colliejoanie Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 I met an unbelievable man about 12 years ago. He started with my company, and I felt that SOMETHING immediately. He's tall, muscular, funny, smart, and a devoted family man to his parents and siblings. He's quiet and respectful. Yet funny and charming at times. I was young and stupid, and didn't give the best impression. (drinking too much and being an idiot). We went out as friends a few times, but he never acted interested in more. He left the company - and even the city, but came back a couple of times. And we always ended up together. We kissed and cuddled those times but there was no talking about the future. We lost contact, and I moved 2000 miles away. We found each other on facebook, and chat every once in a while. For some reason, I cannot stop thinking about him. Does this mean anything? Am I just being nostalgic?? He honestly possesses everything I'm looking for.....but he's not pursueing me. Why am I thinking about him and should I do anything about it??
cerridwen Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 I met an unbelievable man about 12 years ago. He started with my company, and I felt that SOMETHING immediately. He's tall, muscular, funny, smart, and a devoted family man to his parents and siblings. He's quiet and respectful. Yet funny and charming at times. I was young and stupid, and didn't give the best impression. (drinking too much and being an idiot). We went out as friends a few times, but he never acted interested in more. He left the company - and even the city, but came back a couple of times. And we always ended up together. We kissed and cuddled those times but there was no talking about the future. We lost contact, and I moved 2000 miles away. We found each other on facebook, and chat every once in a while. For some reason, I cannot stop thinking about him. Does this mean anything? Am I just being nostalgic?? He honestly possesses everything I'm looking for.....but he's not pursueing me. Why am I thinking about him and should I do anything about it?? The highlighted above is likely why you're thinking about him. Good reasons I'd say. What's the hesitation about proposing a date, Collie? You're older and wiser now, and I'm sure just as lovely. Fear of rejection?
Author colliejoanie Posted January 16, 2012 Author Posted January 16, 2012 Rejection for sure......I feel that if he's not pursueing me it's because he doesn't want to. And i don't want to put myself out there to be rejected.
thr1986 Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 Quite frankly I find myself often in the same situation you are describing, however I am a little younger, only 25. But If he's at all like me, he most likely likes you and is the type of guy who responds to girls reaching out to him. Maybe give it a try, I think you will probably be surprised
xpaperxcutx Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 So then even after 12 years and 2000 miles later all he has done is " chat" with you from time to time.? Am I missing something here becaude either this guy is really clueless or he is really not interested. When a guy likes you, he will do anything and everything to make you his. So while I do advocate you ask him out.. the obstacles of an ldr coupled with low interest on hhis says.. you're to be in a hell of hurt
Author colliejoanie Posted January 16, 2012 Author Posted January 16, 2012 So then even after 12 years and 2000 miles later all he has done is " chat" with you from time to time.? Am I missing something here becaude either this guy is really clueless or he is really not interested. When a guy likes you, he will do anything and everything to make you his. So while I do advocate you ask him out.. the obstacles of an ldr coupled with low interest on hhis says.. you're to be in a hell of hurt I know.....this is what I'm afraid of......that he's just not interested. I know that he's quiet and pretty shy though, so maybe that's why I keep thinking he could be interested. I'm currently in school and once I graduate I'm looking to move back home and closer to family.....which would put me an hour from where he currently lives. He doesn't know that, so that could be an issue too..... I guess I just wonder if quiet guys (he's 41) would like to know I'm interested, or if he just sees me as a friend......
carhill Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 Hmm, devoted family man with all those personal superlatives and 41 and not married and, better yet, single? There has to be more to this story My advice: Do not pursue. Facilitate, maybe.
Author colliejoanie Posted January 16, 2012 Author Posted January 16, 2012 Hmm, devoted family man with all those personal superlatives and 41 and not married and, better yet, single? There has to be more to this story My advice: Do not pursue. Facilitate, maybe. Dang. But I suppose I know this is the truth...... Yeah.....I haven't figured out why he's still single, other than he's SO involved with his family. Who knows???? Dang it. Recently, I've been imagining his big arms and shoulders wrapped around me......I guess i'll just let that feeling pass, because I think you're right. Don't pursue.
Lonely Ronin Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 I say be flirty, and see how far it goes.
jobaba Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 Rejection for sure......I feel that if he's not pursueing me it's because he doesn't want to. And i don't want to put myself out there to be rejected. I'm sorry. But this right here is pathetic, just pathetic. If I had that attitude, I'd be a mid 30s virgin who had never kissed a woman. There's no ifs ands or buts about it. You realize that the only reason for that huge discrepancy is because a) god made you a woman and b) probably because of your god given looks. You know what you want. You want a tall, handsome, man with the values this guy has. Go get it. The double standard is so hypocritical. People are criticizing guys like Somedude for being a wussy and not being aggressive enough, yet refuse to do the same to a woman when she is afraid to go after what she wants. You have to work to get what you want in this life. At least some of us do I suppose...
Dust Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 Dang. But I suppose I know this is the truth...... Yeah.....I haven't figured out why he's still single, other than he's SO involved with his family. Who knows???? Dang it. Recently, I've been imagining his big arms and shoulders wrapped around me......I guess i'll just let that feeling pass, because I think you're right. Don't pursue. How's that the truth? Carhil just said it because it popped into his head, he has been wrong before! I say you tell him you've been thinking of him and are planning to move back to town. Just say that and leave it for him to make the next move. Then if you do move an hour away just let him know again when that happens. "Hey I only live an hour away from you." Then leave it at that.
Author colliejoanie Posted January 16, 2012 Author Posted January 16, 2012 I'm sorry. But this right here is pathetic, just pathetic. If I had that attitude, I'd be a mid 30s virgin who had never kissed a woman. There's no ifs ands or buts about it. You realize that the only reason for that huge discrepancy is because a) god made you a woman and b) probably because of your god given looks. You know what you want. You want a tall, handsome, man with the values this guy has. Go get it. The double standard is so hypocritical. People are criticizing guys like Somedude for being a wussy and not being aggressive enough, yet refuse to do the same to a woman when she is afraid to go after what she wants. You have to work to get what you want in this life. At least some of us do I suppose... I understand what you're saying......but honestly.....if you were interested in a woman, wouldn't you find a way to make that known....without her having to guess?
FitChick Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 I say you tell him you've been thinking of him and are planning to move back to town. Just say that and leave it for him to make the next move. Then if you do move an hour away just let him know again when that happens. "Hey I only live an hour away from you." Then leave it at that. That's harmless enough. The fact that you've "kissed and cuddled" is worrying though. Most men would take that as a blatant signal to go for it. He's muscular and single at 41 is a bit worrying. Maybe he is gay or a virgin. Something's a bit off.
Author colliejoanie Posted January 16, 2012 Author Posted January 16, 2012 When we met, all those years ago, he was just out of a relationship. They'd been together for 6 years. That I know of, he's not been in another long term relationship.....and I've been married, had a child, and divorced....... I, of course, creep onto his facebook page and I notice that I'm the only one that he ever responds to. I'm talking MONTHS of people posting on his wall.....and he never responds to them. But, I'm sure this is just me hoping to find something.....
jobaba Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 I understand what you're saying......but honestly.....if you were interested in a woman, wouldn't you find a way to make that known....without her having to guess? No. He might be not think it would work out for whatever reason or might not be totally into you, but that doesn't mean you can't charm him. You've already kissed him so you know he's attracted, and YOU'RE STILL AFRAID? Oh my lord. Really, what it boils down to for you is 'pursue what you want' or 'take one of the guys who are pursuing you that you are not attracted to'. You can play games and read signals all day or just go for it. I have been rejected hundreds of times, and some of the women I knew very well and liked a lot, and the hurt was real. If you and I were going for the same job, we would both face rejection. There's no reason romance should be any different. You obviously like this guy a lot. Just ask him out. Just do it. And tell us how it goes.
musemaj11 Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 Maybe he is gay. Anyway do what you want to do. Its your choice. If you dont want to take matters into your own hand and be more assertive, then you can simply wait for things to unfold indefinitely.
carhill Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 OP, if he is single and straight and you choose to pursue, are you willing, if rejected, to cross him off your 'list' permanently, which means forgetting about any history, potential or hopes and feelings you might harbor? Are you willing to see anything other than an enthusiastic response as a rejection? Are you up for that? This isn't a stranger; he's someone you've known and he you. If you pursue, he not only knows you, he knows where he stands with you. No ambiguity. Good luck.
gaius Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 How's that the truth? Carhil just said it because it popped into his head, he has been wrong before! He and Fitchick aren't wrong about this one. If he's stuck in your head though Collie you might as well give it a shot and see where it goes. Better that than daydreaming about this guy while dating someone else.
whichwayisup Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 When we met, all those years ago, he was just out of a relationship. They'd been together for 6 years. That I know of, he's not been in another long term relationship.....and I've been married, had a child, and divorced....... I, of course, creep onto his facebook page and I notice that I'm the only one that he ever responds to. I'm talking MONTHS of people posting on his wall.....and he never responds to them. But, I'm sure this is just me hoping to find something..... It could be, and sorry to say this, that he has his fb privacy settings at only he can read what others write on his wall, or he's partially blocked you. We lost contact, and I moved 2000 miles away. We found each other on facebook, and chat every once in a while. For some reason, I cannot stop thinking about him. Does this mean anything? Am I just being nostalgic?? He honestly possesses everything I'm looking for.....but he's not pursueing me. Why am I thinking about him and should I do anything about it?? There's your reason as to why he's not pursuing you..2000 miles. you could open the door a crack and say 'next time I'm in your area, let's go for lunch..' and see what he says.
Author colliejoanie Posted January 16, 2012 Author Posted January 16, 2012 It could be, and sorry to say this, that he has his fb privacy settings at only he can read what others write on his wall, or he's partially blocked you. I know this isn't the case, as I can see when others respond to things on his wall. I can also see when he "likes" a post from someone. Regardless, I know I can't guage a man's interest by his facebook page... "There's your reason as to why he's not pursuing you..2000 miles." Yeah, I'm going to let him know that my plans are to move back once I graduate. In reading all the responses I of course have to wonder if I'm just imagining he had a certain level of interest.....However, I remember one New Year's. He happened to be in town and walk into the same bar I was. He was with his friends and I with mine.....the second we saw each other (he's 6'6", so he's easy to spot) it was like no one else existed. Awwww, such a good memory. But then I think about how recently he's complained about how much he hates dating.....he joined an OLD sight and hadn't met one person he liked. I'm wondering if he were interested in me, why would he mention the OLD?? Anyway, I'm going to let him know I'll be home in march. And suggest a drink or something. And guage it from there.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 It could be, and sorry to say this, that he has his fb privacy settings at only he can read what others write on his wall, or he's partially blocked you. I know this isn't the case, as I can see when others respond to things on his wall. I can also see when he "likes" a post from someone. Regardless, I know I can't guage a man's interest by his facebook page... "There's your reason as to why he's not pursuing you..2000 miles." Yeah, I'm going to let him know that my plans are to move back once I graduate. In reading all the responses I of course have to wonder if I'm just imagining he had a certain level of interest.....However, I remember one New Year's. He happened to be in town and walk into the same bar I was. He was with his friends and I with mine.....the second we saw each other (he's 6'6", so he's easy to spot) it was like no one else existed. Awwww, such a good memory. But then I think about how recently he's complained about how much he hates dating.....he joined an OLD sight and hadn't met one person he liked. I'm wondering if he were interested in me, why would he mention the OLD?? Anyway, I'm going to let him know I'll be home in march. And suggest a drink or something. And guage it from there. Sometimes people say things as a way to bring up a conversation, there doesn't always have to be a motive. But yes, do throw the idea of meeting up out there, get it out of your system so you don't have to obsess. Remember, you still have to wait until March to move back, within this period, you still have to eat, work and sleep. I don't expect you to drop everything in pursuit of a man you're in " lust" with.
yessy21 Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 I say be flirty, and see how far it goes. I say DO IT. Flirt. your defenitley more mature than before so show him that your interested.
Leegh Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 I think you should suggest getting together with him when you visit his city in March. I have been through a similar situation, and it is extremely hard not knowing if the other person is interested or not. It's been easier for me to get over someone if I know they are clearly not interested. There is nothing worse than not knowing their interest level; and for me it involved over-analyzing e-mails, telephone conversations, etc. to try to extract meaning of his words to see if there was some level of interest on his part. If you and he go out in March, that's great; but if he declines then I believe your healing will happen much faster, then always wondering years down the road if he was interested.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 I met an unbelievable man about 12 years ago. He started with my company, and I felt that SOMETHING immediately. He's tall, muscular, funny, smart, and a devoted family man to his parents and siblings. He's quiet and respectful. Yet funny and charming at times. I was young and stupid, and didn't give the best impression. (drinking too much and being an idiot). We went out as friends a few times, but he never acted interested in more. He left the company - and even the city, but came back a couple of times. And we always ended up together. We kissed and cuddled those times but there was no talking about the future. We lost contact, and I moved 2000 miles away. We found each other on facebook, and chat every once in a while. For some reason, I cannot stop thinking about him. Does this mean anything? Am I just being nostalgic?? He honestly possesses everything I'm looking for.....but he's not pursueing me. Why am I thinking about him and should I do anything about it?? If I were a sketch artist (indeed this really is a hypothetical exercise, see?)... and I sat down with you and gave you the task of describing your ideal guy, so that I could sketch him (and this is accurate whether it be drawing his exterior, or describing his inner self in detail)... YOU would have a darn tough time getting started, with just my blank canvas before us not limiting you in any way, shape or form. BUT IF I began with dimples, a funny scar near his elbow, and hair parted just to the left of center... YOU would more easily start to roll with your task, for finding it MUCH EASIER to fill-in the blanks after those random details gave you at least SOME parameters. So, perhaps you're single at present, and this person represents AN IMAGE where your mind yearns to enhance an image, rather than be made to tackle the task of creating an 'ideal' from scratch. Does this make any sense??
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