Emilia Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 I think it takes a certain mentality to be able to convey honesty and sincerity when handling a situation, but I think that one who uses higher level communication skills to do so will always illicit some kind of tension from the other person. Yes. The key is not to make the other person feel threatened or defensive. Not that I know how to do that of course
Emilia Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 Heres an example of the behavior I was talking about in my OP. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t311942/ People make me sick. Im so glad im single...but it hurts to think so many people are this selfish out in the dating world. Reading your last comment on that thread on page 3: I think it's reality that people's feelings fluctuate for another and they go back and forth to a degree. Of course the OP in that thread is extreme and she admits that she has mental health issues. A blast from a past will wobble a lot of people though, I think that's reality. Many of us have unfinished business in our past and you have to hope that your partner is mature enough to see it for what it is.
zengirl Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 (edited) Depends. I've never personally had a new person in my sights when I broke up with someone, nor have I experienced that with breakups in terms of the other person. They've never been with someone else or even dated right after, to my knowledge (imperfect as it is). Some people need that, though. They're vine-jumpers. Can't be alone. ETA: At the same time, I personally don't agree that not being "alone" for long times = not being independent. I've never had a dry spell last 2 years (that seems long!) or something, and I don't think a desire to be alone for long periods of time is necessarily conducive to finding ANY relationship. There is some definite middle ground. And of course, a desire to be alone for a time after a big relationship ends seems natural, but if that extends even to a year (I understand just not finding someone), that seems odd to me. So, those periods alone are a combination of choice and options, really. Edited January 13, 2012 by zengirl
Author kaylan Posted January 13, 2012 Author Posted January 13, 2012 Reading your last comment on that thread on page 3: I think it's reality that people's feelings fluctuate for another and they go back and forth to a degree. Of course the OP in that thread is extreme and she admits that she has mental health issues. A blast from a past will wobble a lot of people though, I think that's reality. Many of us have unfinished business in our past and you have to hope that your partner is mature enough to see it for what it is. A blast from my past wouldnt wobble my love for someone Im currently with. Exes are in the past, and they are exes for a reason. I dont continue loving them forever like the OP said she would always love her ex. Id love the person my ex was, but that person is a memory and I have moved on from that. If I really loved my current mate, an ex wouldnt shake my faith in that the way the OP in that other thread was shaken. I only say "I love you" when I am absolutely sure of it...and I only date girls who I see a large future with. There would be no shaking that because I take my time and make sure everything feels right before I commit to someone.
Feelin Frisky Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 Some do, but I would think more often than not, people break up w/o having plans to take up with someone else. They break up because the relationship is far worse than no relationship and just want this person out of their hair. IMO of course. I don't have statistics but I know I never broke up with another prospect at the ready. That's call "leaving" someone.
azsinglegal Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 Right, and not to sound sexist, I think women are more guilty of this than men. Women hardly ever have dry spell between partners, they have these orbiters that are ready to ask them out the MOMENT the break-up is official. lol I think cheating and "lining up the next person" isn't based on gender at all. I've seen it many times in both men and women. I've done it, I've had it done to me. Depends on the person. That's like saying women are more codependent then men, when I've seen just the opposite to be true. Where are these women that don't have dry spells? I'd like to meet them and find out their secret.
Forever Learning Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 A blast from my past wouldnt wobble my love for someone Im currently with. Exes are in the past, and they are exes for a reason. I dont continue loving them forever like the OP said she would always love her ex. Id love the person my ex was, but that person is a memory and I have moved on from that. If I really loved my current mate, an ex wouldnt shake my faith in that the way the OP in that other thread was shaken. I only say "I love you" when I am absolutely sure of it...and I only date girls who I see a large future with. There would be no shaking that because I take my time and make sure everything feels right before I commit to someone. I always enjoy your perspective and insight around here. Glad you're here to share, I learn alot. Cheers!
Emilia Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 A blast from my past wouldnt wobble my love for someone Im currently with. Exes are in the past, and they are exes for a reason. I dont continue loving them forever like the OP said she would always love her ex. Id love the person my ex was, but that person is a memory and I have moved on from that. If I really loved my current mate, an ex wouldnt shake my faith in that the way the OP in that other thread was shaken. I only say "I love you" when I am absolutely sure of it...and I only date girls who I see a large future with. There would be no shaking that because I take my time and make sure everything feels right before I commit to someone. There is no guarantee that it will be the case always. It's not like a smooth running learning curve where each relationship and girlfriend is better than the last. I think as you get older you are likely to get more residue. I have two exes whom I have unconditional love for and they will be always in the back of my mind, one I have known for about 20 years the other for about 3. It isn't something I can control but they don't get in the way of relationships though. Most of us who are healthy learn to live with 'residue' when we are with someone we love. The OP is a bit extreme by most people's standards.
Buttercup84 Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 Right, and not to sound sexist, I think women are more g uilty of this than men. Women hardly ever have dry spell between partners, they have these orbiters that are ready to ask them out the MOMENT the break-up is official. lol Before I met my ex I had not had sex for two years . After he broke up with me I still haven't even kissed anyone and it's been 7 months . I am happy to be alone until I meet someone who is worth it . My ex on the other hand , can't be alone and is never single.
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