zengirl Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 I couldn't be with someone for whom work is a daily grind, but it doesn't have to be a soul-consuming passion. As to passions in general . . . I mean, I think a person needs interests and needs to invest and care about things. If his life were just "meh" before me, that'd be weird. But it really depends what you mean, OP. My husband cares about a lot of things, and so do I. But sometimes people do get carried away with their passions, to an extreme. So, I would say if "passions" means "needs to give a **** about something," then yes, requirement. If it means, "needs to be 110% committed to some cause or hobby or his job and suck all his energy into it," then that's actually a turnoff. Somewhere in between those two extremes is actually best.
thatone Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 good thread. i have dated women (and i'm sure women have dated lots of men too) who don't seem to care about what they do. they go through their daily lives hating their job, hating the place they live in, hating their social life, whatever. and they just continue being disappointed, without doing anything about it. the most detrimental thing that turns into with such people is they don't have anything to say. i was telling the girl i've been talking to for the last week that it's actually quite nice to be able to just sit and listen to what she has to say. this coming off of an ex that had little to say for herself most of the time, and getting such conversation out of her was like pulling teeth.
Eve Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 Just wondering: Is it a requirement for you that your partner be passionate about something (interest, career, belief, etc.)? Or do you not care, as long as he/ she can provide for themselves and care about YOU? Two fold answer dependent entirely on a persons character. 1. It is great to see what motivates a person and how this is lived out. 2. Much is dependant on their ability to switch off and just be themselves. I care about the ability to be interesting, h'mmm, vibrant, regardless of subject matter. My bias here is remembering people who hid behind jobs etc and were really crappy people to the core but were convinced that they were otherwise because of having lots of people around who were like them. Compared to those who were really expressing what they were experiencing but may not have been mega successful.. but in many respects I learned a lot more from them. So, In go with the idea that passion is important but not as important as the reasons why a person is passionate in the first instance. Take care, Eve x
Ross MwcFan Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 I'm passionate about video games and beer. Does that count?
jobaba Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 I have passion and ambition. Too much in fact. And that is getting in the way of dating (and getting laid ). It consumes so much of my time (given that I have a day-job) that I don't know how I can hold down a relationship. Even if I meet a nice girl, I have nothing to talk about because this takes up nearly all my spare time. And it's going to be hard so long as my original ideas don't yet have escape velocity. And yet, I'm willing to make those sacrifices for the timebeing- that's how I know that there's passion. And no, this passion is not one bit sexy. It's nerdy, esoteric and down-right weird. I would think that the girl I end up with would be fairly passionate and driven in their career. But that's still a long way away. This pretty much sums up my opinion, so I'll vote for the latter. I think a balance is good - caring about me while having some hobbies or interest in his job. I don't want someone who isn't interested in anything, or someone who's 'passionate' to the point of addiction. I agree with these two posts. MOST people want an interesting person who has hobbies. That is how the OP should have stated her post. Somebody who goes rock climbing, practices the saxophone, or paints every chance they get either outside of their job or instead of having a day job is not going to be attractive to most people unless they share that same passion. Unless a person's passion translates directly into societal or monetary success, it could easily be viewed as a detriment in the dating game.
Emilia Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 Just wondering: Is it a requirement for you that your partner be passionate about something (interest, career, belief, etc.)? YES! I don't care what it is. Whether it's something in politics or woodwork or knitting or sailing. Anything. I like passion in men, scratching your bum on the sofa watching telly is boring
Ross MwcFan Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 YES! I don't care what it is. Whether it's something in politics or woodwork or knitting or sailing. Anything. I like passion in men, scratching your bum on the sofa watching telly is boring What if the guy is passionate about scratching his bum on the sofa and watching the telly?
tigressA Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 What if the guy is passionate about scratching his bum on the sofa and watching the telly? That's a good question. Apparently for many people, to qualify as being 'passionate' about something, that something must require significant mental and/or physical effort. One can have a passion for literally anything, however. If you meet someone who's passionate about watching TV and you don't find that attractive, so be it. Go find someone whose passions are attractive to you.
OliveOyl Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 I prefer a balance. There's a kind of "angsty" passion I see in some people that would turn me off. I had a friend who would go out and get in protests and for her, success was getting arrested for participating in a protest. That's a bit extreme for me. However, if I were to ask someone, "what do you want for yourself in the next few years" and they were to say "I don't know, I just go with the flow, I'm happy with whatever" then that kind of turns me off too. Admittedly I haven't always known what I've wanted myself, but usually I at least know that I'm seeking an improved way of life or self-awareness or more happiness.
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