NicoleM Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 My situation is a little complicated........ I dated this guy who I met in college for 3 years and eventually we broke up because he found a job that was demanding and he wanted to focus on his career. We still stayed in touch and occasionally went out to go to a sporting event or a movie. He eventually found a girlfriend which kinda crushed my heart a bit but I soon got over it. One day he came over to my house and soon he started kissing me and eventually we had sex. Pretty soon we were having sex more and more and he was coming over to my house more often. The problem is he is still seeing his girlfriend and I wonder if his feelings towards me are coming back.I mean friends usually do not kiss each other or have sex with them especially when they have another girlfriend. I am so confused.....
cerridwen Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 Does he want you back? Stop having sex with him and you'll find out. Honestly. He'll either wander back to the girlfriend and slowly lessen contact with you, or he'll do the reverse. If you want a relationship, I suggest asking him. I assume the girlfriend doesn't know about you. Or, are they in an open relationship? (Hope you're feeling better btw. I seem to remember you having a rough go of it in the not to distant past.)
PoppyLove89 Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 I don't think he'd still be with his girlfriend if he wanted you back...from what you said it sounds like you're his bit on the side, a friend with benefits. But the only way you can find out for sure is by asking him straight up!
Author NicoleM Posted January 14, 2012 Author Posted January 14, 2012 Yes I'm doing better thank you.I did have a Rough time of it in the past and then my ex from college wound up transferring jobs so he is closer to me distant wise and we originally just went out as friends but then one night we wound up having sex and no his girlfriend totally doesn't know she hasn't a clue. The only reason he is even dating her is because back in the day he used to work for her dad and he is loaded and he knows if he marries her he might own that business her dad owns and marry into a wealthy family. Crazy I know but it's true! He didn't necessarily admit it but he said I hope one day I can run that business and be happy and wealthy. I never expected to hook up it just kinda happened and then when we kissed and those old feelings came back I thought maybe he wanted me back and didn't care about marrying into a wealthy family anymore and owning that business.
cerridwen Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 Yes I'm doing better thank you.I did have a Rough time of it in the past and then my ex from college wound up transferring jobs so he is closer to me distant wise and we originally just went out as friends but then one night we wound up having sex and no his girlfriend totally doesn't know she hasn't a clue. The only reason he is even dating her is because back in the day he used to work for her dad and he is loaded and he knows if he marries her he might own that business her dad owns and marry into a wealthy family. Crazy I know but it's true! He didn't necessarily admit it but he said I hope one day I can run that business and be happy and wealthy. I never expected to hook up it just kinda happened and then when we kissed and those old feelings came back I thought maybe he wanted me back and didn't care about marrying into a wealthy family anymore and owning that business. I see. Well. Hm. Here's my concern Nicole: You. I'm not concerned with their relationship. I'm not concerned with passing judgment that you're involved with this guy while he has a girl. I'm concerned you've not yet recovered from the last relationship that stressed you so. And this one has the potential to be a real heartbreaker. What would you like out of this, babe? What would you like to have happen?
Author NicoleM Posted January 14, 2012 Author Posted January 14, 2012 I'd like to have him back. I know it was a mutual thing when we broke up because he wanted to focus on his career and I understood that. We would talk over the phone and text and hearing and seeing his texts made me light up. We started hanging out as friends and then it turned physical and emotions came back and I wanted him back. I am slowly recovering from my last break-up and I suppose hooking up with my ex probably opened up more wounds that haven't quite healed and I am probably not thinking clearly because as you said he probably is a heartbreaker because he is already cheating on his girlfriend behind her back.I suppose I need to re-think things and realize what we had in college was fun but we cannot go back to that because it is over and done with.
cerridwen Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 (edited) I'd like to have him back. I know it was a mutual thing when we broke up because he wanted to focus on his career and I understood that. We would talk over the phone and text and hearing and seeing his texts made me light up. We started hanging out as friends and then it turned physical and emotions came back and I wanted him back. I am slowly recovering from my last break-up and I suppose hooking up with my ex probably opened up more wounds that haven't quite healed and I am probably not thinking clearly because as you said he probably is a heartbreaker because he is already cheating on his girlfriend behind her back.I suppose I need to re-think things and realize what we had in college was fun but we cannot go back to that because it is over and done with. You see. You know what to do. You're already drawing a connection between your previous woundings and this situation. It's more of the same, isn't it. It's a continuing pattern of men who don't fully commit and for whose love and validation you must fight. You cling and love, they pull away but come by for occasional sex and companionship. Different players, same pain, same pattern, what has to change is you. Feel like putting in that work? Perhaps take a good long break and develop yourself in different areas? I haven't had a boyfriend for awhile. It's worked out well and helped me get a handle on my issues. No sense flailing around in life, causing others and yourself misery. Better, I think, to stop. Learn about yourself. Then move forward in the world stronger and more positive. Consider telling him you'd like to stop for now; that you have plans for yourself. Then make some. Make some great plans to get stronger, and more independant, and to like yourself. It can all happen and it makes life really wonderful. Edited January 14, 2012 by cerridwen
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