lilyblue Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 Started looking at pictures for some reason. Feeling nostalgic. Miss him a lot, and how happy I was with him. I've had a couple of conversations with mutual friends lately who, without me expressing any bad feelings towards him, commented on how manipulative and controlling his ex was (who he is back with now) and how he had said that she was mean and awful to him while they were married, but he thought he had to just deal with it because that's what married people do. And this is the woman that he went back to after pursuing me for months and finally dating me. They were in no way just trying to make me feel better (one of these people was one of his very good guy friends who has zero emotional IQ - not in a bad way, just kind of clueless - would not even know how to comfort me if he wanted to). It of course makes me wonder how it's lasting and if it'll end. My heart wants him back, my brain wishes my heart was smarter.
wilsonx Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 how long were you together with him? Why does he have zero emotional IQ?
Author lilyblue Posted January 12, 2012 Author Posted January 12, 2012 Friends 3 years, together daily and constant communication for about 4-5 months, during the last 2 he pursued me for a relationship, then dated for a 1.5 months. Then he disappeared. Found out he went back to his ex (not from him). The friend is the one with no emotional IQ, not my ex. No ability to assess/identify emotions.
wilsonx Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 Usually people with no emotional IQ throw out the words manipulation so I can agree with that. Everyone manipulates in some form or another. I see it all the time on these forums from both dumpers and dumpees. I understand how you feel though in missing him, its ok
Author lilyblue Posted January 12, 2012 Author Posted January 12, 2012 Usually people with no emotional IQ throw out the words manipulation so I can agree with that. Everyone manipulates in some form or another. I see it all the time on these forums from both dumpers and dumpees. I understand how you feel though in missing him, its ok Ah got it. Yeah I suppose there is a lot of manipulation going around in life. thanks, someday maybe I won't miss him...
Philosoraptor Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 Everyone goes through the nostalgic emotions. You should always allow yourself to feel what you feel, but to not let them linger for too long. Keep something on hand to dive into when you feel you've been sitting in your pain for too long.
Author lilyblue Posted January 12, 2012 Author Posted January 12, 2012 Everyone goes through the nostalgic emotions. You should always allow yourself to feel what you feel, but to not let them linger for too long. Keep something on hand to dive into when you feel you've been sitting in your pain for too long. I went to bed. I guess that's diving into something. I know I'm half waiting for him to come back. I still think about him constantly and picture how much better my life would be if we were together right now. blah.
Philosoraptor Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 How would it be better? If you had your inner happiness and peace your life would always be wonderful, even through pain. If he was back you would be worried about him leaving again and knowing how emotionally immature he is.
sunflower11 Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 Hugs lily I know you and I went through similar sort of situations. Stay strong!
Author lilyblue Posted January 13, 2012 Author Posted January 13, 2012 Thanks for the encouragement Sunflower. Philosoraptor - it would be better because I was so much happier with him in my life. If he hadn't added anything to my life then I wouldn't have felt a loss when he vanished. He complemented me and made everything better.
Author lilyblue Posted January 15, 2012 Author Posted January 15, 2012 Sorry for bumping my own thread, just feeling a big empty hole tonight. The only thing that makes me feel less anxious and ok with the situation is the thought that this CAN'T go on forever, it is rare that people with history and no falling out never ever see each other again. But then I go back to realizing it could, and it is just so depressing and defeating.
Philosoraptor Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 If he had never left maybe things would still be better. But someone who left you for their ex surely isn't going to make you happy.
fificremefarben Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 Sorry for bumping my own thread, just feeling a big empty hole tonight. The only thing that makes me feel less anxious and ok with the situation is the thought that this CAN'T go on forever, it is rare that people with history and no falling out never ever see each other again. But then I go back to realizing it could, and it is just so depressing and defeating. I know how you feel, Lily. Chin up. It won't feel like this forever x
Author lilyblue Posted January 17, 2012 Author Posted January 17, 2012 Yeah, that's what I mean. I keep thinking about how if this all hadn't happened. I think we could have been happy together if it wasn't for circumstances. Of course, I don't know that, but there had been nothing to negate that feeling up until the point he disappeared. It might get better, but I'm about to get less busy in a month and it's already causing me anxiety. It's going to be the time of year when we started hanging out a lot last year and I'm going to miss him even more I'm afraid.
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