Maple Leaf Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 I broke NC after 6 months -- I was the dumpee. We were in a relationship for about 4 years. The last year was very toxic. We argued a lot and were on and off so often during the last year. We love(d) each other very much but decided we had to quit hurting each other. It was his idea to end it and I didn't give up much of a fight. We left each other in tears and he told me he loved me. I missed him like hell at first but knew it was time to move on. We had been through this so many times, in my mind it had to be the last. I did a ton of self-reflection and have made so many changes to myself--bought a home, furthered my career, I've gotten in really good shape and have found a way to genuinely be happy with myself. I even dated a bit. Met a really great guy but we just didn't have that spark. We continue to be great friends. This got me to thinking if my ex and I could be friends. I battled the urge to contact him for about a month and finally gave in last week. I e-mailed him with the full understanding that he most likely wouldn't respond. In my heart, I knew I'd be okay with that. It was a one line text. I told him about something that reminded me of him and just asked how he was doing. To my surprise, I got a response 2 days later. For the last week, we've been emailing very casually. But, I can slowly feel him warming up. I'm not gonna lie, some feelings have come flooding back. In my heart of hearts, I know we could never be together again and make it work. We've tried too many times. But, a part of me wants to find out without diving in head first. Does anyone have any pointers on how to proceed with this. Whenever I email him, he responds in less than a day. How can I appear cool and non chalant? I want him to realize that I have changed a lot. How often should I respond to his emails? I want to find out if he's changed.
BoredAgain Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 You write, "In my heart of hearts, I know we could never be together again and make it work." And if that's true, maybe you should consider backing off for a while longer. It sounds like you're not at all over the break-up. So because you say that it'll never work, then you're just going to get hurt. After all, if you really want to be friends with him, it can wait until you're healed.
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