BigDumbFoot Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 .. And don't know what to do.. I broke NC tonight. All I said was "are you still alive?" and this is what I got in return.. "Yeah... I just figured u didnt really want to talk to me. But ive been hoping u are okay. U dont have to respond, i just want to let u know what i still think about you all the time and want to talk to you and see how you are. Im just scared. Thats all I mean, being scared isnt an excuse. Im a wimp. Im terrified. I just hope youre okay. I really do. I miss you and i miss chris and everyone. Maybe one day i can talk to you again. I just dont know what to say? What am i supposed to say? Theres nothing that i could say that would make things better. I just hope your happy and that we can be friends agaain... I really do... I really wish you knew how much i did. I see you walking sometimes... It kills... I hope youre doing something amazing. I hope youre working on your music. I miss your dad and mom and i hope theyre okay. Ill stop now. Just let me know when we can talk sometime" I cried after reading it. I'm still in so much pain. And I still want her back, but she still just wants to be friends. I'm not in a good place now. This has opened up a whole new can of evil angry worms for me.. Why did I do it?? I am not healed. I am not going to say anything in response. Feel like **** now.
Author BigDumbFoot Posted January 12, 2012 Author Posted January 12, 2012 It's just the finality in her words.. And moreso her actions.. To her we're done.. I'm sure she added all that melodramatic bull**** just to ease her guilty conscious.. Never again. Was doing so much better til tonight. I guess we all slip sometimes don't we.
BoredAgain Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 Yeah, that sucks, but now you can take it as a lesson. Breaking NC when you're not ready almost always leads to emotional pain.
PoppyLove89 Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 For me right now, ignorance is bliss. Drumming it into my head that my ex doesn't care anymore, is over it and that we'll never be in friendly contact again is helping me...I don't think I could take the emotional pain of actually contacting him right now; the BU is still too fresh after two months. But hey, look at it as closure. Right now, she just wants to be friends, or at least that's what it sounds like, but on the bright side she doesn't want you gone from her life completely. So when you're ready and healed enough, if ever, you could perhaps build a friendship - it's your call. However, we should note, people tend to keep each other at arm's length anyway when it's awkward, they put on a front when their wall is up, so you never know if she was just bluffing to make it sound like she's 'okay'. I know that I've done this myself on more than one occasion as a defence mechanism until you know what the situation is and how to act in it. She may well still miss you in that way but feels like an idiot saying it after everything she's put you through.
thepedestrian Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 I broke no contact a while ago and it sucked big time. Broke it today because I have truly begun to move on and I thought it would help and it did. But I was OK with hearing "I don't want to be with you" It really gave me the closure I needed. Just remember how you felt after contacting him this time before contacting him again. There is a time when you will be ready for it but it definitely isn't now.
Philosoraptor Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 Rarely does breaking no contact while not healed ever lead to anything positive. Continue to focus on yourself and take care of your heart.
Author BigDumbFoot Posted January 12, 2012 Author Posted January 12, 2012 Just an update, I contacted her after words and said some angry things about the guy she left me for. Then I said texting her was a mistake and that I wasn't healed, and that I wasn't willing to be friends. Idk why, I always seem to do these things in clusters then call it a day. I also told her not to message me anymore. It may be harsh considering that what she said wasn't too bad.. But I was angry over old wounds still. I've been thinking all day about sending her somewhat of an apology for guilting her, but I know that it would be moot, and counter productive. I don't know... I really really want closure.. And she never specifically said "we're done forever" so of course there's always that hope in the back of my mind. but the way she talks it sounds like she's moved on.. Oh well, I don't anticipate that it will take me as long to bounce back from this encounter as it has with previous ones. I think that shows growth, eh?
Jono85 Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 Just an update, I contacted her after words and said some angry things about the guy she left me for. Then I said texting her was a mistake and that I wasn't healed, and that I wasn't willing to be friends. Idk why, I always seem to do these things in clusters then call it a day. I also told her not to message me anymore. It may be harsh considering that what she said wasn't too bad.. But I was angry over old wounds still. I've been thinking all day about sending her somewhat of an apology for guilting her, but I know that it would be moot, and counter productive. I don't know... I really really want closure.. And she never specifically said "we're done forever" so of course there's always that hope in the back of my mind. but the way she talks it sounds like she's moved on.. Oh well, I don't anticipate that it will take me as long to bounce back from this encounter as it has with previous ones. I think that shows growth, eh? dude..NO ONE is going to say "we're done forever". at least no one that cares for you, as she obviously does. i think she's making it as crystal clear as she can ("i don't know what to say" "nothing i say can make things any better"). u now know not to break NC for a lonnggg time. it sucks man, but it's time to actually start moving on and healing, instead of holding out hope she'll change her mind.
Chi townD Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 You're not the first person to break NC and you won't be the last. Just chauk it up to lessons learned and go back to NC. Time to REALLY heal and move on.
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