Race and dating

January 14, 2012

Today I bumped into an acquaintance of mine (she's Asian) who I hadn't spoken to in a while. Somehow we stumbled onto the topic of guys, as it seems we always do, and she starts complaining how there were no cute guys around. Then it took another turn and she went on paying out her own race and saying that Asian girls and guys are at the bottom of the ladder and they are inferior to white and other ethnic groups. She went on to describe the features that make Asians less attractive than other races. On top of this, she goes into detail about what she prefers in a guy: tall, slightly build, dark-hair, sharper nose, etc. The thing is, this isn't the first time I've heard it from her or someone else. The majority of her friends are Asian and she has only been approach by Asian guys, yet she has a strong prejudice against dating Asians -- however, she's no bell of the ball herself and pretty below average looking. In fact, I've only heard this from below average looking girls.

I'm trying to understand where this spurs from, whether it's their own insecurities about not finding guys or whether it's the Western influence and the bombardment of the media in defining what is 'beautiful' i.e. Hollywood. Personally, I am not influenced by race when it comes to choosing who I date. If I find her attractive, then I would ask her out, despite her race -- however, my experience has been limited, and I haven't been asking that many girls out. I'm Asian and have mostly dated Asian girls. The one white girl I did date said she only dates Asians but that didn't work out due to other reasons. I just find it sad how some people would fine their own culture and race 'inferior' to another and even go as far as to speak nastily about it and evoke hatred.

Where do you think it comes from and how do you feel about it? Do some girls feel the same way? Please keep this discussion free of personal attacks; I just want perspectives on this as to understand as much as I can.

January 14, 2012

Today I bumped into an acquaintance of mine (she's Asian) who I hadn't spoken to in a while. Somehow we stumbled onto the topic of guys, as it seems we always do, and she starts complaining how there were no cute guys around. Then it took another turn and she went on paying out her own race and saying that Asian girls and guys are at the bottom of the ladder and they are inferior to white and other ethnic groups. She went on to describe the features that make Asians less attractive than other races. On top of this, she goes into detail about what she prefers in a guy: tall, slightly build, dark-hair, sharper nose, etc. The thing is, this isn't the first time I've heard it from her or someone else. The majority of her friends are Asian and she has only been approach by Asian guys, yet she has a strong prejudice against dating Asians -- however, she's no bell of the ball herself and pretty below average looking. In fact, I've only heard this from below average looking girls.

I'm trying to understand where this spurs from, whether it's their own insecurities about not finding guys or whether it's the Western influence and the bombardment of the media in defining what is 'beautiful' i.e. Hollywood. Personally, I am not influenced by race when it comes to choosing who I date. If I find her attractive, then I would ask her out, despite her race -- however, my experience has been limited, and I haven't been asking that many girls out. I'm Asian and have mostly dated Asian girls. The one white girl I did date said she only dates Asians but that didn't work out due to other reasons. I just find it sad how some people would fine their own culture and race 'inferior' to another and even go as far as to speak nastily about it and evoke hatred.

Where do you think it comes from and how do you feel about it? Do some girls feel the same way? Please keep this discussion free of personal attacks; I just want perspectives on this as to understand as much as I can.

Well, as a black guy, I'm attracted to girls of all nationalities (with a preference towards my own race, or black mixed with another). I think that it could be from an over-saturation of hidden ideals within the media of what is considered beautiful, even if in real life it is not the case.

However, I suspect that it also is a product of their environment and the general consensus of what is attractive within that environment.

For example, I come from a very pro-black family and I am expected to be with another black girl. However, I don't often get as much interest from black girls. I generally get much more attention from white girls, and I suspect with them, they are primarily attracted to me because I am black. I have met plenty of white girls who will only date black men. I would probably date them if I didn't have to bring them to my house, my mother would rather I date in my own race. I think this will not be an issue once I have moved out.

Admittedly I am mostly attracted to mixed raced girls though (of Somaya Reece/Halle Berry complexion).

January 14, 2012

Today I bumped into an acquaintance of mine (she's Asian) who I hadn't spoken to in a while. Somehow we stumbled onto the topic of guys, as it seems we always do, and she starts complaining how there were no cute guys around. Then it took another turn and she went on paying out her own race and saying that Asian girls and guys are at the bottom of the ladder and they are inferior to white and other ethnic groups. She went on to describe the features that make Asians less attractive than other races. On top of this, she goes into detail about what she prefers in a guy: tall, slightly build, dark-hair, sharper nose, etc. The thing is, this isn't the first time I've heard it from her or someone else. The majority of her friends are Asian and she has only been approach by Asian guys, yet she has a strong prejudice against dating Asians -- however, she's no bell of the ball herself and pretty below average looking. In fact, I've only heard this from below average looking girls.

I'm trying to understand where this spurs from, whether it's their own insecurities about not finding guys or whether it's the Western influence and the bombardment of the media in defining what is 'beautiful' i.e. Hollywood. Personally, I am not influenced by race when it comes to choosing who I date. If I find her attractive, then I would ask her out, despite her race -- however, my experience has been limited, and I haven't been asking that many girls out. I'm Asian and have mostly dated Asian girls. The one white girl I did date said she only dates Asians but that didn't work out due to other reasons. I just find it sad how some people would fine their own culture and race 'inferior' to another and even go as far as to speak nastily about it and evoke hatred.

Where do you think it comes from and how do you feel about it? Do some girls feel the same way? Please keep this discussion free of personal attacks; I just want perspectives on this as to understand as much as I can.

Its all a matter of perspective from where one is brought up. I mean there are asian countries where people attract one another everyday. (China, Japan, Korea etc). As you can see asians do attract one another. Looks like your friend has some self esteem issues.

January 14, 2012

I just find it sad how some people would fine their own culture and race 'inferior' to another and even go as far as to speak nastily about it and evoke hatred.

I agree that it's sad when people hate their own culture/race. It's not limited to Asians either. Despite all the talk about "black pride", most black men wold much rather date white or hispanic women than those of their own race. Quite pathetic if you ask me.

January 14, 2012

I agree that it's sad when people hate their own culture/race. It's not limited to Asians either. Despite all the talk about "black pride", most black men wold much rather date white or hispanic women than those of their own race. Quite pathetic if you ask me.

Agree, I was just talking about that . It's the environment, coupled with the fact that where I live, white girls kinda throw themselves at black dudes on a regular basis. I don't normally make generalisations at all, but I personally believe that black guys date white girls because they "think they are easier". Not necessarily sexually, but in terms of behavior. Much of their complaints about black women are that they have too much attitude and always angry.

But I don't necessarily subscribe to that view, and equally, black women I feel are responding to black men dating white girls by altering their appearance to look more European, hence the weaves and bleaching cream etc. It's a sorry state of affairs really. I am not that bothered about weaves so much, it is just hair, but I do sometimes wish black women would be more proud of their natural hair.

As for Hispanic women, they are just like mixed raced (half black/white) women. They have similar qualities to black women, but a few shades lighter and with softer hair. Black men would say this is "best of both worlds". I do like Hispanic/mixed raced women too, in fact I am hugely sexually attracted to them, but I have a much healthier attraction towards women of my own race and I admit I favor to date them more.

January 14, 2012

OP, your friend is the classic example of a brainwashed minority. One whos socialized by Western media into putting white people on a pedestal. People are products of their environments. But its weird how Asian women do this the most out of all minority groups. Usually people are open to dating those they have had regular exposure to.

For example, its more common for a white girl from a diverse city or town to date non-whites, than if she was from an all white suburb. There are exceptions though. Its all about what your exposed to growing up.

However your friend is really sad tbh. All the things she said about Asians is as if shes calling herself ugly.

The self hate is pathetic.

Edited January 14, 2012 by kaylan

January 14, 2012

I agree that it's sad when people hate their own culture/race. It's not limited to Asians either. Despite all the talk about "black pride", most black men wold much rather date white or hispanic women than those of their own race. Quite pathetic if you ask me.

I hope you are black if you are choosing to speak for me and my people.

I can tell you that most black guys I know, and have met, prefer a black woman because she understands us the most. She knows our experiences in life and relates to us the most.

Sure some brothers chase women outside of their raise, but so do a lot of other men. People just choose to notice interracial couples more so than same race couples since they stick out. The vast majority of people date/marry within their race.

Some interesting studies were done on this though. I think by either Columbia or Chicago University.(do a google search)

When controlled for education and income, men dont really show a same race preference in partner. Women, however, do show a preference for a man of the same race.

January 14, 2012

I hope you are black if you are choosing to speak for me and my people.

I can tell you that most black guys I know, and have met, prefer a black woman because she understands us the most. She knows our experiences in life and relates to us the most.

Sure some brothers chase women outside of their raise, but so do a lot of other men. People just choose to notice interracial couples more so than same race couples since they stick out. The vast majority of people date/marry within their race.

Some interesting studies were done on this though. I think by either Columbia or Chicago University.(do a google search)

When controlled for education and income, men dont really show a same race preference in partner. Women, however, do show a preference for a man of the same race.

Yeah, where I live there is a divide really. Some like their own, some like everyone else, and some just like everyone period.

Mixed raced girls are the big phenomenon in London though, especially girls who look like the one in my avi (Antonia Thomas from Misfits). They have become incredibly sought after by black AND white guys in recent times. I have always been into black girls predominantly throughout growing up, but even I have an alarmingly strong attraction to light-skinned black girls or mixed raced (hispanic too). The one girl I had a thing for was mixed raced.

January 14, 2012

I agree that it's sad when people hate their own culture/race. It's not limited to Asians either. Despite all the talk about "black pride", most black men wold much rather date white or hispanic women than those of their own race. Quite pathetic if you ask me.

Its not hate for me. My reason is I was rejected regularly by black women. I dont hate them but i'm going to gravitate more toward women that treat me with some respect. I'm a nurse and the funny thing is most of the you look good/ sexy comment come from women who are not black. They just look at me like " oh he ain't sh*t"

January 14, 2012

I agree that it's sad when people hate their own culture/race. It's not limited to Asians either. Despite all the talk about "black pride", most black men wold much rather date white or hispanic women than those of their own race. Quite pathetic if you ask me.

Feelsgoodman, you bring up black men whenever there is a discussion about race. Will you stop it? It's not like you can't say the same things for white guys who have a huge hard-on for Asian women or Native American women?

January 14, 2012

Its not hate for me. My reason is I was rejected regularly by black women. I dont hate them but i'm going to gravitate more toward women that treat me with some respect. I'm a nurse and the funny thing is most of the you look good/ sexy comment come from women who are not black. They just look at me like " oh he ain't sh*t"

I wouldn't say that black women don't treat me with respect, but I get far more sexual advances from white women.

January 14, 2012

I hope you are black if you are choosing to speak for me and my people.

I don't speak for you or "your people". I don't need to be black to comment on what I see every day. For a black man, white woman = status. There have been all sorts of studies showing that black men overwhelmingly prefer non-black women.

January 14, 2012

I don't speak for you or "your people". I don't need to be black to comment on what I see every day. For a black man, white woman = status. There have been all sorts of studies showing that black men overwhelmingly prefer non-black women.

Its not always about status. There are some that marry outside their race because women outside their race treat them like a man and not try to always emasculate them.

January 14, 2012

I don't speak for you or "your people". I don't need to be black to comment on what I see every day. For a black man, white woman = status. There have been all sorts of studies showing that black men overwhelmingly prefer non-black women.

That's an overly simplistic argument and I don't think it's as black and white as that (pun intended ). It may be your experiences, but for me, I live in a highly multicultural city and dating for status and race are two separate experiences.

I won't argue that there are a significant portion of black men who don't hesitate to date women of other races. Like I said, they generally cite their view that black women are particularly antagonistic and loud, even described as masculine by a couple black guys I spoke to. I disagree of course.

It's funny because I come on forums like this and see white men saying the same thing about white women

January 14, 2012

That's an overly simplistic argument and I don't think it's as black and white as that (pun intended ). It may be your experiences, but for me, I live in a highly multicultural city and dating for status and race are two separate experiences.

I won't argue that there are a significant portion of black men who don't hesitate to date women of other races. Like I said, they generally cite their view that black women are particularly antagonistic and loud, even described as masculine by a couple black guys I spoke to. I disagree of course.

It's funny because I come on forums like this and see white men saying the same thing about white women

Men of all ethnicities and nationalities complain about their women. Fact. On this forum alone the majority of men are white. And what race do you think those women are those white guys complain about? They're white. There are a lot of white guys who say they like Native American and Asian women because white women are too antagonistic, materialistic, emasculating, etc.

Asian men, Native American men, Latinos, black men, etc. all complain about their women. It is ridiculous to come to the conclusion that one ethnic group of men complain about their women more. They all pretty much have the same complaints too.

January 14, 2012

...
...it's the Western influence and the bombardment of the media in defining what is 'beautiful' i.e...

Ding ding ding. It's not just the "bombardment" of today's images because actually mixed race people--especially back and white but also Asian with other mixtures are very prevalent because there are so many gorgeous mixed race young people. But it's also history. White Europeans and their American progeny were the first to create the mass media and export all their material with either subtitles or foreign language tracks. So not only were Asians exposed to "white" romance and the portrayal of the looking white folk, the very idea that they created movies and television--which Asians eventually manufactured--made white people tend to look somehow both handsome and magical in their ability to create content and continuously innovate in the media which broad that content to the rest of the world. It's become an inter-generational default to feel some sense of inferiority and we must factor in that Europeans (white) have seemingly so much more of a variety of looks than Asians and Africans who mostly all have black hair--straight in Asia with the eyeballs concealed by skin, and tight curls in Africa with small ears, broad noses and often prominent lips. Hollywood makes it look like every white person is iconic, where in reality not many people qualify as all--freckles, various Euro ethnic excesses like the big nose or hook nose, obesity etc. I saw recently that the market in Korea for girls especially to have their eyes surgically "westernized" is humongous and the piece covered this one girl that cried and cried until she had it done. To me she look barely changed at all, but she was on top of the world. It's just a product of the history of the commercial media if you ask me since there are way more Asians than anyone else in the world.

January 14, 2012

Most women's sexual/romantic preferences tend to be based around their insecurities.

I know girl that is really pretty and has a huge complex about being a brunette, she wishes she was blonde. All the guys she dates are exagerrated albino blondes, no matter how nice or well she gets along with a male who is brunette.

January 14, 2012

Today I bumped into an acquaintance of mine (she's Asian) who I hadn't spoken to in a while. Somehow we stumbled onto the topic of guys, as it seems we always do, and she starts complaining how there were no cute guys around. Then it took another turn and she went on paying out her own race and saying that Asian girls and guys are at the bottom of the ladder and they are inferior to white and other ethnic groups. She went on to describe the features that make Asians less attractive than other races. On top of this, she goes into detail about what she prefers in a guy: tall, slightly build, dark-hair, sharper nose, etc. The thing is, this isn't the first time I've heard it from her or someone else. The majority of her friends are Asian and she has only been approach by Asian guys, yet she has a strong prejudice against dating Asians -- however, she's no bell of the ball herself and pretty below average looking. In fact, I've only heard this from below average looking girls.

1) Asian girls are definitely not at the bottom of the totem pole. They're above black women and Indian women in terms of what other races lust for.

2) Your friend is pathetic.

3) I hope you guys are under 30 years old. Well under.

4) Your friend is pathetic.

5) I don't know why, but as an Asian guy I've always had a thing for Asian girls. Gross. I know. It's so strange as to almost be a borderline demented fetish. :sick:

6) Your friend is pathetic.

January 15, 2012

1) Asian girls are definitely not at the bottom of the totem pole. They're above black women and Indian women in terms of what other races lust for.

.

I agree its not her being Asian which is holding her back unless it is some sort of unique locality. In the movie She's Out Of My League a character said we get bonus points on top of our physical attractiveness number. In his case because he was a musician who played Darryl Hall in a Hall and Oates tribute band. In the case of his friend's wife who was the fattest woman on the cast, besides a pregnant girl, her being Asian gave her bonus points so that she matched their "pretty boy" friend who did not have a great career or play in a band so he got no bonus points. But then he didn't need them

January 15, 2012

Thanks for sharing your opinions and perspectives. With regards to black men and women, I have little knowledge and experience with them in regards to dating, so cannot really comment. Though it is interesting how status comes into play -- something I personally never thought about because I don't see how dating a girl of a certain race equates to more status.

I empathise with those who have been treated with disrespect by women of their own race. If I were to date this girl that I spoke about, and long-term experience with Asian girls has been like this, I may feel a little reluctant to continue to do so. However, fortunately, I know many girls who don't feel that way and I would also agree that these girls that have a self-hate for their own race are a minority. I myself don't have a particular preference, but am attracted to Asians and brunettes the most -- all of whom have never showed any indication that race was an issue.

My 'friend' -- I say this term loosely because I feel uncomfortable around her knowing she has this bubbling inside -- and I are both in our early 20s. I've noticed this amongst a few other people I know, some display it openly as well, over facebook and on my campus. There was this one Asian girl in my class you completed dyed her hair light blonde, put on these skin-like stockings that make he look white; I thought she was white until she turned around. She would have looked perfectly pretty without all of that.

I guess the environment that you're brought up in plays a part, however, if you're surrounded by people of your own culture and hang out with people that are the same nationalities as yourself, how can such words each leave your mouth? It is like she is calling herself ugly and all the other Asian people she knows -- which is far from the truth because she has some hot Asian girl friends ()-- and blaming her lack of success, with the type of men she wants, on her race.

I think that the history of commercial media does play a huge part because in these conversations there's constant references to the likes of Brad Pitt, Orlando Bloom, Ryan Gosling , and the portrayal of white romance -- many of which consist of comparisons between guys in everyday life to these Hollywood superstars. Frankly, a girl who dreams of only dating these type of guys, who dislikes her own race (at least the appearance of her fellow people and herself), who is below-average in term of looks and has zero dating experience, probably isn't worth dealing with. It is pathetic and I've tried to with hold judgement on her but it is a real issue when every conversation we had leads to this (when I purposely try to avoid it).

I know it doesn't really affect my life but I was just curious where is spurs from and if it's only just a minority or more common.

January 15, 2012

Today I bumped into an acquaintance of mine (she's Asian) who I hadn't spoken to in a while. Somehow we stumbled onto the topic of guys, as it seems we always do, and she starts complaining how there were no cute guys around. Then it took another turn and she went on paying out her own race and saying that Asian girls and guys are at the bottom of the ladder and they are inferior to white and other ethnic groups. She went on to describe the features that make Asians less attractive than other races. On top of this, she goes into detail about what she prefers in a guy: tall, slightly build, dark-hair, sharper nose, etc. The thing is, this isn't the first time I've heard it from her or someone else. The majority of her friends are Asian and she has only been approach by Asian guys, yet she has a strong prejudice against dating Asians -- however, she's no bell of the ball herself and pretty below average looking. In fact, I've only heard this from below average looking girls.

Counterman, I sense your curiosity to be sincere, but I question being inspired to learn by someone whose stance is akin to, say, a penguin who "has a strong prejudice against dating" other penguins.

Once a penguin declares an unwillingness to date other penguins, then (it) identifies (itself) as being so flawed that (its) viewpoints on the flaws in others don't mean so much to me.

Take anything that person said with a grain of uncertainty.

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