am i settling out of loneliness and hurt? Or am I just a bitch?

January 16, 2012

super long... I am sorry but if you read it i will thank you forever and i will read your posts and comment on them

So after being friends and talking since late November, I decided that I finally gave this guy a chance.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=311554

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t309521/

Honestly, it has been nice. He treats me so good and when we finally kissed a week ago, it was nice.

But there is a problem. Actually, there are too many problems.

1- I am afraid I am just using this guy as a band-aid. I went through a horrible breakup in december of 2010. After that, I met plenty of guys over the second half of 2010 and it was horrible. I had never really dated before and I had never met so many people who were clearly stringing me along while they tried to get back with their exes, looking for a fwb, or simply just rude and disrespectful. I was frustrated. There was one person in particular who i actually got to like a lot and it was a train wreck from hell that I feel left me even more wounded than my breakup in 2010. He is a classmate (i am a medical student) and I still have to see him and his girlfriend in my face all the time. It is horrible.

I got a therapist and we worked over the worst of my depression and some of my hurts from the past year and I feel she helped me alot. But, they still hurt. A lot.

Then I met this guy and I feel like his kindness and sweetness have been like a band-aid to my broken heart. No one has treated me with so much love and respect since before we were even really dating.

The problem? Well, I'm starting to think he is completely out of touch with reality.

2- When i met him, I knew he was a bit of a "hippie" (Im sorry if that offends anyone). He is a vegetarian, he practices yoga and meditation regularly and he is all about peace and love. Different from me yes but totally cool. I am a bit neurotic so he balances me out. BUT, I am starting to think this whole "lifestyle" is making him be completely out of touch with reality (see more ahead)

3-As i have mentioned before, he is 29 and he is an "actor". He went to school for photography but right now he is pursuing his dream of being an actor taking acting lessons. He models and does photography occasionally but most of the time he is focused on going to the gym and going to his acting lessons. He also has a band. He really believes in his heart that he will make it as an actor. I have tried to politely ask him what he will do if that falls through and to him its like that is not even an option. He really believes that if he puts his whole heart into it, he will be a successful actor and he will be able to live off it (i feel this to be a bit disconnected when he is already 29).

The things i find strange:

Yesterday i was studying and he told me that my study lamp gives us radiation that he is "sensitive" to... and that i should turn it off because it was giving him a headache.

He also told me he believes I am an indigo child and that I have a purple aura. I told him that I do not believe in those things and he told me that the reason why i have not "tapped" into my indigo child powers is because choose not believe in them.

Blunty, I think this guy is out there. The indigo child thing was just too much I can't overlook these things anymore. I respect if anyone out there believes but I think its so strange and its a total turn-off just as much as his belief that he will make it as an actor and does not even have a job is a turn off.

But, after a year of meeting so many jerks, I feel like I will not find someone who gives me the respect and attention and caring that this person does. And I really appreciate the way he treats me. I really don't think in my heart I will find someone else who treats me good. I don't want to be one of those girls that is still complaining about where the good guys have gone.

Am i pathetic and scared and settling for someone who has a completely different outlook on life than I do which i do not believe is compatible with my goals and plans? (in 10 years i want to be married with kids and working as a psychiatrist in a hospital... he doesn't even have a 5 year plan. He just floats) Or am I just an evil bitch for thinking that this guy is totally out of touch with reality?

Edited January 16, 2012 by eleanorhurting

January 16, 2012

super long... I am sorry but if you read it i will thank you forever and i will read your posts and comment on them

So after being friends and talking since late November, I decided that I finally gave this guy a chance.
http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=311554

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t309521/

Honestly, it has been nice. He treats me so good and when we finally kissed a week ago, it was nice.

But there is a problem. Actually, there are too many problems.

1- I am afraid I am just using this guy as a band-aid. I went through a horrible breakup in december of 2010. After that, I met plenty of guys over the second half of 2010 and it was horrible. I had never really dated before and I had never met so many people who were clearly stringing me along while they tried to get back with their exes, looking for a fwb, or simply just rude and disrespectful. I was frustrated. There was one person in particular who i actually got to like a lot and it was a train wreck from hell that I feel left me even more wounded than my breakup in 2010. He is a classmate (i am a medical student) and I still have to see him and his girlfriend in my face all the time. It is horrible.

I got a therapist and we worked over the worst of my depression and some of my hurts from the past year and I feel she helped me alot. But, they still hurt. A lot.

Then I met this guy and I feel like his kindness and sweetness have been like a band-aid to my broken heart. No one has treated me with so much love and respect since before we were even really dating.

The problem? Well, I'm starting to think he is completely out of touch with reality.

2- When i met him, I knew he was a bit of a "hippie" (Im sorry if that offends anyone). He is a vegetarian, he practices yoga and meditation regularly and he is all about peace and love. Different from me yes but totally cool. I am a bit neurotic so he balances me out. BUT, I am starting to think this whole "lifestyle" is making him be completely out of touch with reality (see more ahead)

3-As i have mentioned before, he is 29 and he is an "actor". He went to school for photography but right now he is pursuing his dream of being an actor taking acting lessons. He models and does photography occasionally but most of the time he is focused on going to the gym and going to his acting lessons. He also has a band. He really believes in his heart that he will make it as an actor. I have tried to politely ask him what he will do if that falls through and to him its like that is not even an option. He really believes that if he puts his whole heart into it, he will be a successful actor and he will be able to live off it (i feel this to be a bit disconnected when he is already 29).

The things i find strange:

Yesterday i was studying and he told me that my study lamp gives us radiation that he is "sensitive" to... and that i should turn it off because it was giving him a headache.

He also told me he believes I am an indigo child and that I have a purple aura. I told him that I do not believe in those things and he told me that the reason why i have not "tapped" into my indigo child powers is because choose not believe in them.

Blunty, I think this guy is out there. The indigo child thing was just too much I can't overlook these things anymore. I respect if anyone out there believes but I think its so strange and its a total turn-off just as much as his belief that he will make it as an actor and does not even have a job is a turn off.

But, after a year of meeting so many jerks, I feel like I will not find someone who gives me the respect and attention and caring that this person does. And I really appreciate the way he treats me. I really don't think in my heart I will find someone else who treats me good. I don't want to be one of those girls that is still complaining about where the good guys have gone.

Am i pathetic and scared and settling for someone who has a completely different outlook on life than I do which i do not believe is compatible with my goals and plans? (in 10 years i want to be married with kids and working as a psychiatrist in a hospital... he doesn't even have a 5 year plan. He just floats) Or am I just an evil bitch for thinking that this guy is totally out of touch with reality?

Note, somebody told me I was an indigo child once , another said I was a "child of the light"

I don't think you are a bitch, it is just a compatibility issue really, you two seem like complete opposites. When I studied astrology, before I knew synastry, only knew star sign stuff. This is just like Virgo & Pisces , you're the one with the planning and he's the floater whose into the arts and stuff like that. I'm guessing he's quite in touch with his emotions too (not in a pansy way).

If he makes you happy, then it's worth sticking it out for now, but you might have to have a serious talk about where you guys are headed....

January 16, 2012

Am i pathetic and scared and settling for someone who has a completely different outlook on life than I do which i do not believe is compatible with my goals and plans? (in 10 years i want to be married with kids and working as a psychiatrist in a hospital... he doesn't even have a 5 year plan. He just floats) Or am I just an evil bitch for thinking that this guy is totally out of touch with reality?

Uh... I don't think you are being bitchy about this. I dated a vegetarian/hippy type woman for about 6 months and that was all I could take.

Do you really believe this guy is the best you can do?

You are a med student... just stop freaking out and give it some time. I had a good friend (Physician) that married a guy that just floats through life with no goals. Now 6 years later she is busy keeping him afloat while he still chases the intangible dream of being a hip hop artist.

Don't be so desperate for a relationship. Can't you be Ok alone for a while?

If a relationship really messes you up... you should take some time off and reflect, learn, grow. Your chances of diving right back into a mess go way down. No, I am not endorsing an FWB situation either. If you can't go 6 months without a penis you shouldn't be in a relationship ever!

January 16, 2012

Uh... I don't think you are being bitchy about this. I dated a vegetarian/hippy type woman for about 6 months and that was all I could take.

Do you really believe this guy is the best you can do?

You are a med student... just stop freaking out and give it some time. I had a good friend (Physician) that married a guy that just floats through life with no goals. Now 6 years later she is busy keeping him afloat while he still chases the intangible dream of being a hip hop artist.

Don't be so desperate for a relationship. Can't you be Ok alone for a while?

If a relationship really messes you up... you should take some time off and reflect, learn, grow. Your chances of diving right back into a mess go way down. No, I am not endorsing an FWB situation either. If you can't go 6 months without a penis you shouldn't be in a relationship ever!

agreed. I haven't had a penis in me in a while lol.

You are right. maybe I am just desperate to feel like someone out there thinks im good enough for something else other than a FWB which is what I have been pursued for endlessly ever since I broke up with my boyfriend December 2010.

I guess its hard to see the only person who I actually have developed feelings for after my boyfriend move on with his ex girlfriend who he was clearly trying to get back with while I allowed myself to be used by him (long story, yes it was my fault).

My friends say I need to get over it already that its been like 5 months and we never even were in a relationship. But it really hurt you know. And it was so refreshing to find someone so open to give me what no one in the past year has even thought of offering. He really is very very nice despite his odd beliefs and lack of career

January 16, 2012

I think the guy for you in 10 years to get married is still out there. Sounds like you and this guy are just in different places in your life.

Sometimes, opposites don't attract.

January 16, 2012

Well, your profile pic has you in that dress that has that bluish-purple streak, so maybe you really *are* an indigo girl! Hahahaha...

January 16, 2012

You are right that guy is crazy. I can understand him being a vegiterian. Fine

But the lamp is giving him radiation???

Becoming actor at 29 and not having a back up plan??

Seems like he is thinking with a 15 year old brain.

Why are you in such a hurry to get into a relationship. Why not take a break...

You are a great girl and i am sure you will find a good guy for you. Honestly i would love to have an ambitious girl like you.. such a turn on.

January 16, 2012

You are right that guy is crazy. I can understand him being a vegiterian. Fine

But the lamp is giving him radiation???

Becoming actor at 29 and not having a back up plan??

Seems like he is thinking with a 15 year old brain.

Why are you in such a hurry to get into a relationship. Why not take a break...

You are a great girl and i am sure you will find a good guy for you. Honestly i would love to have an ambitious girl like you.. such a turn on.

You are right. I have not been in a relationship for over a year but I really am frustrated. I just don't believe there are nice guys out there who aren't taken and who will not treat me like crap. I want to believe it I really do but... every jerk i meet it just seems less likely.

It just feels so good to be taken care of and cherished after being treated like trash over the past year by every single guy who tried to get into my pants in 2011.

I am starting to think my guy has schizotypal personality disorder.

January 16, 2012

You are right. I have not been in a relationship for over a year but I really am frustrated. I just don't believe there are nice guys out there who aren't taken and who will not treat me like crap. I want to believe it I really do but... every jerk i meet it just seems less likely.

It just feels so good to be taken care of and cherished after being treated like trash over the past year by every single guy who tried to get into my pants in 2011.

I am starting to think my guy has schizotypal personality disorder.

Why not just have fun with the guy and see where it goes.

Then again you seem to have schizo feelings for this guy, you kind of hate and love him. Maybe you hate to love him and in that case just dump him. But if you love hating him why not enjoy it a little longer?

I kind of hate most doctors so good luck if you go back to them!

January 16, 2012

I am through dating doctors. I just cannot handle it anymore.

Yeah i am enjoying it but I feel like I am using him.

I am still very bitter over things that happened over the last year and somehow when he is taking me to the movies, when he is telling me how beautiful I am and when he is sweetly supporting me when I have to study its almost like all the pain and the humiliation of my breakup from 2010 and of being used as a FWB by a classmate while he tried to patch things up with his ex go away.

I guess that would make this guy a rebound from my horrible august rejection from the biggest a-hole i have met in my life (the classmate)?

i don't know maybe I need to go back to therapy.

January 16, 2012

You are right. I have not been in a relationship for over a year but I really am frustrated. I just don't believe there are nice guys out there who aren't taken and who will not treat me like crap. I want to believe it I really do but... every jerk i meet it just seems less likely.

It just feels so good to be taken care of and cherished after being treated like trash over the past year by every single guy who tried to get into my pants in 2011.

I am starting to think my guy has schizotypal personality disorder.

I think you need to back up and 'reframe' as you the therapist might advise someone else in five or so years... First of all, five months is a short time, actually, and getting over a breakup could take quite a bit longer. It's a good, healthy thing to spend a period of time being independent between relationships so that you aren't carrying baggage from one into the other, and to get to know who you are separately from the pain you've be carrying and perhaps identifying with. Use the time to practice self validation, which it doesn't sound like you're any problem with, but still a good skill to practice while you're between relationships.

I think you and the hippie boy are fundamentally incompatible. Having different beliefs, goals, and values is going to be damn near impossible. He sounds like a good friend though, so be kind.

Now here's the most important part... you have to quite this anxious, hopeless thought pattern, dispel whatever beliefs are behind it. Of course there are great people out there, and you just never know which day one of those guys will walk into your life and your next wonderful relationship will begin. You just have to believe it's eminently possible and probable and the way to believe is to be more rational in your thinking, which of course will change the way you feel, which will change the kind of people you attract (in a good way). Don't worry about jerks trying to get into your breeches––you're attractive and the world is full of them, so get used to it. You seem to know how to sort'em out so just keep saying pass, pass, knowing it's the burden you must bear as an attractive young woman who isn't going to settle for whatever the wind blows up. Patience, rationality and focus!

January 16, 2012

The only thing that would bother me about this guy is his lack of a job. The other stuff I am used to hearing about and know plenty of people like that. Perhaps you could steer him into an alternative healing career. Then the two of you could set up a practice together offering complementary medicine. It's happening more and more these days. Start looking around for healing seminars the two of you could attend. Something might click with him.

January 16, 2012

I think people live too seriously, as if this relationship will or should last forever and If it's not perfect then you shouldn't be "wasting" your time.

Hate to tell you people of the world, but life is about experience and what you need at the time because if it wasn't what you needed you wouldn't be doing it!

There is no right or wrong in terms of dating this guy, If anything this is fulfilling a desire that you have right now to be loved. After everything you've been through of course you'd rather be with someone safe and gives you that attention and care you have wanted. But on the same hand it's not coming from that person you would have wanted it to, so without realizing it you're likely fulfilling this desire through him.

It doesn't sound like a compatible match, but generally it's good to have someone that brings a different dynamic to your life and keeps it interesting. That's what i have learned from my relationships even though I've dated mainly people who are educated or in the medical field, I seem to be a good balance for them.

With that being said, just soak up what you can from said guy...I believe it's out of desperation in a form but you're probably not strong enough or level-headed enough to engage in relationships without being extremely biased. The other option would be to be alone and try to work on these things for yourself and conquer those demons instead of supplement them with something else but that's typically something that sounds better in theory than what most people can practically accomplish.

Humans are weak...It's just kind of the way it is, and most of what they do is out of a reaction from something they went through and experienced that could be even completely unrelated or almost completely obvious, and that's why they make the choices they do with the people they choose.

That's the reality.

January 16, 2012

The only thing that would bother me about this guy is his lack of a job. The other stuff I am used to hearing about and know plenty of people like that. Perhaps you could steer him into an alternative healing career. Then the two of you could set up a practice together offering complementary medicine. It's happening more and more these days. Start looking around for healing seminars the two of you could attend. Something might click with him.

I don't know about you... but I can't see a future with someone who has totally different beliefs.

It strikes me as a bit odd that people never ask each other about the meaning of life on first dates. I've always felt it's a bit taboo to ask anything deeper than the weather, but it really shouldn't be.

How would you share a practice with some goofball who is telling this lady with cancer that cosmic sunbeams will cure her?

agreed. I haven't had a penis in me in a while lol.
You are right. maybe I am just desperate to feel like someone out there thinks im good enough for something else other than a FWB which is what I have been pursued for endlessly ever since I broke up with my boyfriend December 2010.
I guess its hard to see the only person who I actually have developed feelings for after my boyfriend move on with his ex girlfriend who he was clearly trying to get back with while I allowed myself to be used by him (long story, yes it was my fault).
My friends say I need to get over it already that its been like 5 months and we never even were in a relationship. But it really hurt you know. And it was so refreshing to find someone so open to give me what no one in the past year has even thought of offering. He really is very very nice despite his odd beliefs and lack of career

I really don't believe in using people when you are hurting... because they are not really bandaids... they are just painkillers. It won't really help you to heal.

I understand that this guy is so nice to you that you WANT to like him, but trust me that there are men who will be just as nice who also have a fully functioning brain. Actually, that's being a bit mean... Like you said... this guy has just divorced himself from reality. I had an xGF like that who eventually joined a cult.

This guy is basically wasting your time.

January 17, 2012

God. Some people take the game of dating so seriously.

I only read a few sentences of your post, but if you have fun with the guy and are attracted to him, hang out and see where it goes.

January 17, 2012

I don't think you're wrong for questioning whether or not you respect this man's frame of mind. I don't recommend compromising your standards b/c you will never be satisfied in any relationship if you do that. It is good to question your standards from time to time to ensure they're healthy; but the fact you are posting this here tells me you are open minded to your standards.

I dated a girl that was highly physically attractive, yet sold products for a pyramid scheme company. I didn't care about that as much, but she was insistent that everything I ate was essentially toxic and poisonous. I was told I had to only use this company's products or I was unhealthy. Don't get me wrong I try to be open minded and do practice alternative medicine such as yoga deep breathing for stress and eat healthy; but she was on the extreme end and I could not relate to it. I did not care to argue about it so I just told her it wasn't going to work with us.

There is nothing wrong with this guy pursuing a wild dream like becoming a actor, but he should have a back up plan (esp. at age 29) b/c chances of success are minimal. The issue is you are in the medical world which is very grounded in science so when someone has a lifestyle built on pseudo-science it contradicts your nature.

I think you should listen to your instinct. Also, how is all of this emotional roller coaster impacting your studies? It has to be dramatic and medical school is very demanding. Can you work on school for now and just date for fun? That's what I try to do (I'm in grad school). Unless I find someone extremely compatible I am not setting my hopes on finding a LT relationship. Judging from your profile pic you are beautiful and also have a very good career path; it's okay for you to be selective. You will find the right person some day and then be glad you did not compromise. Good luck!

January 17, 2012

You are right. maybe I am just desperate to feel like someone out there thinks im good enough for something else other than a FWB which is what I have been pursued for endlessly ever since I broke up with my boyfriend December 2010.

I broke up with my ex earlier in 2010 than you, and I didn't date at all of a good 9 months. it was well over a year, before I started dating seriously, and the only thing of significance sine then was a 1 month relationship. I did just meet a woman who has a lot of potential though.

Depending on the length of your previous relationship and the intensity of it, the urge to feel loved and wanted again, can be overwhelming. Having been through a lot of counselling myself, and having read a lot of your posts, your not completely over your ex.

Your a very attractive woman and you have an innocent look, so douchebags are going to be drawn to you like moths to a flame. You need to be on alert for signs of douchebagness, and you need to have good friends help you vet guys. And I'm sorry a friend that tells you to get over getting mentally screwed with because it's been five months, is not a good friend.

I'd recommend you separate from your current guy, as you already see enough red flags, to post here about it. Focus on getting yourself happy and confident, so when the right guy does come along you will be ready to jump on him. (pun intended)

January 17, 2012

I think you should listen to your instinct. Also, how is all of this emotional roller coaster impacting your studies? It has to be dramatic and medical school is very demanding. Can you work on school for now and just date for fun? That's what I try to do (I'm in grad school). Unless I find someone extremely compatible I am not setting my hopes on finding a LT relationship. Judging from your profile pic you are beautiful and also have a very good career path; it's okay for you to be selective. You will find the right person some day and then be glad you did not compromise. Good luck!

When I was studying for my boards in the summer I was very sad. I felt lonely, i still had guilt over the breakup that had happened the previous Christmas and that was when I had started to "date" the guy who screwed me over and I was starting to notice that he was not really that into me. But, I was sad, lonely and I had low self esteem and I clung like an idiot. If it was not for my friends who pushed me to study I don't know if I would have passed because those 2 months of studying for my board were horrible. I cried every single day and I felt like being happy and content was this thing that I had to try really really hard to do. Looking back I really believe I went through a period of depression that started in the summer and lasted up until late september when I decided to get professional help and I completely cut all communication with this guy. I failed an examination during this period but I was given a chance to take it again.

October to present I have been feeling much better. I went to therapy weekly up until December when my therapist felt I was much better and she now spread out my appointmnets. I got an A on my psychiatry clerkship and I was very focused on school and friends and on improving myself. I started working out and taking ballet.

Right now I am in pediatrics and I have been trying to push myself to do great because I really want to get into a good program for residency. But I have to admit that having this guy around despite all his crazy ideas has helped. He really motivates me to do the best I can always and he supports me. But again, I wish this was something I could do 100% on my own without needing someone to do it for me.

January 17, 2012

I broke up with my ex earlier in 2010 than you, and I didn't date at all of a good 9 months. it was well over a year, before I started dating seriously, and the only thing of significance sine then was a 1 month relationship. I did just meet a woman who has a lot of potential though.

Depending on the length of your previous relationship and the intensity of it, the urge to feel loved and wanted again, can be overwhelming. Having been through a lot of counselling myself, and having read a lot of your posts, your not completely over your ex.

Your a very attractive woman and you have an innocent look, so douchebags are going to be drawn to you like moths to a flame. You need to be on alert for signs of douchebagness, and you need to have good friends help you vet guys. And I'm sorry a friend that tells you to get over getting mentally screwed with because it's been five months, is not a good friend.

I'd recommend you separate from your current guy, as you already see enough red flags, to post here about it. Focus on getting yourself happy and confident, so when the right guy does come along you will be ready to jump on him. (pun intended)

You are absolutely right. I am not over it. I wonder if I ever really will be over everything. My therapist said it is normal to still have feelings of anger, bitterness and sadness but that I should not let it take over my life.

And it is extremely hard to have mutual friends and be in the same class with "the guy who screwed me over". My friends do not understand.

And I feel like everyone around me is used to just jumping around from relationship to relationship or at least to a FWB or fling. It happens all the time among the people around me. Its like instant gratification. So apparently not being over the whole thing which i thought meant something but was clearly a FWB situation 5 months later and still hurting from my breakup of 13 months ago makes me some sort of mutant. If i have learned anything from this whole thing is that some of the people that I have surrounded myself with since I started med school truly act like they are still 16 years old.

I will consider not seeing this guy romantically anymore. I mean we just recently started dating its not like it is serious yet but I don't want to fall into something that will not work out in the long run just because it feels good at the moment...

January 17, 2012

When I was studying for my boards in the summer I was very sad. I felt lonely, i still had guilt over the breakup that had happened the previous Christmas and that was when I had started to "date" the guy who screwed me over and I was starting to notice that he was not really that into me. But, I was sad, lonely and I had low self esteem and I clung like an idiot. If it was not for my friends who pushed me to study I don't know if I would have passed because those 2 months of studying for my board were horrible. I cried every single day and I felt like being happy and content was this thing that I had to try really really hard to do. Looking back I really believe I went through a period of depression that started in the summer and lasted up until late september when I decided to get professional help and I completely cut all communication with this guy. I failed an examination during this period but I was given a chance to take it again.

October to present I have been feeling much better. I went to therapy weekly up until December when my therapist felt I was much better and she now spread out my appointmnets. I got an A on my psychiatry clerkship and I was very focused on school and friends and on improving myself. I started working out and taking ballet.

Right now I am in pediatrics and I have been trying to push myself to do great because I really want to get into a good program for residency. But I have to admit that having this guy around despite all his crazy ideas has helped. He really motivates me to do the best I can always and he supports me. But again, I wish this was something I could do 100% on my own without needing someone to do it for me.

Awesome! Well, opposites do attract

Nice job on the exam. I know it is 10x harder to focus when you mind is distracted by emotional trauma.

Do you have a mentor? I am working on my grad degree and much of my work is driven by my own motivation. It is easy to get distracted (like posting on LS ), but having an advisor to whom you can be accountable helps tremendously. It's a good source of extrinsic motivation!

I went through a similar experience where I broke up with the girl I thought I was going to marry. It was hard, especially when she got a new BF in less than 2 weeks (ouch). It affected me very much. But my graduate advisor kept assigning me work and asking about my progress.

There were times when that was my only motivation. What I did was just confide in him that I was going through emotional stress and needed him to hold me accountable. I hope this helps you out b/c you seem like a nice girl. I don't think you are a "b". You are just emotionally hurt and sometimes life does not make sense when you are going through hard times...you will cling to any "life raft" you have. It is good you have a support network and are working out. That will help with stress.

One thing to consider (like you don't have enough) is just to make sure you're not using that guy just for an emotional life raft. That's not really fair to him. I suspect some of your post is a bit of guilt b/c you don't want to use him, but don't want to lose him if he is your primary anchor. Just something to consider, I'm not judging b/c only you can answer these questions and determine what is right/wrong for you.

And it is extremely hard to have mutual friends and be in the same class with "the guy who screwed me over". My friends do not understand.

I have had that happen; it is similar to a messy break-up with a co-worker you have to see everyday. If they do not understand I am guessing they have never had a corporate type job. It is very draining b/c you can't do the NC rules that are so popular on LS. You have to look at them everyday and have the memories shoved in your face. It's worse when the other person gets a new romance and you have to look at it.

What helped me was just to work on forgiving that person. You basically have to or else you will go insane. Work on forgiving them. The only way they can hurt you now is if you let them. Your pain is not affecting them, so don't allow it to affect you any longer. Forgive and you can move on. If you can't forgive them in your heart, just repeat it out lout (autosuggestion) every day "I forgive X". Don't ever say you hate them out loud and check yourself when those thoughts enter your mind.

Best of luck with your studies.

Edited January 17, 2012 by TheFinalWord

January 17, 2012

Look, you clearly have no respect for this guy, so why don't you just let him go so that he can find somebody that DOES respect him and love him for who he is? As it is, you're just using him to fullfill your emotional needs while you mock him on the side, and that's just mean. Figure out your own sh*t before you drag somebody else into it.

January 17, 2012

He finally fessed up about his real age. He is... over 30. He swore he was 27 to me several times but I knew he was lying and always thought he was 29 because of an actor profile I once found on the internet (yes I googled him... shame on me).

So today it came up and i asked him a bunch of times how old he was and he kept saying 27 until he finally confessed he is "30". I think he is 33 now.

He said he lies about his age because he does not want to hurt his chances of getting younger roles. so he has basically built his identity around being 27.

I don't know what to think of this honestly.

Yes I need to get my **** together and the last thing I want to do is use this guy. He is the kindest nicest soul I have met in a long time.

Anyway, back to the books which is what really matters right now

January 17, 2012

He finally fessed up about his real age. He is... over 30. He swore he was 27 to me several times but I knew he was lying and always thought he was 29 because of an actor profile I once found on the internet (yes I googled him... shame on me).
So today it came up and i asked him a bunch of times how old he was and he kept saying 27 until he finally confessed he is "30". I think he is 33 now.

He said he lies about his age because he does not want to hurt his chances of getting younger roles. so he has basically built his identity around being 27.

I don't know what to think of this honestly.

Yes I need to get my **** together and the last thing I want to do is use this guy. He is the kindest nicest soul I have met in a long time.

Anyway, back to the books which is what really matters right now

So he's building his dream job on a lie...interesting. He's a good actor, just make sure his kindness towards you isn't an act too

January 17, 2012

So he's building his dream job on a lie...interesting. He's a good actor, just make sure his kindness towards you isn't an act too

I second this. Seriously, If he is lying to you about something as insignificant as his age, he is probably lying to you about other stuff as well.

January 17, 2012

He finally fessed up about his real age. He is... over 30. He swore he was 27 to me several times but I knew he was lying and always thought he was 29 because of an actor profile I once found on the internet (yes I googled him... shame on me).
So today it came up and i asked him a bunch of times how old he was and he kept saying 27 until he finally confessed he is "30". I think he is 33 now.
He said he lies about his age because he does not want to hurt his chances of getting younger roles. so he has basically built his identity around being 27.
I don't know what to think of this honestly.
Yes I need to get my **** together and the last thing I want to do is use this guy. He is the kindest nicest soul I have met in a long time.
Anyway, back to the books which is what really matters right now

This guy is such a dildo!

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