Author mike588 Posted January 14, 2012 Author Posted January 14, 2012 Your healing is not about her intent. Your healing is about you. There is no need to analyze her whys and her needs but to keep on moving with what you hope, for yourself. There is no stronger, louder and clearer message than silence. As I have always said, don't take a risk with any type of contact, if there is the slightest doubt in your mind that you can possibly take a slip. Yeah that's the way I'm leaning..silence and I'll do just that!! I know her and am pretty sure she'll get the message. Like M2155 said she's probably still with the ex. and just wants to rid herself of the guilt.
betterdeal Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 Is she a suitable candidate to bear your children; someone to whom you can safely hand over your soul so that you two may carry it safely to the grave? The answers to these questions will tell you something. Whilst we do best to honour our feelings, we do not honour them by solely acting impulsively on them. Feelings are like the voice of a small child petitioning a parent for a nappy to be changed or a drink or some more sweeties. It is up to the parent to acknowledge the child then decide what is the best course of action.
g450 Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 Yeah that's the way I'm leaning..silence and I'll do just that!! I know her and am pretty sure she'll get the message. Like M2155 said she's probably still with the ex. and just wants to rid herself of the guilt. OMG here we go again. Then do exactly that. Leaver her alone and ignore her. That is what you should do. You even admit that here. Yet what do you do? You start yet another thread with this self made drama all because of a breadcrumb. It's already been established that you were the OM. And she went back to her BF. Good for her. Painful for you. Now she is throwing you (the OM) breadcrumbs to keep you in orbit around her. That's typical of what walk-aways do. She is keeping both of you on a string. Deal with it. What did you expect anyway? Be honest with yourself. Why go on and on about it here? Leave her and her BF alone and get yourself a life. Turn off your computer, block her number, go fishing, go on a date with somebody new. Go do something for yourself. Can you not see how toxic this is for you? For her? For her BF? Let it go.
fificremefarben Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 Yet what do you do? You start yet another thread with this self made drama all because of a breadcrumb. Bit harsh.
wilsonx Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 OMG here we go again. Then do exactly that. Leaver her alone and ignore her. That is what you should do. You even admit that here. Yet what do you do? You start yet another thread with this self made drama all because of a breadcrumb. It's already been established that you were the OM. And she went back to her BF. Good for her. Painful for you. Now she is throwing you (the OM) breadcrumbs to keep you in orbit around her. That's typical of what walk-aways do. She is keeping both of you on a string. Deal with it. What did you expect anyway? Be honest with yourself. Why go on and on about it here? Leave her and her BF alone and get yourself a life. Turn off your computer, block her number, go fishing, go on a date with somebody new. Go do something for yourself. Can you not see how toxic this is for you? For her? For her BF? Let it go. Very well said...
Author mike588 Posted January 15, 2012 Author Posted January 15, 2012 OMG here we go again. Then do exactly that. Leaver her alone and ignore her. That is what you should do. You even admit that here. Yet what do you do? You start yet another thread with this self made drama all because of a breadcrumb. It's already been established that you were the OM. And she went back to her BF. Good for her. Painful for you. Now she is throwing you (the OM) breadcrumbs to keep you in orbit around her. That's typical of what walk-aways do. She is keeping both of you on a string. Deal with it. What did you expect anyway? Be honest with yourself. Why go on and on about it here? Leave her and her BF alone and get yourself a life. Turn off your computer, block her number, go fishing, go on a date with somebody new. Go do something for yourself. Can you not see how toxic this is for you? For her? For her BF? Let it go. Here we go again....WTF!! I told everyone on this site that I'd let them know if she ever made contact with me....and she did! Twice now. Others have asked me to let them know if I ever heard from her ..to keep us posted. How many others here "report back" when their ex. make contact..or just giving everyone an update on/from their situation... speaking of update that's all this thread was about...an update! I didn't ask for advise..wasn't seeking answers as to what I should do...if you don't like my update/s then don't respond!!!! Get a life?? I've only been here about 5 months....I see you've been here since 2009..maybe you should get a life?
lolita jade Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 Hey, We are all on here because we need support and are hurting Why put people down and hurt people more? If Mike wants to do a 100 posts regarding breadcrumbs he can and we should be here to support him. It is at times like this we need the most help and also, like he says we want to know when other's get contact to give us all hope and give us an insight into other's situations, outside of focusing on our own.
spicolli Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 Mike, Im with ya man, all the way. I don't see what problem people have with your postings, its getting a bit ridiculous. If people want to scroll past it, they have the capability, therefore they shouldn't be complaining.post all you want about whatever you want, this is your journey man. With that said, I just want to let you know how admirable I find your strength in this situation. It must be hard, damn near impossible, to ignore these cries for contact. Your self discipline and inner strength is truly uplifting. keep up the good work, AND POSTINGS. this is about no one but you. Good luck dude
Author mike588 Posted January 17, 2012 Author Posted January 17, 2012 Mike, Im with ya man, all the way. I don't see what problem people have with your postings, its getting a bit ridiculous. If people want to scroll past it, they have the capability, therefore they shouldn't be complaining.post all you want about whatever you want, this is your journey man. With that said, I just want to let you know how admirable I find your strength in this situation. It must be hard, damn near impossible, to ignore these cries for contact. Your self discipline and inner strength is truly uplifting. keep up the good work, AND POSTINGS. this is about no one but you. Good luck dude Thanks for you support...you too Lolita jade. I'm actually surprised how easy it's been to ignore her and not to have all those emotions stirred up again.
GaelicSoul Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 Hi Mike, Is there anything/way that would make you want to try and work things out with her?
Author mike588 Posted January 17, 2012 Author Posted January 17, 2012 (edited) Hi Mike, Is there anything/way that would make you want to try and work things out with her? At this time...this moment I don't see it ever working between us again.I'm not in love with her anymore. To much damage has been done...things have changed..I've changed....I've move on. I still care for her and wish her the best but.....I'm not interested in trying to make it work. My world is changing..I'm re-arranging. I've found peace and am ok with being single now...I seldom think about her or 'us" anymore....I have the memories of our good times together and will leave it at that. Oh how at one time....months ago I hoped....prayed and wished that we would be together again....to try it again...now...I'm just not interested. Edited January 17, 2012 by mike588
GaelicSoul Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 Good stuff, i'm glad your at this stage man. Enjoy it! It takes a long time for some people to get to where you are. You really have to take yourself out of the situation, take a step back and look at the whole picture from a neutral perspective. It's so important for people to find peace within themselves, rather then looking to their Ex's to provide this. It doesn't work that way.
g450 Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 Yet what do you do? You start yet another thread with this self made drama all because of a breadcrumb. Bit harsh. Yes it was. It was meant to be but Im not trying to hurt him. OP simply needs a reality check IMHO. He really needs to leave her and her BF alone. And I hate to say it but I am willing to bet he will continue to eat her breadcrumbs and try to sustain his diet with them. It's a no win for anyone in that triangle. He needs to see the harsh reality for what it is so he can move past it.
Author mike588 Posted January 18, 2012 Author Posted January 18, 2012 Yet what do you do? You start yet another thread with this self made drama all because of a breadcrumb. Yes it was. It was meant to be but Im not trying to hurt him. OP simply needs a reality check IMHO. He really needs to leave her and her BF alone. And I hate to say it but I am willing to bet he will continue to eat her breadcrumbs and try to sustain his diet with them. It's a no win for anyone in that triangle. He needs to see the harsh reality for what it is so he can move past it. So you think I need to leave her and her b/f alone??? Well guess what...that's exactly what I've been doing for over 5 months now!!! She is the one who is contacting me!... and your willing to bet that I'll continue to "eat her breadcrumbs"...... I still haven't responded to HER attempts (breadcrumbs) for a reply from me and she's not going to get one!
lilyblue Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 At this time...this moment I don't see it ever working between us again.I'm not in love with her anymore. To much damage has been done...things have changed..I've changed....I've move on. I still care for her and wish her the best but.....I'm not interested in trying to make it work. My world is changing..I'm re-arranging. I've found peace and am ok with being single now...I seldom think about her or 'us" anymore....I have the memories of our good times together and will leave it at that. Oh how at one time....months ago I hoped....prayed and wished that we would be together again....to try it again...now...I'm just not interested. Sounds like you're doing great Mike. What do you think were the most important things that led to you being ok with being single?
Author mike588 Posted January 18, 2012 Author Posted January 18, 2012 Sounds like you're doing great Mike. What do you think were the most important things that led to you being ok with being single? Lily that's a good question but I'm not sure I have an answer...it's almost like a lightbulb went off in my head...seems like I woke up one morning and poof..everything changed. I'm not a bible pusher or a religious freak but I did pray alot about it...maybe that had something to do with it? I also got sick and tired of being sick and tired of worrying about it....playing it over and over in my head...analyzing and analyzing it again..... I guess I came to the conclusion that's it's over...it was time to let go and move on. My promotion at work also helped.... I still wonder how I got it after looking/walking round like a zombie...maybe they felt sorry for me,lol. I was single for about a year before we started dating and remember that I was ok/happy with that...I only had to worry about myself...I didn't need to please anyone else but myself. Eventually I do want to meet someone else...to fall in love again...to have someone in my life but that will come in time...probably when I least expect it. Taking her off the pedestal helps alot too...learning to love myself..knowing I'm a good..caring..loving person(she told me that too)not a cheater or beater who gave it my all with/to her and knowing she lost out helps. I'm not the same one...and I see what the times done.
chados Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 Lily that's a good question but I'm not sure I have an answer...it's almost like a lightbulb went off in my head...seems like I woke up one morning and poof..everything changed. mike, do you think that the mainreason you where struggling was because you blamed yourself? that you felt that you where the best you could be and that you didnt feel appreciated? i believe that was my biggest problem. i really think we all learn something important by being dumped. the best lesson for me was realize that no matter what will happen in the future. if someone decides to break up with me, im not going to wait for that person to come back. this isnt always that easy, but damn it hurts to look at old memories like pictures etc.
Author mike588 Posted January 18, 2012 Author Posted January 18, 2012 Lily that's a good question but I'm not sure I have an answer...it's almost like a lightbulb went off in my head...seems like I woke up one morning and poof..everything changed. mike, do you think that the mainreason you where struggling was because you blamed yourself? that you felt that you where the best you could be and that you didnt feel appreciated? i believe that was my biggest problem. i really think we all learn something important by being dumped. the best lesson for me was realize that no matter what will happen in the future. if someone decides to break up with me, im not going to wait for that person to come back. this isnt always that easy, but damn it hurts to look at old memories like pictures etc. I'm not sure I blamed myself...I definantly felt not appreciated though. I was raised and believed that when you love a woman you treat her well...show love...respect..help her out...be there for her etc.etc. After being that way and then being dumped so cruely...the betrayel...I think that's where I was struggeling. I've learned an important lesson from this and will be much more careful next time.
chados Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 "After being that way and then being dumped so cruely...the betrayel...I think that's where I was struggeling" yeah i see your point. sometimes it might feel worse to treat someone great and then realize they dont want you anymore. guess thats what i felt.
lilyblue Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 Lily that's a good question but I'm not sure I have an answer...it's almost like a lightbulb went off in my head...seems like I woke up one morning and poof..everything changed. I'm not a bible pusher or a religious freak but I did pray alot about it...maybe that had something to do with it? I also got sick and tired of being sick and tired of worrying about it....playing it over and over in my head...analyzing and analyzing it again..... I guess I came to the conclusion that's it's over...it was time to let go and move on. My promotion at work also helped.... I still wonder how I got it after looking/walking round like a zombie...maybe they felt sorry for me,lol. I was single for about a year before we started dating and remember that I was ok/happy with that...I only had to worry about myself...I didn't need to please anyone else but myself. Eventually I do want to meet someone else...to fall in love again...to have someone in my life but that will come in time...probably when I least expect it. Taking her off the pedestal helps alot too...learning to love myself..knowing I'm a good..caring..loving person(she told me that too)not a cheater or beater who gave it my all with/to her and knowing she lost out helps. I'm not the same one...and I see what the times done. That's awesome Ah, if only there were a step-by-step guide instead of just waking up one day! I'm glad your one day came. Congrats on the promotion too.
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