BoredAgain Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 Breadcrumbs. Nothing more to see here. Bin it and move along. Breadcrumbs!?! No, my friend, that's an entire f--cking loaf. Ginger Beer -- I skimmed some of your older posts for the history of this relationship, and I have to say that it doesn't look to good to me. You guys dated for 3-4 months back in 2010, which ended because she became distant. Then you reconciled for a month or two in 2011, but it ended because she became distant again. Now, seven months later, it seems like (to me) she might be laying the groundwork for another reconciliation. Maybe there's something I'm missing (please correct me if this is the case), but I think it's about time you forget completely about getting back with this girl. In fact, just forget about her altogether.
Jono85 Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 Breadcrumbs!?! No, my friend, that's an entire f--cking loaf. Ginger Beer -- I skimmed some of your older posts for the history of this relationship, and I have to say that it doesn't look to good to me. You guys dated for 3-4 months back in 2010, which ended because she became distant. Then you reconciled for a month or two in 2011, but it ended because she became distant again. Now, seven months later, it seems like (to me) she might be laying the groundwork for another reconciliation. Maybe there's something I'm missing (please correct me if this is the case), but I think it's about time you forget completely about getting back with this girl. In fact, just forget about her altogether. wow if that's the case.. please stop being this girls doormat whenever she's going through tough times. you have the power to be done with this girl completely. take it back.
Author Ginger Beer Posted January 13, 2012 Author Posted January 13, 2012 Ginger Beer, Type the whole letter out, I want to see the rambling, thats usually the best part. You are only giving part of the story with a cut and paste of what you want us to see, I want to see her feelings, her rambling. When you dont post this part, you dismiss her entire story, do you think thats fair for people to pass judgement on someone with a cut and paste of one person's choice of what to include on the forum You also have to remember, everyone here is black and white they are all going to tell you to move on, shes not worth it, go NC. I want to see the whole picture. Fair, I'll type it out in a bit, I just came on quickly to see if this thread had any replies. No the irony is people giving advice on 9 sentences of a 4 page letter with her feelings left out. Let me pick out the best sentences that suit my ego and post them here so everyone can agree with me To be fair, that hadn't even crossed my mind. At all. When I type the letter you will see the rambling is stuff such as 'I went on holiday here' and 'I'm starting driving lessons there'. Also, I wouldn't want to post personal information that could end up getting this thread back to her, even though the chances are minute, but I will post the letter later. I honestly wasn't trying to get an ego boost. wow if that's the case.. please stop being this girls doormat whenever she's going through tough times. you have the power to be done with this girl completely. take it back. All of what the previous poster posted is true. Sorry for not posting it all. And this is the reason I posted, because I think she's throwing breadcrumbs, but me being the one who is involved might not be able to see it as clearly as someone who is neutral to the whole thing. I wasn't trying to get anyone to agree with me at all.
Author Ginger Beer Posted January 13, 2012 Author Posted January 13, 2012 Breadcrumbs!?! No, my friend, that's an entire f--cking loaf. Ginger Beer -- I skimmed some of your older posts for the history of this relationship, and I have to say that it doesn't look to good to me. You guys dated for 3-4 months back in 2010, which ended because she became distant. Then you reconciled for a month or two in 2011, but it ended because she became distant again. Now, seven months later, it seems like (to me) she might be laying the groundwork for another reconciliation. Maybe there's something I'm missing (please correct me if this is the case), but I think it's about time you forget completely about getting back with this girl. In fact, just forget about her altogether. I don't want to? I've said so already in the thread.
wilsonx Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 (edited) I don't want to? I've said so already in the thread. Actually, what you did by saying this is self talk, youre convincing yourself that you dont want her back. If you honestly didnt want her back, the letter would mean nothing, you wouldnt have posted this thread. You actually said to yourself, you are looking for an apology. I am pretty sure if she apologized to you, you would take her back. Edited January 13, 2012 by wilsonx
Chi townD Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 Well, to be honest. I read through the parts of the letter that you posted. I can only assume that the rest of the letter was about what she's doing with her life and how great her life is and catching you up on how people are doing...i.e. her family and close friends. The rest is just..... " I miss my FRIEND, I loved listening to my FRIEND. We had great talks and I would love to hear from my FRIEND again. I really wish that my FRIEND liked me again..." Breadcrumbs..... However!!! If what she said is true about not leaving the house, then you really need to change this for a couple of reasons. Number one, hearing that you've holed yourself up is only an ego boost to her. She's thinking, "Wow! The poor sap was sooo into me, he can hardly function. Poor Ginger..." Number two, you need to move on and DO THINGS!!! Believe me, it helps with the healing process. HAVE AN ADVENTURE!!! Save some money and go somewhere you've always wanted to go. Get a hobby and find people with that common interest! Go back to school! WORK ON YOURSELF AND GET OUT OF THAT HOUSE!!!! Do a complete makeover on yourself! A new haircut. A new wardrobe! Make changes in your life. As she stated, she's keeping tabs on you and the only thing she's hearing is that you've turned into a hermit. If would have been sweet revenge if that someone could have said, " Yeah, I saw Ginger and he looks great! He's pretty ripped and he was dressed really nice. He looks good. Also, I heard that he's leaving in a couple of weeks to go to the Bahamas!" Don't let her think that you can't function without her.
Author Ginger Beer Posted January 13, 2012 Author Posted January 13, 2012 Actually, what you did by saying this is self talk, youre convincing yourself that you dont want her back. If you honestly didnt want her back, the letter would mean nothing, you wouldnt have posted this thread. You actually said to yourself, you are looking for an apology. I am pretty sure if she apologized to you, you would take her back. I do want an apology. Why wouldn't I? It wouldn't make me take her back though, as she aplogised before. And as far as the highlighted bit goes, I don't want her back, but I am not over her, which is the reason why I've posted this thread. If I had no feelings for her then yes, the letter would mean nothing. While I appreciate your replies and advice, the tone of your posts is coming across as rather rude.
Philosoraptor Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 I hope this does not come off as rude, as I speak only from heart, logic, experience, and peace. My question is why do you want an apology? It will not fix anything as healing and closure can only come from inside. When you find forgiveness and peace you will no longer require an apology and have no ill will or negative feelings towards your ex.
betterdeal Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 (edited) I dunno, I think apologies are underrated. Sure, you can deal with it yourself, but apologies can speed things up. And they don't need to be a cover for an ulterior motive. They can make you feel better; to have the person who injured you accept liability is what restorative justice is about. I also think the chances of getting one from her are vanishingly small, and given it was such a long time ago, there's definitely an opportunity for you to improve your ability to deal with these things. I found saying "no more" and "this stops here" to myself actually helped a lot. I was, in effect, defining my own boundaries and declaring them to myself. You might like to try something like that. Edited January 13, 2012 by betterdeal
EgoJoe Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 I dunno, I think apologies are underrated. Sure, you can deal with it yourself, but apologies can speed things up. And they don't need to be a cover for an ulterior motive. They can make you feel better; to have the person who injured you accept liability is what restorative justice is about. I also think the chances of getting one from her are vanishingly small, and given it was such a long time ago, there's definitely an opportunity for you to improve your ability to deal with these things. I found saying "no more" and "this stops here" to myself actually helped a lot. I was, in effect, defining my own boundaries and declaring them to myself. You might like to try something like that. If an apology comes from the right place I think it would help. Hard to determine since being apologetic and making amends are two different things. I do however agree with the bit about positive self-affirmations.
Author Ginger Beer Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 (edited) Quick update if anyone's interested. It's 10 months NC and I have no emotion now whatsoever towards my ex and it feels great. Recently found out that she had a boyfriend when she sent me the letter, it's typical of her and just shows my instinct was right and that she can't be trusted, she will mess around with ex's and cheat. I was worried about her going on holiday before I went NC back in June 2011, we were nearly finished at this point but still together, and found out she slept with multiple boys over there. Didn't really bother me and I'm glad I found out because I was worried how I'd react if I ever did find something like that out. Everything feels like it's fallen into place after hearing what she's like now what she was up to when she claimed she loved me and I'm not confused over the situation anymore, there's no more "Why did this happen? Why did she treat me like that?" etc... I just realise that none of it was my fault and I just happened to fall for a selfish, manipulative person and serial cheat. Looking back on the whole thing I'm glad I went NC as it meant I didn't say anything stupid and I think I acted with dignity so that's good. Now I will try to stop thinking badly of all women, which they don't deserve. This has made me very cautious of them but I will keep trying to believe they are not all the same. I do genuinely feel emotionally stronger and I've learned a lot about myself and relationships because of all this. Anyway, the boyfriend she was with when she was ringing me and sending letters ended up cheating on her, which to be honest I think is karma. Again, don't really have any emotion towards it. Thanks to everyone whos posted in any of my threads offering me help when I was really emotional, it helped a lot. EDIT - Wow I just read the quotes in the OP, I would be absolutely furious if my girlfriend sent her ex a letter like that. Edited April 17, 2012 by Ginger Beer 1
betterdeal Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Hurrah! Good to hear you're in a much better state now than you were then. Upwards, onwards, forwards!
Author Ginger Beer Posted April 17, 2012 Author Posted April 17, 2012 Hurrah! Good to hear you're in a much better state now than you were then. Upwards, onwards, forwards! Definitely.
Author Ginger Beer Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 Another quick update, I tested the water and replied to one of her texts. Nothing romantic just friendly, she replied with pithy nothings about only wanting to know how I am which I just kinda ignored. She kinda hinted at a proper conversation but didn't really bother to initiate it. My heart was beating at first but then I realised I don't care about her. Anyway I have just text her saying not to contact me again. It wasn't rude but it was firm. Feels good.
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