Steen719 Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 Yup. Good old Facebook. The relationship killer. You can dig up old flames, connect with them, chat with them, scheme with them, and creep through their pictures... all from the comfort of your couch at home... even while your partner sits oblivious next to you watching TV. ETA Facebook is a godsend for cheaters. No more leg work or effort other than a few quick mouse clicks. Exactly what happened, except I was working on my laptop to keep us on top of the debt his illness created. I know it is not FB itself, and it did not make my XH do what he did, but I agree that it makes it easier for cheaters to connect. UGH I rarely go on FB
YellowShark Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 Exactly what happened, except I was working on my laptop to keep us on top of the debt his illness created. I know it is not FB itself, and it did not make my XH do what he did, but I agree that it makes it easier for cheaters to connect. UGH I rarely go on FB I lothe Facebook. It is soooo narcissistic. Plus I am a grown heterosexual male and I figure if you're past your mid 20's perhaps being on Facebook is really kinda immature and childish for a grown man. Anyhow, that said, I have taken soooo much heat here at Loveshack over my dislike of Facebook from the Facebook nazis. My point is exactly like yours, Facebook doesn't make people cheat, it just gives them a tool to do it from the comfort of their couch while their spouse could be sitting right next to them in the same room! Before you had to do some leg work to find old flames and connect with them, with Facebook you just type in a name, click... and you're off to the races! And frankly, Facebook is mentioned so often here at Loveshack it's become part of the infidelity lexicon.
Steen719 Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 I lothe Facebook. It is soooo narcissistic. Plus I am a grown heterosexual male and I figure if you're past your mid 20's perhaps being on Facebook is really kinda immature and childish for a grown man. Anyhow, that said, I have taken soooo much heat here at Loveshack over my dislike of Facebook from the Facebook nazis. My point is exactly like yours, Facebook doesn't make people cheat, it just gives them a tool to do it from the comfort of their couch while their spouse could be sitting right next to them in the same room! Before you had to do some leg work to find old flames and connect with them, with Facebook you just type in a name, click... and you're off to the races! And frankly, Facebook is mentioned so often here at Loveshack it's become part of the infidelity lexicon. Yellow Shark, I am not familiar with your back story...but I will go read it now. Maybe you were also a victim of what started on FB. I can't help myself...I feel that my XH wouldn't have ever called the ex gf if he had not found her on FB and decided to chat her up. That being said, I do know that he made the decisions he made to reconnect with her and whoever else and FB did not make him do it. He is who he is and he found the first AP without FB, I am just so devastated by this that it is hard for me not to look at FB as part of the problem. I am glad you are doing well and I soooo want to be there. I struggle every day and some days (like today ), it is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
YellowShark Posted January 15, 2012 Posted January 15, 2012 Yellow Shark, I am not familiar with your back story...but I will go read it now. Maybe you were also a victim of what started on FB. I can't help myself...I feel that my XH wouldn't have ever called the ex gf if he had not found her on FB and decided to chat her up. That being said, I do know that he made the decisions he made to reconnect with her and whoever else and FB did not make him do it. He is who he is and he found the first AP without FB, I am just so devastated by this that it is hard for me not to look at FB as part of the problem. I am glad you are doing well and I soooo want to be there. I struggle every day and some days (like today ), it is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. My backstory is not really important. But let's just say that Facebook and old flames drove a wedge into my relationship a couple times PRIOR to the affair my EX had with MM. You and I are right, Facebook doesn't make people cheat, (people will cheat with or without Facebbok if they are so inclined,) it just gives them a tool to cheat quickly, efficiently, silently, and cover a lot of old ground with a few short mouse clicks. And frankly if I was a woman and interested in a man over 24, and he was on Facebook, I would really question his maturity level. But that's just me. Your husband is obviously a serial cheater with or without Facebook. Time to disconnect from such a toxic person and heal. It'll take time to get his poison out of your system. Good luck.
SoMovinOn Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 And frankly if I was a woman and interested in a man over 24, and he was on Facebook, I would really question his maturity level. But that's just me. Men over 24 often have children, or grandchildren. With families often being spread out over the country these days, FB is a common way they keep up with each other on a regular basis, share pictures, etc. I know that because it is the only reason I ever opened a FB account. After that, it became something useful in a job related capacity. I don't know and have never met most of my FB "friends" now, but it has helped further my efforts professionally. I don't think FB in and of itself has done anything to make finding people easier. The internet did that long ago.
YellowShark Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 Men over 24 often have children, or grandchildren. With families often being spread out over the country these days, FB is a common way they keep up with each other on a regular basis, share pictures, etc. I know that because it is the only reason I ever opened a FB account. After that, it became something useful in a job related capacity. I don't know and have never met most of my FB "friends" now, but it has helped further my efforts professionally. I don't think FB in and of itself has done anything to make finding people easier. The internet did that long ago. Since I grew up without Facebook I do not require it to maintain contact with family and friends. Ya... I am a dinosaur. If I need to contact people I call or email them, if I need to send pic or see one I attach them to an email. And if I need to speak with them - (and they are far away) - I Skype them because it's free. And it's really nice to see their faces, and hear their voices. I guess being free of Facebook liberates me. Sure I know 700 million people are on Facebook, but the other 6.5 billion people on Earth are not. I guess I am one of those dumb backwards folks in the 6.5 billion.
Steen719 Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 Since I grew up without Facebook I do not require it to maintain contact with family and friends. Ya... I am a dinosaur. If I need to contact people I call or email them, if I need to send pic or see one I attach them to an email. And if I need to speak with them - (and they are far away) - I Skype them because it's free. And it's really nice to see their faces, and hear their voices. I guess being free of Facebook liberates me. Sure I know 700 million people are on Facebook, but the other 6.5 billion people on Earth are not. I guess I am one of those dumb backwards folks in the 6.5 billion. Living with an alcoholic (old bf) made me drink very little and I did not drink much to begin with. Living with someone who has, the better part of the last year, on facebook and I am not exaggerating, has made me not even want to get on FB. I may change my mind after I am feeling better, but I can definitely say that I would not want to be involved with anyone with an attachment to FB that seems to supersede face to face contacts. But, sadly, my man picker is so faulty, I will most likely not pick anyone, FB or not. We all know that FB is not the "cause" of why people cheat, but if we think technology in general has not changed the way we relate to each other in some ways that are not healthy for relationships, then I think we are misleading ourselves. When one in five divorces are said to have some element of social media involved with the cheating, surely that begs for asking the question "why", I would think. I'll get off my soapbox.
YellowShark Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 (edited) Living with someone who has, the better part of the last year, on facebook and I am not exaggerating, has made me not even want to get on FB. Like I said before. If I was a woman looking for "a man" and he was on Facebook I would question his maturity level and not date him. Cuz I just can't see guys like Steve McQueen, Humphrey Bogart, or John Wayne posting status updates and what kinda soap they like from Bed, Bath, and Beyond. We all know that FB is not the "cause" of why people cheat, but if we think technology in general has not changed the way we relate to each other in some ways that are not healthy for relationships, then I think we are misleading ourselves. When one in five divorces are said to have some element of social media involved with the cheating, surely that begs for asking the question "why", I would think. I'll get off my soapbox. I agree 100%. Social media doesn't make you cheat, it just makes it waaaaaay easier. In fact I started a thread about 6 months ago linking to that study which proved "one in five divorces are said to have some element of social media involved" and was nearly run off Loveshack by enraged Facebook users like I was the Frankenstein monster and they were the townsfolks with torches and pitchforks! Edited January 16, 2012 by YellowShark
g450 Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 Men over 24 often have children, or grandchildren. With families often being spread out over the country these days, FB is a common way they keep up with each other on a regular basis, share pictures, etc. I know that because it is the only reason I ever opened a FB account. After that, it became something useful in a job related capacity. I don't know and have never met most of my FB "friends" now, but it has helped further my efforts professionally. I don't think FB in and of itself has done anything to make finding people easier. The internet did that long ago. Same here. I originally got on FB for family only. XW used it to connect with all her old HS friends from 1974 etc. Unfortunately she also found her ex lover that way and maybe even a few others in addition to him. FB is just a tool but I still think it is used as the devil's playground by the weak and by predators. Same thing for classmates dot com. It makes it way too easy. If not for FB I would still be married. I honestly believe that but then again, what kind of marriage would I be in now?
g450 Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 One of the reasons behind FB being so widly used is that many people kind of hide behind it. Just like some people do on dating sites. It stokes their egos. I remember that after my XW moved out she wanted to make sure I had no pictures of her on my page and she took all her pics off her own page. Only picture she had up there was of her little red sports car that I bought her a few years back. My XW even admited to me that she did not want any of her old HS friends to see photos of her and what she looks like now. And she never liked to have her photo taken for as long as I can remember. Ironically I am a very open and opinionated person and have nothing to hide. I remember her skolding me for the stuff I would put on my own FB page regarding politics, hobbies and my photos etc. I gave up and finally just made my page very non personal and generic. Didnt see the point in that. I still remember how she told all her friends and family that she was so happy to be single and divorced. She made it sound like our divorce was simply an unavoidable "accident" and oh well, everybody will just need to get over it. Very cold thing to hear. And of course she made all her guy friends know that she was now single and available and wanted to dance with them at her next reunion etc. Made me sick to my stomach. Did I mention I hate FB?
YellowShark Posted January 18, 2012 Posted January 18, 2012 (edited) I still remember how she told all her friends and family that she was so happy to be single and divorced. She made it sound like our divorce was simply an unavoidable "accident" and oh well, everybody will just need to get over it. Very cold thing to hear. And of course she made all her guy friends know that she was now single and available and wanted to dance with them at her next reunion etc. Made me sick to my stomach. Did I mention I hate FB? Same here. I was inidated with friends who asked me "what happened with you and your EX?" A couple days after we split. (Which was really me leaving because she cheated and I caught her red-handed.) I asked "how do you know about that?" ...since I kept it private, and was absolutely devistated. Well she had changed her relationship status on Crapbook a day after we split. Seems her Facebook status was far more important than remorse... or my feelings and privacy. Edited January 18, 2012 by YellowShark
SBC Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 If not for FB I would still be married. Please tell me you don't really believe that...
Michael30 Posted January 19, 2012 Posted January 19, 2012 Were there any warning signs, red flags you may have overlooked or even noticed but brushed aside? What was the behavior of your cheating spouse? Did they come home smelling funny, or shower you with gifts? Did they lose interest in sex, or pull new sexual tricks from their sleeves? I remember her coming home smelling like cologne once, but I ignored it since she told me earlier that day she was going to her boss's party so maybe she hugged a few people who wore too much of it. Now I know the real reason why she smelled like that.
g450 Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 Please tell me you don't really believe that... Well its possible. She told me that she fell out of love with me ten years ago but stayed with me for the next ten years out of convenience and for Son's sake. She had no real reason to leave as I was not a bad husband. My take is that she never got over her first love dumping her in 1974 and facebook allowed her to find him two years ago and reconnect with him. Only she knows the real truth however. She could have been cheating on me for our entire marriage and I was too blind to see it or was too comfortable in our marriage. Either way, you have a point. Our marriage was not the best. I refused to see that she disconnected from me emotionally. I thought it was just how older couples acted towards each other. Thought it was normal.
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