MontanaGirl Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 A long-ago ex of mine (we dated over 7 years ago) and I reconnected this fall. We live several states apart, so it started with emailing (hundreds of emails over the course of a few months) and culminated with him visiting me in early November. It was an *amazing* trip. He bought a ticket to come see me again a few weeks later and started mentioning long-term plans with me. Well, his ex (they dated for several years, broke up ~6 months ago) found out about me and begged for another chance. Before his second trip to see me, he told me he was having too many doubts and needed time by himself to figure out what he wanted. He said he wanted to cool off until after his Christmas vacation, which he was spending with his parents overseas. I agreed, and we haven't spoken since then (so about 2 months). Well, I know he got back from holidays last Friday. I was really hoping to hear from him by now, but no word so far. I feel like no answer is probably a sign he doesn't want to try to rekindle things with me (otherwise, wouldn't he be eager to reach out, for fear I might move on?) but I want to hear it from him to help me move on. Does it sound desperate/needy to send an email to him rather than waiting for him to email me? I was thinking something like, "Hi "x", Since I haven't heard from you, I'm going to assume you either got back together with (your ex), or decided connecting with me long-distance is more hassle than it's worth. Either way, I wish you happiness in this new year. There are no hard feelings on my side." I don't want to sound angry, or desperate, or completely dismissive; if he did decide to pursue a relationship with me, I would. But I do want to get some response from him. Also, if you think I should send an email, when should I? Are these four days enough time, or should I wait longer before reaching out to him? A week? Two?
Imajerk17 Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 A long-ago ex of mine (we dated over 7 years ago) and I reconnected this fall. We live several states apart, so it started with emailing (hundreds of emails over the course of a few months) and culminated with him visiting me in early November. It was an *amazing* trip. He bought a ticket to come see me again a few weeks later and started mentioning long-term plans with me. Well, his ex (they dated for several years, broke up ~6 months ago) found out about me and begged for another chance. Before his second trip to see me, he told me he was having too many doubts and needed time by himself to figure out what he wanted. He said he wanted to cool off until after his Christmas vacation, which he was spending with his parents overseas. I agreed, and we haven't spoken since then (so about 2 months). Well, I know he got back from holidays last Friday. I was really hoping to hear from him by now, but no word so far. I feel like no answer is probably a sign he doesn't want to try to rekindle things with me (otherwise, wouldn't he be eager to reach out, for fear I might move on?) but I want to hear it from him to help me move on. Does it sound desperate/needy to send an email to him rather than waiting for him to email me? I was thinking something like, "Hi "x", Since I haven't heard from you, I'm going to assume you either got back together with (your ex), or decided connecting with me long-distance is more hassle than it's worth. Either way, I wish you happiness in this new year. There are no hard feelings on my side." I don't want to sound angry, or desperate, or completely dismissive; if he did decide to pursue a relationship with me, I would. But I do want to get some response from him. Also, if you think I should send an email, when should I? Are these four days enough time, or should I wait longer before reaching out to him? A week? Two? Don't send that email. Instead "Hi X, I haven't heard from you in a while. I hope the New Year is treating you well so far.... MG"
ditzchic Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 I don't think sending him an email is necessarily a desperate move but the way you have it worded it comes off a bit bitter and dismissive. I would go for something more along the lines of "Hey. I just wanted to check in and see how your holidays were. Hope all is well." Keep it simple and open ended so that he can respond if he wants to but nothing high pressure. Just try and open him up to chit chat for now.
Imajerk17 Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 I don't think sending him an email is necessarily a desperate move but the way you have it worded it comes off a bit bitter and dismissive. I would go for something more along the lines of "Hey. I just wanted to check in and see how your holidays were. Hope all is well." Keep it simple and open ended so that he can respond if he wants to but nothing high pressure. Just try and open him up to chit chat for now. I like that. Go with ditzchic's response instead of mine.
Author MontanaGirl Posted January 11, 2012 Author Posted January 11, 2012 Got it. I can see where my initial email might sound harsh. So, send it now? Or give him more time?
ditzchic Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 Got it. I can see where my initial email might sound harsh. So, send it now? Or give him more time? I see no harm in sending it now. It's been almost 2 weeks since he's been home. He should be nice and settled in by now. Go for it.
Author MontanaGirl Posted January 11, 2012 Author Posted January 11, 2012 Oh... he's only been back since the 6th. To soon?
ditzchic Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 Oh... he's only been back since the 6th. To soon? Nah. I think you're still ok. You're just dropping him a line through email. It's not like you are showing up at his house demanding he speak with you. I still say go for it.
Imajerk17 Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 Nah. I think you're still ok. You're just dropping him a line through email. It's not like you are showing up at his house demanding he speak with you. I still say go for it. Yeah you're just asking how he is doing. You should be fine.
Author MontanaGirl Posted January 11, 2012 Author Posted January 11, 2012 Good point, I'm overthinking this I suppose. I hate sounding desperate/clingy, but hopefully having given him two months of solitude will show that I'm neither of those things. I'll understand if he wants to have another go with his ex, I just want to know. Let's see what his response is....
Author MontanaGirl Posted January 12, 2012 Author Posted January 12, 2012 Well, the good news is he wrote back. Bad news is he decided to give it another shot with his ex. Why couldn't he have told me that whenever it was they decided to get back together?!? This is a major pattern in my life.... When I find someone I really deeply like, their ex inevitably throws herself at him and tries to win him back. I guess I should be grateful that this guy wasted no time waffling, unlike a few other men I've been with. I should be grateful, I should be understanding, but tonight, I am sad.
chryssy83 Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 Awww....bummer. I'm sorry that it didn't turn out better for you!
Author MontanaGirl Posted January 12, 2012 Author Posted January 12, 2012 A month.... They got back together a month ago. That's what really stings. Who doesn't let the "other" woman know that? Last he'd said, he needed time to figure things out. Shouldn't it be common courtesy to let everyone know when he HAD figured things out???
chryssy83 Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 Yeah he was selfish and wasn't thinking of your feelings at all.
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