cybclimb Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 I posted here last summer about this woman I was dating. We were together for 3 months and suddenly she decided out of the blue that we shouldn't see each other after I expressed the L word to her. I was hurt and wanted her back. It was miserable as it was before my surgery and I was completely alone trying to heal physically and emotionally. I went NC but we bumped into each other a month after breakup, and she invited me for happy hour. We enjoyed each other's company like the breakup thing didn't happen at all, and I didn't even mentioned it. The reason for that is that I was already seeing someone else and was honest with her that I was dating someone at that point. I was NC again with her for the simple reason that I was in a relationship with a really drop dead gorgeous girl til we broke up in October. I decided to just take a break from it all but surprise surprise me and my ex from last summer bumped into each other last November in a marathon. I texted her several days after and congratulated her for finishing it and invited her for drinks. I didnt get a response until after 15 days, says she is busy during the holidays from her 2nd job but offered to meet on the Dec 26th. It was perfect as I worked on Christmas so I was able to celebrate my christmas with her. She cooked dinner and we had a crazy hot make out. I also gave her earrings and invited her for a black tie event in DC. I told her the earrings would look great for an evening dress. Fast forward NYE and we checked in a hotel and we looked so gorgeous together with me wearing a tuxedo and her wearing a very beautiful evening dress. It was so nice to kiss her during the balloon drop. Just imagine I get to spend the last night of the year and the first day of the new year with her. Sex was hot too! Everything was almost perfect! However it was downhill from there. I texted her a couple of times and sent the picture of us to her phone. I didnt get a response until after a week. She said that she doesn't have a game that I could watch that is nearby. So I texted back that maybe instead we could have lunch together on her lunchbreak or just breakfast on a weekend before her games. I haven't got any response and its been a week since I last texted her and two weeks since I last saw her on new years. I also found out that she deleted me as a professional contact in LinkedIn. Now I'm confused? Why the sudden about face? I played it cool all the time. The only only time that I was really emotional with her was on the 26th when I said its been so long since I held her that close and that it was a dream come true for me. I also admitted that I think of her every waking hour since we broke up. I don't know know what's really happening with her. Why the sudden coldness? I really want to explore if we could go back together again, but I am also ok if doesn't happen. I am just confused that she would disregard me after a perfect night together. I am trying to move forward by hanging out next weekend with a girl from a dating site, but she's the one I want to pursue. I just dont know to proceed or not. I don't want to go back to square one and be hurt again. Any thoughts?
nature Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 Yikes, as a woman I am going to give this to you straight up...the straight honest truth about what is happening. She likes you but is "just not that into you". I've been that woman before, and have acted that way with guys who were totally into me, no matter how cool they were trying to be. She knows you like her. You've made that extremely clear. But she's not as into you as you are with her, so she's trying to keep some space there, which is why she waits to get back to you. To show you with her actions that you are not a priority. Believe me, I've been her before. When she's really into a guy, she'll do anything to see him. No one, not even a rocket scientist, is too busy to see someone they are totally into. You are just around to hang with once in awhile and to dote on her and stroke her ego. There is probably some guy she is hung up on, and hurt by, so she's allowing you to stick around a bit to make her feel better about herself. But her heart is not with you. Definately not. Sorry if this hurts, but don't kid yourself. Never make someone a priority who sees you as an option. Time to suck it up, accept she's not digging you, and move along. She's not hard to read at all. You just don't want to read what she's really saying!!!
chados Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 you have to take things slow man.. she probably doesnt answer because youre pushing her. and when she asks you to do something she will be comfortable with, youre asking her to do something else... seriously dont put yourself through this, when youre pushing someone its really hard to get them back. just let her call you, if she doesnt.. let her go.
Author cybclimb Posted January 16, 2012 Author Posted January 16, 2012 Nature: No I'm not blind to the fact. I just want to give her enough time to respond and not smother her with text messages. After a week with no response, its clearer to me that I'm at her back burner. Another red flag: After I took her back to her car, she forgot her brownies and I texted her if she wants me to drop it to her house, and she told me just leave it at her porch since she will be somewhere. I said ok but I didn't go to her house until 11pm. When I came there, her house was empty, so I suspected she spent the night somewhere else, If it was with some other dude I don't know. I don't want to assume that she slept with someone after she slept with me but yes it did crossed my mind. But I was hoping I'm the better choice if there is a competition. However I asked her straight out if she's seeing another guy and she said no, that its hard for her to find time to date. When we first met, she would give me the dates she's available and she'll even regularly have breakfast with me before I go to sleep (I work night shift) and before she have her games on weekends. And she was insistent in seeing me. That's a distant memory now. If she just wants me around to stoke her ego or as an option in case things didn't go well with the guy she really likes, then she's mistaken. Door swings both ways. Maybe she got what she wanted from me (whatever it was), but I got what wanted from her too (sex wise). I'm going NC with her again, and this time might be permanent. My 2011 with her is closed for good. That's a very fitting end with a kiss on the stroke of midnight. I have 2 dates this coming weekend and that should be the ones I should be thinking about.
KathyM Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 I think she realizes you are not what she wants for the long term, so that is why she's keeping you at arm's length. It doesn't sound to me like she's met someone else yet, since she was willing to spend NYE with you, but she's obviously just using you until something better comes along. She's realizes you are not a match for the long term, and that is why she's not interested in pursuing a relationship with you. I would suggest NC and getting on with meeting others who would be interested in making you a priority.
Author cybclimb Posted January 17, 2012 Author Posted January 17, 2012 Thanks for all your advice. It's enlightening to read all your responses. It gave me a good perspective of what is really going on through her head. Officially I'm NC now unless she decides to call or text me. And I will question her motives for that contact if it ever happens. And I will seriously doubt that I will still be available at that point. God bless you all.
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