dasein Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 WRONG. Women are not typically going to give their phone number to any random strange guy that sends them a message on Match. To be sure enough to allcaps me, you must have dated a ton of women from match. How many women did you date from match exactly? I dated 30. Slept with 8, could have easily slept with 5 more, dated 5 for more than five dates, had mid-ltr with 4. All but a few of the 30 gave me their number in response to the second email, the remainder called me as I had sent my number to them in the second email. Had 0... yes 0 who said "let's email some more." Phineas, another detail is to insert a line in your profile stating clearly, in a positive way, that you are ready to meet, not banter. "I am interested in meeting people, not penpals. Be ready to go out and have some fun and we will!" This is a very positive message to insert because many women have been frustrated by looky lou guys as well, shady guys who are obviously not telling the whole picture in their profile stringing them along for weeks or months. OTOH it repels that type in females, and may keep an A-whore from mailing, winking or responding to you. On match there is a place to radio button mark what turns you on, or used to be. One of the options I can't remember the exact terminology, was "confident and assured" which almost all women mark as a desired trait. I prefaced my request for the phone number with "Since 'confident and assured' is one of your preferences, let's talk on the phone. My number is XXXXXXX. If you'd rather I call you, please send your number." I can't imagine phrase has any magic to it, and you could probably ask the same thing in other ways. But almost all gave me the number. Then, during a single 5 minute phone call, I would flirt a bit and then ask them out for a specific early weekday night for a drink at a cool place in their area. I also think it's an incredibly unwise suggestion that he use the "Not Interested" function. That's unnecessary and rude. No response is obvious enough. Not replying at all to a custom email from someone within your parameters when one is paying a fee to MEET people is what is rude. LOL at suggesting that ignoring sincere, polite people who approach you on a dating site is ever better. Maybe in certain parts of the country known for rudeness, even then no. And a woman looking at your profile means nothing. You are bucking for a trifecta of wrongness here. ALL DATA a man can get on an OLD site means something for men to use to sharpen their tools. Having a bunch of women look once, look twice, look three times, all mean things. It's true you can't always figure out -what- it means, but you can figure it out more often than not by applying some perceptiveness and experimenting. For example, About a month in, I started changing my headline every day to something funny, and noticed my views shot up for some reason. I figured out that I could change the headline every 3 days to get the same effect, but letting the same one stay a week was too long. I believe my good results came from approaching my match profile as a chemistry experiment and changing lots of variables. For men,this makes the experience more relaxing and fun, and defangs lots of the female rudeness inherent in OLD, making it less personal and more hypothetical.
Author phineas Posted January 16, 2012 Author Posted January 16, 2012 Everyone is different, but I would do 0 IM/text before meeting and have a firm limit of email exchanges 3-5 before meeting. There are MANY involved, damaged, looky lou people who will waste your time out there, and IME almost none who would have a legitiimate reason for not wanting to get to the meeting part as fast as possible. For instance, I can't remember even having one who didn't want to give her number. Had a couple who called me soon after I sent my number who didn't bother to block theirs when they called. I remember one who called me first and hid her number. One attitude you will see over and over OLD from women is the "HR Red Pencil" treatment, where they will be treating you like an HR manager in a job interview going over your resume' with a red pencil. A huge number of women will do this if you let them, but will lay off it if you manage to circumvent. Some can't be circumvented and these you want to spend 0 time on as they are totally self-absorbed low quality. Well, that's where your results will come from. Try to get 50 profiles in your favorites and then mail those. I used the favorites as a "bullpen." I'm familiar with the interview treatment. I don't play it in real life & won't play it on match.com. I know these types of women & they NEVER date guys who go along with it. They in fact date guys that barely meet any of their requirements other than being good looking. LOL! I don't sell myself to women anymore (actively) what I do is off-handedly work my highlights into a convo while subtly putting her into a state of selling herself to me. Women eat that up. works like a charm because i'm just not that desperate.
FitChick Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 I'm familiar with the interview treatment. I don't play it in real life & won't play it on match.com. I know these types of women & they NEVER date guys who go along with it. They in fact date guys that barely meet any of their requirements other than being good looking. LOL! You couldn't be more wrong.
Author phineas Posted January 16, 2012 Author Posted January 16, 2012 You couldn't be more wrong. Then the women who play this game in real life that wound up dating me must be exceptions.
Star Gazer Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 To be sure enough to allcaps me, you must have dated a ton of women from match. How many women did you date from match exactly? I dated 30. Slept with 8, could have easily slept with 5 more, dated 5 for more than five dates, had mid-ltr with 4. All but a few of the 30 gave me their number in response to the second email, the remainder called me as I had sent my number to them in the second email. Had 0... yes 0 who said "let's email some more." To be sure enough to allcaps you again: IRRELEVANT. What YOU have done or what success (or really, lack thereof, as these relationships didn't really go anywhere, now did they?) YOU have had with women is really irrelevant. You are speaking of how a WOMEN should act to be successful. You said: "Of course she should give her number asap if she is truly interested in meeting men." You're thinking about how YOU would act in her shoes. In order to have success WITH WOMEN, both you and Phineas would be better served asking and considering how WOMEN feel and how WOMEN think and how WOMEN behave, and NOT how YOU would WANT them to feel/think/behave. Phineas, another detail is to insert a line in your profile stating clearly, in a positive way, that you are ready to meet, not banter. "I am interested in meeting people, not penpals. Be ready to go out and have some fun and we will!" I would actually move straight along if I read that. It tells me he doesn't care at all about my comfort level, and that everything has to be on his timeline: when we talk, when we meet, when we have sex...otherwise he'll bail. Women like to feel SAFE (physically and emotionally), and saying something like that says they'll be anything but safe. I like to get to know some foundational things about a guy, and see how well he communicates in written form, before I'll waste my time with the next step. If a guy gives me his number or asks to meet straight away, I typically don't respond. If I do, it's with a message saying I'd like to chat via email/messenger a bit more. The guys I say that to are just like you, and bail. They can't be bothered reading and writing another email! No loss for me! But if a guy exchanges two or three messages with me, and then asks for my number or asks to meet, even if I'm not quite ready, I'll continue engaging with him. In fact, the best responses/messages I've received in that regard have expressed interest in meeting/talking on the phone BUT have also said something like, "But if you're not ready yet, that's cool too. ;)" THOSE guys get huge bonus points, NOT the guys who imply they are in a RUSH and can't be bothered to actually get to know someone, and want to hit it and quit it by refusing to be "pen pals." On match there is a place to radio button mark what turns you on, or used to be. I don't believe that's a Match option. Not replying at all to a custom email from someone within your parameters when one is paying a fee to MEET people is what is rude. You're not paying to meet people. You're paying to find someone you're compatible with and have a relationship with. ALL DATA a man can get on an OLD site means something for men to use to sharpen their tools. Having a bunch of women look once, look twice, look three times, all mean things. It's true you can't always figure out -what- it means, but you can figure it out more often than not by applying some perceptiveness and experimenting. For example, About a month in, I started changing my headline every day to something funny, and noticed my views shot up for some reason. I figured out that I could change the headline every 3 days to get the same effect, but letting the same one stay a week was too long. HILARIOUS! It's merely because when you change/update any part of your profile, you move to the top of the search, so more women are going to be clicking on it...even repeats. Nothing more.
Star Gazer Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 I've had a number of successful dates from match.com, including one with my now girlfriend. Not a single one has given their numbers on initial contact. I think it'll be a little silly of you to write off this woman so soon. In my experience, most women want to test the water to see if you are the one for them. Emails can be controlled, read and re-read at leisure and responded to with meaningful answers. Yes.. I agree... there is an element of wanting to get off of the site in order to stop paying the money but you've got to be sure you're getting off the site for the right reasons. Some women may get the wrong idea if you want to jump into quickly. My girlfriend and I emailed each other through the site for about 2 weeks before we met up for coffee. We then exchanged direct email addresses so we didn't have to go through the site. I kept my profile open though, just in case things didn't work out. However after exchanging numbers and a few more dates I did eventually close it. My advice is somewhat different to others in that I suggest you take it easy and slowly and let things progress naturally. I find it a lot easier to weed out the false women and seriel daters that way as they show themselves up to be impatient. Going in with an ultimatum for a number is often good to get a quick catch (read 'get laid') but not great in the long term (in my experience anyway) however, I know it's each to their own so good luck This is a refreshing read from a man after daesin's nonsense. I've had a few short- and long-term relationships evolve from Match and eHarmony, and this is basically how those that worked out flowed. The guys who were visibly impatient went nowhere, and for good reason.
Seamless74 Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 Haven't got any dates yet, but two different women in my phone and working on the obligatory coffee date with both. lots of views emails and the like.. overall I mean its still what it is (online dating) but considering my looks, job, preferences and really probably not putting as much thought into my photos as i would like results are good so far. I agree with some of the other cats on here after my 3rd outgoing email to a prospect im getting in her phone and were texting if not then i bounce. I also like to when possible not peruse through all the profiles but rather wait and so who looks at me and then choose the ones im interested in and email them.. Match.com the pros: 1.) Fair amount of activity and turnover could only imagine what it would be like in a huge city.. 2.) Fake boobs (also see minuses) 3.) Paid site so the women are serious (also see minuses) 3.) Good mobile App. Match.com the Cons: 1.) Its amazing like a good 40% theres more plastic on that site than in a box of legos... 2.) If you do make a connection with someone they and you still stay on the site because theyre paying for it so gives plenty of time for them to meet someone else. 3.) Glamour shots galore, Bridesmaids shots who you cant tell who the hell is who.. And be sure to check out the photos towards the end sometimes they can be a lot different than the ones in the front let me tell you.. lol..
FitChick Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 2.) Fake boobs (also see minuses) 3.) be sure to check out the photos towards the end sometimes they can be a lot different than the ones in the front . What looks like fake boobs are probably padded Wonderbras. It's a bit easier for women to tell which man's photos are current when he's got several up -- follow the expanding waistline and receding hairline.
dasein Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 To be sure enough to allcaps you again: IRRELEVANT. What YOU have done or what success (or really, lack thereof, blabla If you want to learn how to milk a cow, ask someone who milks cows, not a cow. Match was and has been very successful for me as someone NOT seeking a terminal endless relationship or marriage. I can repeat the results now anytime which has added lots of flexibility and control to my sex life. I simply don't have to put up with a bunch of crap from privileged principessas any more. They start up after about 3-4 months, I show em the door. In the meantime I get lots of wild sex and the benefit of the honeymoon period, which IME is the only time modern U.S. females act like civil human beings. In my mind, the only one that matters, THAT'S success. Not going to bother with further reply to those who have no inkling of OLD from a male perspective, posted this for phineas' benefit, and he is free to use any or none of it as he sees fit.
Author phineas Posted January 19, 2012 Author Posted January 19, 2012 What a slow process. LOL! I'm searching & sending an email a day & getting some responses. I had a 10/10 wink at me who lives 50 miles away with an almost completely blank profile. I paid no attention to her as I doubt it's real. Here is my question for the ladies, i'm exchanging e-mails with women with common interests. Single parents in shape is what i'm targeting. And it's just plain odd how much we actually have in common & then they go dark on me. I'm wondering if they think i'm BSing them by telling them I like/do the exact same things or they just found someone they liked better on the site. It hasn't even been a week on the site so i'm not too worried about it. I'm also finding out that some women pushing 40 never married have they want kids in their profile in one place but have they don't actually want kids buried in the paragraphs of text in their profile so i'm going to start hitting these women up also. And women with negative profiles mentioning players, games, drama, people that hurt you blah,blah,blah i'm just ignoring. massive turn-off. For me it screams baggage I don't want to deal with. Also, way too many 40yr old party girls. Seriously? I think having a 3 & 5 yr old when most women my age have grown kids is working against me a little but again, i'm not too worried about it. In real life I have no problems approaching a stranger in a social situation & i'm starting to get past my original trepidation on match.com now, loosening up in emails & letting my wit show through. Which could of also been why women just stopped responding.
irc333 Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 I've noticed iwth Match.com there's a lot of NON paying subscribers, so I'll see a lot of women, but if you email them, they won't be able to read your email. They' get an email saying "Hey, you got an email, come read it!" Then they're prompted to sign up for a subscription.
Star Gazer Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 I've noticed iwth Match.com there's a lot of NON paying subscribers, so I'll see a lot of women, but if you email them, they won't be able to read your email. They' get an email saying "Hey, you got an email, come read it!" Then they're prompted to sign up for a subscription. How exactly do you know there's a lot of women who are non-paying members? Maybe they're just ignoring your messages.
irc333 Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 How exactly do you know there's a lot of women who are non-paying members? Maybe they're just ignoring your messages. Possible, but not probable. I usually see a lot of profiles that show activity within the last 3 weeks or 2 weeks, which they probably just casually log in to just look over the menu, while those with recent activity, which is few.....are probably paid subscribers. Plus, I have real life female friends, testimonials from online dating site reviews, etc that are members of match.com that said they received emails, but refuse to sign up to pay for it just to read the emails.
FitChick Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 I haven't been on Match in years so I don't remember or perhaps they changed it -- when you get one of those "you've got mail" messages, does it mention who contacted you? Can you see their photo? It might be worth subscribing if you could see a lot of desirable matches were emailing you.
Author phineas Posted January 19, 2012 Author Posted January 19, 2012 I've noticed iwth Match.com there's a lot of NON paying subscribers, so I'll see a lot of women, but if you email them, they won't be able to read your email. They' get an email saying "Hey, you got an email, come read it!" Then they're prompted to sign up for a subscription. i've seen some of these women. they work FACE & BOOK into their profile along with their real name. LOL!
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