goldengirl86 Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 Hi guys Im the OW and this is not my forum so to speak, but i have been thinking alot about my experience with fmm. When the affair was exposed mm began to abuse his bs in some way, usually whensever she would bring up the affair or was in a angry mood etc. The first time after D-day it was her that hit him giving him a black eye etc, the second time occured when she found him texting me keep in mind he had left supposedly and was watching the kids while she was at work, the third time came up when she asked him when he saw me if we had done anything and he said we hugged and held hands at this point in time i think she hit him again and he locked her outside( ? how she got outside, but we can guess), anyway she broke through the first door and then smashed through the window of the next door, he crapped the kids and car keys and took off, kicking her off him as she was trying to get to the kids, they both then chased one another around town playing chicken with one another, i threatened to call the police at this time if he did not take the children back home. Both, well especially her were still very keen on reconciliation at this point, he told me he wanted her to figure out she did not want to be with him. However, it got to a point were i had enough and ended things with him as it seemed liked that was where he wanted to be. So both go away for the weekend with the kids and when they get there have a fight, he wants to leave but she will not unlock the car door, so he picks up a stick and smashes the window, and then tells her to get in " she aks if he is going to kill her and he says hope in and find out". Once that get abck form there "drive" he tells her to go get the kids, she goes inside, but does not come out so he goes in and ends up in a fight with her dad and she attacks him with a fry pan, the youngest child was in the cross fire and i assumed was hit. The police are called, they file a proetcion order to prevent him contacting her and the kids. Anyway needless to say she loves him alot, takes him back, has the PO removed, with the police keeping some restrictions like do not threaten or intimitate her etc, the assult charges all mimimised and he escapes jail. Now once again couple goes away for WK, he come home and takes then all for a "drive", they go inside and he gets an axe, makes her sit on loungewith kids and swings axe right beside her head, and then later preceeds to blindfold her makes her lye down and goes to run her over, she wants again love you alot and lets it go. Another time after finding out TT, she tells some completly wacked out story as to how she found out, which in hindsight was probaly to protect a friend, he takes her for a "drive" with the kids and threatens her life. They than go out for a date! Last time she calls him wanting to know about an email he sent me, and then grabs the kid and puts them in the car no seatbelts nothing, and he chases after her and they bumb into one another and she loses control and goes off the road, no one is hurt. Well some of you know the story, but i have been wondering is this my fault am i the reason that he did that to her, i know she blames me for everything, he did not but he might now he would say that she knew what buttons to push, and it was her who was messing up his head ??? Did anyone else experience violence after D-day, and if you did what is your take on it. I somehow feel responsible in away. I have been reading alot about how BS feels and WS and they blame everything on the AP, so when they are happiliy reconciled she/he is the bad guy. (keep in mind there was the occassional occurence of abuse like hitting one another, he tripped her over once when she was pregnant, and kicked her car in and jumped on the roof, she broke through the bathroom door to get to her kid one time because he was yelling at him, and at time i think she use to hit him and vice versa).
Quiet Storm Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 These two have a very dysfunctional and unhealthy relationship. These children need to be removed from their care. Their issues started way before you. My guess is that one or both is personality disordered. It is all about them and their dysfunctional dance, and you are simply on the peripheral. You didn’t cause it, and were likely a pawn that was used to make her jealous and amp up the drama. However, now that you know this, you need to protect yourself and figure out why you allowed yourself to be sucked into their drama. Do not allow them to pull you into their dysfunction, which has already happened (you’re thinking & posting about it). Don’t take the bait. Any thoughts you waste on him is brain space that could be used to work on you and move forward.
Author goldengirl86 Posted January 13, 2012 Author Posted January 13, 2012 Thanks guys, my therapists thinks that i treat them like a science project in that wanting to understand them will help me understand my own issues! In that if i could dissect there relationship and there minds i could better understand some issues i have from childhood. I have a feelnig i know why i was drawn to him on a subconcious level. But i had read to that in some cases when a spouse cheats that things can turn abusive afterwards, though i know these two where abusive before hand.
nofool4u Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 Did anyone else experience violence after D-day, and if you did what is your take on it. I somehow feel responsible in away. I have been reading alot about how BS feels and WS and they blame everything on the AP, so when they are happiliy reconciled she/he is the bad guy. I didn't experience violence, or exhibit it. But my WW x-wife did, from the very OM she cheated on me with.
Michael30 Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 I got slapped when I told her I was going to divorce her. And that doesn't include the mental abuse I had to endure.
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