Pikachu Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 Its been awhile since I last posted but figured it was a good time to update how my life has changed in the last year. For anyone who doesn't know my story.....http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=278241. My GF of 13 years pretty much ripped my life apart and told me to go away while she pursued a married man with 2 kids. I went straight NC and did my best to get my life together. What followed was the hardest year of my life but also probably the most important year of my life. I've grown so much from the person I was this time last year. I have a new job that I actually enjoy, a new car, and a new sense of freedom. I still miss my exe and our "family" everyday but Ive started to move on. So after almost a year of NC I decided it was time to contact her to get back the stuff I left at my old house. I waited long enough to be sure I was doing it for the right reasons. So after consulting my therapist and family I texted my exe and asked if I could stop by. Really wasnt sure if she would even respond since I left in such a bad state of mind. She instantly texted me back that I could come over at the end of the week. Longest week of my life. So lastnight I finally faced the woman that betrayed me worse then anyone in my life. It was awkward at first but after 20 minutes of small talk she finally looked me in eyes and started to cry. She explained that this year has been the worse year of her life. She begged for my forgiveness. She explained that she regretted how she treated me and the guilt had been eating at her since the day I left and will probably always be there for the rest of her life. And in the exact moment all the anger and sadness I had been feeling for so long disappeared. We both cried and held eachother for awhile. We were bestfriends since we were children and I missed her so much. We will probably never be together again and you know what, thats ok. I walked out the door last night feeling like a huge weight had been taken off my chest. As much as I love her and she loves me we just aren't meant to be together. We both have changed so much. Funny how life works itself out. We will continue to grow separately and maybe someday Ill be able to have her in my life again.....as a friend.
Exit Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 Wow... 13 years, I can't imagine the strength it takes to recover from something like that. Sounds like you did an awesome job. And we don't need to kick anybody while they're down or rub it in... but hey... there must be a small glimmer of satisfaction to know that you had an awesome year, and to find out from her that she looks back on that same year and feels like it was terrible. It takes a lot to let go and realize sometimes we just don't belong with someone. I wouldn't even put too much thought into being friends with her unless you really feel it would benefit you... because betrayal and selfishness aren't good qualities even for a platonic friend.
Author Pikachu Posted January 14, 2012 Author Posted January 14, 2012 Wow... 13 years, I can't imagine the strength it takes to recover from something like that. Sounds like you did an awesome job. And we don't need to kick anybody while they're down or rub it in... but hey... there must be a small glimmer of satisfaction to know that you had an awesome year, and to find out from her that she looks back on that same year and feels like it was terrible. It takes a lot to let go and realize sometimes we just don't belong with someone. I wouldn't even put too much thought into being friends with her unless you really feel it would benefit you... because betrayal and selfishness aren't good qualities even for a platonic friend. She is the perfect example of GIGS. For that exact reason I know to stay away from her right now. She wasnt always the hurtful and selfish person she has turned into....we were together for 13 years. People have to learn from there mistakes and I feel that she is right now. We were both so young when we got together. Neither of us learned how to live apart or what it means to be in a mature relationship. These arent excuses for her behavior...they are reasons. We both have alot of growing up to do.
smokey bear Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 Can i ask why you will never be together again? Why a chance at recon is not possible?
EgoJoe Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 Can i ask why you will never be together again? Why a chance at recon is not possible? Sometimes there really is a point of no return when someone disrespects you, lies to you, cheats on you, minimalizes your feelings and walks away with contempt. No expression of remorse, grief or condolence can make up for the dismal and bleak void in the saddest moments of heartbreak. These scars cut deep and even through healing and perspective we are left in the ashes of what was. No longer the people who were once so caught up in the euphoric bliss of love. That is what the point of no return feels like.
fificremefarben Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 Sometimes there really is a point of no return when someone disrespects you, lies to you, cheats on you, minimalizes your feelings and walks away with contempt. No expression of remorse, grief or condolence can make up for the dismal and bleak void in the saddest moments of heartbreak. These scars cut deep and even through healing and perspective we are left in the ashes of what was. No longer the people who were once so caught up in the euphoric bliss of love. That is what the point of no return feels like. That was very beautiful and very correct, in my opinion. At the point I'm at now, the fact that what he's done means we will never be able to be together again (I won't let it happen) pains me more than the actual acts of cheating/lying/leaving me for the other woman.
EgoJoe Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 Uh, thanks, I didn't really intend for it to come out that way but it did, hah.
lilyblue Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 That was very beautiful and very correct, in my opinion. At the point I'm at now, the fact that what he's done means we will never be able to be together again (I won't let it happen) pains me more than the actual acts of cheating/lying/leaving me for the other woman. That is exactly what I struggle with too, though struggle to verbalize sometimes. I could live with him going back to his ex if he had been honest about it. I'm sure it would have hurt, but had I heard the reasoning I'm sure I could have empathized at least a little with the situation. But the fact that he did everything behind my back and disappeared is just so aggravating that he has ruined even a chance at a restored relationship of any kind. I HATE that he did that to me, and to us. Sorry for the rant on your thread. Glad you got a weight lifted off you Pikachu, it's always great to hear about the healing of others.
Author Pikachu Posted January 15, 2012 Author Posted January 15, 2012 Can i ask why you will never be together again? Why a chance at recon is not possible? Part of what Egojoe says is true but there is more to it than that. I will always love my exe. I am who I am today because of her and the same can be said for her. The main reason we will probably never be together again is we are just not the same people we used to be. Her life is going in a direction that I can't go along with and my life is still focused on picking up the pieces of our horrible breakup. She is consumed by an idea of perfection that no one can reach but still hasnt realized its impossible. To be honest I will always probably hope for the day she realizes we were meant to be together but I cant sit around waiting for it to come. My life has to move forward. She looked me straight in the eyes and told me that im a great man and will make someone very happy someday. Funny thing is I know she is right. As much as I hoped it could always be her life doesnt always work out the way you wanted it. I guess my main point im trying to make and the main lesson to be learned is this. Just cause you love someone doesnt mean you are meant to be with them.
CopingGal Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 Sometimes there really is a point of no return when someone disrespects you, lies to you, cheats on you, minimalizes your feelings and walks away with contempt. No expression of remorse, grief or condolence can make up for the dismal and bleak void in the saddest moments of heartbreak. These scars cut deep and even through healing and perspective we are left in the ashes of what was. No longer the people who were once so caught up in the euphoric bliss of love. That is what the point of no return feels like. Amen! You tell it like it is.
fificremefarben Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 That is exactly what I struggle with too, though struggle to verbalize sometimes. I could live with him going back to his ex if he had been honest about it. I'm sure it would have hurt, but had I heard the reasoning I'm sure I could have empathized at least a little with the situation. But the fact that he did everything behind my back and disappeared is just so aggravating that he has ruined even a chance at a restored relationship of any kind. I HATE that he did that to me, and to us. Sorry for the rant on your thread. Glad you got a weight lifted off you Pikachu, it's always great to hear about the healing of others. I agree. The sneaky and devious nature of the betrayal makes it harder to swallow because it makes you feel like, even after all the years you were together, you obviously never meant enough to them that they had enough respect for you to be honest. Just makes me wonder how I could've got it so wrong for 4 years. I guess love really does blind you.
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