Dust Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 You keep talking and thinking like this and you're going to cause exactly the thing you're worried about. You're a man arn't you Woggle? Why be so afraid of women? I've had every single thing guys complained of here happen to me and I laughed it off like it was nothing. You're a man you don't have to be afraid and get swept up in you're uncomfortable feelings. Be a man about this!
soserious1 Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 Woggle, I'm beginning to wonder if perhaps the person who feels "caged" and "longing to be single " in your marriage is YOU & not your wife. Projection is a very powerful but subtle process, your wife is about what? 15 years older than you? Perhaps there's a subconscious desire there to be with a woman closer to your own age & that reality is too painful to face so you project those thoughts onto her?
Dust Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 Woggle, I'm beginning to wonder if perhaps the person who feels "caged" and "longing to be single " in your marriage is YOU & not your wife. Projection is a very powerful but subtle process, your wife is about what? 15 years older than you? Perhaps there's a subconscious desire there to be with a woman closer to your own age & that reality is too painful to face so you project those thoughts onto her? I would say men enjoy having a partner, but every man yearns for some of the perks of being sing. Being with some one is better then being sing... but to have it all if that were posible... that would be great. But thats not the point of this thread. What woggle says is true, but he needs to stop being so scared of it.
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 Maybe you guys are right but reading comments like that just puts me in an us against them state of mind. When I hear hatred being thrown at my gender I want to fight back. This thread is not about fighting back. It's about giving up. And blaming other people. I'm pretty sure you want to get a divorce, deep down. Why else would you continue to beat this dead horse over and over?
Pyro Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 my only question is if Woggle is so fearful of being hurt and betrayed then WHY IN THE HELL did he re-marry. The logical and healthy thing would have been to go to therapy before thinking about marriage again. If he was still single then almost all his threads would be nonexistent.
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 This thread is not about fighting back. It's about giving up. And blaming other people. I'm pretty sure you want to get a divorce, deep down. Why else would you continue to beat this dead horse over and over? I would guess that reading those comments makes him afraid. Afraid that the woman he loves may have parts of the same pathology as his mother and x/wife. Afraid that he will be rejected by his wife like he has been rejected by all the other important women in his life. Who was it that said Woggle hates women? What a silly thing to say. It seems clear to me that Woggle is motivated by fear... not hatred. Woggle doesn't want a divorce. I think you know that and are just saying it to hurt his feelings. Woggle is afraid of divorce... afraid that he can't control whether it happens to him again or not.
Dust Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 my only question is if Woggle is so fearful of being hurt and betrayed then WHY IN THE HELL did he re-marry. The logical and healthy thing would have been to go to therapy before thinking about marriage again. If he was still single then almost all his threads would be nonexistent. I think thats his biggest problem. The guy comes off as scared shtless on here.
betterdeal Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 Woggle, stop reading things that upset you. Read things that make you feel good. Give up feeding the crap your mother instilled in you. Let that gremlin inside wither and die. It is not you. It is not real. It wants feeding with doubt and sadness and that's how it grows. Stop feeding your troll.
soserious1 Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 Why are you manginas picking on Woggle? The dude tells it like it is. Personally I agree with Woggle, outside of work situations my relations with men are confined to pump and dump relationships & frankly I love it! I see zero advantage for either gender in marriage. However, most of the women in this thread have spent endless amounts of time seeking to reassure & support Woggle, only to see him start yet another thread of this type. As to my own remarks, it's been noted by many a psych expert that often when we have feelings or desires that cause us to feel guilt or shame, we project those feelings onto other people. Suspecting at this point that it may well be Woggle who feels caged in his marriage isn't off base. Also, many people chose martial partners who have traits exhibited by a parent. Woggle's wife is around 15 years his senior,basically she's old enough to be his mother, did he marry her seeking motherly nurture that he didn't receive as a child or is he perhaps looking to unconsciously to create his own self-fulfilling prophecy? where he hammers at his wife with his doubts & suspicions hoping to bring her to the breaking point so that he can then say "women, they're all evil like my mother" Men generally don't marry women a generation older then themselves,given the history he's posted here, I suspect Woggle continues in an endless loop trying to resolve early life trauma & I'd strongly suspect the that a lot of his internal conflicts are being played out within the conflicts of his marriage. In any case, I like Woggle or I wouldn't bother to offer up my thoughts.
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 Personally I agree with Woggle, outside of work situations my relations with men are confined to pump and dump relationships & frankly I love it! I see zero advantage for either gender in marriage. In any case, I like Woggle or I wouldn't bother to offer up my thoughts. I really enjoy your perspective on things. You make me feel like laughing and crying at the same time. Like Eeyore with a sense of humor. I admit I was totally wrong to jump on you about that FWB Holloween fiasco.
soserious1 Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 I really enjoy your perspective on things. You make me feel like laughing and crying at the same time. Like Eeyore with a sense of humor. I admit I was totally wrong to jump on you about that FWB Holloween fiasco. When we are young everything the opposite sex says or does is the stuff of endless fascination .. then we get older and we no longer give a damn Your apology is accepted but not needed, this is the web, if you put it out there you need to be prepared for negative feedback.
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 From my perspective, statements such as "deep down most married women want a divorce" are hateful. I am married, I am a GOOD wife and a GOOD human being; I have many friends who are the same. I resent being lumped into the same sick pool of women with W's mom and ex. I've posted before that MANY of us women on LS have had brutal experiences complements of men. Some of us have been raped, some even by our own adult relatives when we were children - and this does NOT give us carte blanche to trash all men, even though the men who did the evil to us deserve to be trashed badly.
Author Woggle Posted January 15, 2012 Author Posted January 15, 2012 If I didn't love her I wouldn't be so scared. It was easy when I was single and just wanted to have fun but now that I have a woman I love the thought of her turning on me just scares the hell out of me. When I hear all these stories and how men and women really feel about each other these days it makes me wonder if my marriage is next. I don't mean to insult all the women that truly do love their men but it is clear that there is a walkaway wife trend and that a good number of women in relationships seem to resent the hell out of their men. I don't want to be on the receiving end of a woman like that.
elitessa Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 No, Woggle, it's not that easy. You have been recycling this garbage "all woman suck - well except my wife - well some others may be okay too - well there is a trend - woe is me" for years. The next step in this current cycle will probably be an apology where you once again mention the hardships you've seen and promise to "try" to see things different. And the women here will once again post smileys and ecourage you, because you've had it bad. Woggle, I won't pretend that you haven't had it hard. By god, I wouldn't want your past. You have my compassion. But I also wouldn't want your wife's presence. Being married to a person who has been lying to her since the first day of their marriage (and before that - remember the time when you nearly left her at the altar?) is not fun or fair. I do not care if women have been bad to you in your past - your wife has been good and loyal. You're not treating her right. You're lying to her. You have been posting here since 2005 and your attitude towards women has NOT changed one bit. Any responsible person would've tried to change, you haven't. Why haven't you gone to therapy? Why haven't you been honest to your wife? Why haven't you confronted those fears of yours? When are you finally going to realize that you are no longer a little kid who's being abused by his own mother but a grown man? Nobody can harm you more than you yourself can. You're the one who keeps bringing up those issues, you're the one who keeps looking up dirt, craving stories of bad women to feed your need for victimhood. You said that you were attacked by vicious women on here. I want links. I want proof. I demand to know who did that because I haven't seen anything like it (nor did carhill apparently). As of now, without proof, I believe you're either lying about it or have (intentionally?) misinterpreted something. I would also, while we're at it, like to know what you really think of women like d-lish and melodymatters, whichwayisup and many others who have been listening to you, kept cheering you on during the rare moments where you didn't spew your hatred and tried to help you by positive reaffirment. Do you even perceive them? Are you aware that your rants sound very much like any other bigotted world view and that I could swap out women with "blacks" and it would fit right into a KKK speech? Do you feel good about that? When will you stop playing the victim's card and realize that the one who is tormenting you this time are you? You're the one who refuses to get help. You're the one who basically keeps your childhood hostage to never having to grow up. You're the one who keeps living a lie. It's nothing new. Many victims of abuse keep going back to their abuser. You can't. Your mom isn't there to abuse you anymore and your ex-wife is in prison. Your current wife doesn't fit into the role of attacker but you're only used to being the victim. You're the underdog in your own life, Woggle. You haven't learned to be anything else. And so, in your need to validate this, you crave for proof that, as a man, you're still being mistreated and abused. It's an unhealthy cycle that's been going on for SEVEN years at this forum and far longer off it. It's time to end it, Woggle. It's time to get help.
zengirl Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 Woggle, This is insane. You cannot look at internet comments on those articles and determine anything about real life. Do you know who posts in response to those articles? Trolls, bitter people, crazy people. . . This is not a normal subsample. And you really should know better than to read something and flip out. You have a lovely wife who supports you and even puts up with you through these tizzies you have. Plenty of people have good marriages and relationships. Plenty of men and women are friends. The war between the sexes is mostly in your mind. You do seriously need help, and to snap out of this, as it's eating you alive. If your marriage doesn't last, it won't be because all women secretly want a divorce---it will be because you cannot clean the toxicity from your own mind and you let it infect your marriage.
donnamaybe Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 that relationships between the genders are just not working anymore? I was reading some article on a website and the comments show how much bitterness and animosity there is between men and women. We still have sexual desire so why not just find a sex partner and then go home afterwards? Stop trying to force love and commitment between men and women because it is clearly not working anymore. Men and women pretty much hate each other for the most part and I see no softening of the bitterness so why try and make it happen in this kind of climate? If people believe things are not this bad go to any site like Daily Mail or Huffington Post or any of them and read the comments. Look at how many truly happy couples you know. Romance is dead and people need to face it. If you and your wife hate each other, just divorce.
HeavenOrHell Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 Me and my last partner loved each other for 18 years, never hated each and never will, we'll always have a lot of love for each other. My love for my partner isn't forced, nor is our commitment to each other. The Daily Mail? Who takes them seriously? that relationships between the genders are just not working anymore? I was reading some article on a website and the comments show how much bitterness and animosity there is between men and women. We still have sexual desire so why not just find a sex partner and then go home afterwards? Stop trying to force love and commitment between men and women because it is clearly not working anymore. Men and women pretty much hate each other for the most part and I see no softening of the bitterness so why try and make it happen in this kind of climate? If people believe things are not this bad go to any site like Daily Mail or Huffington Post or any of them and read the comments. Look at how many truly happy couples you know. Romance is dead and people need to face it.
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 I sure am grateful that I have a healthy relationship with a man who doesn't poison our marriage with bitterness from his past. I offer the same to him. Woggle's wife deserves it too.
thatone Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 When we are young everything the opposite sex says or does is the stuff of endless fascination .. then we get older and we no longer give a damn Your apology is accepted but not needed, this is the web, if you put it out there you need to be prepared for negative feedback. i really hope you're not my current FWB partner, cause that would be creepy as hell, lol. but you do sound like her. that's precisely my opinion of this place as well as most of the rest of the internet. people need a place to vent. so vent. no one cares when they walk away from their computer. if they do they're putting too much into it.
Author Woggle Posted January 15, 2012 Author Posted January 15, 2012 I think it is a bit of a stretch comparing me to a KKK member. I think the more apt comparison is to a woman who had a horribly abusive childhood then had a horribly abusive marriage. Do you think that if she happens to meet a great man one day she will just easily be able to relax in a relationship without constantly wondering if one he will just show the same traits that all the other men have had in her life? Would anybody judge a woman that was struggling with this? I very much do appreciate the women on here who have been supportive. Honestly I would probably be a whole lot more negative towards women if I didn't read their posts. There are some pieces of work on here but for the most part if you avoid the forums involving most women on here are pretty good. I am just determined not to be a victim anymore. I sometimes pride myself on not letting the misandry that has been thrown at me from day one beat me down.
FitChick Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 If I found my husband had been posting on a dating forum for many years, I might want a divorce, too. All of that time could have been better spent communicating, going places and doing things with the spouse to cement togetherness as a couple.
elitessa Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 It's a bit of a stretch but not as far as you think. If I were to take a rant of yours and exchange the word "women" for "blacks", do you honestly think it wouldn't sound like racism? Sure, some people would act the same way you do if they were in your situation but that doesn't change the fact that, at its core, your words are full of hatred and fear. Would anybody judge a woman that was struggling with this? Wouldn't you? Wouldn't you tell a woman like this that she has no business being married and that she will just end up betraying her husband like "all the other women do"? If you do appreciate the women on here, those that have spent so many hours replying to you and calming you down whenever you have another breakdown, then how do you show that? Do you answer their threads when they feel down? Do you show compassion when they struggle? Or are you only aware of them whenever their attention is drawn to you? Are you, in short, able to reach out to women who have shown you kindness? Or is your internalized hatred keeping you from that? You pride yourself on not letting misandry beat you down but you allow misoginy to weigh you down, every minute of every day. Ask yourself these questions: 1. If your wife had cancelled the wedding - would you have taken her back as she did? 2. If your wife had had a friend who was badmouthing you and your marriage every possibility they got - would you have accepted that for years? 3. If your wife had a secret identity on the internet, complaining about men and how prone they are to cheating and leaving - would you be calm and not worry? Would you not feel betrayed? And then try to not go to the default - it's all women's fault - answer. Try to ask yourself why you apply a double standard to everything in life that makes women inferior to men on a moral basis. If you can, explain to me how this is different from any other form of hatred. Ask yourself why you keep telling everybody that your wife is the one exception but at the same time you treat her just like any other woman - with distrust and double standards. P.S. Still waiting for the quote where some women here told you that your wife hates you.
johan Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 (edited) While I wish Woggle could overcome all this, I know he can't. He is programmed. And you're talking reason to the irrational. Good reason for sure, and it would be very convincing to someone who could think straight. There are literally thousands of similar responses he has received over the years that try to say the same thing. And Woggle's posts now are no different from the ones he put up when he started coming here. He doesn't technically need to start new threads on this subject, because he has started so many he could go reference. They are all essentially identical to this one. Everything that can be said to him has been said. I wasn't only trying to be funny in my response up above. That was actually an accurate description of what happens. The reason it happens over and over is that there is always a fresh pool of people who are willing to engage with him. And some of the longer-term members want to tear out their hair when he regresses. If not for those things, there wouldn't be much here for him. Maybe it helps him to come discuss it when he has a flare-up. The least he could do is identify it that way and apologize for what looks a lot like manipulation. But again, you can't expect something reasonable from someone who is not rational in their thoughts. And whose memory of good things doesn't really reach farther than a few weeks into the past. Edited January 15, 2012 by johan
Author Woggle Posted January 15, 2012 Author Posted January 15, 2012 No woman here as far as I can remember has told me my wife secretly wants a divorce but I have read it on other forums.
verhrzn Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 No woman here as far as I can remember has told me my wife secretly wants a divorce but I have read it on other forums. I've read that the moon landing was also faked, the Germans secretly won World War 2 and are just letting the rest of us THINK we won, and that those were not the droids I was looking for. There are thousands of whackadoos on the Internet... why are you believing THEM over posters here who you admit have supported you, and given you solid, optimistic advice through out the years? More importantly, why are you listening to people who have never met you about the person you sleep next to every night?
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