ThaWholigan Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 I find that when one has the belief that everything that one needs is out there and attainable as well as vast, one will have a much better time with life. This is the same with dating I feel. I am of the opinion that there are attractive women who are open to date everywhere. And I don't think that they are scarce, nor do I fear that I will run into a valley of troublesome women. But this is just how I personally approach things, maybe I am just diplomatic in nature. I also think that this relates to the idea of making oneself attractive to the opposite sex. I'm speaking more towards the men here when I say this admittedly. I'm always of the belief these days that I can be an attractive man, with the communication skills and the integrity and strength of character to attract women. I might not be that man yet, but I don't feel it is beyond me. This is a mentality that I am conditioning myself to have. I think that I can get the things I want+need in life without allowing things to deter me mentally and emotionally. My question is, do you think you can cultivate this mentality in yourself? How do you approach your life and dating mentally? Is it impossible to distinguish your mentality from your past experiences?? Curious
somedude81 Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 IMO, one who has an abundance mentality when they actually don't have squat, is delusional.
Author ThaWholigan Posted January 14, 2012 Author Posted January 14, 2012 IMO, one who has an abundance mentality when they actually don't have squat, is delusional. What would one rather be? Delusional and happy with a hint of hope and a shot at possible progression? OR Pessimistic (or realistic as they like to say they are ), and miserable, lonely, with no hope, no personal ambition etc. I know which one I would rather be. When you condition your reality to believe what you believe and allow your experiences to dictate that to you, what will happen is you will continue your cycle of fear and failure. Why not break the cycle? Why do you keep telling yourself that you cannot elevate?
somedude81 Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 Heh, I'd actually prefer to be delusional. But as far as I know, one can't choose to be insane, they just are.
PlumPrincess Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 I wonder what's the winning horse to bet on? ThaWholigan or Somedude? That's really difficult.
Author ThaWholigan Posted January 14, 2012 Author Posted January 14, 2012 Heh, I'd actually prefer to be delusional. But as far as I know, one can't choose to be insane, they just are. I'll ask you a completely honest and personal question..........do you have control over your own mind??
somedude81 Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 I'll ask you a completely honest and personal question..........do you have control over your own mind?? Yes and no. I'd love to discuss it more but I got work and won't have access to a computer.
Author ThaWholigan Posted January 14, 2012 Author Posted January 14, 2012 I wonder what's the winning horse to bet on? ThaWholigan or Somedude? That's really difficult. Honestly it's not a competition, I'd much rather log in one day and see him post about some hot new girl he's dating
PlumPrincess Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 Honestly it's not a competition, I'd much rather log in one day and see him post about some hot new girl he's dating Well, you would definitely win.
Author ThaWholigan Posted January 14, 2012 Author Posted January 14, 2012 Well, you would definitely win. http://1.2.3.9/bmi/i267.photobucket.com/albums/ii306/Soulja_boy_tellem_z/Charlie-Sheen-Winning-Duh.jpg You know, recently I have been thinking about taking a job in sales/marketing and negotiating. The primary objective of those jobs are that you kinda have to make sure that everybody wins. I love that concept. Don't get me wrong, I love competition and rivalry, I'm one of the biggest soccer fans (Arsenal ), but when it comes to life, I love to see a happy ending. People do say I am detached IRL and come off as cold, but I'm a soppy romantic git at heart
Ross MwcFan Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 I'd like to have an abundance mentality, as I think you're right, that it would give a person an eaiser time in life and open up more opportunities for them. But I've got no idea how I could cultivate it.
Author ThaWholigan Posted January 15, 2012 Author Posted January 15, 2012 I'd like to have an abundance mentality, as I think you're right, that it would give a person an eaiser time in life and open up more opportunities for them. But I've got no idea how I could cultivate it. Well, it's all about completely changing your mindset, which of course is easier said than done. There is lots of literature and audio programs out there that can help you if you know where to find them. I use torrents on the internet to get my information. NLP has been a big help for me recently, I was skeptical at first, but it's been aiding my conditioning. See what info you can find on that. I would caution you on PUA stuff, but some of the PUA stuff I have read is closely related to NLP, and there really is some helpful material labelled as PUA that is healthy compared to some of the more popular ones (Not a fan of Mystery Method personally). The stuff I have been doing (although been slacking a little recently), has been waking early, bought a dumbell set last year and start doing that a lot, bought a kettlebell early this week so I'm gonna do some of that too. Fitness will boost confidence. Try and find time to go running. If you don't want anyone to see you, I recommend going early in the morning or night. I am planning to take up a martial art so that will be good for confidence as well as discipline. I like to go to gigs a lot, so you can go to those to listen to music you like, and meet other people. All you have to say is anything like "this band is great, don't you think?" or something along those lines. This is just the stuff I have been jotting down. I got two noticeboards in my room, full of stuff I am doing, planning to do and power words and ideals, motivational stuff basically. As far as communicating with people, that will be the difficult part. I went through years of socializing basically outside of my comfort zone. Before I could even think about talking to girls, I had to deal with just people in general. I started to be bold, and just ask questions from strangers, then sometimes I would lead into mini-conversations. When I would perform on stage, people would speak to me and I would have to respond. I got better at humor, holding interesting conversations and controlling my tonality. I was always very expressive though, fortunately I got that from my father. Next step is non-verbal. Use your eyes well, look at people when you talk to them, make sure you use your body language well. This is all stuff you can get from literature and I'm sure they have classes on this stuff. This is just what I have been learning, I'm sure you can learn this stuff also
FitChick Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 Well, it's all about completely changing your mindset, which of course is easier said than done. There is lots of literature and audio programs out there that can help you if you know where to find them. The Lefkoe Method works better and quicker than anything else, in my experience. Try a free "sample." I'm talking to you Ross!
jobaba Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 I find that when one has the belief that everything that one needs is out there and attainable as well as vast, one will have a much better time with life. This is the same with dating I feel. I am of the opinion that there are attractive women who are open to date everywhere. And I don't think that they are scarce, nor do I fear that I will run into a valley of troublesome women. But this is just how I personally approach things, maybe I am just diplomatic in nature. I also think that this relates to the idea of making oneself attractive to the opposite sex. I'm speaking more towards the men here when I say this admittedly. I'm always of the belief these days that I can be an attractive man, with the communication skills and the integrity and strength of character to attract women. I might not be that man yet, but I don't feel it is beyond me. This is a mentality that I am conditioning myself to have. I think that I can get the things I want+need in life without allowing things to deter me mentally and emotionally. My question is, do you think you can cultivate this mentality in yourself? How do you approach your life and dating mentally? Is it impossible to distinguish your mentality from your past experiences?? Curious My opinion is that the dating game is different for everybody. Some have to work harder than others and some have to work hard to get ANYTHING. But I do believe there is a woman out there who will date virtually every man, yes. I think I espouse the abundance mentality more than most. In the sense that I think it's a numbers game. Going through enough women to get to one that likes you or will give you a chance, then trying to charm her, then deciding if she's right enough to continue with. For less attractive or desirable men, you just have to go through more numbers. But yes, improving yourself will help. However, it will help you more with HOOKING the woman than getting your foot in the door.
Ross MwcFan Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 The Lefkoe Method works better and quicker than anything else, in my experience. Try a free "sample." I'm talking to you Ross! Hey thanks FitChick, I will definatley look into it.
PlumPrincess Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 My opinion is that the dating game is different for everybody. Some have to work harder than others and some have to work hard to get ANYTHING. But I do believe there is a woman out there who will date virtually every man, yes. I think I espouse the abundance mentality more than most. In the sense that I think it's a numbers game. Going through enough women to get to one that likes you or will give you a chance, then trying to charm her, then deciding if she's right enough to continue with. For less attractive or desirable men, you just have to go through more numbers. But yes, improving yourself will help. However, it will help you more with HOOKING the woman than getting your foot in the door. I don't think that this is exactly an abundance mentality. Your approach misses the carefree attitude that abundance entails.
Author ThaWholigan Posted January 15, 2012 Author Posted January 15, 2012 I don't think that this is exactly an abundance mentality. Your approach misses the carefree attitude that abundance entails. Maybe not, but it's a start to be honest. It's the kind of attitude that can end up leading to a carefree one, but one will have to plow through at first. So it can lead to an abundance mentality, but probably still of the mindset that there are a minimum of women attracted to you, instead of the mentality that everyone is potentially attracted to you, to the point where the idea of rejection doesn't even come up in your mind when you are talking to people. There are people eager to receive your presence everywhere basically.
zengirl Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 IMO, one who has an abundance mentality when they actually don't have squat, is delusional. Nobody has "squat." The first step in an abundance mentality is gratitude. Even in my darkest times, I had things to be grateful for. An abundance of things! Even having a healthy human body is a miracle. Having a roof over your head, food to eat, friends to call, family to lean on. . . most unhappy people have a million things they could be grateful for! Abundance starts with being grateful for what you have and moves into believing you can have more good things and attract more good things with that positive energy.
Author ThaWholigan Posted January 15, 2012 Author Posted January 15, 2012 Nobody has "squat." The first step in an abundance mentality is gratitude. Even in my darkest times, I had things to be grateful for. An abundance of things! Even having a healthy human body is a miracle. Having a roof over your head, food to eat, friends to call, family to lean on. . . most unhappy people have a million things they could be grateful for! Abundance starts with being grateful for what you have and moves into believing you can have more good things and attract more good things with that positive energy. Exactly. I have many things to be thankful for: My parents, my friends, my abilities, my seemingly unwavering health, the mind I have been blessed with, my humanity, everything that I already have in my life. As long as I am happy with what I have, I will always be able to attract everything else that I need without fear of loss.
jobaba Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 Maybe not, but it's a start to be honest. It's the kind of attitude that can end up leading to a carefree one, but one will have to plow through at first. So it can lead to an abundance mentality, but probably still of the mindset that there are a minimum of women attracted to you, instead of the mentality that everyone is potentially attracted to you, to the point where the idea of rejection doesn't even come up in your mind when you are talking to people. There are people eager to receive your presence everywhere basically. Well. In theory it would be nice if you thought you could get every or most girls. And if you could keep that optimism, great. However, once you start going out and hitting the street, rejections can kill that kind of optimism quickly. I have been rejected a lot. That doesn't just slide off your back. However, the more rejections you get collect in an inconsequential manner, the more you can compartmentalize it and keep it from affecting your actions. Think of it as a numbers game and you'll do better I think.
somedude81 Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 Nobody has "squat." The first step in an abundance mentality is gratitude. Even in my darkest times, I had things to be grateful for. An abundance of things! Even having a healthy human body is a miracle. Having a roof over your head, food to eat, friends to call, family to lean on. . . most unhappy people have a million things they could be grateful for! Abundance starts with being grateful for what you have and moves into believing you can have more good things and attract more good things with that positive energy. Zengirl, you seem to be confused. When I said squat, I was talking solely about dating and women. Since this thread is in the dating forum, I thought that was what ThaWholigan is talking about. Even if that is not his intention or not, I am only focused on the dating aspect. Since I cannot remember how many years it has been since I even kissed a woman, that is what I meant when I said that I had squat.
thatone Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 I find that when one has the belief that everything that one needs is out there and attainable as well as vast, one will have a much better time with life. This is the same with dating I feel. I am of the opinion that there are attractive women who are open to date everywhere. And I don't think that they are scarce, nor do I fear that I will run into a valley of troublesome women. But this is just how I personally approach things, maybe I am just diplomatic in nature. I also think that this relates to the idea of making oneself attractive to the opposite sex. I'm speaking more towards the men here when I say this admittedly. I'm always of the belief these days that I can be an attractive man, with the communication skills and the integrity and strength of character to attract women. I might not be that man yet, but I don't feel it is beyond me. This is a mentality that I am conditioning myself to have. I think that I can get the things I want+need in life without allowing things to deter me mentally and emotionally. My question is, do you think you can cultivate this mentality in yourself? How do you approach your life and dating mentally? Is it impossible to distinguish your mentality from your past experiences?? Curious you can absolutely cultivate it yourself. i have. i have no trouble meeting women. and i have never been one to date within the 'merry go round' of a circle of friends as some people do. nor do i have a particularly strong family to fall back on, i've been for the most part on my own since i was 17 (i'm 35 now), and don't live in the same state as most of my family and childhood friends. so all of my social skills i learned on my own, by being on my own and having to go out and meet people on my own. and once you have that you can have more success with women, because you'll know that no matter where you are or what you're doing you can approach them and be confident, which is the #1 trait that will work in your favor anyway.
Emilia Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 I can cultivate anything in myself and I know this because I have put myself out of my comfort zone severly several times in my life and succeeded in achieving what I wanted. I like men, they tend to like me, I have good social skills, I have no trouble talking to strangers, making new friends, being decisive, working out what's good for me. I have a good life that I love.
Author ThaWholigan Posted January 15, 2012 Author Posted January 15, 2012 Well. In theory it would be nice if you thought you could get every or most girls. And if you could keep that optimism, great. However, once you start going out and hitting the street, rejections can kill that kind of optimism quickly. I have been rejected a lot. That doesn't just slide off your back. However, the more rejections you get collect in an inconsequential manner, the more you can compartmentalize it and keep it from affecting your actions. Think of it as a numbers game and you'll do better I think. I dunno, I have always taken rejection pretty well. My problem is that I could not handle the humiliation that came with chatting up girls in public settings. I'm learning to get better at that and to just talk to girls without making it feel like I'm just coming over to chat them up and get the digits. Zengirl, you seem to be confused. When I said squat, I was talking solely about dating and women. Since this thread is in the dating forum, I thought that was what ThaWholigan is talking about. Even if that is not his intention or not, I am only focused on the dating aspect. Since I cannot remember how many years it has been since I even kissed a woman, that is what I meant when I said that I had squat. Because you think this way, you will always have squat. You will always be in the mind set of, "well, i need a woman to feel like I can date, but nobody wants to date me, so how can i get a woman to date me if I have no experience, catch 22...". Stop thinking about that, that's what I used to do for a while, I'm trying to rid my mind of that. I'm succeeding so far. you can absolutely cultivate it yourself. i have. i have no trouble meeting women. and i have never been one to date within the 'merry go round' of a circle of friends as some people do. nor do i have a particularly strong family to fall back on, i've been for the most part on my own since i was 17 (i'm 35 now), and don't live in the same state as most of my family and childhood friends. so all of my social skills i learned on my own, by being on my own and having to go out and meet people on my own. and once you have that you can have more success with women, because you'll know that no matter where you are or what you're doing you can approach them and be confident, which is the #1 trait that will work in your favor anyway. Yes indeed, Confidence is the key. Whenever I was playing piano or rapping on stage I was confident, even when I messed up that time and that Steven-Beale-looking mother****er screamed "YOU'RE ****" I laughed at him . Didn't care, I was on stage and he wasn't. I still spoke to people afterwards who congratulated me. I always had more attention when people knew I was confident in my abilities, even if I wasn't particularly the most confident in myself. I can cultivate anything in myself and I know this because I have put myself out of my comfort zone severly several times in my life and succeeded in achieving what I wanted. I like men, they tend to like me, I have good social skills, I have no trouble talking to strangers, making new friends, being decisive, working out what's good for me. I have a good life that I love. Excellent. I think that probably at your age as well, you've become much more comfortable with yourself and what you want. I feel that with age I will become a more successful and as a result, giving person.
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