livelife Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 I met this guy on halloween, he became very interested in me- would text me a lot and I would respond, but was quickly getting annoyed. I have a girl friend that was trying to talk to both of us and hook us up, around New Years I decided I would give him a chance. She told him to calm down on texting me so much and he did so I becae interested in him. We began hanging out and we kissed the first time the other day and have since then. One night we were drinking at my place and during a "cheers" he said, "to being more than friends one day..." That was on Wednesday. Today, I decide to ask him if everything was okay because he was not as talkative to me as he used to be. He replies that everything is ok, but he does not want to get out of the friendzone with me right now. I said I didnt know what he was talking about and said that we were friends, I just didnt want to waste my time. And he said that was fine, and being friends was ok with him. I asked him what happened and he said that he thought about it and he didnt want to hurt me in the long run because he wasnt sure if a relationship was right for him right now. Can someone please help me understand what the hell happened with us? I'm upset because I didnt like him at first, and when I decide to give him a chance I get played.Someone please help me understand whats going on here. Thanks
jobaba Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 I met this guy on halloween, he became very interested in me- would text me a lot and I would respond, but was quickly getting annoyed. I have a girl friend that was trying to talk to both of us and hook us up, around New Years I decided I would give him a chance. She told him to calm down on texting me so much and he did so I becae interested in him. We began hanging out and we kissed the first time the other day and have since then. One night we were drinking at my place and during a "cheers" he said, "to being more than friends one day..." That was on Wednesday. Today, I decide to ask him if everything was okay because he was not as talkative to me as he used to be. He replies that everything is ok, but he does not want to get out of the friendzone with me right now. I said I didnt know what he was talking about and said that we were friends, I just didnt want to waste my time. And he said that was fine, and being friends was ok with him. I asked him what happened and he said that he thought about it and he didnt want to hurt me in the long run because he wasnt sure if a relationship was right for him right now. Can someone please help me understand what the hell happened with us? I'm upset because I didnt like him at first, and when I decide to give him a chance I get played.Someone please help me understand whats going on here. Thanks It's called rejection. And it's the same thing he was going through when you rejected him the first time. He probably got to know you and decided he didn't like you as much as he thought he might. You barely knew him. Move on.
ditzchic Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 Sounds like he's playing a game. He might be afraid to get attached because you already kind of rejected him. Or he might be retaliating because of the rejection. Or he might just be telling the truth that he isn't sure he wants a relationship with you. Regardless of why he is doing it, what he's doing isn't cool. I would say cut your losses and move on. It doesn't seem worth it for someone you hardly know. And sdon't try and stay friends with him. Staying friends with people who've rejected you is just showing the world that your cool with taking consolation prizes. Just move on and go find your grand prize.
Wolf18 Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 Sounds like you weren't too interested in him to begin with, didn't react when he was trying to feel you out if you wanted to be with him romantically, and bailed when he didn't feel your pulse. He made the right decision. Throw a guy a bone next time he's desperately trying to figure out if you're into him.
Author livelife Posted January 15, 2012 Author Posted January 15, 2012 its not that I rejected him at all, we hung out one on one a good bit, He took me out on a date, I realyl didnt show any signs of rejecting him.
thatone Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 yeah, you did. rather than talk to him about some issue you had with him (him texting too much, which is a simple thing you could've easily talked to him about) you told your friend about it and had your friend talk to him. so if i were in his shoes i would've thought i was dealing with a fairly immature and indecisive person and would have given up and looked for someone who was more confident in what they wanted.
Author livelife Posted January 15, 2012 Author Posted January 15, 2012 well once that happened thats when he asked me out on the date. We were fine and then the next day he tells me that. I'm just at a loss and I want to know how I can get talking to him again. Any suggestions?
thatone Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 you weren't that interested in him to start with, the only thing that's different now is he's also not that interested in you. so i'm guessing that you're still not that interested in him and are much more interested in your fear of rejection, because you don't like to be the one to get turned down.
Star Gazer Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 We were fine and then the next day he tells me that. I'm just at a loss and I want to know how I can get talking to him again. Any suggestions? Talking to him again? Why aren't you talking to him now? He said he wants to be friends, right? Sounds to me like after kissing you and whatnot, he realized he "just wasn't feeling it" (chemistry was lacking), and rather than lead you on, he was honest about not wanting to date you. I'd just move on.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 well once that happened thats when he asked me out on the date. We were fine and then the next day he tells me that. I'm just at a loss and I want to know how I can get talking to him again. Any suggestions? He realized after going on the date with you, he wasn't as interested in you as he previously thought he was. It could've been something you said or did, but he realized you weren't his " type". I was reading an article the other day and it says men tend to be about the moment unlike girls who tend to follow their emotions. If he liked you on Halloween, it was because he liked you on Halloween, and something about that night made him attracted to you. Since you went on this date, he was going with how the night went, he enjoyed himself loved your company, but when he went home, eh... he just didn't feel the chemistry.
thatone Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 that's pretty accurate. men don't recall how they felt about ex wives, or ex girlfriends, or whatever. they recall moments in time. a certain thing that happened, a certain conversation, etc. and whether they remember those things favorably or not depends on what they think of that woman right now.
Star Gazer Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 that's pretty accurate. men don't recall how they felt about ex wives, or ex girlfriends, or whatever. they recall moments in time. a certain thing that happened, a certain conversation, etc. and whether they remember those things favorably or not depends on what they think of that woman right now. Ugh. C'mon. Feelings aren't gender specific. I am the same way in that I recall moments in time, and I know many men who are like the OP and wouldn't understand.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 Ugh. C'mon. Feelings aren't gender specific. I am the same way in that I recall moments in time, and I know many men who are like the OP and wouldn't understand. I wasn't implying feelings were gender specific, but men view relationships differently. There was another article I read ( yeah, I read wayyy too much ) that men go into dating looking for sex only to end up falling in love and women go into dating looking for love only ending up with sex. Men don't know what they want or simply put, they don't really know what they want tomorrow. If he meets a beautiful girl today, he will most likely pursue her because she caught his attention. However, time and lessened face time can make him reevaluate why he was even chasing her in the first place. For the OP, he chased her because the night he met her, he was extremely attracted to her ( we're also going to imply physical/sexual attraction). So he pursues by talking and texting, with contact finally leading up to the date. The " moment" of the date was that he enjoyed himself, he enjoyed her company, but for some reason, after he went home, he just wasn't feeling it. Simply put, he woke up the next day, and he's more worried about work, about his lunch, about his laundry than he was about getting back to the OP. These types of things happen and unfortunately all the more true for men. I wouldn't call them emotionless creatures but when they know they're not feeling it, they certainly do not go to their guy friends and rehash every little detail over cocktails.
thatone Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 Ugh. C'mon. Feelings aren't gender specific. I am the same way in that I recall moments in time, and I know many men who are like the OP and wouldn't understand. that's not it. papercut's points are accurate. it's not that there were no feelings, or are no feelings, it's that when they're gone they're gone. when i split up with a gf that last breakup conversation is the entirety of the relationship to me. if it's amicable, i might think of her fondly or indifferently. if it's not, i'll probably think of everything with her as wasted time. but the most recent feeling is the only one that matters, i have never had a tendency to chase a bad situation with a bad partner looking for a feeling from the past, for instance. are there exceptions to that with men? sure, just as there are women who seem to not be like most other women you meet. but for me, her description is pretty accurate. and the point about compartmentalizing life and not letting one aspect affect others applies to almost all men. when i open up my laptop to look at the stock market on monday morning, for example, i don't care whether the last girl i went out with is alive or dead in that moment.
Author livelife Posted January 16, 2012 Author Posted January 16, 2012 I might be optomistic but I really don't think this kid has suddenly lost attraction to me, I mean he was pretty obsessed. He even cried one day to his best friends gf cause he wanted a chance with me. He didnt lose interest after the date, he would ask me to hang out after that a good bit, and we would, and just the other day he said "Here is to being more than friends one day." I honestly think he might have been scared of commitment or something I don't know and I don't think I will. He actually texted me today about "hey and dont forget our essay writing contest..." (we both said we were good at papers so he said we should see who is better and gets the better grade and I havent responded to that yet. I know it seems like I don't like this guy, but he knows that I do I told him that I liked him and he even told me he knew, I just don't think now I need to jump the gun to respond back.
Author livelife Posted January 16, 2012 Author Posted January 16, 2012 and now hes messaging me online asking to hang out this week
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