Dust Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 He finally fessed up about his real age. He is... over 30. He swore he was 27 to me several times but I knew he was lying and always thought he was 29 because of an actor profile I once found on the internet (yes I googled him... shame on me). So today it came up and i asked him a bunch of times how old he was and he kept saying 27 until he finally confessed he is "30". I think he is 33 now. He said he lies about his age because he does not want to hurt his chances of getting younger roles. so he has basically built his identity around being 27. I don't know what to think of this honestly. Yes I need to get my **** together and the last thing I want to do is use this guy. He is the kindest nicest soul I have met in a long time. Anyway, back to the books which is what really matters right now You look sexy in your pic. That a lone is reason enough for this guy to be with you. A babe like you is fuel for a man, gives him the energy to do great things. Stop worrying so much about using the guy. It is ok to date some one and enjoy your time togather even if you have the thought "I'm going to break up with him and date some one better when this gets old!" Truthfuly most men don't go into a relationship seriously thinking "I'm going to marry this girl!" Heck even when a guy says stuff like that he's just tricking himself to be more girly... Seriously he's having a good time with you. You're having a good time with him. The second this gets anoying feel free to jump ship. As for him being kind and respectful with you... thats the normal treatment you should expect from all your lovers. Sorry you've been with people who treated you like meat right before this. Don't go back to ascociating with people like that.
kaylan Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 OP, never settle. You are obviously not much into this guy...dont just settle because hes nice. Find someone who you actually truly want to date. Until then stop trying to force yourself into a relathionship. Youre young so calm down. Plus, none of the things you dislike about this guy make you a bitch. You guys dont have much in common it seems and his lack of life planning skills is a turn off on top of that. I know i coudlnt date a girl like this just because she was nice to me. We would have to click on a level in which I had no doubts of my feelings. Move on, youre just not into him. Find what you really want, never settle, and learn not to force love and relationships. You have to learn how to be happy on your own before you can be happy in a life you share with another. Codependency isnt good.
kaylan Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 Also OP...now this guy is someone who is almost mid 30s and is still chasing a dream with no real professional backup plan? Talk about immature. Im not even doing that at 25. I want to be a rock star but I still am going to work and go to graduate school part time in case it doesnt work out. This guy doesnt have jack to offer you and he lies on top of that. Stop being needy of someone who treats you nice. It isnt going to work out with you two...I can already see that...and there are plenty of dudes out there who will treat you well, who you also click with, and who also has a great head on his shoulders. Lastly, you said you felt guilt over you 2010 breakup...could you explain that in short summary. Did you dump your ex for the new guy who screwed you over? Thats how I read what you said but I may have misread
Taramere Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 Am i pathetic and scared and settling for someone who has a completely different outlook on life than I do which i do not believe is compatible with my goals and plans? (in 10 years i want to be married with kids and working as a psychiatrist in a hospital... he doesn't even have a 5 year plan. He just floats) Or am I just an evil bitch for thinking that this guy is totally out of touch with reality? I would say neither pathetic nor evil. Just somebody who is trying to heal a broken heart by being open-minded about who she dates. However, the odds of something like this working out long term don't seem good. If you were really wild about him.....if sexually you clicked like crazy, and he met various deep emotional needs in you then perhaps you could carefully turn a blind eye to the indigo child stuff, and try to be supportive with regard to his other hair-brained but slightly less insane notions. However...what if you worked that hard to be a supportive and loving girlfriend to somebody like this, built up an attachment to him in the process, only for him to turn around and ditch you on the grounds of incompatibility? That would be a real bummer. However much you might think it hurt when the guy you were genuinely crazy about ditched you, it would be a lot harder to get the boot from somebody you had to work hard to love and respect. I'm not going to suggest that you should heartlessly kick him and his patchouli oil into the ditch. He sounds like a sweet guy who might be a nice friend...but it could be a big mistake to invest a lot of energy into trying to create a strong partner bond with somebody so evidently incompatible.
Author eleanorhurting Posted January 17, 2012 Author Posted January 17, 2012 Also OP...now this guy is someone who is almost mid 30s and is still chasing a dream with no real professional backup plan? Talk about immature. Im not even doing that at 25. I want to be a rock star but I still am going to work and go to graduate school part time in case it doesnt work out. This guy doesnt have jack to offer you and he lies on top of that. Stop being needy of someone who treats you nice. It isnt going to work out with you two...I can already see that...and there are plenty of dudes out there who will treat you well, who you also click with, and who also has a great head on his shoulders. Lastly, you said you felt guilt over you 2010 breakup...could you explain that in short summary. Did you dump your ex for the new guy who screwed you over? Thats how I read what you said but I may have misread you are probably right. about everything. And no, i didn't even talk to guy who screwed me over back then. We didn't start talking until April. We just both made a lot of mistakes that I wish would not have happened.
Author eleanorhurting Posted January 17, 2012 Author Posted January 17, 2012 Its official. He is 33. I know the right thing to do is probably walk away. He is a kind soul despite his wacky ideas and the fact that he lied to me. He gave me faith that there are people out there who can be good to me. How should I break it to him? What should I say? I would like for us to be friends... but he might not. I wish there was a short cut to not feeling sad and lonely and rejected anymore. I don't know how to cope and I don't know what to do anymore.
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