Author SingVoice Posted January 13, 2012 Author Posted January 13, 2012 YOU NEVER TELL THEM THAT!!!! That's when they decide to lie about all possible "mistakes" just in case it might piss you off. That sounds like a game to me. I didn't really have to say it anyway. He thought/still thinks it's over anyway.
2sunny Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 Wow. Thanks for that. Yeah I have been in situations with boundary pushers before as well. I am feeling now more like because this was a first offense, I owe it to myself to find out if this will be a pattern. I did care about him, and like I said, aside from this one event, there were no other red flags or even yellow flags. If anything happens again, then I'll know, and I can come back here and y'all can tell me "I told ya so!!!" Haha. He's somewhat insecure, yes, but he is not needy. He is not clingy or anything like that. One of the reasons I liked him in the beginning is because he is HOT, successful, funny, (really good on paper) but that he does have insecurities. A lot of times when you meet guys who "have it all" they are dicks because they CAN be. I liked that he was humble. Yes he IS clingy - since he said you were pulling away and he justified his bad behavior on YOU being busy working. THAT is clingy!!! Are you supposed to be available to him at all times in order to feel like he won't stray? Look at the reality! Now you are making excuses for him and not being honest with yourself.
ditzchic Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 One of the reasons I liked him in the beginning is because he is HOT, successful, funny, (really good on paper) but that he does have insecurities. A lot of times when you meet guys who "have it all" they are dicks because they CAN be. I liked that he was humble. There's a HUGE difference between insecure and humble. Being humble is actually a form of security. You are secure that you're good as you are and you don't need to flash it to the world. Insecurity means you're never sure of where you stand. You're anxious about what people are thinking. The anxiety eats at you. Anxiety causes people to act in crazy ass ways (like hurting your girlfriend because she's too busy to hang out all the time). It would be wise of you to find out which he really is...
Author SingVoice Posted January 13, 2012 Author Posted January 13, 2012 Yes he IS clingy - since he said you were pulling away and he justified his bad behavior on YOU being busy working. THAT is clingy!!! Are you supposed to be available to him at all times in order to feel like he won't stray? Look at the reality! Now you are making excuses for him and not being honest with yourself. See this is what bothers me. He didn't "justify" it. He admitted right away it was wrong. He didn't say "this is ok because YOU did this." All he was doing was explaining his thought process. And it wasn't just because I pulled away, it was something over the weekend that he misinterpreted. He didn't at ALL try to "justify" his behavior. There are REASONS that people do things. He never once made it out to be like it was somehow my fault. He admitted that he had misinterpreted my actions.
2sunny Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 His evidence looks like he's clingy and insecure. Then after he's caught - he blames her...plays the "I didn't know" and "I'm insecure because of you card... Blah! None of those qualities seem healthy for a happy, balanced R to flourish.
Author SingVoice Posted January 13, 2012 Author Posted January 13, 2012 There's a HUGE difference between insecure and humble. Being humble is actually a form of security. You are secure that you're good as you are and you don't need to flash it to the world. Insecurity means you're never sure of where you stand. You're anxious about what people are thinking. The anxiety eats at you. Anxiety causes people to act in crazy ass ways (like hurting your girlfriend because she's too busy to hang out all the time). It would be wise of you to find out which he really is... Fair enough. But we are ALL somewhat insecure about things. I have insecurities just like everyone else. And I wouldn't say that anxiety eats at me or causes me to have irrational behavior. It makes me human. What I was saying is that because he seems so put together, seeing that he is human with flaws was nice.
2sunny Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 HE misinterpreted your actions? And what happens next time he does that? How can HE communicate better how HE'S feeling?
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 Last night he sent me a couple of updated pictures of himself. (We had this ongoing joke about how his EH pictures were awful compared to how he really looked). So I made a joke asking him if he put the latest pics on EH...and he said jokingly "Yes. Hopefully will get lots of hits." (I know he was kidding). He straight up told you that he put the pics on EH. I'm not sure what lead you to think it was a joke... but clearly you misunderstood. Look, you don't really care that he updated his photos. What you really care about is if he is actively looking for other women. Just uploading photos doesn't prove that one way or another. If you choose to trust him then take ES's advice and just drop this. If you continually rake him over the coals because of it... that makes YOU the jerk, not him. See this is what bothers me. He didn't "justify" it. He admitted right away it was wrong. He didn't say "this is ok because YOU did this." All he was doing was explaining his thought process. And it wasn't just because I pulled away, it was something over the weekend that he misinterpreted. He didn't at ALL try to "justify" his behavior. There are REASONS that people do things. He never once made it out to be like it was somehow my fault. He admitted that he had misinterpreted my actions. Don't let these posters force you to justify your relationship. Many of them are just bitter women, jealous that you have somebody.
ditzchic Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 HE misinterpreted your actions? And what happens next time he does that? How can HE communicate better how HE'S feeling? Take a pill 2sunny. She's obviously thought it through and made her decision. No reason to keep harping on the girl. She knows the relationship better than we do. The original story was told while she was still angry about it. We were hearing that version. If she's content with the talk they had and wants to give it another shot, let her be. Good luck, Sing. And good for you for taking the chance. If you found one that can break the stereotype of typical insecure guy, you're a lucky girl.
FitChick Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 Don't let these posters force you to justify your relationship. Many of them are just bitter women, jealous that you have somebody. I agree. It sounds like a couple of them are reliving their pasts and talking to themselves. Learn the lesson and move on.
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