Wake me up from this confusion!!

[RockGuy87]

I guess i need someone to bring me back down to reality real quick.

 

I have posted my story on here but ill combine all the updates till this point.

 

Me and my ex were together for a year. There was a fight that was over something very small and stupid but due to stress on us we were both a little thin on patience. She even noted there being too much stress when it ended. We were both on Xmas break and so we spent a lot of time together and the place we stayed at was stressful. We stayed there so we could spend everynight together and make sure we saw one another. This was at my dad's house (im 21 and she is 18). My dad is going through a rough break up with my step mom and so the moral has been low and it even dragged me down. Its confusing because even through that time we were still all about one another and she even went out of her way to do things for my dad (helped paint, clean house, we bought dinner for everyone because money was real tight) so there were no signs of her looking for a way out. Would tell me "forever" still and that she loved me more than anything and would miss me when school started again.

 

So the stress got to both of us. It took me to get away from it all to finally realize how much it actually was. But anyways we split last Tuesday. After a dumb argument which up to the moment before it happend she was telling me she loved me. Even sending me pictures of us the night before while i was asleep with cute pet name captions.

 

We have split like this before and we always worked things out. After a few days of thinking we finally would work things out. But there were some differences between now and then. Then she would post sad facebook statues about having a hard day, posting song lyrics about loving me forever, and saying "if you only knew" which was what i said to her when we first started dating to get us to talk. So it has meaning there for us. But this time nothing..... No texts, no calls besides one that i think may have been on accident that i missed on our One year anniversary. Still dont kno if it was or not just becuase it said missed call but i only remember it vibrating once and dont kno if i just didnt hear it until then or not. Wish there was a way for me to see how long it lasted on her end because it wont show on mine. Other than that I havent spoken to her since Friday when i got my things back. I apologized for some of my faults and what I had realized since having some distance between us and getting out of the situation we were in over break. She is always this way though. Even when she was posting sad statues the last time she would still ignore all texts and phone calls. So i havent contacted her in a few days now and have removed my Facebook. But from my family still being her friend on facebook I have learned that she asked some guy that she goes to school with and have never been brought up before that he needed to text her. She then gave her number and that was it. But on her facebook there are still our photos on facebook. Her wall has the pictures of us from just almost 2 weeks ago that has captions like " My boo".

 

Im just so confused and I know im reading into things too much. But thats what happens during this time. I know people say wait for them to come to you but Idk if thats what saturdays phone call was about since idk if its an accident or not. I never responded cause i though that if she wanted to talk she would try again. But now I wonder if she took that as a rejection and has since continued her silence and waited for me to say something about it. Also with this other guy. I have no idea what that is. It hurts to think what it could be. But i kno there is love there still, she cried when i picked my things up, and just feel like i need to show her that this isnt worth messing up like i always have.

 

I know its only been a few days but Im crazy about this girl. I know its not just the thought of her I miss because i have gone out with a girl back to back nights now and there is absolutely nothing there and makes me not change my mind on my ex. There was never any distancing or anything there at the end and I know I CAN do so much better for her than what we experienced over our almost month long xmas break. I just am afraid my silence and my NC which she sees as me agreeing with this and moving on probably but thats not how i feel at all. I have the fear of being made out to be a joke if I try and talk to her but I also feel like a fool if i dont.

 

I dont know whats worse. Me losing some pride and taking a shot to my ego or me not doing anything. Maybe someone else can read into this clearly and tell me what some of the things like the guy and facebook photos still being up means.

 

I want to add that im just going mad over not knowing whats the deal with her and especially with this guy. I know how much it hurts for your concerns to be a reality but I know if i knew it was something i wouldnt want to contact her and could fully let go. I had an ex before this girl and thats how I finally let go. I had months of no contact with that one until I finally found out from a friend she was dating. That killed it all for me and even months later was such a weight off my back.

 

Thanks

Edited January 16, 2012 by RockGuy87

[rob_h]

I guess i need someone to bring me back down to reality real quick.

 

I have posted my story on here but ill combine all the updates till this point.

 

Me and my ex were together for a year. There was a fight that was over something very small and stupid but due to stress on us we were both a little thin on patience. She even noted there being too much stress when it ended. We were both on Xmas break and so we spent a lot of time together and the place we stayed at was stressful. We stayed there so we could spend everynight together and make sure we saw one another. This was at my dad's house (im 21 and she is 18). My dad is going through a rough break up with my step mom and so the moral has been low and it even dragged me down. Its confusing because even through that time we were still all about one another and she even went out of her way to do things for my dad (helped paint, clean house, we bought dinner for everyone because money was real tight) so there were no signs of her looking for a way out. Would tell me "forever" still and that she loved me more than anything and would miss me when school started again.

 

So the stress got to both of us. It took me to get away from it all to finally realize how much it actually was. But anyways we split last Tuesday. After a dumb argument which up to the moment before it happend she was telling me she loved me. Even sending me pictures of us the night before while i was asleep with cute pet name captions.

 

We have split like this before and we always worked things out. After a few days of thinking we finally would work things out. But there were some differences between now and then. Then she would post sad facebook statues about having a hard day, posting song lyrics about loving me forever, and saying "if you only knew" which was what i said to her when we first started dating to get us to talk. So it has meaning there for us. But this time nothing..... No texts, no calls besides one that i think may have been on accident that i missed on our One year anniversary. Still dont kno if it was or not just becuase it said missed call but i only remember it vibrating once and dont kno if i just didnt hear it until then or not. Wish there was a way for me to see how long it lasted on her end because it wont show on mine. Other than that I havent spoken to her since Friday when i got my things back. I apologized for some of my faults and what I had realized since having some distance between us and getting out of the situation we were in over break. She is always this way though. Even when she was posting sad statues the last time she would still ignore all texts and phone calls. So i havent contacted her in a few days now and have removed my Facebook. But from my family still being her friend on facebook I have learned that she asked some guy that she goes to school with and have never been brought up before that he needed to text her. She then gave her number and that was it. But on her facebook there are still our photos on facebook. Her wall has the pictures of us from just almost 2 weeks ago that has captions like " My boo".

 

Im just so confused and I know im reading into things too much. But thats what happens during this time. I know people say wait for them to come to you but Idk if thats what saturdays phone call was about since idk if its an accident or not. I never responded cause i though that if she wanted to talk she would try again. But now I wonder if she took that as a rejection and has since continued her silence and waited for me to say something about it. Also with this other guy. I have no idea what that is. It hurts to think what it could be. But i kno there is love there still, she cried when i picked my things up, and just feel like i need to show her that this isnt worth messing up like i always have.

 

I know its only been a few days but Im crazy about this girl. I know its not just the thought of her I miss because i have gone out with a girl back to back nights now and there is absolutely nothing there and makes me not change my mind on my ex. There was never any distancing or anything there at the end and I know I CAN do so much better for her than what we experienced over our almost month long xmas break. I just am afraid my silence and my NC which she sees as me agreeing with this and moving on probably but thats not how i feel at all. I have the fear of being made out to be a joke if I try and talk to her but I also feel like a fool if i dont.

 

I dont know whats worse. Me losing some pride and taking a shot to my ego or me not doing anything. Maybe someone else can read into this clearly and tell me what some of the things like the guy and facebook photos still being up means.

 

I want to add that im just going mad over not knowing whats the deal with her and especially with this guy. I know how much it hurts for your concerns to be a reality but I know if i knew it was something i wouldnt want to contact her and could fully let go. I had an ex before this girl and thats how I finally let go. I had months of no contact with that one until I finally found out from a friend she was dating. That killed it all for me and even months later was such a weight off my back.

 

Thanks

 

 

Stress seems like a funny reason for a break up. Are you sure it's not covering more, especially if you have broken up before? Maybe try to expand on this so we have a better idea.

 

If I was you, from what I have learnt, if you pursue her she will in all likelihood be pushed towards the other guy. Can you expand on their situation a bit more? What do you know?

[RockGuy87]

She said she was too stressed and that things with us were not taking her mind off the stress and being an escape. It was because we were both stress and both were worn down and had little patience. There were things I could have done to make it better but the same with her.

 

This other guy....I never heard of him before. They arent prior friends or anything like that. Its just some person that she goes to school with. He isnt friends with her vest girl friend so its not like they met out and about. It seems that just met strictly through school but do not know if it has escalated since. But i would think if she was interested in this guy or pursuing him she would remove our pictures that have "My boo" or My baby on them.

[Pens55]

I do think stress can have this effect on some people, though I think that it often limits itself to those who inherently have difficulty maintaining LTRs.

 

To most of us, we are able to manage stress and compartmentalize to an extent. i.e., knowing why you are stressed and realizing that it is not due to your significant other. Most of us take comfort in having someone close. However, for someone who may struggle with keeping a relationship, they are always feeling at least a low level of stress and when it is coupled with an external stressor, they project this all onto the relationship or significant other.

 

My ex fit this perfectly and at times in her life when she needed me the most, she would push me away and put a lot of the blame on me.

 

So, has your ex exhibited any signs of struggling to maintain a relationship with you in the past?

[RockGuy87]

I was her first long term relationship. She has shown some signs. When things would get heated it was all about I needed to get out and all this stuff but then an hour later we would be back and better. I do the same. I say things like "Ill just leave then (her house that is) when really im not doing it cause im done. Usually i would go out to the car and either sit there and come back or come back right away.

 

Still dont know what to do... I cant move on. I think one minute what to do but then dont the next. It eats me up that it ended the way it did and that without those things that could EASILY be fixed we would be fine.

 

She was the girl that still even through difficult times I could look at her and I knew why I was there. Shes not cold and like this all the time. She did so much nice things for my family during their rough time right at the end.

 

People can say we didnt get along or werent right for one another but e connected on too many areas.

[RockGuy87]

Avoiding contacting her right now with all I got. It so hard. I just want my questions answered. I need to kno if there is someone else so I can let go. I've had an ex do this before and it helped dramatically when the what ifs stopped and I knew. But if I risk contacting then I might not get ignored which I kno she is good at. That will just set me back with no answers. Idc if truth hurts but I'm tired of sticking around and waiting. Going out to bars and with friends only lasts me so long.