole nightmare...

 

I hope relaying this to you helps, I know it's the last thing you want to hear right now.

 

I feel for you. We're all in the same boat...

quyster Member

quyster

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Hey, bamaguy

 

I have the same situation. I think you are not ready to be her friend yet. Right now, you are not completely over her yet, so tell her to keep off contact until you are ready, then you'll let her know.

 

The key here is that, being friends now will make the pain going on longer. Until you are completely healed then it would be OK. I am now in the process of healing too, and I am trying not to pick up her phone call at all. If you start talking to her back , then all these heatache will come back.

 

Well, hope that helps

quyster Member

quyster

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Damn, Brother D

 

Listening to your story is like looking into the mirror and seeing mine

 

Me and my girlfriend has broken up for three months now. And I only can started not contacting her at all for about 1.5 week. It's very hard but I'm hanging on there. The last three months were miserable. You were very right about the nicer I am the worst it come back. It took me three months to realize this.

 

I was hurt like I am never hurted before. Lonely like never before but I know I have to do this or else, it's just gonna get worst.

 

I am hurt right now as i'm typing this, but posting and reading from this board bring me comfort because the people here understand what i'm going through.

 

God helps me and everybody elses through this!

sara1974 Member

sara1974

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Me and my ex-bf have only been separated for a couple days now and he's constantly calling me. It feels good to talk to him but at the same time how will I ever get over him if we keep communicating everyday? I think that right after a break-up it is important to give each other space and time to heal first. ;)

Micheal Member

Micheal

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why did u break up /kid thing?well ,on what u should do,depends,u want him back kepp talking to him but if not better to just let go and cut off all communication because you will get over him alot faster and be back to dating sooner.

sara1974 Member

sara1974

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We didnt' break up because of the kids. I loved all 3 of his children just like they were my own. We even all moved in together. (he has custody of them).We broke up because he's still married to his ex wife. They were separated when we first met and he promised and promised the divorce would be final soon. 1 1/2yrs later and they still havn't even filed the divorce. He constantly told me he was waiting for her to get her life together. humm what does the occurance of his ex wife have to do with "his" life. I believe he wasnt ready to pull the plug on the previous relationship..

Micheal Member

Micheal

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it seems you;ve already figured it our,but i think that is messed up. i say youre doing the right thing because you deserve better than a half commitment

meanttolive4ever Established Member

meanttolive4ever

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i know that after me n my ex broke up ..i was at his apt almost everyday..cause i thought maybe thats what he wanted was me to be there..and he kept leaving everyday.but i guess not...we've talked here and there but its been like almost a couple of months since we've last talked..his sister calls me but i never want to talk to her cause she just talks about his gf at that time. But i mean 2 weeks after we broke up he was with another girl. but yea try to date other people...and if you both dont find a person then try to get back together..so far noone has worked for me...but i know he's still with this girl. Now everyones telling me that i need to give him space...ive given him like 3 almost 4 months worth of space...do i need to give him more?

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bamaguy20 Established Member

bamaguy20

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look...if its meant to be it will be...i know me and my ex were sooo in love...but things didnt work out, bad timing mabye...we still care very deeply about each other, but i think she likes another guy.......im trying to find another girl i can date as well......it could take months, years, or never...but the thing that keeps me going and gives me hope is that, i know how many special times we had, and what a connection we had before, and nothing will ever change that...if we never get back together then i should be happy, because it wasnt right for us..if we do, then it was meant to be...theres no number of guys or girls that are with your ex that can change whats meant..if its meant, then it will happen sooner or later....thats who i feel..and why im starting to be more and more okay with her and other guys...

meanttolive4ever Established Member

meanttolive4ever

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Originally posted by bamaguy20

look...if its meant to be it will be...i know me and my ex were sooo in love...but things didnt work out, bad timing mabye...we still care very deeply about each other, but i think she likes another guy.......im trying to find another girl i can date as well......it could take months, years, or never...but the thing that keeps me going and gives me hope is that, i know how many special times we had, and what a connection we had before, and nothing will ever change that...if we never get back together then i should be happy, because it wasnt right for us..if we do, then it was meant to be...theres no number of guys or girls that are with your ex that can change whats meant..if its meant, then it will happen sooner or later....thats who i feel..and why im starting to be more and more okay with her and other guys...

yea we also had a LOT of special times...prom, senior year together, graduation, him moving in his own apt..everything...

but yea..if you love something let it go if it comes back then its meant to be...

maria72 Member

maria72

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to remain friends with someone you cared about that deeply. I tried the whole "friend" thing with my ex for six months and found out last week he got married to a girl he'd known for two weeks. It's like breaking up ALL over again. He and I were e-mailing each other daily for the last few months...he was being mis-leading about our "friendship"...saying things to give me false hope whether or not he realized it. It keeps a false hope alive.

sara1974 Member

sara1974

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I believe it is possible to remain friends after a break-up BUT not right away. I think you need time to heal first. My ex calls or text messages me almost everyday and it's hard to talk to him because the feelings are still there. I will never get over him if he keeps calling me :love:

meanttolive4ever Established Member

meanttolive4ever

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i think that me n my ex are meant to be..its just going to take some time and space to get everything straightened out...but we'll see.

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