Blackened Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 The other night I was with the guy I've been seeing... (and a female mutual friend of his who is leaving town soon) showed up. Things were going fine for a while. But as the night went on something just wasn't right. I was getting ready to leave and he was going to walk me home. She came over and gave me a hug. And when we were hugging he came over and hugged both of us. She was saying she's really going to miss all of us when she leaves. Then *here it comes* he says he might go with her. At first it came off as sarcasm... but then the two of them start talking about it and I realize he is serious. Then when he was walking me home I asked him if he was really going with her. And he said he's thinking about it. He went on to tell me there's nothing in this town for him. *Alright... so I'm nothing...* Then he hurried up and corrected himself and said "Well maybe there's a few things here worth staying for." Too late... damage was already done by that point. Then he starts telling me that she is always coming on to him and he always tells her no. Ok, so that's a good thing right? But wait... he tells her no unless I can be involved too. And she will then bug him to get me there so we can all three sleep together. Are they not considering MY feelings? I don't want to sleep with her. I don't want a three way... Then he tells me that she wants to take her last paycheck from her job and just run away with him... Wow... twist the knife a little deeper. This whole time, I'm in warrior mode. I'm putting on my brave face. I'm listening to all this and appearing untouched, but my heart was breaking. I can't even explain what an awful feeling it was. So now, in two weeks she is leaving... and he might leave too. You might be wanting to tell me I don't need a man in my life to be happy. But I am not one of those people who can't be alone. I don't depend on others for my happiness. BUT, every person who I've ever loved has betrayed me. I just wonder if it's even possible to not be betrayed when I love someone. When I was in high school my best friend set me up with a guy I really liked. We dated for three months. Things were great. Then I found out the whole time he was dating me he was ****ing her. I was in a 6 year relationship with my first love... then he left me for a girl he met on the internet. My nine year relationship wasn't pretty either. He cheated on me with a 15 year old girl! I was seeing a woman after that who I was falling really hard for... then she left me to pursue a relationship with a drug dealer. My best friend of ten years told me he was in love with me a year ago. Oh he loved me so much... he swore he would never hurt me. When I finally gave in and entered into a relationship with him he couldn't keep it in his pants and worst of all, he tried to hook up with the woman who left me for the drug dealer! That's a double slap in the face right there... The fact that all these people have done these things to me makes me wonder why? Why the hell am I so easy to treat this way? Right now I feel worthless... he basically told me I am nothing. And I feel like nothing... All I am is someone to settle for until something better comes along I guess. Oh, and he did ask me to come with them when they leave... Why the hell would I want to tag along on that adventure? I've known this man for 10 years. She has known him a couple months. There are parallels in both my life and his life, and a lot of odd coincidences in our pasts... I have wondered (and still wonder, despite this) if he is my twin flame. My sixth sense has told me from the getgo that he is someone I am supposed to be with. How could I be this wrong? Now that this has happened I can't feel anything (but crushing sadness.) I wonder if he feels any remorse at all for the things he said last night. I wonder if he's even thinking about me at all. I talked to him on facebook last night... I told him I'm not going with them. He said he didn't expect me to. But then he said he probably won't go either. He hasn't made up his mind yet. Even if he does stay... it fixes nothing. My opinion of him has changed. And when we talked he acted like nothing bad had happened. It's like he doesn't even know I'm upset. And she texted me earlier and asked me for a favor. I didn't answer her. I don't know what to do... I'm so heartbroken. I know it's probably for the best... this incident has made me wonder if he is narcissistic. I know I can't diagnose narcissism and neither can anyone here. But just from what I've read... a big sing is a lack of empathy, which he seems to be showing now. I just need some opinions. I needed to tell someone... I was in shock for a while after this happened... now it's all starting to process.
Author Blackened Posted January 13, 2012 Author Posted January 13, 2012 Please... someone say something.
thepedestrian Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 Sorry I don't really know what to say. Sorry to hear about your story, sounds like you're in a very unforgiving situation that you don't deserve to be in.
Lis007 Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 It sounds like you have been hurt a lot. But you know for each one you listed you moved on... so that's got to be a positive right? I always think its so unfair when bad things always happen to the same people... I don't think there is always a reason. I am not sure what you should do... it all seems to be dependent on whether he goes... and how much you really want to be with him. What do you guys do for fun? could a cool and action holiday full of exciting things to do with you snap him back?
whichwayisup Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 How long have you two been a couple/seeing eachother? Anyway, sadly, he blew it and there's no going back to how things were before. It's obvious something has been going on between them, or about to if it hasn't already. Sorry that you're hurting and that you had to go through another painful experience. I do think you should give him crap, tell him how you feel and why. pour it on and then end it. He's a real sh.it and should know it.
perfectlyflawed459 Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 Your story almost put me to tears My heart goes out to you. You seem like a genuinely nice person and it tears me apart to see a good person get hurt and walked on over and over again. First off, the girl who is your "friend" is probably someone you may want to reconsider hanging around with. I mean, if she knew you liked this guy and was seeing him, why would she try and butt in? Doesn't sound like a great friend to me and you do not deserve the treatment from anyone. All I can tell you right now is to keep your head up and try to focus on the positive things in your life. As Lis007 said, you have been able to pull through your past grief, so your strenght is very admirable and a positive thing you should embrace. Stay strong and we are always here for you. Keep us updated.
Sugarkane Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 (edited) She really doesn't sound like much of a "friend" to me. And she can't have much if a conscience if she's willing to hit on and go on holiday with someone else's Boyfriend. Says Alot about her. I hope she enjoys being his rebound. Edited January 13, 2012 by Sugarkane Spelling mistake
Author Blackened Posted January 13, 2012 Author Posted January 13, 2012 How long have you two been a couple/seeing eachother? Anyway, sadly, he blew it and there's no going back to how things were before. It's obvious something has been going on between them, or about to if it hasn't already. Sorry that you're hurting and that you had to go through another painful experience. I do think you should give him crap, tell him how you feel and why. pour it on and then end it. He's a real sh.it and should know it. I've known him ten years. We hooked up last February after a mutual friend's birthday party. Then I didn't see him for a couple months. But we started hanging out again around May... started I guess you could call it casual dating in the summer... I went overseas in Spectember for two weeks and when I came home we got more serious. You asked how long we've been seeing each other. There are a few answers to that I guess... because our relationship has had different levels over the last year.
Author Blackened Posted January 13, 2012 Author Posted January 13, 2012 Your story almost put me to tears My heart goes out to you. You seem like a genuinely nice person and it tears me apart to see a good person get hurt and walked on over and over again. First off, the girl who is your "friend" is probably someone you may want to reconsider hanging around with. I mean, if she knew you liked this guy and was seeing him, why would she try and butt in? Doesn't sound like a great friend to me and you do not deserve the treatment from anyone. All I can tell you right now is to keep your head up and try to focus on the positive things in your life. As Lis007 said, you have been able to pull through your past grief, so your strenght is very admirable and a positive thing you should embrace. Stay strong and we are always here for you. Keep us updated. Oh she is dead to me... Up to that point I never had anything against her. I haven't known her that long, onlky a couple months, but she always struck me as a genuione person. She texted me last night asking for a favor... I didn't answer her. She messaged again a little later, didn't answer her then either. He IMed me on facebook last night to ask me how I was doing. What a joke... after a few minutes of talking he asked me to borrow money!!! WTF? I told him no. He said he would pay me back nect month. I told him he'll be gone next month so it doesn't matter. He said "No, probably not going anywhere." And here I was thinking maybe he was worried about me. How stupid of me to even think that...
betterdeal Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 He said "No, probably not going anywhere." ...fast. Jeez, what a mess. Sounds like your gang of friends needs some new blood in it. Or maybe you need some new friends, and to be careful not to cross-contaminate your new friends with the old ones. From the sounds of it, your old friends are all a bit crap at dating and feed off each other's left overs. That can work, for sh*ts and giggles, but it's highly unlikely to result in a lasting relationship. Expand your network I say.
Philosoraptor Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 I'm very sorry to hear of the tragedies of your past. It seems that neither of these people are ones that you want to associate with in the future. I think you need to draw your boundaries now to stop any further pain in the future. I hope you can find your inner peace and let go of the pains from your past, as they haunt us and in a lot of ways steer us to future pain. "Although wishing to be rid of misery, They run toward misery itself. Although wishing to have happiness, Like an enemy they ignorantly destroy it" - Santideva “You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” - Buddha
CaliBabe Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 People treat you the way YOU allow them to treat you. Kick his a$$ to the curb! You have to have more self respect than to subject yourself to this. If he wants to leave, then show him the door! Be strong, you will save yourself futher pain!
CopingGal Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 Blackened, this man sounds like a complete and utter bombaclot. Seriously, he does. Sorry you have been through so much pain. I know what it's like to feel like you are in someone's life only until someone better comes along. It happened to me this summer. First, I think you should examine these past relationships. I'd bet my bottom dollar that there were lots of signs (red flags) that you ignored. I had to ask myself why do I find myself in very hurtful relationships? I grew up with parents that had a terrible marriage and a father who was....(sigh). My mom was always alone even though they were married for many, many years. What kind of self-esteem do you have? When things get bad, do you put up with and put up with and put up with hurtful things, waiting for things to get better? IF so, why don't you leave sooner? I think you should take some time and get to know yourself and get some therapy. I am a firm believe in therapy and I have had plenty of it.
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