Anyone else not often attracted to people?

January 14, 2012

It did kind of get narrowed down to physical attraction yes, although I do also find it challenging to find many men I look forward to seeing again after a first date.

I'm not using the current situation for free meals or doing him/me a disservice. He bought the first time, I did the second. I didn't even think about him physically until the second date, and when I did think about the possibility that he was going to kiss me, that's when I figured out that that sounded horrible. Going to give it one more shot and see if anything changes for me, and if not, that will be the end of that.

I'm not sure I understand the "people-picking" concept carhill.

January 14, 2012

Pick a guy who you want to kiss and ask him out. See how it goes.

If what you're currently doing isn't satisfying, try something else....

January 14, 2012

Doesn't happen to me. My penis is my deciding factor in attraction once I get the ball rolling and get to know them. Its weird but I think my penis is psychic. The women I had sex with before I did them I got hard all the time around them. If I meet someone start talking and it doesn't happen then I just find someone else

I think you may just have some unresolved issues you need to deal with.

January 14, 2012

Sounds like OP is one of those rare people with a very low sex drive. Perhaps asexual. Its a possibility. Im picky myself, but Im still attracted to a decent amount of people out in the world.

Or it could be this:

If the OP finds the thought of physical contact with men repellant, perhaps she is gay. I've known several people of both sexes who forced themselves to date, even get engaged, and one day they just came to the realization that they were gay. They were much happier.

Edited January 14, 2012 by kaylan

January 14, 2012

Pick a guy who you want to kiss and ask him out. See how it goes.

If what you're currently doing isn't satisfying, try something else....

ah, if only it was that easy. I've never had success with asking guys out.

January 14, 2012

Sounds like OP is one of those rare people with a very low sex drive. Perhaps asexual. Its a possibility. Im picky myself, but Im still attracted to a decent amount of people out in the world.

Or it could be this:

Thanks for your reply. I know these aren't the issues, and that's why I think there's something else going on. I actually have a very high sex drive - with a small amount of men (and no amount of women )

January 14, 2012

ah, if only it was that easy. I've never had success with asking guys out.

Then do what a man who doesn't have success asking women out does. Change yourself. Those objects of your desire aren't going to change. Life's answers lie within us. Other people are outside of our control. The same applies to 'not often attracted'. I recall vividly when I chose to 'change' how I processed my natural attraction style and, for lack of a better word, 'forced' myself to conform more to a more synergistic style which women I wanted to date followed. They weren't going to change so, if I wanted to date, I had to change. It sounds simplistic, and in reality is quite complex, changing part of one's intrinsic behavior/thought process, but it can work. After awhile, when changing nothing results in nothing, change starts looking more 'attractive'.

January 14, 2012

Then do what a man who doesn't have success asking women out does. Change yourself. Those objects of your desire aren't going to change. Life's answers lie within us. Other people are outside of our control. The same applies to 'not often attracted'. I recall vividly when I chose to 'change' how I processed my natural attraction style and, for lack of a better word, 'forced' myself to conform more to a more synergistic style which women I wanted to date followed. They weren't going to change so, if I wanted to date, I had to change. It sounds simplistic, and in reality is quite complex, changing part of one's intrinsic behavior/thought process, but it can work. After awhile, when changing nothing results in nothing, change starts looking more 'attractive'.

Thanks for your replies carhill. What, if I may ask, did you change? I feel like I can't really change my personality or my basic looks - I'm not sure what to "work on". I know most people answer with "go to the gym", but I've got that covered. I'm fit (marathon runner), take care of myself, etc

January 14, 2012

I guess the most recent experience that made me ask this question was that I went out on one date with a guy. We had a ton in common. He's not unattractive at all. I went out with him again last night and of course the thought of kissing him entered my mind - which repulsed me. I feel completely physically unattracted to him. We're going out again, but I really can't imagine kissing him, but I'm not sure why.

If the thought of kissing an attractive man repulses you, it's certainly not normal. Is it possible that you are gay by any chance?

January 14, 2012

What, if I may ask, did you change?

I found a more synergistic medium between the two set points I outlined above, one which matched up better with women in my dating realm. I consciously altered how a basic attraction 'style' was implemented. Simplistically, I 'let' myself become attracted more easily and more quickly, along with broadening the parameters of how that would happen; then, I reflected that change in word, action and 'aura' so it would be more transparent to women. That was the point when my dating 'luck' changed.

IMO, there's no common 'solution'. All we can do is offer up ideas and anecdotes and maybe one or a combination of offerings will have meaning. Myself, I just kept trying different things until stumbling upon something that worked for me.

January 15, 2012

Thanks for your replies carhill. What, if I may ask, did you change? I feel like I can't really change my personality or my basic looks - I'm not sure what to "work on". I know most people answer with "go to the gym", but I've got that covered. I'm fit (marathon runner), take care of myself, etc

I wouldn't tell you to change your hobbies but marathon running puts an awful lot of stress on the body. Most such runners have no muscle, no curves, and no sex drive.

January 15, 2012

I once read that if we turn down everyone until we find that 1% person where we feel instant attraction on all levels (physical, intellectual, and emotional) then we are not really attracted to that 1% person, but we are more attracted to our fantasy of a perfect person for us as we think that person is it. The risk is that when we get to know that 1% person we are likely to be disappointed because they can't match up to our fantasy. Better to date someone who starts out with attraction on maybe just one level and slowly get to know them over a few dates to really get to know them and to find out if we truly feel attraction on all three levels.

This giving people a chance has not worked for me in the past. Whenever I thought there was an attraction in some aspects, I instinctively construed the not-so-attractive aspects into attractive because my mind told me this was "it." And "It" turned into "shlt" - and the worst part was that now someone who was the wrong guy for me, below my league, below my expectations (e.g. mentally abusive) was dumping ME, even though I was initially their "princess." It's very hurtful when someone whom you normally wouldn't ever give a chance, even for a first date - but you decide to give them a chance - dumps you. By contrast, when the chemistry was complete and it later turned out we weren't right for each other, I had a very healthy falling out of love.

Sometimes I wonder if there's something wrong with me. I'm a 32 year old female and sometimes I feel like I could go out with 50 men in a row and there'd be a 1% chance that I'd be attracted to even one of them. Does anyone else find this to be true?

It seems like friends have an easy time feeling attraction. It happens very seldom for me.

I am the same. It's not so much the looks as much as the rest - and especially the combination of physical, intellectual and emotional attraction. I haven't experienced that... EVER.

But I will. Soon. I know he'll show up and I'll know he's the one the moment I see him for the very first time.

January 15, 2012

I actually felt like I was never going to be attracted to anyone until I met my husband, and even then, I was attracted to his personality more than his looks. It wasn't until after I'd fallen for him that I realized how good looking he was.

January 15, 2012

I find about 70% of women from ages 18 to (around approximately) 45 to be attractive, meaning either OK, cute, hot, or smoking hot.

And if the other 30% had the rest of the package I was looking for, I could find them attractive too.

I know, I know ... just go away you freak!

January 15, 2012

Sometimes I wonder if there's something wrong with me. I'm a 32 year old female and sometimes I feel like I could go out with 50 men in a row and there'd be a 1% chance that I'd be attracted to even one of them. Does anyone else find this to be true?

It seems like friends have an easy time feeling attraction. It happens very seldom for me.

Just one response.

If you're not hot, you're screwed...

January 15, 2012

When you have been attracted to a man, where did that attraction come from? Was it his appearance (an immediate type of attraction)? Or was it something that grew out of his interactions with you?

If the thought of kissing an attractive man repulses you, it's certainly not normal.

I suspect this is more normal for women than you think. Sexual attraction is more complex for the average woman than it is for the average man.

January 15, 2012

Women find maybe 10% of all men physically attractive at a glance. This is the first flaming hoop to jump through.

Out of that 10%, for a girl whose looking for personality and looks, maybe 10% of the 10% has an attractive/compatible character. Hoop #2.

And finally out of that 10% of the 10%, only 10% of the men don't have some other trait or experience that is a big turn off.

So in the end, most women my age (20's) actually find maybe .1% of all men attractive enough to be with. At 1% you find many more men attractive than your peers.

January 15, 2012

I wouldn't be hugely concerned. Some people just have very specific tastes.

Do you have a "type". A look, build.. someone who you look at and say "Yes, they're sexy?"

What you might find is that the "type" you're attracted too isn't one you're exposed to very often in the circles you travel in.

For example, I've always been attracted to "exotic" women. Women who stand out, are usually mixed race, with European linage.

Where I live, those kinds of women are *rare*, so I generally don't find myself attracted to most of the women I meet. I like them well enough, I think they're "pretty", but I don't feel that sense of "show stopper" effect.

I still believe that who we're attracted to is tightly bound to our genetics. Subconsciously, your body recognises and responds to a suitable mate. What's what "attraction" is all about. If you're not feeling attraction, you're not being exposed to those kinds of mate.

January 15, 2012

I wouldn't be hugely concerned. Some people just have very specific tastes.

Do you have a "type". A look, build.. someone who you look at and say "Yes, they're sexy?"

What you might find is that the "type" you're attracted too isn't one you're exposed to very often in the circles you travel in.

For example, I've always been attracted to "exotic" women. Women who stand out, are usually mixed race, with European linage.

Where I live, those kinds of women are *rare*, so I generally don't find myself attracted to most of the women I meet. I like them well enough, I think they're "pretty", but I don't feel that sense of "show stopper" effect.

I still believe that who we're attracted to is tightly bound to our genetics. Subconsciously, your body recognises and responds to a suitable mate. What's what "attraction" is all about. If you're not feeling attraction, you're not being exposed to those kinds of mate.

I don't buy that for a second. If you lived in a small homogenous town in the 18th century with no TV, pop culture, or internet porn, your tastes in women would be vastly different from what they are now.

January 15, 2012

I suspect this is more normal for women than you think. Sexual attraction is more complex for the average woman than it is for the average man.

Tbh, its not really complex. Women are attracted to men through visual cues just like men are attracted to women through visual cues, but just not to the same degree.

Like wise men are attracted to women through emotional cues, just like women are attracted to men through emotional cues, but not to the same degree.

I wouldnt say women are super complex in attraction. Nor would I say its normal that many women are attracted to a small number of guys. If the club and bar scene shows us anything, its that men and women are attracted to a good portion of each other. Hell we see different types of couples all the time that show us that attraction runs the gamut.

Sure a males high sex drive will make him want to have sex with a greater amount of women than the number of men a woman would sleep with. But many times, the guy will only be doing that to get sexual release. Hes may not be truly attracted to all the women he wants to sleep with. For some guys, sometimes sex is sex.

I don't buy that for a second. If you lived in a small homogenous town in the 18th century with no TV, pop culture, or internet porn, your tastes in women would be vastly different from what they are now.

^This.

Yes there is a biological component to attraction, but one can never forget how HUGE socialization affects all of our likes and dislikes.

If we were in the Renaissance era, average sized to thick women would be the hot women of today. Attractive men would be burly to slightly chubby. Just look at paintings from back then.

However I do wonder how people would react if you took todays elite specimens of the human body and dropped them in the past. Im pretty sure people would think they were super hot anyways. Who knows.

January 15, 2012

However I do wonder how people would react if you took todays elite specimens of the human body and dropped them in the past. Im pretty sure people would think they were super hot anyways. Who knows.

Ahh, the Adonis Theory, whereby a man with the perfect waist to shoulder ratio (something like 1:1.618) is the perfect measurements and commands respect from all and immediately triggers women's sexual attraction. Have yet to test this theory :laugh:

Probably would be the same for women, imagine Kim Kardashian in 17th century

January 15, 2012

This sounds like a woman problem. I actualy get angry when guys post about this. Just today I no doubt saw over a hundred girls I was attracted to.

Also guys like me don't care if you're attracted as long as your down for fun! haha

January 15, 2012

This sounds like a woman problem. I actualy get angry when guys post about this. Just today I no doubt saw over a hundred girls I was attracted to.

Also guys like me don't care if you're attracted as long as your down for fun! haha

Dude...

When I walk down the streets of Manhattan during a busy period, I literally see 100 attractive women in the span of 5 minutes.

January 15, 2012

I don't buy that for a second. If you lived in a small homogenous town in the 18th century with no TV, pop culture, or internet porn, your tastes in women would be vastly different from what they are now.

i agree. 200 yrs ago he wouldn't even have known that "exotic" women exist at all, so i doubt his taste would have been the same.

on a side note, what i quoted just confirms that porn influences men.

January 15, 2012

When you have been attracted to a man, where did that attraction come from? Was it his appearance (an immediate type of attraction)? Or was it something that grew out of his interactions with you?

I suspect this is more normal for women than you think. Sexual attraction is more complex for the average woman than it is for the average man.

I think it mostly happens right away from a combination of appearance and personality, although my last (awful) boyfriend and I were just friends for years and I was not attracted to him in a physical way, though our personalities definitely clicked. Once he started pursuing me and flirting with me I began to think of him as physically attractive, and I'm still really attracted to him physically. I don't think it usually happens for me that way though, nor is it generally practical to wait for years for physical attraction to develop. I think part of the reason it changed for me with him was that he got divorced in the middle of all that, so became available. I might have thought of him as attractive before had he not been off limits? I'm not sure.

I think it's interesting that a lot of the women are agreeing with me, and a lot of the men think it's not that common.

And I kind of have a "type", although it mostly boils down to a preference for dark hair and reasonably fit looking (which mostly just comes from the fact I'd like someone to be active with). Not a ton of preferences on top of those.

Edited January 15, 2012 by lilyblue

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