Mark1 Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 So, I've been doing internet dating recently, but it hasn't really gone that well. I have met some nice women, but for one reason or another, things didn't work out (I won't go into each one, unless someone wants me to. ) Anyways, the last few weeks I have been talking to this very pretty 27 year old (I am 23). She seems very fond of me. Last night we spoke on the phone for the first time; we spoke for nearly an hour. We got along GREAT. During the conversation, she said there was something she had to tell me before we met. She tells me her and her ex husband were swingers, and shes really open minded and very sexual etc. She told me the swinger lifestyle requires you to be clean, because if you give a disease to someone you know, thats worse than giving it to a random person. I am nervous because I am a virgin, and don't want to regret my first time. I also think the reason that I am nervous, is because my parents are religious and would not be happy if they knew, I feel like I would be lying to them, and should I lose my virginity, I would be just like everyone else. Although no one here can tell me what to do/what not to do, I would like any insight from those who have experienced such a dilemma. Edit: I should note, I have no problem w her lifestyle. That is her own business. Just not something I think I would engage in.
Emilia Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 I think you should meet her, maybe for a drink or similar and see how you like her in person. See whether she puts you at ease, whether you feel comfortable in her company. Don't let her pressurise you into anything you don't want! Just treat it as getting to know someone cool. Once you have met her, you can think about the next step. One step at a time.
Author Mark1 Posted January 12, 2012 Author Posted January 12, 2012 I think you should meet her, maybe for a drink or similar and see how you like her in person. See whether she puts you at ease, whether you feel comfortable in her company. Don't let her pressurise you into anything you don't want! Just treat it as getting to know someone cool. Once you have met her, you can think about the next step. One step at a time. This is helpful, thank you. We are going to meet for coffee next week.
Author Mark1 Posted January 12, 2012 Author Posted January 12, 2012 I should note, I told her I wasn't looking for a long term relationship, and she said that is fine with her.
EnigmaticClarity Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 I am nervous because I am a virgin, and don't want to regret my first time. I also think the reason that I am nervous, is because my parents are religious and would not be happy if they knew, I feel like I would be lying to them, and should I lose my virginity, I would be just like everyone else. I'm still not clear on what your issue is. Is it that she's a swinger and your parents wouldn't approve, or is your concern losing your virginity to anyone regardless of their lifestyle? The first half of the quoted paragraph implies you're worried your parents will think she's immoral, but the second half where you saying losing your virginity makes you "just like everyone else" makes it sound like you just don't want to lose your virginity at all.
Author Mark1 Posted January 12, 2012 Author Posted January 12, 2012 I'm still not clear on what your issue is. Is it that she's a swinger and your parents wouldn't approve, or is your concern losing your virginity to anyone regardless of their lifestyle? The first half of the quoted paragraph implies you're worried your parents will think she's immoral, but the second half where you saying losing your virginity makes you "just like everyone else" makes it sound like you just don't want to lose your virginity at all. Well, on one hand I am nervous to lose my virginity to begin with. Also, that she is a swinger, is she going to be infested with stuff?
EnigmaticClarity Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 she is a swinger, is she going to be infested with stuff? Probably not, but tell her you're worried about STDs, ask her to get tested, and also ask her to show you the results.
FitChick Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 She sounds like the perfect woman to lose your virginity to. She can teach you a lot.
Feelin Frisky Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 Not to be technical about it but every single human being is "unique". Beyond reminding you of that there isn't much to comment on. I advise being cautious about getting all romantically attached to her--you say you don't have a problem with her life style but that can change in a hurry if you start believing you're in love with her. But if you just want to get laid and she just wants to get laid by you and you can manage not to go gaga for her (since you are a "virgin") without seeing how she really is for a while, then enjoy and make it a good one. She sounds like she'll know what to do and not be shy about it. Good luck.
turt Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 If I were you, I would forget it but you're clearly looking for something different than I am. I would make sure you really want to deal with someone who may only want you for sex. It's also strange to get married and divorced quickly in that situation (at least in my opinion).
Author Mark1 Posted January 12, 2012 Author Posted January 12, 2012 If I were you, I would forget it but you're clearly looking for something different than I am. I would make sure you really want to deal with someone who may only want you for sex. It's also strange to get married and divorced quickly in that situation (at least in my opinion). I am not looking for a relationship, and I told her this. If we were to go out on a few dates, have sex, and not see her again, I can't say i'd be hurt. How do I ensure (aside from a condom), that she is clean? I made a joke about it on the phone, "haha so since youre a swinger you must have every disease right?" and she laughed and said she is clean, as the swinger lifestyle requires you to be.
NoMagicBullet Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 (edited) It seems like you are not comfortable with losing your virginity at this point -- or am I misreading things and you would be more comfortable with a different woman? Maybe someone closer to your age (4 years isn't much, but sometimes it's a fairly big difference when your under 30) or who was also a virgin or relatively inexperienced? It might benefit you to wait a while with this woman, or wait until you find someone else. It sounds like you are too uncomfortable right now. Nothing wrong with waiting until it feels more "right". At some point, you'll have to deal with your anxiety about your parents' disapproval, unless you stay a virgin until you are married. Even then, there will surely be other things that you do that they will not approve of. Whatever you decide to do, make sure it's a decision you'll feel good about in the long run, regardless of the expectations of others. Edited January 12, 2012 by NoMagicBullet clarifcation
cerridwen Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 I am not looking for a relationship, and I told her this. If we were to go out on a few dates, have sex, and not see her again, I can't say i'd be hurt. How do I ensure (aside from a condom), that she is clean? I made a joke about it on the phone, "haha so since youre a swinger you must have every disease right?" and she laughed and said she is clean, as the swinger lifestyle requires you to be. What?! And who enforces THAT? The Grand Poobah of Swinging? Listen, Mark. If you go ahead, have her show proof of being recently tested, and use condoms. Lots of condoms. And dental dams. But I'll be honest. You don't sound too enthused and it's kinda understandable. Sure you don't want to wait?
Author Mark1 Posted January 13, 2012 Author Posted January 13, 2012 To be honest, I have no idea I want to wait. I've always told myself I'd lose it to someone who I liked and who liked me, and not some drunk slut either. I think by the time I figured out how to talk to women (about 3 years ago), I got standards.
cerridwen Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 To be honest, I have no idea I want to wait. I've always told myself I'd lose it to someone who I liked and who liked me, and not some drunk slut either. I think by the time I figured out how to talk to women (about 3 years ago), I got standards. I'd say that's a positive thing. That you're wrestling so, indicates (to me) some well-founded reservations. Just know she's not the last bus coming along. Do it when it feels right.
thatone Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 She sounds like the perfect woman to lose your virginity to. She can teach you a lot. i agree, go for it, have fun, learn a few things.
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