Lost In Transitition....im Not Ready For A Seperattion! I Want To Vent !help!

[Luvmyblu15]

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Hello everyone this is Heather from Cleveland Ohio area.

Just recently I was seperated from my husband of 3 years.

We were the best of friends & felt that in those years of

being friends ( 5 years) that well he wasnt in the right

relationship with his current wife, in which he knew from

HS. I on the other hand could tell by the first meeting he

was in the WRONG marriage right then & there call me wierd

or psychic. So ... we came along one day talking after I was

married finally to an A-hole that was just abusive & well I

finally divorced him & my current husband now helped me then

get all my finances in order *& my life back on line... here we

are we are married having our own problems uggggggggggggh.

 

LIFE IS JUST WONDERFUL ISNT IT? ALWAYS SOMETHING NEW !

So with that this past friday may 28th 2004 he left when I was

at work. He has been planning on leaving me for the past month.

& with in that amount of time he got an apartment on his own &

managed to borrow money from his grandfather too - even when

we needed it for food & other things to get by NO HE CANT GIVE IT!

But anyhow ...

he is still gone, out of the past couple days I have been ill myself

with almost pneumonia & went to the ER on Memorial Day with my

son with me he is 5 going to be 6 he helped his mommy get by for

the day , but my husband was at work? Go figure- still kept in touch

by calling my cell to see what they are doing with me at the hospital

but never said " do you want me to visit you? need my help?" nope!

Then he did when iw as leaving ! Eugggggggggh! so here I am on

this site looking for some compassion because well the reason he left

he says is because he thinks I was cheating on him with other guys

he found #s in my cell phone from & well online talking which was just

guy friends = and with that he thinks I screwed all them...the answers

to all that IS NO NONONONONO!

I just was seeking attention in which now I admit was TOTALLY WRONG

but i was innocently doing it not wanting anything else in it all - he

wont believe in me. Now hes gone & tells me that us arguing well he

just hangs up on me , I pitty my son out of all this I dont want a broken

home & I even said I would go to see a therapist. HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLP!

[genie]

All I can say is let time take it's course. I know that you will be in extreme pain waiting for this time to tell all. He needs time to sort out his insecurities of your betrayal. You will have to support that and try to get the both of you in therapy. Good luck!!

[Luvmyblu15]

I know but its so damn hard!

IM sorry im so bent on him coming home to me & my son.

Hes never left before ...I wouldve never left him & told him

so ! & even got an apartment maybe stayed for anight at

a hotel but not a lease!

Makes me think differently about him in so many ways he

doesnt even considert hat he thinks hes totally right in this

matter ...and all his actions ?

 

Does anyone know what this TIME he is asking for is to help

with ? I mean cmon now either you wanna be with me or nOT!

[genie]

Was there anyway that he could have found out your conversations to the other men on the computer? If so, he may have been reading these for awhile and had the move planned ahead of time.

If not, I'm sure he wants to be with you, he just needs to sort things out in his head. But then who knows, because you have a point about the hotel. I wish I could give you more input, but I'm sorry that you are going through this.

[Luvmyblu15]

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IM so upset right now so forgive me for not devulging all

the info I should have. My parents have been telling him

how I am in situations like these in which they arent use

to me being in this type because I really only been married

one other time before like I stated ABOVE & he was abusive.

I left after he hit me the second time & called the cops ...

you know the drill ...

+ with me being in law enf I didnt need the charge on me

but WELL thats how he got off on his crap - they found him

not guilty because " well isnt it so Miss Heather that you have

training ...blah blah blah MY BUTT'...he got off PERIOD!

So with that Im here now like you were saying he could have

gotten a hotel room for however long he needed but he says

this is justified & right for him to move out - especially without

me here no talk no nothing....

we had a falling out back in the winter time before Xmas too -

this is just something though he believes everyone else but

me ...always - its just not fair

[Luvmyblu15]

There was no computer emails or msgs but he did sign into my name

in which he figured out my passwords which are simple enough-

but I wasnt hiding anyting or talking to anyone ! Especially in that way!

I only talk to talk like friends & well you know men they get alittle silly

with the XXXs & OOOs when signing a email or just being stupid silly

even the married friends I have say it & dont mean HEY I WANT YOU

IN BED SOON!

shooooooooot cmon its the yr 2004 I dont take them seriously or

UP on it ! he dont understand~

[Luvmyblu15]

[font=courier new][/font][color=cyan][/color] I am just still upset & well noone has really opinionated

about what I should say do etc? I was hoping for some response thanks all ....Im listening here <~

heather in ohio

[TempSain]

As a man, I know that if I saw either phone numbers or communications that my wife was having with other men, I would be very upset. I may even do the same thing that your husband did. Men are very jealous by nature. I can understand why he left you.

 

Now you have to deal with your situation. I am not trying to be mean, just giving some advice from what I can see. Remember, I am only seeing your side of the story. There is always 2 sides to every story.

You can go back and ask for forgivness or live with the consiquences.

[Luvmyblu15]

Umm I dont know to say thanks for replying or ??? Im at a loss for words

here. Otherwise I am grieving & I am asking for forgiveness & all that combined

I am asking for him to come back home, I do thinkt hat he was a little drastic

in moving totally out & seeking a new apt. Thats just my huge opinion there on

that topic. I wouldnt have left him ever- i love him even if i ever get upset with him

about stupid crap I would look back & say I married him & I love him for all his

faults & stupidities but other wise I am just here playing the waiting game for him.

I even brought him dinner tonight at his part time job to show him how much I care

for him & that he is in our thoughts & on our minds constantly --- I will never want

him to leave me completely. I am seeking counseling /therapy too through our

church. SO with that I am going to close ...

I am praying at night too I hope the Lord above can forgive me as well -

I think he listens in on my thoughts always so he is probably one step ahead

of me already....ugh LIFE!

[genie]

I know it hurts, I just found out my ex is sleeping with other women now. Even if he wanted me back, I can't go back and it's hard to think I will never be held by him again in my life. He has crossed the line. Even though we are broke up, that is one of my rules, if you ever sleep with someone else, we are done for good, with never getting back. It doens't matter how much I love him. So what I'm saying is I feel your pain, lying there in bed alone at nite, waking up in the morning with his memory on your mind. It's not fun and I never want to feel again, just so I never have to go through this again.

 

But, back to you if he is accepting meals from you that is a good sign. It doens't sound like he is totally shutting you out. Just pray, keep up with your counseling, keep him informed of your progress. I do hope and think there is a good chance for your reconciliation.

[Luvmyblu15]

Hello there

How are you ? I dont know where you are abouts wise around the globe or USA.

But give me a hollar back when you see this reply okay? I am here & as well as the

other postee's on the site...we are all here for U. I know how you must feel been

there done that too sad to say...Not with my husband now though. I had some

progress tonight with him coming to my sons baseball game , he umpired it for him.

Then we went to eat dinner - had talks - he came in to help me after work ( he drove

me home from work ) ...helped me with the house/ dogs etc...then I got showered

ready & we left for the game at 6 but all in all --- he told me where he is staying I

was speach less they are pricey & downtown Cleveland...of all places UCK! I work

downtown lastly I would wanna LIVE down there ewwwwwwwwww- + being a mom

NO way.

Anyhow, he came around with that & he blurted out right before paying the bill at

dinner " I will come home"...

 

I was numb. Period. GOD I MISS HIM. I kissed him good night --- long kiss - deeply

I meant it - every part- but now I want him more this is so saddening....UGHHHH LIFE!

[genie]

I know exactly how you feel "UUUGGGGH LIFE". If only we could turn back time and freeze it when we were our happiest. THose moments only seem so brief. But, in my opinion, you and your man seem to be going on the right track. I know that feeling of longing for more.

[Luvmyblu15]

Well to tend to this posting I should update huh!

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we have been talking communicating/ coping/ reburbishing

as we all call it & trying to save the house/marriage /family.

THANK GOD- THERE IS A GOD ABOVE- OMG THANK GOD !

Ive been thinking praying hoping wishing & crying -smiling

lately the past three days hes been coming over for dinner,

staying with us as a family - being with me as a couple should

& working it all out- we are going to save the house &TG! to that.

We are going to work on our problems with a counselor Ive gotten

through my priest. & well I will keep it all updated- O yes he said

he will move back home to be with us.

GOd bless -

Heather in ohio

[genie]

I am sooo happy for you and I hope things stay on the right track. Keep up the good work and progress. I sent you a PM this morning, but don't know if you got it. Tears stung my eyes, when I read your last message, happy for you and sad for me all at the same time. I wish God would listen to my prayers, but I guess he has something else in mind for me.