stu1234 Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 With a girl a year and a half broke up start of December. No contact since then. No big fight to end it just two people that were driving eachother a little crazy. Still treated one another well she just ddnt want it anymore. 5 weeks without contact after spending almost every day together. Can any good come from me texting her. I really do miss her, been better lately but haven't stopped thinking about her the last few days just wanted to get in touch. Could a text of "I miss you" do any good or is it simply the only way this could ever work is if she came back to me?
Cmac Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 Don't do it. I broke up with my girlfriend at the end of November and after a few weeks of No Contact I got in touch with her at Christmas. Big mistake. It made me feel like I was back at day 1 again. Alas, another couple of weeks later with NC and I'm feeling a bit better again, it really is the best way to heal. No use re-opening old wounds.
PegNosePete Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 What good could come of texting her? What do you want to come of it? Do you want to get back together? If so then one of you has to break the ice. If not then there is absolutely no good that can come from it, so DO NOT DO IT. What bad could come of it? Lots. If she does not want to get back together then by texting her you could be starting a whole world of pain for yourself. I think if you want to get back together then sending some lame "I miss you" text is the worst thing to do. You should write an email or letter or call her up. Be decisive and direct. Say what you want and ask for a decisive reply. Keep it brief and to the point, don't write an essay full of emotion and BS. Make it quite clear that you want to get back together and ask if she does too. If she does then go for it. If not then say goodbye and go back to NC.
chels Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 First and foremost, I agree with the other responses that you need to reeeallly think about this. There are MANY reasons that drive a person to contact an ex, and most of them aren't good reasons in the slightest. Take a few days to think it over and try to play out the potential outcomes in your mind. Do you miss HER, or the intimacy and companionship of a gf? Are you trying to get back together, or do you just want the option of interacting with her again? What if she's moved on, or doesn't respond to you at all- would reaching out to her still be worth it then? You've already been NC for several weeks, there's absolutely no reason why you need to rush into contacting her NOW. That being said, no one can (or should) tell you what will happen or what's the right thing to do. Only you know yourself, and your ex, and your relationship with each other, and you've just gotta use that information to make the best decision possible for YOU.
Author stu1234 Posted January 12, 2012 Author Posted January 12, 2012 thanks for the reply guys. I definitely want to get back with her I do miss HER. It isn't about not having someone it really is about her. Last time we spoke was December 2nd so its approaching 6weeks. She wanted the break up so of course the chances of getting back together are very small but I'm looking at it like what would I have to lose because at the moment I never see her so if I try and it doesn't work I haven't lost anything. We were living together for a year so we were real close, feels weird without her. I treated her well she owes me quite a bit of money but I told her I'd never make her pay it back if it put her into trouble. I do really want to contact her but realistically unless she comes seeking me then it will never work is that right or not? I'd love to ring her but I know hearing her voice won't help me thats why I am more swung towards a text. I CAN be persuaded not to its why I'm hear asking first. Thanks for your advice is appreciated..
Exit Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 Making these decisions is never easy and no matter what anyone says it will come down to you. When you feel uncertain though, sometimes it's best to wait. "Sometimes not deciding is deciding", if you don't decide right now, you've basically decided Not to do it for the time being. You can't decide not to right now, and still change your mind to yes later on. If you decide to contact now, you won't be able to go back and change your mind to no. If you aren't sure, you say it's been about 6 weeks, why not try to hang on two more weeks? Give it a full two months, maybe while you're waiting you'll hear something from her, and if 14 more days go by and you don't hear a word from her, then maybe that will help you decide if you want to try reaching out. Orrr do it now and get it over with. Deciding is never easy. But chances are if she ended the relationship and you haven't had a single word, her silence is enough of an answer. You say you'd have nothing to lose, and yeah I get what you're saying in the physical sense, she isn't there now and if she says no, she won't be there tomorrow either, but you do have something to lose, you have to lose whatever progress you've made in 6 weeks. Even if it isn't noticeable to you, even if you think you haven't gained much ground and it wouldn't set you back far, sometimes you can't see the healing inside, your heart may have started to mend itself up, and then you send a text, and either you get flat out ignored, or you get a negative response, and your heart feels like it has to start all over again. Imagine if you spent the last 6 weeks walking, sure you could say starting all the way over at the beginning is nothing to lose, it's just more walking, but of course there is something to lose, you'd be erasing miles and miles of progress. Maybe just keep on walking and see if the day ever comes where you hear her footsteps running up behind you and she realizes she screwed up. In the meantime, you'll be gaining more and more ground, and if that day never comes, you'll be in a different place anyway.
PegNosePete Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 This is going to go one of 2 ways. 1) She wants to get back together and give it another shot 2) She doesn't At the moment you don't know which it is and as a result of not knowing you are in limbo. If she does not want to try again then you need to heal and move on, but in order to do that you need to know whether the door is open or closed. If I were you then I would end the limbo as soon as possible. If she wants to try again then all is good, but if she doesn't, then it is better to find out sooner rather than later. At least you will know and you can NC and get over it. The important thing is to get a definite yes or no answer from her. Don't be put into the friendzone or fed breadcrumbs. You want to tell her your feelings and find out hers. You do not want to talk about things, be friends for now to see how it goes, send inane texts backwards and forwards for weeks, etc. That is why you should not send a brief "I miss you" text. Her response will be the usual non-committal BS or no response at all. What will you do then? No, you want to tell her straight up that you want to give it another go, and ask if she does too. If you insist on doing it by text then something like "I want to give it another go. I think we can be happy together. Please let me know if you want to try again.". If her response contains the words "but", "however" or "if", then it is the same as NO. If there is no response within a day then it means NO. In fact anything other than a 100% positive "yes", means NO. If it's a yes then go for it. If it's a no then NC and begin the healing process.
Author stu1234 Posted January 13, 2012 Author Posted January 13, 2012 HEY guys thanks for your advice. I know that realistically the correct advice after 6 weeks of NC and hard work to get there I should have kept away but I contacted her. She replied which was surprising but the bottom line is that she has moved on. It is a bit of closure for me though because we did speak about things(via text). She apologised for the the way that she went about certain things and we discussed things that went wrong. we both agreed we were in love but her love died. She has a new BF and she was good to rub it in that he's "everything she wanted" but I don't know how intentional that was to hurt. She has been with him a few weeks already which says a lot about the relationship we had if she jumps into someone new so soon. She said that she was really depressed towards the end of the relationship and that she does care about me and obviously ddnt want it to be like this. I told her if she ever needed anything I was here for her because I was a little worried about the debth of which she spoke. END RESULT "Thank you" from her so I guess all I have really done is end her guilt and make her feel better. I'll move on but today is a low day. It's over for good.
Chi townD Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 AANNDD.....welcome back to square one. You should have listened to everyone here on why it's important to stay NC. It probably wasn't very nice hearing that at the end of your relationship all you did was depress her. Also, it was probably really fun hearing that she's got a new guy in her life and he's "everything I ever wanted!" Translation, " He isn't you!" You gave her and opportunity to boost her ego and justify her actions by making you feel small and YOU were the cause of the end of the relationship. I'm speculating that she probably took no or very little ownership for her part to the demise of your relationship. Look, I'm not trying to make you feel worse than what you already do. Here's what you need to do. Stay NC, from this point out. Improve on yourself. LEARN FROM THIS!!! Figure out what you did wrong in the relationship and learn not to repeat it when you enter a new relationship down the road. Once you make those changes, your new girl may feel compelled to write your Ex a thank you card for breaking up with you!
PegNosePete Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 You did the right thing buddy. Yes you are back to square one but before, you weren't even ready to start the race. If you had left it then you would still be in limbo. It sounds like you got a bit of luck that she reacted well. She didn't try the "lets be friends" thing or to BS you for weeks. You have given her her one and only chance and she told you straight up that she has moved on. Now it's time to start the NC dude, and DO NOT look back.
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