JohnM Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 Having to deal with a problematic parent of a partner, have just got around to getting a nice one bed flat which my girlfirend will be moving into with me. As a result my girlfriend will be leaving home for the first time at 21 to live with me and leaving her mother to live alone. This was difficult enough but she seems to have come to terms with it. My girlfriend is very excited at the whole moving in together and it should be a happy and peaceful time with support from those around us. My family have been totally supportive and helping me move things and buy new furniture and pick things up etc. The only thing we would be taking is my girlfriend's bed. Hers is a good solid double bed. I brought around a spare guest kind of double bed to theirs about six months ago for her mother to use. She is refusing for us to be able to take her bed and instead want us to take the more temporary kind of bed instead. Then she suggests if it goes alright after a while then swap them. Its such a pain to be moving a bed I dont want and set it up only to take it down and have to move it back and dismantle another bed and then move that. Its really infuriating that she is acting this way. Her mother is being very stubborn and in a way declaring her lack of confidence in us as a couple and being very negative about the situation. If I had not brought that spare bed around then that alternative would not be there. I have not included myself in the situation as its essentially a case of her mother treating her like a child, she won't listen to sensible arguments and debate and just talks her down and tells her 'Just no, I'm your mother and thats that.' and other things to that effect, she won't answer reasonable points. At first she argued she wanted a bed there for when she comes home, but still wanted her bed there and not the guest bed. Without reasoning. Made similar issues out of other points before settling on her current argument. My girlfriend really wants to take her own bed, its where we have slept for a couple of years now. Its a good bed, better than the other but its the only main obstacle left whilst I have been sorting out everything else for the move in, now its just the bed issue. I feel irritated by it all, she isn't seeing logically and its going to cause an argument. I just don't whether I should talk to her myself about it, its not my battle but I don't know what else to do. The only other thing I'm thinking now is just to buy another bed, but there is little money to spare and its just extra unwarrented faff. What do I do Loveshackers?
carhill Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 Bite the bullet and buy another bed, even if you put an air mattress on it for the short term. This is one of those battles which isn't worth the effort, IMO. If your GF can't work it out with her mother (you stay out of it), then order one up and have it delivered or buy one at a tag sale or second hand store. Lead.
cerridwen Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 Hi John, As inconvenient as it is, buy a new bed. You won't be beholden to any restrictions of her mother's; you'll show and feel the independance; and frankly, it's the higher road to take. I'm very excited for you and your girl! Enjoy the new place.
Art_Critic Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 Bite the bullet and buy another bed, even if you put an air mattress on it for the short term. This is one of those battles which isn't worth the effort, IMO. If your GF can't work it out with her mother (you stay out of it), then order one up and have it delivered or buy one at a tag sale or second hand store. Lead. Best post in the thread.. Sorry Cerridwen Hi John, As inconvenient as it is, buy a new bed. You won't be beholden to any restrictions of her mother's; you'll show and feel the independance; and frankly, it's the higher road to take. I'm very excited for you and your girl! Enjoy the new place. Best post in the thread.. Sorry Carhill Well John M.. you now have 3 posters saying to just buy another bed.. and don't make a fuss about it.. it is what it is...
carhill Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 I don't have much excitement left in my bones nor much energy left for problematic in-laws. OP, YMMV, but life will be throwing you a lot of 'problems' and your job is to triage them and assign importance according to your values system, with due respect for your partner. Doing this will determine whether you run your life or your life runs you. If your GF's mother is a drama queen (unknown from this one instance), and drama is not your style, then diffuse it in your own mind and move on to other things. Let go of 'infuriating'. Refuse to let her own your feelings. You're in charge of you. Enjoy the new digs
cerridwen Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 Be honest, John. Whose opinion in this thread are you going to take? Don't spare anyone's feelings.
Author JohnM Posted January 14, 2012 Author Posted January 14, 2012 Bite the bullet and buy another bed, even if you put an air mattress on it for the short term. This is one of those battles which isn't worth the effort, IMO. If your GF can't work it out with her mother (you stay out of it), then order one up and have it delivered or buy one at a tag sale or second hand store. Lead. Aye, I am considering just putting an air bed in there and making do whilst arranging for another bed. I plan to rent a van to move the rest of the major items so want to do it all together so I have time to. Hi John, As inconvenient as it is, buy a new bed. You won't be beholden to any restrictions of her mother's; you'll show and feel the independance; and frankly, it's the higher road to take. I'm very excited for you and your girl! Enjoy the new place. Thats a part which has played on my mind, I was frustrated by the situation last night and didn't like the interference and restriction over my plans so its either the bed we want or I'm buying a bed I want. I looked at some pre owned online last night and think I'll just stretch for it. I don't have much excitement left in my bones nor much energy left for problematic in-laws. OP, YMMV, but life will be throwing you a lot of 'problems' and your job is to triage them and assign importance according to your values system, with due respect for your partner. Doing this will determine whether you run your life or your life runs you. If your GF's mother is a drama queen (unknown from this one instance), and drama is not your style, then diffuse it in your own mind and move on to other things. Let go of 'infuriating'. Refuse to let her own your feelings. You're in charge of you. Enjoy the new digs She is a drama queen and loves to have a good flap over situations that don't warrent the ensuing worrying and arguing. I am in control of my situations, its only because this part of it is one which is kind of beyond my territory really. Its between the two of them and I know If I wade in and argue with her mother over it that she will hold that resentment over me, along with a petty feeling of me taking away her daughter in a way. I look forward to enjoying the new place, I've been busy sorting everything else out and taking charge in terms of buying whats needed and getting good prices on good stuff to my budget, this is just the last hurdle so I'll give it a day or two and then I'll start arranging to view a bed thats removed from the tags of this situation. Be honest, John. Whose opinion in this thread are you going to take? Don't spare anyone's feelings. Well, the opinions here seem to all contribute to different aspects of the same suggestion really. Avoid the drama and take control and just buy my own bed. If she doesn't back down for my girlfriend then I'll go out and overule the situation with a purchase of my own and be done with it. Cheers for all your inputs peeps, much appreciated. Think my head was just steaming last night with the irritation of what was occuring.
carhill Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 Think my head was just steaming last night with the irritation of what was occuring. Ah, son, you've only just begun Good luck!
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