phineas Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 So I put up my profile friday, so far I've had women wink at me, favorite me & get sparked by me. so I can assume their waiting for me to send them an e-mail if interested. Now I've also seen on this forum that if a woman keeps looking at your profile that is a more subtle way for her to express interest also? when sending mail i'm also going to assume that a "hi" message won't cut it & I should send a short message to convey I at least read her profile? any other tips you match.com veterans can share with me?
chryssy83 Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 Yep. Send them emails if you are interested. Hey, thanks for the wink. I like your profile. I noticed you are into X, I have the following opinion/experience/question regarding X. Do you enjoy Y/are you from here/ask a question. Share a detail about yourself. Tell her you hope to hear from her soon. A little funny is okay but maybe wait for the next email, unless you can be cute funny. And use good grammar. Bad grammar is the biggest turn off. Have fun, this isn't that hard.
Author phineas Posted January 15, 2012 Author Posted January 15, 2012 Yep. Send them emails if you are interested. Hey, thanks for the wink. I like your profile. I noticed you are into X, I have the following opinion/experience/question regarding X. Do you enjoy Y/are you from here/ask a question. Share a detail about yourself. Tell her you hope to hear from her soon. A little funny is okay but maybe wait for the next email, unless you can be cute funny. And use good grammar. Bad grammar is the biggest turn off. Have fun, this isn't that hard. Thanks. It's good to hear from a woman also on what get's her attention. My wab browzer hase speal chek so i cen aszur u that wonte be a ishue.
carhill Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 'sent from my iPhone' OP, you have your own unique style. Stick to it. Those who would find it objectionable and/or unattractive are not for you. It would be the same if you ran into such people at the mall. Match is a mall. I share that as someone who has historically met a lot of women IRL as a result of OLD, including my now exW. It's a tool of meeting, nothing more.
Andy_K Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 Remember that match is a subscription service - if someone is paying to use it, and is interested enough to wink, you're damn near 100% certain to get a reply if you write to them. You don't need to go overboard on your opening message. Also, those who aren't paying won't reply even if your messages is amazing. So again, it won't help you to go crazy with a big first email.
Imajerk17 Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 Watch out for the fakes! A wink from a woman with terrific pictures whose profile is full of awkard syntax and who is looking for a man up to age 65... Fake.
thatone Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 Watch out for the fakes! A wink from a woman with terrific pictures whose profile is full of awkard syntax and who is looking for a man up to age 65... Fake. at which point you have to justify the fact that you just gave your hard earned money to a business that makes a habit of intentionally misleading its own customers and preying on their emotions, so to speak, to get 20 bucks a month or whatever it is out of them .
Author phineas Posted January 15, 2012 Author Posted January 15, 2012 The only odd things i've noticed so far are some incredibly hot women with kids & and either a low income listing or in a low paying profession that loves to eat out & travel to tropical locations. I'm really trying to figure out how they can afford such a lifestyle. [/sarcasm]
dasein Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 1. When you first join the site, your profile gets some visible, but mostly invisible "help" from the site in an attempt to elicit traffic. Many match members receive "daily matches" and other bootstrapping email. New profiles are forced into these lists. If the amount of attention your profile gets drops off after a time, don't get discouraged, that upfront attention due to the site's help was artificial anyway. 2. Incoming winks and views are simply alerts that you should take a look at a particular profile and if it meets your criteria, send mail. Treat them with no special preference otherwise. Actually, vet winks carefully before spending any time or money on a date because many of the serial daters set up their dates by winking a bunch of guys and then filling their calendars with the puppy dog response. 3. Reply to all incoming mails, even if not interested. Use the site's "not interested" functionality, takes a few seconds. Makes the site better for all members. 4. Figure your outer limit on dating distance (mine is 100 miles, some friends as low as 10). Figure all the town names and zipcodes in those areas and search in small chunks to get no more than 10-15 pages of results to your search at a time. If in a rural area, this isn't necessary. Create a search with any preferences, the only ones I use are slender, about average, athletic and toned body types, because people make tons of mistakes filling the questions out and you will find many diamonds in the rough. It isn't an exact, highly accurate database, so use it as such. I specify body types because of the very high % of fat women on match. 5. Emails -Before I got good, would mail ten a day (takes about an hour to write ten decent short emails). Since getting good, I never send more than ten emails total, and will end up with a hot GF/sex out of that. I use a three point sermon email form, two paragraphs, chameleon their style in their profile google "neurolinguistic processing" Not as technical or hard as it sounds. Ask at least one question. Nothing in your email should "sell" you as a prospective date or person. Be sure to SELL A DATE though, big difference. "I'm due for a trip to the botanical gardens/fave restaurant/park, are you into that sort of thing?" Make it something interesting, easy, fun, light, close to her. "I love the martinis at XYZ, you ever go there for happy hour?" has always been a winner for me and sets up the quick drink date while letting her know you will make the logistics easy. In fact, a big rule of thumb with opening emails is be as plain, clear and direct as possible. Write in short sentences, be very specific, you can still be witty, just have very little adornment on your basic prose and ideas. Enough on that for now. Could write an entire book on OLD emails. The above is the half page summary to 101. 6. If they reply, compose a short responsive second email and ask for their phone number in it. Offer your phone number in that mail "in case you would like to call me." You should get a very high % of phone numbers. If not, something is wrong. Call them within 24-48 hours of getting their number flirt for 5 minutes then ask them to do the date you have already primed them for. Have a specific early weeknight day/night and time in mind. Never "want to do ... sometime?" If they decline without offering a plan B, I politely "nice talking to you" and move to the next. You will lose a few good prospects doing this, but you will lose a TON of attention whores and self-absorbed b-tches also, making the trade worth it. Sometimes I will give a second shot, but what you really want is a plain "yes" to your date suggestion or alternatively for them to suggest a specific alternate. The ones who start testing at this point by making things tough for you are trash, avoid those. But based on your posts here you already know that LOL. If this stuff is too basic, let me know and I can go into more advanced things. Would stay simple until you go on 5 or so dates. I'm going to crank up match myself sometime in the late Spring, it's a lot of fun. Don't get discouraged early. Good luck.
FitChick Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 All of the above is useless unless you have current, clear photos of your face and full body. No hats, no baggy clothes, no sunglasses, not standing with your back to the light source.
Emilia Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 The only odd things i've noticed so far are some incredibly hot women with kids & and either a low income listing or in a low paying profession that loves to eat out & travel to tropical locations. I'm really trying to figure out how they can afford such a lifestyle. [/sarcasm] Yeah, this is why OLD is a waste of time, profiles are full of lies.
FitChick Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 The only odd things i've noticed so far are some incredibly hot women with kids & and either a low income listing or in a low paying profession that loves to eat out & travel to tropical locations. I'm really trying to figure out how they can afford such a lifestyle. [/sarcasm] Because they are incredibly hot, there are plenty of men who will treat them.
Author phineas Posted January 16, 2012 Author Posted January 16, 2012 All of the above is useless unless you have current, clear photos of your face and full body. No hats, no baggy clothes, no sunglasses, not standing with your back to the light source. Athletic cut polo shirt, straight leg jeans, fitted dress shirt & dress pants & I might do a form fitting thermal & jeans. I put down athletic & toned. You can see the vein on my bicep creeping out from my shirt sleeve & i'm not even flexing.
Author phineas Posted January 16, 2012 Author Posted January 16, 2012 (edited) 1. When you first join the site, your profile gets some visible, but mostly invisible "help" from the site in an attempt to elicit traffic. Many match members receive "daily matches" and other bootstrapping email. New profiles are forced into these lists. If the amount of attention your profile gets drops off after a time, don't get discouraged, that upfront attention due to the site's help was artificial anyway. 2. Incoming winks and views are simply alerts that you should take a look at a particular profile and if it meets your criteria, send mail. Treat them with no special preference otherwise. Actually, vet winks carefully before spending any time or money on a date because many of the serial daters set up their dates by winking a bunch of guys and then filling their calendars with the puppy dog response. 3. Reply to all incoming mails, even if not interested. Use the site's "not interested" functionality, takes a few seconds. Makes the site better for all members. 4. Figure your outer limit on dating distance (mine is 100 miles, some friends as low as 10). Figure all the town names and zipcodes in those areas and search in small chunks to get no more than 10-15 pages of results to your search at a time. If in a rural area, this isn't necessary. Create a search with any preferences, the only ones I use are slender, about average, athletic and toned body types, because people make tons of mistakes filling the questions out and you will find many diamonds in the rough. It isn't an exact, highly accurate database, so use it as such. I specify body types because of the very high % of fat women on match. 5. Emails -Before I got good, would mail ten a day (takes about an hour to write ten decent short emails). Since getting good, I never send more than ten emails total, and will end up with a hot GF/sex out of that. I use a three point sermon email form, two paragraphs, chameleon their style in their profile google "neurolinguistic processing" Not as technical or hard as it sounds. Ask at least one question. Nothing in your email should "sell" you as a prospective date or person. Be sure to SELL A DATE though, big difference. "I'm due for a trip to the botanical gardens/fave restaurant/park, are you into that sort of thing?" Make it something interesting, easy, fun, light, close to her. "I love the martinis at XYZ, you ever go there for happy hour?" has always been a winner for me and sets up the quick drink date while letting her know you will make the logistics easy. In fact, a big rule of thumb with opening emails is be as plain, clear and direct as possible. Write in short sentences, be very specific, you can still be witty, just have very little adornment on your basic prose and ideas. Enough on that for now. Could write an entire book on OLD emails. The above is the half page summary to 101. 6. If they reply, compose a short responsive second email and ask for their phone number in it. Offer your phone number in that mail "in case you would like to call me." You should get a very high % of phone numbers. If not, something is wrong. Call them within 24-48 hours of getting their number flirt for 5 minutes then ask them to do the date you have already primed them for. Have a specific early weeknight day/night and time in mind. Never "want to do ... sometime?" If they decline without offering a plan B, I politely "nice talking to you" and move to the next. You will lose a few good prospects doing this, but you will lose a TON of attention whores and self-absorbed b-tches also, making the trade worth it. Sometimes I will give a second shot, but what you really want is a plain "yes" to your date suggestion or alternatively for them to suggest a specific alternate. The ones who start testing at this point by making things tough for you are trash, avoid those. But based on your posts here you already know that LOL. If this stuff is too basic, let me know and I can go into more advanced things. Would stay simple until you go on 5 or so dates. I'm going to crank up match myself sometime in the late Spring, it's a lot of fun. Don't get discouraged early. Good luck. Good stuff. I was kinda thinking along these lines but wasn't sure how to go about moving for an actual date. Did you put your salary? I didn't. simply because the number doesn't accurately reflect my spending money due to mortgage, child support, day care ect. I pay my bills but i'm not going on shopping spree's or dining out every week. Did you get women emailing you often? i've already gotten one from someone that seemed interested. Edited January 16, 2012 by phineas
dasein Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 I didn't put salary, and never felt was a hindrance, did date many very materialistic women though, some longer than I should have, they are good at hiding it early on. I had women mailing me fairly frequently, but none I found attractive. I went out with one who mailed me because she seemed cool, she was one of the few who lied about her weight via pics, and it also became apparent she was milking men fof serial dates. Just bad luck on that one, no prejudice about women who mail first.
Author phineas Posted January 16, 2012 Author Posted January 16, 2012 woman that emailed me wants to email for a little bit & see how that goes before she exchanges numbers. I've already got a bad feeling about this. Ok, feet are wet, time to dive in & start searching profiles. I aint paying $20/month for a pen-pal.
Art_Critic Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 phineas.. time to dazzle her with your humor and personality.. the number will come faster than you realize if you are to have a connection. Do you really want a woman who would give her digits on the first contact to a man ?? that would mean she would be talking to a lot of men
dasein Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 Agree with the first part Art posts, but the woman is paying money to a dating site to meet and date men. Of course she should give her number asap if she is truly interested in meeting men. Another thing is that there are all types, including some who are married, involved, looking for attention but nothing more. Phineas, that's the right attitude you have, everything I got from match was a result of my proactive efforts. Start mailing out, commit some time to it, and soon we will be telling you to only date 4 at a time and get a viagra prescription. I'm not joking. For now, though, don't get addicted to reading profiles and lose your sleep. Limit yourself to a few hours on the site a day and only after you have tended to the other things you have going on in life. I remember getting totally hooked on it after the first good results, and spending way too much time browsing and such. Don't repeat my mistakes lol.
Author phineas Posted January 16, 2012 Author Posted January 16, 2012 phineas.. time to dazzle her with your humor and personality.. the number will come faster than you realize if you are to have a connection. Do you really want a woman who would give her digits on the first contact to a man ?? that would mean she would be talking to a lot of men I agree with the first part. Doing it through email is just going to be an adjustment. I'm used to just talking to women & shunning other forms of communication to get to know someone. but, she initiated contact with me, said she was interested & when I responded she put on the brakes. That makes zero sense to me. and her email she's telling how good a shape she thinks I am in ect. I can email her back but how long do you do this before deciding it's going nowhere? Agree with the first part Art posts, but the woman is paying money to a dating site to meet and date men. Of course she should give her number asap if she is truly interested in meeting men. Another thing is that there are all types, including some who are married, involved, looking for attention but nothing more. Phineas, that's the right attitude you have, everything I got from match was a result of my proactive efforts. Start mailing out, commit some time to it, and soon we will be telling you to only date 4 at a time and get a viagra prescription. I'm not joking. For now, though, don't get addicted to reading profiles and lose your sleep. Limit yourself to a few hours on the site a day and only after you have tended to the other things you have going on in life. I remember getting totally hooked on it after the first good results, and spending way too much time browsing and such. Don't repeat my mistakes lol. honestly, I haven't really been searching the site too much yet.
FitChick Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 I aint paying $20/month for a pen-pal. Wow, match.com has really dropped their prices. Years ago when I was on there I think I paid something like $30 or $35 for a month.
Star Gazer Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 Agree with the first part Art posts, but the woman is paying money to a dating site to meet and date men. Of course she should give her number asap if she is truly interested in meeting men. WRONG. Women are not typically going to give their phone number to any random strange guy that sends them a message on Match. I also think it's an incredibly unwise suggestion that he use the "Not Interested" function. That's unnecessary and rude. No response is obvious enough. And a woman looking at your profile means nothing. She might see you looking, and look back...not remembering who you are. Or get excited by the thumbnail photo, only to be disappointed when she opens it up. Or letting her friend scroll through the type of guys that are on Match to see if she wants to join herself.
chryssy83 Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 I actually met guys for dates without talking to them...emailed 15 times or so over a week or two, then met. Then exchanged numbers. I don't want a guy I am not interested in callIng and texting. I agree about not using the not interested function. No one uses that. I used match without a photo and got several dates with attractive professionals. And every one of them wanted to keep seeing me. Guys who were turned off by no phone number, no photo until after some conversation, or who only wanted to do a same day meet up wouldn't have gotten to meet me, and I'm fabulous.
Renard99 Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 I've had a number of successful dates from match.com, including one with my now girlfriend. Not a single one has given their numbers on initial contact. I think it'll be a little silly of you to write off this woman so soon. In my experience, most women want to test the water to see if you are the one for them. Emails can be controlled, read and re-read at leisure and responded to with meaningful answers. Yes.. I agree... there is an element of wanting to get off of the site in order to stop paying the money but you've got to be sure you're getting off the site for the right reasons. Some women may get the wrong idea if you want to jump into quickly. My girlfriend and I emailed each other through the site for about 2 weeks before we met up for coffee. We then exchanged direct email addresses so we didn't have to go through the site. I kept my profile open though, just in case things didn't work out. However after exchanging numbers and a few more dates I did eventually close it. My advice is somewhat different to others in that I suggest you take it easy and slowly and let things progress naturally. I find it a lot easier to weed out the false women and seriel daters that way as they show themselves up to be impatient. Going in with an ultimatum for a number is often good to get a quick catch (read 'get laid') but not great in the long term (in my experience anyway) however, I know it's each to their own so good luck
Author phineas Posted January 16, 2012 Author Posted January 16, 2012 I've had a number of successful dates from match.com, including one with my now girlfriend. Not a single one has given their numbers on initial contact. I think it'll be a little silly of you to write off this woman so soon. In my experience, most women want to test the water to see if you are the one for them. Emails can be controlled, read and re-read at leisure and responded to with meaningful answers. Yes.. I agree... there is an element of wanting to get off of the site in order to stop paying the money but you've got to be sure you're getting off the site for the right reasons. Some women may get the wrong idea if you want to jump into quickly. My girlfriend and I emailed each other through the site for about 2 weeks before we met up for coffee. We then exchanged direct email addresses so we didn't have to go through the site. I kept my profile open though, just in case things didn't work out. However after exchanging numbers and a few more dates I did eventually close it. My advice is somewhat different to others in that I suggest you take it easy and slowly and let things progress naturally. I find it a lot easier to weed out the false women and seriel daters that way as they show themselves up to be impatient. Going in with an ultimatum for a number is often good to get a quick catch (read 'get laid') but not great in the long term (in my experience anyway) however, I know it's each to their own so good luck You're advice is on one end of the spectrum & so is dasein's & you both do make valid points. I tend to side with dasein's because this is how I operate in real life however 3 days in & one thing seems to keep drawing a woman's attention on this site & that is i'm 40 & health conscious & i'm seeing a majority of athletic & toned women my age showing interest and since I really only have 3 days a week without my kids i'm going to take a little time to explore compatibility with the women so I'M not wasting my time. Also, lot's of women with multiple degree's so I'm seeing that email is a way to show them i'm intelligent & well read despite only having a 2yr tech degree. I'm in no rush. This is new to me & like I said i'm used to meeting women in person when out, talking to them for a little & getting a number. It's cold here now & people tend to hibernate so i'm just not meeting a lot of people in social situations now.
dasein Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 I can email her back but how long do you do this before deciding it's going nowhere? Everyone is different, but I would do 0 IM/text before meeting and have a firm limit of email exchanges 3-5 before meeting. There are MANY involved, damaged, looky lou people who will waste your time out there, and IME almost none who would have a legitiimate reason for not wanting to get to the meeting part as fast as possible. For instance, I can't remember even having one who didn't want to give her number. Had a couple who called me soon after I sent my number who didn't bother to block theirs when they called. I remember one who called me first and hid her number. One attitude you will see over and over OLD from women is the "HR Red Pencil" treatment, where they will be treating you like an HR manager in a job interview going over your resume' with a red pencil. A huge number of women will do this if you let them, but will lay off it if you manage to circumvent. Some can't be circumvented and these you want to spend 0 time on as they are totally self-absorbed low quality. honestly, I haven't really been searching the site too much yet. Well, that's where your results will come from. Try to get 50 profiles in your favorites and then mail those. I used the favorites as a "bullpen."
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