headsashed Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 Most of you will have read my last thread and seen what my ex had txt me,so heres the update. On new years eve my ex rang me while i was out,i answered this time,dont know why lol but anyway,she just asked what i was doing and who i was with,i told her i was out and with my brother and friends and then i asked what all those txts were about, She basically said she wanted to talk in person about things so in a polite way i just said ok but i want a week no contact because right now im still angry and upset about things,she understood. She said she loved and missed me and wished me happy new year then went. I know a week isnt long but i thought it was enough time to get rid of some anger and hear what she had to say. A week goes by with no contact at all and im feeling better about things,she txt me asking if we could talk so i agreed and told her to come to my house after work. She came and we spoke,no arguments or anything. She basically explained that when she heard i was with someone else it made her realise everything and it really hit her hard, so i asked her what she wanted to do,she said she wanted to take things slow and see how they go,i agreed to this but many things had to change if things are to work, like i want to meet her friends and spend time with them and vice versa as we never used to do this before and other stuff like we need to spend time on our own too. She also apologised for hurting me etc which must have been hard for her as she is a very stubborn and proud person. The past few days we have seen each other but only for an hour or 2 each time,we havent kissed or anything,just spent some time together,walking dogs etc,its been pretty ok. Then she asked me something which i dint think would happen right now,she asked if i wanted to goto a party with all her friends this weekend,so i can meet them all,i said yes aslong as we aint arguing or anything. Yesterday she came after work and was shoppping on ebay and even bought me a nice jumper? wasnt expensive but why do it? even the other day she txt me and said her mother had made me my favourite desert like she used to do when we was together,now that i 100% accepted lol. Last night she also told me that her and her friends from work were planning a trip to spain in may and if partners are allowed to go then she is going to ask me but if not then theres plenty more trips away with friends im invited to. This trip to spain is for her and 1 of her friends birthday but my ex's birthday isnt while july lol sos he said if i dont go then she will spend her birthday with me. That sounds like she is planning on staying with me. We aint back together yet and i dont even know if it will happen,were just taking it slow to see if anything does happen. She even told her parents this which isnt like her. Now the thing that kind of bothers me is alot of this seems to involve her friends,when really we need time alone too right? Also,i know its too early but the no kissing etc seems wierd,we have had 1 close moment and she pulled away,when i asked about it she just said she will when she is ready, hmm,maybe im just reading too much into that part lol. In the end i know a week isnt that long but i did feel ready enough to talk to her and taking things slow seems an ok decision. Im not getting my hopes up and im laid back on this,she initiates most the contact too. Hope im doing the right thing lol.
Philosoraptor Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 I'm not familiar with your story but it does sound like you are taking this with the right approach. Not getting too invested until the ex can prove to you that the changes that they have made are true.
geegirl Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 I want to be optimistic for you H, I really do and I don't want to project based on my experiences eventhough my alarms are ringing! So I will suggest that you take it slow. I believe that you should first start to trust her actions rather than her words. A part of me feels that after all she's put your through, those issues are bound to resurface only for you to go through the same ordeal. Or maybe she really wants change and is sincere. It is so hard to tell. She is the one that needs to show you that things are different this time. If she can't get intimate with you right now, then that may also work in your favor as it slows down your progression. That's a good thing for you seeing what you've been through. This time, the moment you see something that does not sit well with you, take heed and do not make allowances. Just guard your heart and think with your head.
Bobby289 Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 Hey man I have missed out on the past month of this site but last time I was on you just moved into your new house and said you will never let your ex know where you moved. Obviously that has changed lol. You seem to be in a better place emotionally but don't drop that guard. It is so easy to think they wont do the same thing again. You seem to be on the right track though on how to handle this.
marqueemoon4 Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 Remember the torture and childish games this person put you through. I'm sure it feels good that she is pursuing you now, but rebuilding that trust is going to be an uphill battle.
wilsonx Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 (edited) Remember the torture and childish games this person put you through. I'm sure it feels good that she is pursuing you now, but rebuilding that trust is going to be an uphill battle. the trust comes from within yourself, not someone else. If you cant trust yourself, then you can't trust others either. This is why people have walls and relationships crumble. I read his story and there were no games, look at what happened from the text message I told him to send her, this was the outcome, she opened up. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=3787371&postcount=18 Read his last thread and the text message I told him to send her. The "games" that you people see come from your own egos, if you learn to let your own egos go, you can see the truth and put yourself in other people's shoes. There's no black and white to this. Start putting yourself in other people's shoes and trying to figure out whats going on in their heads and not your own. If you still cant figure it out, ask whats going on in their head Edited January 11, 2012 by wilsonx
Author headsashed Posted January 11, 2012 Author Posted January 11, 2012 thanks for the replies people. I know this girl has put me through hell of alot lately and thats why im sitting back as much as i can and let her make the effort. She has a very lot to prove to me if im to take her back into my life as my girlfriend and its upto her to show me that she is worth it. She is making some effort as it is but thats nowhere near enough yet but only time will tell. My guard is fully up incase she does a u-turn on things too. Things arent perfetct right now,thats pretty obvious and its all upto her to fix the damage she caused. As for trust,well i know that its going to take quite some time for me to fully trust her again and again,thats entirely upto her to prove to me that i can trust her. 1 thing that did get to me was she actually said she needs to learn to trust me again,i dont get that bit as ive done nothing wrong at all lol,ive not been with anyone or anything. We both have issues that we need to work on and taking things slow is the best option,just incase we decide not to reconcile. Im actually looking forward to this party at the weekend because all her freinds will be there that ive constantly blamed for taking this girl away from me, i just want to see how she acts with them while im there with her,like if shes proud to have me there if you get what i mean. I think that if her or me is to make a u-turn on this then it will be me and not her this time because its her that has to prove alot to me. Im still not 100% sure if i do want to reconcile but i do still love her very much and i think its worth 1 try to make this work. The only question is,will she prove that this is really what she wants? im only 50% convinced right now but then again its only been a few days or so. About an hour ago she txt me from work asking about an isp im with as she is wanting to go with them,then she asked if i will take something to hers later,but,im not going to,not because im nasty or anything but because im watching footy tonight and im not dropping that to just take something to hers. 6 months ago i would have. I cant be at her beck an call all the time can i?
geegirl Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 You know what you want H. Take it slow and think with your head. You know what she's put you through so set your boundaries. Sometimes you have to take a risk and let the cards fall where they may. Keep us posted! Rooting for you.
Author headsashed Posted January 11, 2012 Author Posted January 11, 2012 (edited) You know what you want H. Take it slow and think with your head. You know what she's put you through so set your boundaries. Sometimes you have to take a risk and let the cards fall where they may. Keep us posted! Rooting for you. thanks,i really do hope she proves us all wrong and becomes that girl again,even if we dont get back together. Im now holding as strong as i can,even with my teeth lol. Its not all about her proving things to me though is it? I have to get over the fact she slept with someone else,that will take some time too and i also have to learn not to be as clingy/needy as i used to be. Ofcourse i want things to go back to the way there used to be but lots of things have to change if this is to be successful. This may sound a little stupid but this is genuinely how i feel right now... I do want to kiss her,yes i want to sleep with her BUT i actually couldnt sleep with her right now because im still hurting over the fact someone else has been there. So taking things this slowly is definately the best option,especially for me. Edited January 11, 2012 by headsashed
geegirl Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 thanks,i really do hope she proves us all wrong and becomes that girl again,even if we dont get back together. Im now holding as strong as i can,even with my teeth lol. Its not all about her proving things to me though is it? I have to get over the fact she slept with someone else,that will take some time too and i also have to learn not to be as clingy/needy as i used to be. Ofcourse i want things to go back to the way there used to be but lots of things have to change if this is to be successful. This may sound a little stupid but this is genuinely how i feel right now... I do want to kiss her,yes i want to sleep with her BUT i actually couldnt sleep with her right now because im still hurting over the fact someone else has been there. So taking things this slowly is definately the best option,especially for me. I believe you never gave yourself a chance to find introspection after your break-up as she was always in the picture post break up. That would have given you time to get your thoughts together and work on things that you felt lacking in your role within the R. Then maybe coming together after some time apart would have been an opportunity for two people to bring a whole different mindset to the table. It's normal to want to be intimate. You love her. But you're right to take things slow. If this has success written all over, then intimacy and all will fall into place, in time. Good luck H.
marqueemoon4 Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 the trust comes from within yourself, not someone else. If you cant trust yourself, then you can't trust others either. This is why people have walls and relationships crumble. I read his story and there were no games, look at what happened from the text message I told him to send her, this was the outcome, she opened up. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=3787371&postcount=18 Read his last thread and the text message I told him to send her. The "games" that you people see come from your own egos, if you learn to let your own egos go, you can see the truth and put yourself in other people's shoes. There's no black and white to this. Start putting yourself in other people's shoes and trying to figure out whats going on in their heads and not your own. If you still cant figure it out, ask whats going on in their head Um, I'm pretty sure she text him numerous times when with another guy rubbing it in his face...
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