PoppyLove89 Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 So are you saying I should take this friendship path? NO! This will only cause you more pain and put the relationship under even more strain!!! Emotions are too high right now. A good Maroon 5 lyric fits here, "So scared of breaking it, that you won't let it bend." - take a step back, go NC for a while and re-evaluate things for yourself! Trust me.
chelsea2011 Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 (edited) So are you saying I should take this friendship path? It's sounds so odd that the only thing on the table is friendship after everything you just posted in response to my questions. I'm probably not the best person to ask when it comes to the word friendship. That word is a trigger to me right now and would make me suspicious of his intentions. What type of friendship is asking for from you? If he just wants a FWB, my answer would be a RESOUNDING no. BTDT and no way would I go back to a situation like that. I don't recommend it if that is all he is offering you. In my experience, a friendship on those terms would exasperate the issues you have in the relationship and not solve them. It wouldn't be balanced. If he requested that you take it slow that's one thing and would be a reasonable request in light of the circumstances, but the other wouldn't solve anything. You should think about what you want and then talk to him and see what he says. Edited January 12, 2012 by chelsea2011
chelsea2011 Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 NO! This will only cause you more pain and put the relationship under even more strain!!! Emotions are too high right now. A good Maroon 5 lyric fits here, "So scared of breaking it, that you won't let it bend." - take a step back, go NC for a while and re-evaluate things for yourself! Trust me. ^^^ This. Totally agree with PoppyLove here. Take a step back and re-evaluate what YOU want.
Author MissMurder Posted January 12, 2012 Author Posted January 12, 2012 It's sounds so odd that the only thing on the table is friendship after everything you just posted in response to my questions. I'm probably not the best person to ask when it comes to the word friendship. That word is a trigger to me right now and would make me suspicious of his intentions. What type of friendship is asking for from you? If he just wants a FWB, my answer would be a RESOUNDING no. BTDT and no way would I go back to a situation like that. I don't recommend it if that is all he is offering you. In my experience, a friendship on those terms would exasperate the issues you have in the relationship and not solve them. It wouldn't be balanced. If he requested that you take it slow that's one thing and would be a reasonable request in light of the circumstances, but the other wouldn't solve anything. You should think about what you want and then talk to him and see what he says. He wants to be strictly friends while I regain his trust. If you've read my post, I said that I've done something in the past and I'm not very good at telling him the truth (I don't lie, I just keep certain things to myself). He says that once I regain his trust we can go into the "dating" phase again.
PoppyLove89 Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 (edited) Okay I'm gonna tell you something about my first ever serious relationship, as I said before we were together for three and a half years on and off. Why on and off? Because he was texting some girl rude messages 4 months into our relationship - so right at the start. I had a gut feeling that something wasn't right and I found all the messages. I'd never had reason not to trust a man since he was my first boyfriend (I was 17) and he was 22. I felt utterly betrayed. Mortified. Humiliated. Sick. You name it! I stormed out of his place so fast he hadn't even realised what had happened in the two minutes he'd gone downstairs. From that moment, our relationship was never the same. He begged and pleaded with me for weeks. My heart wanted to go to him but my head said 'no'. This is where the struggle began. Eventually, after weeks of misery, I lost a stone and a half in weight from not eating having felt so sick at the thought of what else could have gone on, I gave him another chance. But my trust was gone and boy did he pay for it!!! That following summer I said I needed a break but I kept texting him every now and then to make sure he was still interested, yes, at 18 I was a headf**k and it's all thanks to what he did. I hated the thought of him meeting other girls, as far as I was concerned he was still 'mine', I just didn't want to be with him at the time - selfish, I know. Eventually as the years rolled by and we had more break-ups and make-ups than Ronnie and Sami on the Jersey Shore (in fact, their relationship mirrored ours perfectly in that sense) I realised I had fallen out of love with him. I couldn't stand him touching me after what he did but I was unable of letting him go. The thought of him and what he had done, what he could have done, made me feel sick. I was disgusted with him. So I suggested the 'let's be friends' and 'let's start from day one' crap. I'd go hot and cold with him, but whenever he'd go silent on me for longer than a couple weeks (despite the fact that I initiated NC and was having fun with my friends) I panicked and called him. I didn't cut ties with him until I met my current ex and let me tell you; I didn't realise how miserable my old relationship made me. This is why I'm saying you should re-evaluate everything for yourself. Take this 'break' for you! Why am I telling you this? Because it sounds like your ex is going through exactly what I did to my ex. I hope the insight onto the other side has helped you a little in understanding why trust is so important!!! The more my ex wanted to be with me, the less interested I became. Give him space. You'll only end up pushing him away! Edited January 12, 2012 by PoppyLove89
norajane Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 Just because you might love each other, or want each other, or whatever it is that compels you does NOT mean that you are GOOD FOR each other or GOOD TOGETHER as a couple. Step back, take a breather, and live your life without him for a while. A long while. Both of you can use that time to grow up and develop as people. You might find you feel BETTER without him (and the constant anxiety).
chelsea2011 Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 Okay I'm gonna tell you something about my first ever serious relationship, as I said before we were together for three and a half years on and off. Why on and off? Because he was texting some girl rude messages 4 months into our relationship - so right at the start. I had a gut feeling that something wasn't right and I found all the messages. I'd never had reason not to trust a man since he was my first boyfriend (I was 17) and he was 22. I felt utterly betrayed. Mortified. Humiliated. Sick. You name it! I stormed out of his place so fast he hadn't even realised what had happened in the two minutes he'd gone downstairs. From that moment, our relationship was never the same. He begged and pleaded with me for weeks. My heart wanted to go to him but my head said 'no'. This is where the struggle began. Eventually, after weeks of misery, I lost a stone and a half in weight from not eating having felt so sick at the thought of what else could have gone on, I gave him another chance. But my trust was gone and boy did he pay for it!!! That following summer I said I needed a break but I kept texting him every now and then to make sure he was still interested, yes, at 18 I was a headf**k and it's all thanks to what he did. I hated the thought of him meeting other girls, as far as I was concerned he was still 'mine', I just didn't want to be with him at the time - selfish, I know. Eventually as the years rolled by and we had more break-ups and make-ups than Ronnie and Sami on the Jersey Shore (in fact, their relationship mirrored ours perfectly in that sense) I realised I had fallen out of love with him. I couldn't stand him touching me after what he did but I was unable of letting him go. The thought of him and what he had done, what he could have done, made me feel sick. I was disgusted with him. So I suggested the 'let's be friends' and 'let's start from day one' crap. I'd go hot and cold with him, but whenever he'd go silent on me for longer than a couple weeks (despite the fact that I initiated NC and was having fun with my friends) I panicked and called him. I didn't cut ties with him until I met my current ex and let me tell you; I didn't realise how miserable my old relationship made me. This is why I'm saying you should re-evaluate everything for yourself. Take this 'break' for you! Why am I telling you this? Because it sounds like your ex is going through exactly what I did to my ex. I hope the insight onto the other side has helped you a little in understanding why trust is so important!!! The more my ex wanted to be with me, the less interested I became. Give him space. You'll only end up pushing him away! She can give him space, but if he is doing what you describe above, shouldn't she just cut her losses and get the h*ll out of the relationship period? Yikes!
PoppyLove89 Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 She can give him space, but if he is doing what you describe above, shouldn't she just cut her losses and get the h*ll out of the relationship period? Yikes! Yeah she probably should. Though I think she'd find he'll be the one struggling to let go...it's a very confusing situation to be in when you want to love someone for what you had but your head won't let you.
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