Jump to content

Will looking at the pictures give me the closure I want?

fificremefarben

By fificremefarben
in Breaks and Breaking Up

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

fificremefarben Established Member

fificremefarben

Posted
Posted

Forgive me if this sounds childish (I am 24...)...but I'm genuinely wondering...

 

 

BU 5 months ago after 4 yr relationship(cheated, lied and left me for the other woman. Told me in a text message a month after the breakup that she was the real reason he broke up with me then cut me out of his life after I asked him to tell me about it face-to-face. (full story here --> http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t304090/)

 

Anyway, I knew this day would come. My friend has just contacted me to tell me that our mutual friend has put up pictures of a ceilidh (scottish dance) he went to for new year with his girlfriend. Turns out this mutual friend actually went as a foursome with my ex and the girl he left me for (I'm a little annoyed at our mutual friend actually, cos he lied to me about his plans for new year...neglected to mention the ex part). Anyway, our mutual friend, bless him, is a bit thoughtless sometimes (he knows how gutted I was about the break up...i burst into tears in front of him when we went for lunch a month before new years) and has posted these pics on facebook.

 

I haven't looked at them, mostly because I have a presentation tomorrow at uni and I won't be able to sleep if i look at them.

 

I know you'd all tell me not to look at them, that it'll set me back, but hear me out. Do you think if I see the two of them together that it might actually give me the closure and push i need to fully move on with my life if I see them together?

 

Just a thought x

PoppyLove89 Established Member

PoppyLove89

Posted
Posted

On the one hand looking at them could be the final bit of reality check you need to make you realise that it's over - he's moved on.

 

But on the other hand, I don't think it's worth the emotional pain you're gonna feel when you see him in the arms of another woman. Don't put yourself through that...

 

You've come a long way, stay strong :)

Pens55 Established Member

Pens55

Posted
Posted

I personally dont think it will help. You know it will hurt you, and it seems like you believe that the extra hurt will strengthen your will. But I think the pain will cause you to dwell on this.

 

What if this happened: You purposely chose NOT to look at the pictures, you took the power to say "I do not care." Maybe this wont help you right now, but it can become the beginning of a habit. I think this strength will help you much more than intentionally causing yourself pain.

 

But, Im pretty new here, so I'll leave it up to the vets.

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted

I say look at them, cry and let it go. It will give you closure.

Bsham Member

Bsham

Posted
Posted

I'd advise against looking at them. It's like an ex smoker looking at a cigarette in front of them after quitting, the smoker will think "oh just once more, it's only one". Well, that one can lead to urges for more.

 

Fact is removing an ex completely out of your life, from your eyes and your mind is the true way forward.

 

I split with my ex four months ago now and feel fine with it, but if I saw a picture of her and a man together I know dormant memories and "what ifs" will appear in my mind. Then I might get sad thinking "she's moved on and happy, why am I still single".

 

It won't bring you closure, it will bring you thoughts of the past and the past is where you don't live anymore.

 

Live in the moment and look to the future, nothing in the past needs to be revisited only learnt from.

Chs Established Member

Chs

Posted
Posted

I just looked through my ex's new boyfriends pictures, and i couldnt help but feel nettet than him and thus, less attracted to my ex. So i would say go for it!

whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

Posted
Posted

Tell the mutual friend to stop telling you anything to do with your ex, including pictures. Why did he do that? That's just plain cruel!

 

If this helps you cry it out and see the di.ckwad for who he is, then look at the pictures and really grieve the loss so you can let go and get him out of your heart. But, if seeing pictures is too much, then don't look. Work on just letting go and realizing he did you a favour by leaving. Imagine having 3 kids and being married to him, then he cheats and leaves!

Kamila Established Member

Kamila

Posted
Posted

Looking at the pictures will put you somewhere else, that's for sure.

Your rose-tinted glasses will show cracks and maybe that's good for your healing.

 

I stumbled upon, on accident, on my ex-bf and his new girl kissing picture.

Man, that hit hard. But somehow I felt relieved and I was a step further to moving on.

I thought, he's just another guy I once dated and now he's with another girl. And I bet he's not thinking about me at all.

shayla Established Member

shayla

Posted
Posted

My ex married the other woman 2 months after he dumped me. He made sure to post lots of pictures of the wedding and tag all my friends show they would show up in my newsfeed lots of times.

 

It didn't help, it only set me back. I thought that if I saw the pictures enough it would desensitize me enough that I would not be affected when I saw them out in public together. NOPE! Didn't help that either!

 

Everyone is different, but I would not look at those pictures, I would not be friends with that "so called" friend of yours, and I would not go to FB at all for a good while.

PegNosePete Established Member

PegNosePete

Posted
Posted
I'm a little annoyed at our mutual friend actually, cos he lied to me about his plans for new year...neglected to mention the ex

...

he knows how gutted I was about the break up...i burst into tears in front of him when we went for lunch a month before new years

Well that certainly explains why he lied...!!!

 

Not saying that lying is acceptable but if you burst into tears then the mutual friend probably did not want to cause that again by mentioning his plans for NY.

 

But yeah why on earth did MF tell you about these pics? Especially given the crying risk!

 

No don't look at them it will just make you feel worse. There may be a time when you can look at pics of the ex and the new GF and feel closure, but that time is not now. When that time comes you will just do it, you will not need to ask us.

  • Author
fificremefarben Established Member

fificremefarben

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Sorry guys, I looked at them. Too nosy for my own good.

 

I had a little cry over what used to be, I'll be honest, as it was very strange to see. Luckily he seems to have grown some kinda of beard which made it easier to disassociate him from the guy I knew. Yeah, I had a cry, but happily it didn't break me in the way I thought it would. It still makes me a bit sick to look at her tbh. I know it's not all on her, but she knew what she was doing. She knew about me. Oh well, the winner takes it all, as the Abba song says.

 

I've been hearing a lot of stories lately from mutual friends and aquaintances. He's been lying to mutual friends and aquaintances about various things to get things for the OW and been getting into physical fights with them! That's not the guy I knew, and not a guy I would want to be with.

 

All of this combined IS helping to get over him, I think.

 

The only thing that still annoys me is that everything seems to be going great for him. New job, new apartment, new girlfriend, whilst I'm still feeling very lonely and bruised. After everything he did, that seems unfair...but that's life.

 

x

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted

Tell your mutual friends and acquaintances not to tell you anything else they hear or see about him and his new girlfriend. That isn't helping you to move on and to be honest why do they tell you things that will hurt you.

flitzanu Established Member

flitzanu

Posted
Posted

just curious...this "mutual friend" you mention, is this HIS friend that you know because of your ex?

yessy21 Established Member

yessy21

Posted
Posted
I say look at them, cry and let it go. It will give you closure.

 

I agree. When i saw the pictures and read the statuses... i realized that i had to stop dwelling. but you know what made me feel better... that i knew that he would one day do the same to her. And he did. I wont lie... u will feel ur heart sink to the pit of ur gut and tears will seem endless but those pictures will engrave in your mind and if by chance one day you cross paths u will be able to hold yourself together.

 

" Shut it out, I've got no claim on you now." AShes and wine.< everytime i get really sad i sing this song aloud and it always makes me feel better.

yessy21 Established Member

yessy21

Posted
Posted
Sorry guys, I looked at them. Too nosy for my own good.

 

I had a little cry over what used to be, I'll be honest, as it was very strange to see. Luckily he seems to have grown some kinda of beard which made it easier to disassociate him from the guy I knew. Yeah, I had a cry, but happily it didn't break me in the way I thought it would. It still makes me a bit sick to look at her tbh. I know it's not all on her, but she knew what she was doing. She knew about me. Oh well, the winner takes it all, as the Abba song says.

 

I've been hearing a lot of stories lately from mutual friends and aquaintances. He's been lying to mutual friends and aquaintances about various things to get things for the OW and been getting into physical fights with them! That's not the guy I knew, and not a guy I would want to be with.

 

All of this combined IS helping to get over him, I think.

 

The only thing that still annoys me is that everything seems to be going great for him. New job, new apartment, new girlfriend, whilst I'm still feeling very lonely and bruised. After everything he did, that seems unfair...but that's life.

 

x

 

 

DOnt you dare to that to yourself. u know what My ex got an apt for his gf and him and paid her bills and took her everywhere and had a great job was making tons more money and i was living with our child... in my moms house in the living room. and when we lived together he had us in an efficiency..he wouldnt even buy us food..i didnt have a phone and said he never had any money.. turns out he just didnt want to do anything for us. welll.... his gf now has a drug problem and he ended up being a crackhead and loosing his car...apt and job.... his gf is always cheating on him and vice versa... And i have a home with a great man i even have a great job. you never know where life takes us... u never know what life has in store for u.

  • Author
fificremefarben Established Member

fificremefarben

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I agree. When i saw the pictures and read the statuses... i realized that i had to stop dwelling. but you know what made me feel better... that i knew that he would one day do the same to her. And he did. I wont lie... u will feel ur heart sink to the pit of ur gut and tears will seem endless but those pictures will engrave in your mind and if by chance one day you cross paths u will be able to hold yourself together.

 

" Shut it out, I've got no claim on you now." AShes and wine.< everytime i get really sad i sing this song aloud and it always makes me feel better.

 

 

You're right, if he could do it to me with all the history between us then he could definitely do it to her.

 

It's was just strange to actually see them, y'know. He was my childhood friend, childhood sweetheart and each other's first everything, basically.... Up until the breakup we were all each other had ever known. It's weird to think that there's someone else in his life now that's not me. That'll still take some getting used to, I guess.

 

Some days I still wish he hadn't ballsed everything up.

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...