Jump to content

question from ex


While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Posted

why would a man that you dated off and on for about 7 months ask you,"are you dating anyone" after you told him 2 weeks ago that you couldnt go on just having "sex" with him and needed more(like a relationship) and youcouldnt keep wondering if he was going to give you a second chance? i told him i wasnt really mad at him just hurt when i texted him a few weeks ago. it ended the beginning of dec, i fell in love with him and care alot for him and still wish i could be with him b/c he was everything i wanted in a man.

well about a week ago he texted me asking me if i was dating anyone! like why do you care?!! you dont want me! now i dont know whether he noticed some posts on facebook from a guy i was seeing( he put a few comments on my page and i out a few on his) b/c we spent new years eve together( the next day i found out he has a girlfriend) go figure my luck! or maybe possibly noticed on the dating site(POF, where we meet in April) that i removed my profile??! i really have no idea what he knows or sees, but just wondering why a man would ask this question?????!!

Posted
why would a man that you dated off and on for about 7 months ask you,"are you dating anyone" after you told him 2 weeks ago that you couldnt go on just having "sex" with him and needed more(like a relationship) and youcouldnt keep wondering if he was going to give you a second chance? i told him i wasnt really mad at him just hurt when i texted him a few weeks ago. it ended the beginning of dec, i fell in love with him and care alot for him and still wish i could be with him b/c he was everything i wanted in a man.

well about a week ago he texted me asking me if i was dating anyone! like why do you care?!! you dont want me! now i dont know whether he noticed some posts on facebook from a guy i was seeing( he put a few comments on my page and i out a few on his) b/c we spent new years eve together( the next day i found out he has a girlfriend) go figure my luck! or maybe possibly noticed on the dating site(POF, where we meet in April) that i removed my profile??! i really have no idea what he knows or sees, but just wondering why a man would ask this question?????!!

 

There could be a number of reasons....he doesn't want you moving on before he does, he's wondering in case he does change his mind if you're waiting around for him, he could be having a change of heart and wondering what your current status is, he might just be curious.....I mean, we could sit here all night and try to analyze his message. Honey, trust me - I've done it. What I've learned? Take the communication at face value. Don't try to read into it too much. Easier said than done, I know. Why? Because we hope there is a hidden meaning in there somewhere. The honest truth? When a man loves you and wants to be with you, he will let you know in no uncertain terms. Anything more than "I want you back" is breadcrumbs. Please don't spend too much time thinking about what this text could mean. Focus on healing. A period of NC would be helpful for you to get your emotions in check and see things from a different perspective. Don't give a man parts of you, when he doesn't want all of you. Cut him out. I've learned the hard way myself. It's for the best.

Posted

I agree with the fact that many immature people want to "win" the moving on game rather than truly heal and mature themselves. They also in many cases want to make sure an option is open or that he could still have you if he wanted you.

 

Just worry about being happy within yourself and worry not of other's games.

Posted
why would a man that you dated off and on for about 7 months ask you,"are you dating anyone" after you told him 2 weeks ago that you couldnt go on just having "sex" with him and needed more(like a relationship) and youcouldnt keep wondering if he was going to give you a second chance? i told him i wasnt really mad at him just hurt when i texted him a few weeks ago. it ended the beginning of dec, i fell in love with him and care alot for him and still wish i could be with him b/c he was everything i wanted in a man.

well about a week ago he texted me asking me if i was dating anyone! like why do you care?!! you dont want me! now i dont know whether he noticed some posts on facebook from a guy i was seeing( he put a few comments on my page and i out a few on his) b/c we spent new years eve together( the next day i found out he has a girlfriend) go figure my luck! or maybe possibly noticed on the dating site(POF, where we meet in April) that i removed my profile??! i really have no idea what he knows or sees, but just wondering why a man would ask this question?????!!

 

It's hard to tell, it could be any number of things. So what did you say? Yes or no?

 

Just a FYI - I heard, through my daughter, that POF is full of guys who are either married or the have girl friends, so watch out. She has a couple of clients who found that out the hard way.

  • 3 weeks later...
  • Author
Posted

ok so he did it again!! why?!! Jan 14th and 15th then didnt hear from him until Jan 30th and its basically the same questions!

how are you?

what you doing?

so anything new going on?

are you dating/ seeing anyone?

 

what gives? why ask me that 5 times since we broke up 5 months ago!

I secretly hope that he would finally realize that i am a good catch and he messed up by not giving me another chance! but ive been kinda witing for that for months! I mean i'm not in any hurry to date anyone else yet

I asked him a few of the questions and hes not dating anyone

and according to his cousins wife(shes a nurse at my drs office!) hes having a hard time meeting someone who is serious and not into playing games!

(just like me!) and he knows this!

anyways oh forgot to add this new comment he made to me:

Well, I'm surprised someone hasnt scooped you up yet!

i said nope , no one on my level and not into playing games was my response

 

well, since ive been wondering about the questions I finnaly just texted him and said " hey, tell me something-

hes at work so he wont respond

so now i need to know how to ask him nicely without acting crazy or whatever exactly why you have asked me this 5 times!

please give me input!

do i just say why you keep asking me?

or

is there any reasons why you ask me?

 

not sure how you go about it

Posted (edited)

You read my mind, or vice versa, because I was about to reply and say 1 of you needs to put an end to it already by having the nerve to ask what's really going on. At the rate he's going, it appears it's going to need to come from you.

 

I hope you are well aware that there may be some emotional consequences if you ask him and he says "just wondering" or something else to indicate that he didn't really mean anything by it.

 

He's being unclear and keeping up his defense mechanisms, so unfortunately if you want to make some progress here, you're going to have to be the one to take the risk of being vulnerable.

 

I don't think it really matters exactly how you word it, what's important is that you are going to ask, period.

 

If you end up getting a negative response then I hope you'll realize that it's not being selfish, but more like self-preservation, to ask him to stop contacting you with those types of questions.

 

Also, just because both of you are having difficulties finding someone new who is willing to put effort into a relationship, doesn't necessarily mean you're now a match made in heaven. Sure in some cases finding out that the grass isn't always greener can make people realize what they had in the first place. But don't let it become a case of "the devil you know is better than the one you don't", just because you aren't finding any great catches out on the single market right now doesn't mean you need to get back with an ex.

Edited by Exit
  • Author
Posted

well to be honest according to Match.com we are a 100% match!

funny huh?

well i know he probably will just saying just wondering or something i dont want to hear was just trying to figure out the right way to say it but maybe there isnt a right way!

Posted

In my opinion the only right way is to word it as honestly as you can. This is also the riskiest, most vulnerable way to go about it, but will probably get the most reliable result. If you just try to play it cool and jokingly ask him why he's been saying those things, he may just return the insincerity to you and answer in a likewise kidding-around fashion. Whereas if you tell him it makes you wonder what is on his mind, hopefully you'll get a truthful answer, even if it is a negative one.

 

Just my two cents. I'm sure there are people who would advise exactly the opposite, trying to ask in a light-hearted way so you don't expose yourself too much. I just feel that if the question is not presented in an honest way, why count on an honest answer?

  • Author
Posted

yea it didnt work out as planned

 

i asked : was just wondering why u ask me

 

he said- ask u what-

i havent replied yet

 

was gonna say-about my dating status

 

ugh!

Posted
yea it didnt work out as planned

 

i asked : was just wondering why u ask me

 

he said- ask u what-

i havent replied yet

 

was gonna say-about my dating status

 

ugh!

 

Going with Exit.

 

If you want to continue game playing, then hide because you either like the attention or you're afraid to close the door because you know the answer. Speak up and find the answers you need to get control of your life rather than enable these cat and mouse games. How long are you going to keep allowing him to bust your boundaries, that is if you have any.

Posted

Just tell him you are dating someone and see what he says. He might not want you back as long as he knows you are available and he could have you back if he wants. If he thinks he might lose you, then he may want you back. Sure it is playing a game but what do you have to lose?

Posted
well to be honest according to Match.com we are a 100% match!

First.. who cares? A website can not determine true compatibilty.

 

Either stop responding to him or when he asks if you are seeing anyone say "My personal life is none of your concern". No need to lie, but it's truly none of his business. He's keeping tabs on you so he can know you are still a cantidate to be a backup for him.

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted

well i didnt get a response!

unbelievable!

he said"ask you what"

i said" the questions from the other night!"

he said "Oh"

 

end of conversation!

SMDH!

i wasnt going to keep asking! im not that dumb! i mean he knows i know

so what gives!

he knows im not gonna settle for less than what i want and deserve-

im not for playing games or a friends with benefits kind of situation!

even though the first time we dated we did almost everything! the most i ever did with a guy in 25 years! and i mean totally combined!

the 2nd time around it was different so i had to let him go b/c i wanted it to be like the first time!

Posted

My ex did the same about 6 weeks after we broke up, i just answered that i wasn't seeing anyone and if she was and she said no of course not!

A week after she met a guy at the club and they kissed, the guys ex had seen it and told me so i asked her and she said "none of your business i don't want to talk about that with you" even though she asked me the same question little over a week before.

These questions are purely for their ego, and you shouldn't even respond to them. If it mean't anything they wouldn't ask just that.

Posted
well i didnt get a response!

unbelievable!

he said"ask you what"

i said" the questions from the other night!"

he said "Oh"

 

end of conversation!

SMDH!

i wasnt going to keep asking! im not that dumb! i mean he knows i know

so what gives!

he knows im not gonna settle for less than what i want and deserve-

im not for playing games or a friends with benefits kind of situation!

even though the first time we dated we did almost everything! the most i ever did with a guy in 25 years! and i mean totally combined!

the 2nd time around it was different so i had to let him go b/c i wanted it to be like the first time!

 

He's checking to see if you would still be his backup plan!

 

Tell him to f-off! Tell him it's none of his business since he's not "committed to you"!

 

He's just testing you to see if you might shag him - behind his GF's back...

 

If it were me - I'd tell him to lose my number... That I deserve a decent man - and it's not him!

Posted
Just tell him you are dating someone and see what he says. He might not want you back as long as he knows you are available and he could have you back if he wants. If he thinks he might lose you, then he may want you back. Sure it is playing a game but what do you have to lose?

 

This is really messed up! His evasive communication and manipulation deserves no response. He's a cheater and mean. Why bother with such a clown?

Posted (edited)

Are you people serious?

 

He's communicating "Are you dating someone?" How many times as he asked this now?

 

You say you love this guy and hes trying to do the emotionally correct thing and ask "Are you dating anyone" THIS IS WHAT PEOPLE ASK RIGHT BEFORE RECONCILIATIONS.

 

You are in love with the guy but wont answer him, thats silly and stupid. The only person playing games here is the OP. Instead of posting for advice on a web site, communicate with him.

 

Answer the question and prove me wrong

Edited by Dark Phoenix
Posted
Are you people serious? This is why logic has no place in relationships.

 

He's communicating "Are you dating someone?" How many times as he asked this now?

 

You say you love this guy and hes trying to do the emotionally correct thing and ask "Are you dating anyone" THIS IS WHAT PEOPLE ASK RIGHT BEFORE RECONCILIATIONS.

 

You are in love with the guy but wont answer him, thats silly and stupid. The only person playing games here is the OP. Instead of posting for advice on a web site, communicate with him.

 

Answer the question and prove me wrong

 

DP - he's dating someone else - but asking the OP IF she's dating anyone = so essentially - he's asking her a question that he shouldn't be asking while in a committed relationship with another woman!

 

He's trolling for his OW! There's no reason for her to even respond!

 

Block him on FB now - since he's seeing your private life there... Or send his GF a message telling her he's asking about your private life - since he kept you a secret from her - she deserves to know what a douche she's been dating!

Posted
DP - he's dating someone else - but asking the OP IF she's dating anyone = so essentially - he's asking her a question that he shouldn't be asking while in a committed relationship with another woman!

 

He's trolling for his OW! There's no reason for her to even respond!

 

Block him on FB now - since he's seeing your private life there... Or send his GF a message telling her he's asking about your private life - since he kept you a secret from her - she deserves to know what a douche she's been dating!

This.

 

And even though she already knows he is seeing someone, he refuses to answer the question when she asked him if he was seeing someone else.

 

Just because you allow yourself to be just an option for someone doesn't mean other people need to cling to this false hope that is spread about. Why would you want to be with someone who would openly be looking to other options while in a relationship with someone else? Does anyone really want to be used as a stepping stone so that someone who isn't mature enough to deal with his emotions doesn't get hurt?

  • Author
Posted

no he is NOT dating anyone! and i am pretty sure(about 99%) that he is isnt, and he told me he wasnt-he has asked me this question about 3 times since we stopped seeing each other 2 months ago-

I do not put personal info on myfacebook page, ive learned to keep it private so they wonder what you are doing

Posted
This is really messed up! His evasive communication and manipulation deserves no response. He's a cheater and mean. Why bother with such a clown?

 

Then he deserves to be toyed with even more. I think she should tell him she is dating someone else just to see how he responds. He doesn't seem to want to tell her why he keeps asking if she is dating. If she wants to move on that is great, but she can have some fun messing with him in the process.

  • Author
Posted

Dark Phoenix-I guess this is what i was hoping that he wants to give it another try! but with no response i have to move on! and to be honest I have my first date since him this sat! its gona t obe hard b/c all i think about is him and not sure how to handle the next situation

I have answered him every time and it has been the truth i havent dated anyone since him,actually really since the first time we broke up in aug

im just tired of the games lies and dumb stuff from men!

this dude was the ultimate catch and i messed up! but i still dontthink it was a big deal! i mean ppl deserve a second chance

we had amazing chemistry

what gets me is that he has contacted me at least 6 times since sept

i have never contacted him first, i try to keep it short and to the point

I have thought about lying and saying i am seeing someone (dating) but then that might end up in the opposite that i want to happen! which is to get him back!

I mean but honestly he does need to come clean and admit why he is asking, i mean theres got to be a reason!

Posted

Well sorry if I had your back info incorrect...

 

Fact is - IF he intended to ask you out - he would!

 

But he hasn't. And now asking personal info but not answering your question - isn't a man that deems worthy of any contact - given his lack of healthy communication.

 

Why would you even consider him - when he's sneaky and evasive when it comes to being honest and up front?

Posted (edited)
im just tired of the games lies and dumb stuff from men!

 

I'm so perplexed by this. You're tired of games, lies and dumb stuff but you're doing the exact same thing. You're lying about dating someone so you can provoke a reaction. You play games because you're afraid. You're the biggest enabler.

 

This dance has gone on for too long. Ask the question. If he's truly interested, and if all his reach outs are coming from a good place, he will be receptive when you ask him why is he interested in knowing if you are seeing someone.

 

If he is not receptive and he responds negatively, then you will be able to take control and move on. Stop waiting around for someone to choose you.

 

You're afraid of the answer. You're stalling because you are fearful of what the outcome may be. Stop being mad at men and their behaviors. They're just doing what you allow them to do.

Edited by geegirl
Posted

What did you do that messed it up? Be specific about how you participated...

×
×
  • Create New...