PoppyLove89 Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 Broke up on October 30th. Went NC on November 13th after I deleted him off Facebook. Haven't had a text or call since then and I haven't tried to initiate contact either. We were only together a year. It's been almost two and a half months and I still miss him so much. I'm out of the initial anger stage and just feel incredibly sad again. At first I thought I missed just having someone around, I was angry at how he was behaving after the split but as the weeks rolled by I realised I missed him as a person and how we were together. He always made sure I knew he loved me, always went above and beyond really to make sure I was happy. A silly argument ended the relationship after a couple weeks of tension (he was always away with the army and it put strain on us). Now I feel like his feelings weren't real...wouldn't you contact someone you truly loved? I'm constantly seeing people on here who hear back from their dumpers but I haven't heard a single thing. His only other serious relationship ended when his ex left him for someone else. Two years later she messages him when that relationship ended and he took her back for six months. What does this say about me?! I'm just easy to get over, I guess. I've seen him out at clubs three times and we only spoke once but he was kind of rude about it when his friend came over; he kept looking over at me every other time I've seen him. I miss him.
Author PoppyLove89 Posted January 11, 2012 Author Posted January 11, 2012 (edited) I should also state that this wasn't a case of 'relationship gone stale' as is often seen in long-term relationships. There was no third party involved either and we're both still single. He's an incredibly stubborn person, very mind-over-matter. The last thing he text me before I deleted him off Facebook and subsequently got the "sorry we didn't work out" text was this "I'm literally still not sure what I want but if I do feel like we need to talk, don't worry I'll text you x" - Of course I was willing to wait it out until I saw on his FB that he was just going out and getting wasted with his friends, not giving us a second thought (it killed me seeing this - ergo the deletion). Now to me it could be either a) he was BS'ing and was just sugar coating things or b) he was truly confused until I shut the door on us by deleting him off Facebook? Literally an hour after I deleted him, he text me the "goodbye" text and we haven't spoken properly since. FML :( Edited January 11, 2012 by PoppyLove89
smudge21 Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 You're doing a lot of second guessing here, but we all do that. The truth is you have no idea what is going on with him now so your mind and heart fills in the blanks, sometimes good, most times bad. All you can do is what is right for you now, whether that's stay NC and try to move on, or reach out and see if there's anything still there. Whatever the problems were that broke you up, as they weren't based in cheating and all that, then maybe there is always a chance, but there were still problems and unless both of you are willing to work on them, then getting back together will just end the same way. You can either wait on him or take charge and do what you want to do. There's no fixed rules here, only guidance and advice. What do you want to do?
Philosoraptor Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 I think the main thing to do is pick yourself up and start working on your issues. This person may never speak to you again, but your happiness should not come from but one person. Happiness comes from inside and can only be increased by being with someone. Work on yourself now and take good care of yourself. Treat yourself like you'd treat your best friend. Pamper yourself and make sure you do whatever you can to put yourself in a happy place.
Author PoppyLove89 Posted January 11, 2012 Author Posted January 11, 2012 Part of me wants to reach out to him but I fear he won't reply and I don't think I could feel that miserable; I already feel bad enough. Also, his sister came up to me on NYE and said "he still talks about you all the time" - I know for a fact that if it weren't for his job we'd still be together. I even asked him a couple days after the break-up "be brutally honest, are you relieved it's over or do you miss me?" and he replied "of course i do because i do love you, i'm just confused, i'm sorry." Yet he wouldn't come and talk to me face to face (i know him well enough to know that he said no to this because he knows he'd have given in to his feelings and stayed with me) There was a lot of pressure on him from his much younger friends too since he's hardly ever home and when he was he spent most of his time with me (by his choice; he'd see his friends at night while I was at work but they urged him to dump me) But here's the thing, if he loved me as much as he said, why would he ignore me when we're out? Why act like an ass and like you don't care when you're stares across the bar beg to differ? Is his pride getting in the way or is he over it?
Author PoppyLove89 Posted January 11, 2012 Author Posted January 11, 2012 I think the main thing to do is pick yourself up and start working on your issues. This person may never speak to you again, but your happiness should not come from but one person. Happiness comes from inside and can only be increased by being with someone. Work on yourself now and take good care of yourself. Treat yourself like you'd treat your best friend. Pamper yourself and make sure you do whatever you can to put yourself in a happy place. I have been trying to, thank you for the advice as always It would just be a lot easier if I could stop thinking about him.
Philosoraptor Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 Shift your focus at times when you are thinking about it too much. I believe you have to think about things to heal, but when those things start making you too miserable for too long it is good to have something else at hand to focus on. I used psychology research as my way to avoid thoughts. Not only did it work because it was so demanding, I also learned a ton and have become a more aware person because of it.
perfectlyflawed459 Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 Part of me wants to reach out to him but I fear he won't reply and I don't think I could feel that miserable; I already feel bad enough. Also, his sister came up to me on NYE and said "he still talks about you all the time" - I know for a fact that if it weren't for his job we'd still be together. I even asked him a couple days after the break-up "be brutally honest, are you relieved it's over or do you miss me?" and he replied "of course i do because i do love you, i'm just confused, i'm sorry." Yet he wouldn't come and talk to me face to face (i know him well enough to know that he said no to this because he knows he'd have given in to his feelings and stayed with me) There was a lot of pressure on him from his much younger friends too since he's hardly ever home and when he was he spent most of his time with me (by his choice; he'd see his friends at night while I was at work but they urged him to dump me) But here's the thing, if he loved me as much as he said, why would he ignore me when we're out? Why act like an ass and like you don't care when you're stares across the bar beg to differ? Is his pride getting in the way or is he over it? As Philosoraptor is saying, focus on yourself and find your own happiness for the meantime. We can sit here and try to analyze why he said this or why he does that, but in the end, the relationship is over and all it is causing you to do right now is run around in circles and try to find an impossible explaination. The break up is still fresh so I understand that your feelings are still all over the place right now, but you must stay strong. Just know that silence and time away from one another can work wonders in the long run, versus trying to reason with in your emotional state. You both need time away to heal right now. Get back together with yourself before you even think about getting back together with him.
CaliGuy Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 I think the main thing to do is pick yourself up and start working on your issues. This person may never speak to you again, but your happiness should not come from but one person. Happiness comes from inside and can only be increased by being with someone. Work on yourself now and take good care of yourself. Treat yourself like you'd treat your best friend. Pamper yourself and make sure you do whatever you can to put yourself in a happy place. I agree with this statement 100%.
2011 Posted January 30, 2012 Posted January 30, 2012 That FB delete seems to do the job I done the same and she didn't come back, but then again I thought I made a big mistake deleting so soon after our tiff but in the long run I think it was the right thing to do. Don't put your life on hold - it sounds like he is expecting you too, in the event that he decides to comes back. 2011
chados Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 this might sound cynical but you will most likely not care when time passes by. believe me, ive been in this situation. well yes i guess i do care a little. but its only been a few months for me. and for every day i care less. i was feeling sad mostly because of the way she was acting before the breakup. yes i did want her back like everyone else would. the feeling of being alone after a breakup is far worse then being without your ex. if theres something ive learned it is that time heals all wounds. and that every relationship is a learning process. if someone doesnt show you the respect youve showed them. they simply not deserve your time. people are selfish after a breakup, at least the dumpers. therefore the best thing you can do is to be selfish to and move on.
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