PoppyLove89 Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 Last night was like the massive dose of reality we all crave for after a break-up. His mum rang me and told me he's completely changed. The ex we knew and loved is gone. I've come to realise it's not just me he's being cruel to when we see each other; he's also pushing his family away and treating them like dirt (when he's not busy avoiding them and hiding out at his friends' houses). He's a very confused, scared and depressed guy right now (he told me he thought he was depressed on more than one occasion before the split and once after; he also told his best-friend). I realise that he had to let me go; on more than one occasion he said he can't stand hurting me anymore because of his job and how he is (he's emotionally stunted), that I deserve better etc. I've realised that this wasn't entirely my fault, that he would have stayed and worked on things if he truly loved me and was 100% happy in himself. Or perhaps he does love me so much that he was willing to let me go...in hopes I find someone better, like he said. I'm heartbroken and feel like I am now fully mourning the relationship. I miss the man I fell in love with and I think I'll always love him since things might have been very different under other circumstances (no army, no depression etc). I guess the timing was all off. I can't hate him. I love him with all my heart. I hope he finds the inner peace and happiness he needs and deserves. He might act a big game when I see him on nights out but I know him well enough to see through his mask; I said it on LS the day after I saw him, I could see the sadness in his eyes. He's a shell of himself and it breaks my heart to see it. I'm sorry he didn't feel he could turn to me for support when he needed me and that he'd rather have let me go. Maybe one day fate will bring us back together but for now, I know that I need to let him go.
Pens55 Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 Im so sorry for your situation. I think its the hardest when you see the best in someone and you cant understand why they have changed, and keep hoping that the can revert back to the way they were. I suppose that the revelation that he is pushing everyone away can give you a little bit of relief. I dont mean that you like to see him suffer, but that you can feel that it is not you. Hopefully we can fully mourn our former relationships, and move on as stronger people. I know how difficult it must be, but it is impossible to love someone back into wholeness when they cannot work to help themselves.
Exit Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 I suppose that the revelation that he is pushing everyone away can give you a little bit of relief. I dont mean that you like to see him suffer, but that you can feel that it is not you. This was my immediate reaction to this thread. Not that we enjoy anyone else's suffering, but it must be at least somewhat satisfying to have one of your ex's very only family members call you and basically confirm "Yeah, this person is acting strange". I'd love for just one other person on this planet to acknowledge that my ex is bizarre too lol. Anyways, that empty feeling we get when we start letting go can feel pretty icky. So much so that for many of us, it's why we prefer to hang onto the negative feelings of abandonment or anger, because we know after that comes the emptiness when you're not really mad or sad anymore and you just feel it all slipping away. It's a necessary evil though, and a sign of deeper recovery. Hopefully you keep doing well on your journey. Again maybe it at least provided a little peace of mind to hear someone else acknowledge that your ex has changed, so you don't feel like you're the crazy one. Capitalize on the fact that you got this piece of information from his mom and use it to fully forgive yourself now that you know this wasn't really anything about you.
Phanpooh Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 If u leave him, he will learn how to live but he also die in regret. I could feel him, i am in that time every year. Cause his life is full of drama and he lost trust. Lost his self-respect, if u truly love him, try to hold him and use it to change him again. In my case, my exes always left me and im still in limo, up and down, no-one could help me
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