juliebijoux Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 I met a guy last week and had a great time with him. We ended up having sex and I thought it was just a one-night stand, but he begged me to come back later that weekend to hang out. I did and had a fun time. Then he invited me to spend the next weekend with him as well. Five months ago I ended a 3 year long relationship. I've gone out with one other guy since then but nothing came from it. The weekend is where I put a little red flag up in my mind. We hardly knew each other what would happen if we got sick of each other, but I agreed. The first night was great. Then the second night we went out with mutual friends for a bday dinner and bar afterwards. At the bar all of a sudden it came over me that I needed to tell him that we should only see each other. I did and everything exploded. He said he did not need any drama in his life. We still stayed at the bar and sort of patched things up but I know he was not happy. I just wanted to go home but because he had picked me up I had no way out. I think that this sudden whirlwind of having someone want to be with me again brought up all these emotions. I felt this compulsion to tell him that we had to be exclusive. I realize it was partly the alcohol, but that is a poor excuse. I hate being that emotional of a wreck. I want to spend time to get to know each other and then see where our relationship goes from there. I told him this today, and apologized. He said possibly. Do you think it is possible for this to happen?
FitChick Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 Maybe you should get to know someone before having sex.
Author juliebijoux Posted January 16, 2012 Author Posted January 16, 2012 I realize that yes I should have gotten to know him. My question is working from this point forward is there any hope to get to know him better?
jobaba Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 I met a guy last week and had a great time with him. We ended up having sex and I thought it was just a one-night stand, but he begged me to come back later that weekend to hang out. I did and had a fun time. Then he invited me to spend the next weekend with him as well. Five months ago I ended a 3 year long relationship. I've gone out with one other guy since then but nothing came from it. The weekend is where I put a little red flag up in my mind. We hardly knew each other what would happen if we got sick of each other, but I agreed. The first night was great. Then the second night we went out with mutual friends for a bday dinner and bar afterwards. At the bar all of a sudden it came over me that I needed to tell him that we should only see each other. I did and everything exploded. He said he did not need any drama in his life. We still stayed at the bar and sort of patched things up but I know he was not happy. I just wanted to go home but because he had picked me up I had no way out. I think that this sudden whirlwind of having someone want to be with me again brought up all these emotions. I felt this compulsion to tell him that we had to be exclusive. I realize it was partly the alcohol, but that is a poor excuse. I hate being that emotional of a wreck. I want to spend time to get to know each other and then see where our relationship goes from there. I told him this today, and apologized. He said possibly. Do you think it is possible for this to happen? Who cares? You've known him and hung out with him on and off for a week. How special could he be that if you blew it with him, it'd be a big deal? Just see where it goes and NEVER AGAIN ask another man to be exclusive after having known him for a week.
Author juliebijoux Posted January 16, 2012 Author Posted January 16, 2012 Jobaba I like that perspective. I think I'm making it a big deal because he's the first guy to notice me since my break-up. All of a sudden I missed the security of my long-term relationship.
FitChick Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 Back off and let him initiate all contact. If he doesn't, then move on, lesson learned.
silvermercy Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 Asking for exclusivity even after a week (but preferably longer) is fine AS LONG AS you haven't slept with him already. He obviously wanted to have a friend with benefits situation (lots of booty calls) after that first one-night stand. What you are trying to do now is trying to go backwards. It's very difficult to do that. I think you should just see this as a lesson learnt, not to have sex so soon in the future and not try to compensate for the lack of long-term relationship this way. You won't easily find a long-term relationship going down that path.
Emilia Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 If you are looking for another long term relationship, it's best if you don't hook up with guys in bars. Not so much because there is anything wrong with them (a large % of the population go to bars after all) but because alcohol and drugs give you bad advice when it comes to coupling. Try more traditional dating methods, take alcohol out of the equation and get to know the men better in a relaxed way. Don't apologise for wanting to be exclusive! You may have jumped the gun but there is nothing wrong with wanting more.
Author juliebijoux Posted January 16, 2012 Author Posted January 16, 2012 I have to just take this experience as a good eye opener. I have been enjoying being single for the past 5 months, just going out with friends, not worrying about making plans with someone else, when wham this hook-up just happened. I'm kind of dreading putting myself out there for dating, but I realize that I miss having a special someone in my life.
Author juliebijoux Posted January 16, 2012 Author Posted January 16, 2012 Also how do you know if a guy wants a friends with benefits situation? We went to a college sports match Friday night. Then Saturday we went out to a nice restaurant. He picked me up and both times he paid. I'm just bad at reading these types of things.
serialgf Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 It sounds like he just wants to date and have a good time. You may have ruined it with your exclusivity talk. What exactly did you say? Were you naggy and aggressive at all because that will definitely count against you? It sounds though like there's still a chance that things could get back on track as long as you are laid back from here on out. If it doesn't pan out, no big deal since you've only known him for a week, you can chalk it up to a learning experience! Don't let it blow your ego though, just learn from it and move on. I was back in the single scene for a few months several months ago and can totally relate to how you feel and how you acted. I've been there, done that. Just try to have a good time and enjoy dating. It can be very fun if you just live it a day/date at a time! And in turn that makes you a fun girl for dating! Keep enjoying your singlehood! It sounds like you need more experiences like this before you settle down again! Good luck!
Author juliebijoux Posted January 16, 2012 Author Posted January 16, 2012 It was just a passing drunk comment when I said "if he wanted to continue to have sex with me he could only have sex with me." Then the moment after I said it I realized I had made a huge mistake and could ruin a potentially good situation. He told me that he deals with a lot of drama at his work and he does not want it in his personal life. He also said that although he did have a family friend coming to stay with him next weekend, that's all she was, in case I was concerned. He seemed to be frustrated but he still talked to me. I asked if I should go home and he said no. He was silent on the situation, but he said little hints that could have him just being nice or nothing. I wish he had just said "this is not going to work out between us."
Author juliebijoux Posted January 17, 2012 Author Posted January 17, 2012 This is the million dollar question. How do you find guys to date? This past hook-up just sort of fell into my lap when I wasn't looking. I got set up with my last boyfriend, and I feel like I know all of my friends friends. I keep on trying to go out and accept new invitations.
eleanorhurting Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 if you want a fwb situation then maybe it is fixable. But if you want anything else to come from this I would say forget it. Not worth trying to fix it at this point. If you are recently single be careful not to fall into the trap of thinking people want to date you when they really just want to bang you. Unless you are into that
Author juliebijoux Posted January 18, 2012 Author Posted January 18, 2012 Do you think it is possible to see him one more time? How long should I wait for the contact? I probably will forget in a few days but right now I'm still thinking about him.
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