petergriffin Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 Okay, long story short my ex and i split about 2 months ago.. we were no contact for about a month and then we started to hangout and everything was great! Christmas came and things were still awesome. We had slept with each other again and were still hanging out everyday! This is where it turned, she had read some facebook conversations with me amd other girls from mid-December. They weren't pervertedor anything sexual, but it really hurt her and upset her. On New Years there were rumors I had been with another girl (not true), but since then things have changed. She has lost trust in me, we no longer kiss, but she still hangsout with me everyday. Its been about a week since we last kissed, she told me she couldn't wait to start the new year with me, but now she doesn't want to date me she says because she can't trust me. She still contactse first and asks me to hangout. When we are together it is all smiles. My question is.. Do i move on or do I still hangout woth her to get her to regain my trust? I want her still and ik deep down she wants me shes just hurt
BoredAgain Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 Even if you had slept with somebody else, you two were broken up... right?
Exit Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 Who dumped who? If she left you it's no business of hers who else you decided to talk to. Even if you left her, it still really shouldn't matter, but she'd at least have one leg to stand on with this issue if you're the one who left and then started talking to other chicks. But it really shouldn't matter, people need to get it through their head that there is no sort of pseudo-loyalty that still exists once you're broken up. You can miss each other and still have feelings for each other, but it's fair game to start talking to other people. As far as your question, I don't think this is really something to just decide on your own. Tell her how you feel and make the decision together. Tell her you were thinking this hanging out again might lead to another shot at a relationship. If she isn't ready now, then ask if hanging out is going to be a trial run to see if the trust can be rebuilt, or if it'll only be hanging out for the sake of hanging out as friends. Even if she says that she's willing to see if she can learn to trust again, you have to decide how well that sits with you and your personal boundaries, do you really feel you need to prove anything to her by putting the time and effort into hanging out while she dips her toe in the water and decides if she feels safe again? Talk to her and get straight answers to these questions, and your path should become clearer. If for some reason you absolutely don't want to involve her in the decision making progress and you just want to decide on your own ASAP, then it sounds like you'd be happier moving on. Just the fact that you're asking these questions proves that you aren't exactly thrilled just hanging out to be friends, you wanted it to lead to something more and it's bothering you that she's claiming she can't trust you anymore. If casual hanging out is not what you want, move on and let her seek out some new person that she'll apparently have an easier time trusting.
Philosoraptor Posted January 11, 2012 Posted January 11, 2012 Sounds like she is just looking for an excuse. Once a relationship ends you are no longer owe your ex anything. Even if you had slept with someone it means nothing as you wern't with her. It wasn't as if you had cheated.
Author petergriffin Posted January 11, 2012 Author Posted January 11, 2012 Thank you all for the replies. She had broken up with me.. At first I was so happy to be hanging out as friends, but now that she does not trust me I am almost ready to move on. I love her, but the fact she is being so indecisive and using trust as an excuse I don't know what I am going to do.. Ill take it day by day and see where it goes. Should I play a little hard to get or should I be super friendly and nice
Pens55 Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 Obviously, never say this to anyone, but in reality: "yes, I slept with someone while we were broken up. I would have rather it been you, but it was your choice to leave me" But if you really have feelings for her and want to try, it would probably be best to accept the trust issues as genuine and hope that a little time heals the wounds. Just do not lose yourself attempting to get her back, I went down that road and its not pretty. Remember, she broke up with you, she cant expect you to be the only one who gives
Lionblue92 Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 Thank you all for the replies. She had broken up with me.. At first I was so happy to be hanging out as friends, but now that she does not trust me I am almost ready to move on. I love her, but the fact she is being so indecisive and using trust as an excuse I don't know what I am going to do.. Ill take it day by day and see where it goes. Should I play a little hard to get or should I be super friendly and nice Why did she break up with you, and how long were you two together? Who got back in contact with whom after the first month of NC?
ken_25 Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 Seems like she's grasping at straws here, this is very petty. She may still be undecided about wanting to be with you, so she's using this as a possible way out or not to keep getting closer as she has been. Might want take some time apart and let her miss you.
BoredAgain Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 Yeah, I agree with all the above. I'd call BS on her behavior. After two people break-up, the monogamy agreement is over. She knew that, and she made that choice anyway. ...Or does she expect all her Ex boyfriends to remain celibate after she dates them?
Author petergriffin Posted January 12, 2012 Author Posted January 12, 2012 We were dating for over a year, she brokeup with me because i was away for 3 months, but very insecure about the relationship and picked a lot of dumb fights.. No contact was broken by her. Anyways, should I go complete no contact again or just limit contact
ken_25 Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 I would just explain that you aren't lying and there isn't any real reason to not trust me (unless there's something that's happened before you haven't told us about). The rumor isn't true, but if you can't trust me maybe I need to take a step back. Go low contact, see what happens. Just my two cents. Also you seem quick to want to give up on this. Are you sure you even want to be with this girl? Are you just afraid of getting hurt? Maybe both?
Author petergriffin Posted January 13, 2012 Author Posted January 13, 2012 so last night over the phone she told me she doesnt want to date me again.. then asked me to go out to eat after.. stupidly i did, but was only disappointed when I dropped her off and once again nothing happened. She has texted me twice so far today, but I feel like i should just go no contact and move on now!
Recommended Posts