confused11 Posted June 1, 2004 Posted June 1, 2004 so...this is probably a rehash of many other postings in this forum...but i am having break-up problems. my man and i broke up about three months ago. i took it really, really hard. kinda had a sort of emtional breakdown because tons of other things were going wrong in my life at that point, too. after the breakup we rarely talked. if we did, it was because i contacted him. but i started pulling myself out of it and was feeling better when i found out he was seeing someone else (at a bar i found out)...very casually, he said...i got very upset and we talked that night for over an hour and the next day i contacted him and we talked more. it all just made me more upset and so i completely stopped trying to contact him. i was feeling better, of course, after a week or so but then he started contacting me. told me he and the girl were over and never really were anything. he started calling me when he was drunk, mainly, or when he wanted to get drunk. (btw he kinda has a drinking problem and has been drinking more since we broke up) so...long story short, in the past week we have gone out to a bar, come back to my place and nearly hooked up but didn't; we have hung out talking, come back to my place and HAD sex; we have hung out talking and gone back to his place and slept in the same bed and messed around but didn't have sex (although he tried to and i said no). throughout all of this, i have had the feeling that i do not want this to happen. and this is scaring me. why, if i don't want this, do i keep letting it happen? what really scares me is that he has become so callous! he was so genuine when we dated and always cared about me and protected me. we separated because we didn't have time to commit to a serious relationship. we had a good and pretty healthy, although non-commmunicative, relationship and went out of our ways to not hurt the other person and to make one another happy. and now it's awful. i don't feel that i have changed...i still care about him and am doing nothing to hurt him. but he has changed. i am worried that it has something to do with the alcohol...and the fact that he's suppressing his feelings completely. i don't know what to do. i don't know why..if he is SO certain he does not want me, why he keeps calling upon me? and why, if he cares about me as a friend and respects me, he keeps being an equal player in something that means little to him and more to me? i also feel very guilty because my Mom has been such an emotional support throughout this and she'd be so disappointed to know that i actually hooked up with him. how do i get thru this? and am i the only one that had done this??
azgirl Posted June 1, 2004 Posted June 1, 2004 No, honey. You are not the only one who has done this. And he sounds a lot like my ex. Although mine has turned cold and callous because of problems he is going through right now both emotionally and with his family that have NOTHING to do with me, yet he is taking it out on me and our relationship. But ... I guess you need to ask yourself how you really feel about this guy. If you are having doubts right now then maybe you need to cut ties with him and go your separate ways. Do you love him? Do you want to be with him? If the answers are yes then work things out. If not, then be done with this.
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