Ginger Beer Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 Some of you might remember the rather pathetic email she sent me in November. I just received a four page long letter in the post from her. Immediate reaction was shock and a bit of anxiousness (I'm a bit calmer now) and I suppose a bit of happiness that she actually put some effort in to contacting me. The letter said the following (I won't type it all as some is superflouous rambling about what she's been up to): I think about you a lot, perhaps every day, definitely more than you'd expect and definitely more than you think about me. I think it's because I have no way of talking to you or finding out how you're doing. I actually did hear about you the other day, doesn't matter how but I heard that you're still not leaving the house. This literally breaks my heart. I want to talk to you and be there for you even if it is just through letters, the option is there for you if you ever just want me to listen. I miss that. If you don't reply to this letter I will physically come to see you and drag you into my car I assume this is a joke. ^^ I still have your letter, I always read it when I'm feeling a bit down. It's nice to know what someone likes/used to like about youJust thought I'd let you know that you still remain the funniest boy I've ever met and the most muscly! I will do anything it takes to talk to you again, please think about it, lots of love and kisses, *name* xxxxI just needed to post this, the first thing I do is post on here when something happens. Still no apology for anything, this seems less pathetic than the email but equally selfish, at least that's how it seems to me. Has anyone got any advice or anything they have noticed they'd like to point out? I appreciate any response.
PegNosePete Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 Breadcrumbs. Nothing more to see here. Bin it and move along.
Author Ginger Beer Posted January 12, 2012 Author Posted January 12, 2012 Breadcrumbs. Nothing more to see here. Bin it and move along. Cheers, thought as much.
betterdeal Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 I just needed to post this, the first thing I do is post on here when something happens. Still no apology for anything, this seems less pathetic than the email but equally selfish, at least that's how it seems to me. Has anyone got any advice or anything they have noticed they'd like to point out? I appreciate any response. Well, my impression of her is she likes you a lot and misses you. My impression of you is you like her a lot too, and you miss her too, but you have grievances. There's a conflict in you and that's making you unhappy. What do you want, in an ideal world?
Kamila Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 I remember receiving a text message from my ex-boyfriend a year after we broke up (6 months no contact). The text wasn't as long as your ex's letter, but it still had a huge impact on my recovery. It was like a last chance to do something. The only thing she isn't talking about is the break-up and how she would like to reconcile. She doesn't admit her faults or her wrongs. No apologies. That is for you the primary concern. There is no valid ground for make-up. What's in it for you ? Almost nothing, only a huge brain tease. I must say after 1.5 y post break-up I do feel better, but I still think about the ex a lot. But the healing is there . You will possibly too if you stick with NC.
Author Ginger Beer Posted January 12, 2012 Author Posted January 12, 2012 Well, my impression of her is she likes you a lot and misses you. My impression of you is you like her a lot too, and you miss her too, but you have grievances. There's a conflict in you and that's making you unhappy. What do you want, in an ideal world? I wouldn't say I miss her as such, I miss the person I thought she was though. What makes you think she likes me? I don't see it personally. I haven't spoke to her in months, she'd have nothing to lose by just being honest and saying 'I like you', I think? Most of my feelings for her are a mix of anger/hurt and some nostalgia in there too, she was my first love also. I would never choose someone like her for a girlfriend now, purely because of her actions, she's not girlfriend material if that makes sense. In an ideal world, she would stop being a slut and do whatever it would take to show she's serious and has changed. That's in an ideal world though and will never happen, she's too shallow and flirtacious.
Author Ginger Beer Posted January 12, 2012 Author Posted January 12, 2012 I remember receiving a text message from my ex-boyfriend a year after we broke up (6 months no contact). The text wasn't as long as your ex's letter, but it still had a huge impact on my recovery. It was like a last chance to do something. The only thing she isn't talking about is the break-up and how she would like to reconcile. She doesn't admit her faults or her wrongs. No apologies. That is for you the primary concern. There is no valid ground for make-up. What's in it for you ? Almost nothing, only a huge brain tease. I must say after 1.5 y post break-up I do feel better, but I still think about the ex a lot. But the healing is there . You will possibly too if you stick with NC. Yep, I'm glad you mentioned that actually because I forgot to say it. I don't see why you would write to someone and put 'love and kisses' and other flirtacious comments in the letter if your intentions are only to check on them or see how they are, that is really manipulative when you know the person may still like you.
PegNosePete Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 she's not girlfriend material That is all you need to know. Back to NC fella. If she does come round to your house then don't answer the door, or if you do answer not knowing who it is, say you have nothing to say and close it again.
betterdeal Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 She paid you compliments and wrote you a letter, which suggests to me she likes you. I don't pay compliments and write letters to people I don't like. Do you? And the way you frame your ideal world as being about her being, well, not her, suggests to me you're still looking at her to fix things for you. You can wait for that to happen, by all means, but you'll probably have more success fixing things for yourself. So, if you want to fix things for yourself, let go of her. If she keeps contacting you, tell her you don't want her to, it's over, lessons were learnt, you have your life now and she's not part of it. If you wish.
Author Ginger Beer Posted January 12, 2012 Author Posted January 12, 2012 That is all you need to know. Back to NC fella. If she does come round to your house then don't answer the door, or if you do answer not knowing who it is, say you have nothing to say and close it again. I'll stay NC anyway I think. Seems like it's the best idea and I was doing very well. She paid you compliments and wrote you a letter, which suggests to me she likes you. I don't pay compliments and write letters to people I don't like. Do you? And the way you frame your ideal world as being about her being, well, not her, suggests to me you're still looking at her to fix things for you. You can wait for that to happen, by all means, but you'll probably have more success fixing things for yourself. So, if you want to fix things for yourself, let go of her. If she keeps contacting you, tell her you don't want her to, it's over, lessons were learnt, you have your life now and she's not part of it. If you wish. I don't pay women compliments or send them letters if I don't like them but I'm an honest person, she isn't. She says one thing then once I feel like we're close or making progress she pulls away and loses interest again, I assume once she's got her ego boost and her guilt has gone.
betterdeal Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 She has poor boundaries in that case. Wanting what you don't have, then abandoning it when you get it, is a classic sign. She doesn't know her arse from her elbow.
Author Ginger Beer Posted January 12, 2012 Author Posted January 12, 2012 She has poor boundaries in that case. Wanting what you don't have, then abandoning it when you get it, is a classic sign. She doesn't know her arse from her elbow. What does this mean?
Jono85 Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 If I were you, and I knew she wasn't gf material, and that you'd never be able to trust her etc etc, I would write her back or contact her asking her to stop contacting you and that you're not interested in a friendship. Wish her well and come off very polite/not hostile or bitter. I understand you maintaining NC, but she seems like she will follow this up with more contact or visiting you. All this will do is give yourself more chances to fall for her again. I suspect this is actually what you want, but in any case. If you really are done with her, ask her politely to leave you alone, and that a friendship isn't in the cards.
Philosoraptor Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 Reading your history it doesn't seem like she's done enough growing to believe she could be serious. As pointed out from what you shared there was no mention of giving it another try. Since you have been strict NC she may have a lot of guilt and want it relieved. She can only relieve that for herself.
Author Ginger Beer Posted January 12, 2012 Author Posted January 12, 2012 If I were you, and I knew she wasn't gf material, and that you'd never be able to trust her etc etc, I would write her back or contact her asking her to stop contacting you and that you're not interested in a friendship. Wish her well and come off very polite/not hostile or bitter. I understand you maintaining NC, but she seems like she will follow this up with more contact or visiting you. All this will do is give yourself more chances to fall for her again. I suspect this is actually what you want, but in any case. If you really are done with her, ask her politely to leave you alone, and that a friendship isn't in the cards. To be honest, I'm not over her completely, if I was I would not have made this thread, so yeah it probably is what I want, even though I know it won't work. Reading your history it doesn't seem like she's done enough growing to believe she could be serious. As pointed out from what you shared there was no mention of giving it another try. Since you have been strict NC she may have a lot of guilt and want it relieved. She can only relieve that for herself. That's what I think too. I think it's selfish.
betterdeal Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 What does this mean? She doesn't know where she ends and the rest of the world begins. Personal boundaries are the limits to which we are willing to go physically, mentally, emotionally. Someone with poor boundaries doesn't know their own limits and is often unaware of other people's too, and they frequently want for things they don't have, figuring that thing (you, a car, a house, a fling, anything) is going to make them happy, when what they actually need to be happy in themselves is to know who they are, what's theirs and what's yours, and to be able to enforce their boundaries. It's something you might also want to think about. Here's an article on boundaries that I liked.
EgoJoe Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 Don't respond. Rebuking her will not serve the purpose you would want. Look what NC is doing, she is pandering even more for your attention.
wilsonx Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 (edited) Ginger Beer, Type the whole letter out, I want to see the rambling, thats usually the best part. You are only giving part of the story with a cut and paste of what you want us to see, I want to see her feelings, her rambling. When you dont post this part, you dismiss her entire story, do you think thats fair for people to pass judgement on someone with a cut and paste of one person's choice of what to include on the forum You also have to remember, everyone here is black and white they are all going to tell you to move on, shes not worth it, go NC. I want to see the whole picture. Edited January 13, 2012 by wilsonx
betterdeal Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 everyone here is black and white they are all Oh, the irony.
wilsonx Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 No the irony is people giving advice on 9 sentences of a 4 page letter with her feelings left out. Let me pick out the best sentences that suit my ego and post them here so everyone can agree with me
EgoJoe Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 Perhaps he left out identifiable information and zero'd in on the pertinent data, like he said he did! Also, your statement was ironic, but, not because it mentioned irony, Wilson. It was ironic because it mentioned an irony that didn't exist.
wilsonx Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 Perhaps he left out identifiable information and zero'd in on the pertinent data, like he said he did! Also, your statement was ironic not because it mentioned irony, Wilson. But, because it mentioned an irony that didn't exist. rambling = feelings, thats pertinent data.
PelicanPete Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 move on, shes not worth it, go NC. Just wait and see if she's really walkin' the walk rather then talkin' the talk. If she's knockin' on the door within the next few days, then hear her out. If you really are worth it to her then she'll be there.
EgoJoe Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 I disagree, Wilson. Here is why: The rambling about nonsensical happenings could be just that. The ramblings of an Ego who wants to be understood, validated and wants somebody to say YOU ARE STILL SPECIAL TO ME. Which is just her trying to get a dose and then go on her merry way. Hidden motivations run amok in everyone. Ego feelings are not real feelings, they are perceived and projected.
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