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Will men and women just face the fact


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Posted

Also I have grown over the years and many people here have admitted it.

Posted
Also I have grown over the years and many people here have admitted it.

 

Absolutely. You have also received some amazing, genuine support here. However, sometimes you still make people want to beat their heads against a wall.

Posted
Also I have grown over the years and many people here have admitted it.

 

Keep moving in that direction, Woggle :)

 

How are you feeling when you post this kind of thread?

 

What is one other thing you could do in response to that feeling OTHER than post the thread?

 

How do you feel when you decide to visit sites like the daily mail?

 

What is one other thing you could do in response to that feeling OTHER than visiting the daily mail?

  • Author
Posted
Keep moving in that direction, Woggle :)

 

How are you feeling when you post this kind of thread?

 

What is one other thing you could do in response to that feeling OTHER than post the thread?

 

How do you feel when you decide to visit sites like the daily mail?

 

What is one other thing you could do in response to that feeling OTHER than visiting the daily mail?

 

I usually visit because of other news and I find something related to gender wars and I sit there reading the comments just seething. I also read some of the stories men on here post and it riles me up. Are things really that bad for single men out there looking for love?

Posted
I usually visit because of other news and I find something related to gender wars and I sit there reading the comments just seething. I also read some of the stories men on here post and it riles me up. Are things really that bad for single men out there looking for love?

 

It's bad for everyone Woggle. Men and women both face hardships, single and in relationships. Men have their problems, women have their problems. And for all the problems, there are just as many men and women out there who find wonderful, supportive partners. Like you did.

 

This is what Mme. Chauncer was talking about in her previous posts. Your negativity and bitterness is blinding you to the good right in front of you (your wife) and from building empathy with people whose experience is different than yours.

 

Look, you've accused me in previous threads of being a man-hater. I readily admit that I carry a certain bitterness for particular types of men. But at the same time, I know some amazing/I] men; my father, my grandfather, my martial arts instructors, several of my coworkers, my male friends. As bitter as I am sometimes, I look around at these guys and see that it's not always about gender.... there are horrible men, and there are horrible women. There are awesome women, and there are awesome men. Sometimes it takes a conscious effort, but I focus on the great men I know, the happy relationships I see, and remind myself that while I've had a lot of rough experiences with guys, it's certain guys, and they are not the majority.

 

You have a good wife, who it sounds like has stuck by you through everything. Why focus on anonymous negativity when you have so much good sitting right in front of you?

Posted

Thanks for clearing that up, Woggle. After you ignored carhill and my first question about it, I was sure you'd never admit that it didn't happen on "these boards".

 

You won't get the pad on the back from me, that you so clearly expect for having "grown". There are a lot of people here who will cheer you on once you reach the "oh well not ALL women are evil and maybe I need to change my attitude". Because you are a victim and everybody loves to cheer the underdog. And then you will go on a rant again, or think about divorce again or declare that all women are basically out there thinking of ways to screw men over. And the cycle will continue. You will still lie and betray your wife with every breath you take and you won't care. Because she is a woman and as such she doesn't deserve honesty apparently.

 

Johan already said everything that needed to be said about that. I still hope that somebody who might read it will take something away from this thread other than just hatred.

  • Author
Posted

I don't betray my wife. She knows I have had trust issues and I have told her she is the reason I even considered marriage again. She probably does not know the extent.

 

I don't hate women as much as I mistrust them. I have no desire to see any woman harmed or treated as a second class citizen or oppressed in any way. That being said it takes a long time for a woman to gain my trust. I know it is not right to be more suspicious of one gender but at this point it is a reflex. I would very much like to get rid of it but it is like breathing at this point to me.

Posted
I don't betray my wife. She knows I have had trust issues and I have told her she is the reason I even considered marriage again. She probably does not know the extent.

 

I don't hate women as much as I mistrust them. I have no desire to see any woman harmed or treated as a second class citizen or oppressed in any way. That being said it takes a long time for a woman to gain my trust. I know it is not right to be more suspicious of one gender but at this point it is a reflex. I would very much like to get rid of it but it is like breathing at this point to me.

 

I think we both realize on some level that there really isn't a gender war so much as a battle between good people and buttheads. Yes, the buttheads are constantly winning... and growing in number.

 

Sure some women in the 60's and 70's saw things as a gender war. Those women are with the buttheads.

  • Author
Posted
It's bad for everyone Woggle. Men and women both face hardships, single and in relationships. Men have their problems, women have their problems. And for all the problems, there are just as many men and women out there who find wonderful, supportive partners. Like you did.

 

This is what Mme. Chauncer was talking about in her previous posts. Your negativity and bitterness is blinding you to the good right in front of you (your wife) and from building empathy with people whose experience is different than yours.

 

Look, you've accused me in previous threads of being a man-hater. I readily admit that I carry a certain bitterness for particular types of men. But at the same time, I know some amazing/I] men; my father, my grandfather, my martial arts instructors, several of my coworkers, my male friends. As bitter as I am sometimes, I look around at these guys and see that it's not always about gender.... there are horrible men, and there are horrible women. There are awesome women, and there are awesome men. Sometimes it takes a conscious effort, but I focus on the great men I know, the happy relationships I see, and remind myself that while I've had a lot of rough experiences with guys, it's certain guys, and they are not the majority.

 

You have a good wife, who it sounds like has stuck by you through everything. Why focus on anonymous negativity when you have so much good sitting right in front of you?

I get what you are saying but when I hear what some of the men on here go through it really triggers things for me because I have been there. Also the lack of empathy from some women even though these guys are obviously in a very dark place also gets to me. We live in a society that gets mad at men for being emotionally closed off but when men open up they get pounced on as evidenced by some threads on this board.

Posted
I think we both realize on some level that there really isn't a gender war so much as a battle between good people and buttheads. Yes, the buttheads are constantly winning... and growing in number.

 

 

This seems to be the crux of all the problems to do with dating, and relationships.

 

Bad people ruining it for the good ones, and the good ones trying to work out how to weed out bad ones, without completely shutting down and giving up.

Posted
I get what you are saying but when I hear what some of the men on here go through it really triggers things for me because I have been there. Also the lack of empathy from some women even though these guys are obviously in a very dark place also gets to me. We live in a society that gets mad at men for being emotionally closed off but when men open up they get pounced on as evidenced by some threads on this board.

 

Empathy only goes so far Woggle. The trouble is that when people are in a dark place, sometimes they end up doing dark things. Need I mention the classic example of George Sodini? Or the fact that there are some extremely troubled men out there who seemed to almost welcome his actions as something that women "had coming"?

 

I watched the Accused the other night. Hadn't seen it for years. One question I asked myself was "if I were driving along and this half naked woman suddenly appeared screaming in front of my car....would I stop and help her?" I'd love to think that I would, and maybe I would. I think actually that when I was in my early twenties I would have done.

 

Now, I think it's probably more likely that I'd drive on a bit then pull up and make a call to the police. Empathy can result in people placing themselvevs in danger at times. There are times I've placed myself in danger as a result of it, or been burned badly in other ways as a result of it. So you learn a bit of self preservation.

 

Yes if a man has been burned in a romantic relationship (as most of us here probably have been at some point) then he's maybe going to feel bitter and angry...and perhaps it will be misdirected at women generally. I can understand to an extent, and feel sorry for the person...but getting embroiled too much means you end up being given a headache by this venting person, and your own mood an be brought down badly by their negativity.

 

And I would argue that that's far more likely to happen to very empathic people. When listen to and try to understand another person they really are putting some major energy and effort into it. Somebody without much empathy will probably find it easy to nod and hmmm, throw out a few platitudes that the person might enjoy hearing and walk away from the discussion without feeling depleted in the way that an empathic person who really puts something into it (and will often be berated by the embittered person in consequence) would.

 

I think empathy is an emotion that is generally very good, but that people must learn to control for their own wellbeing given its exploitable nature. Any person can begin to suffer elements of compassion fatigue or "burn out" if they give too much without getting anything in return. The eternally embittered people on here create compassion fatigue and general negativity.

 

However much you or any of the other generally negative people on here want to argue about it, the common sense thing for any person to do, when they encounter an emotional vampire, is to keep a tight rein over their own empathic instincts so that they don't get too sucked in and dragged down.

Posted

When I read Unhooked Generation, it showed me much reality.

 

#1 - The bitter people tend to be the most vocal. Those in love and in solid RLs are too busy living their lives. You notice how your "hooked up" friends tend to "vanish"? Case in point...so you end up only seeing the alone people who are probably bitter.

 

#2 - The consistently bitter and/or unsatisfied people are showing why they're alone. Look how many men and women out there lament on how there's no "decent people". Women angry that they can't find a tall hot successful guy who will commit to marriage and such. Men angry that all the hot women they meet have screwed up lives/finances and can't hold a conversation, while all the successful smart women they meet aren't physically what they want.

 

You're only seeing one side of it all...because media won't cover the happy RLs. More website traffic in posting drama and problems.

  • Author
Posted

I can assure you I would never pull a George Sodini. Men calling him and the guy who shot Gabrielle Giffords is one reason I took a look at an MRA site and turned right back.

 

I think I am just extra sensitive to misandrist crap because it triggers so many things.

Posted
I can assure you I would never pull a George Sodini. Men calling him and the guy who shot Gabrielle Giffords is one reason I took a look at an MRA site and turned right back.

 

I think I am just extra sensitive to misandrist crap because it triggers so many things.

 

Okay, you feeling this way would be fine if you'd decided to stay single, if you said "misandrist crap scares me, I don't want to risk being in a relationship with a woman lie my mother or ex-wife so I'm going to only date casually" I'd totally respect & support you.

 

 

But dude, you CHOSE to get married again & in that act is implied a promise, a promise that you're going to do whatever it takes to make a go of the marriage.

 

Sorry but I fail to see how these threads, that usually cite a gossip tabloid in the UK are doing anything to support your marriage.

  • Author
Posted

The thing is I do want love in my life and I am happy to have it but I admit that misandrist crap just pushes a button with me. I can hear a man hating comment and it will literally ruin what was before a great day and it is everywhere.

Posted (edited)
The thing is I do want love in my life and I am happy to have it but I admit that misandrist crap just pushes a button with me. I can hear a man hating comment and it will literally ruin what was before a great day and it is everywhere.

 

It is "everywhere" because YOU actively search for it! Also, I hear all manner of things that I don't like on a daily basis & allow darn few of them to "ruin" my entire day.

 

Keep it up,keep pushing, at some point your mother substitute wife will finally snap & she'll dump you, then you can come back here & say "see, I was right, all women hate men"

 

Personally, I feel you are projecting, you're 15 years younger than your wife, secretly you envy players that are out there banging young hotties & wish you weren't caged in a marriage to a woman old enough to be your mother, but instead of owning that, you project it onto your wife.

Edited by soserious1
  • Author
Posted

You are very wrong. I could have gotten married to a number of women and could have continued playing around but I chose her. We look the same age and she has more energy than I do sometimes. If I wanted a younger woman I would have chose one.

Posted
You are very wrong. I could have gotten married to a number of women and could have continued playing around but I chose her. We look the same age and she has more energy than I do sometimes. If I wanted a younger woman I would have chose one.

 

Look, IMHO men rarely marry women who old enough to be their mothers, I still feel strongly that your issues with your own mother, your intense need to be nurtured are at play here. I also feel that unless you get some intense help that you are creating a negative self-fulfilling prophecy here. No matter how loving she or how supportive she is of your issues, eventually she will weary of having to repeat the same things over & over in order to avoid being punished for the crimes of other women.

  • Author
Posted
Look, IMHO men rarely marry women who old enough to be their mothers, I still feel strongly that your issues with your own mother, your intense need to be nurtured are at play here. I also feel that unless you get some intense help that you are creating a negative self-fulfilling prophecy here. No matter how loving she or how supportive she is of your issues, eventually she will weary of having to repeat the same things over & over in order to avoid being punished for the crimes of other women.

 

This is why I vent on this board instead of subjecting her to my own crap but when I do that people accuse me of being dishonest. When I met her I thought she was my age and we just click on so many levels. I have been on my own since age 16 and in reality pretty much raised myself since 12 so I was forced to grow up faster anyway.

Posted
If you see a woman spouting of misandrist crap remind her of the following:

 

Men invented computers, the internet, cars, airplanes, phones and so forth. Men travelled into space and landed on the moon.

Men have been responsible for virtually every scientific breakthrough there is. And so forth.

 

In reality if it weren't for the things men have done, we'd all be living in mudhuts and throwing sticks at each other.

 

That's the most ridiculous, not to mention most ignorant statement I have ever heard.

Posted

It's pretty much true, though, D. You need us to invent things. It doesn't matter whether we're nice to be around, interesting, faithful or anything like that. Our inventions are what make us keepers. You should appreciate us because we make cool stuff.

Posted
It's pretty much true, though, D. You need us to invent things. It doesn't matter whether we're nice to be around, interesting, faithful or anything like that. Our inventions are what make us keepers. You should appreciate us because we make cool stuff.

 

I'm sorry, you're right:o.

I spoke out of turn.

Posted

It's ok, D. We can all appreciate the strain those letters on your t-shirt are under.

Posted
It's ok, D. We can all appreciate the strain those letters on your t-shirt are under.

 

Also I've been stressed out lately trying to organize my mud hut because I've been so busy working on a cure for Cancer.

Posted

Set aside some time to scrub your mud hut, D. Cancer can wait. ;)

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