IfiKnewThen Posted January 12, 2012 Posted January 12, 2012 (edited) i have said it once (ok 100 times) and i will say it again. to everything there is a season and a time and a purpose under the heavens. if you read that biblical quote..it makes perfect sense. A Time for Everything 1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: 2 a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; 3 a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; 4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; 5 a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; 6 a time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; 7 a time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; 8 a time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace. with this is mind...there is time for contact and no contact. its all about timing. and people always professing n/c are not always right and sometimes its even radical to do N/C. sometimes you have to act. know when that window of opportunity is and act. yes there is a time to refrain. but his gut tells him to act now and i agree with him. at least he gets to try his best and doesn't have to look back in regret. yes, we can not act in haste and be obnoxious and desperate sounding. but if your loving, and kind and forthright...there is no shame in that. honestly even if you might be making a fool of yourself. there is no shame in loving. and trying. and who is to say what will work and what wont really. to me its all about timing and how you handle it, and NOT to expect anything in return. just to give what you need to give of yourself and to be satisfied with who you are. to make peace with your past and know you did the best you could and then move forward and be happy with yourself. to me thats the only way to live with what has happened to us, in the end. Edited January 12, 2012 by IfiKnewThen
BigDumbFoot Posted January 13, 2012 Posted January 13, 2012 So, how did you heal so damn fast in the span of seven weeks? How long we're you together? I recently broke nc and it set me back a bit. Crushed me really.. And we've been broken up for abt 6 months. Kudos to you if you can pull this off, I would approach the situation with extreme caution if I were you. Good luck!
Author ZimboGon Posted January 13, 2012 Author Posted January 13, 2012 (edited) We were together around 17 months. I guess i was just confident. When she left me i took time for myself to reflect on everything. I didn't make the mistake of leaving her, she made the mistake of leaving me. I knew i was a good catch and i had been great to her. So i always figured i would have faith in myself. If the love was really there, i would get a second chance. If not, i would move on and find someone else. The only problem with that theory is that i knew the love was really there, and i cared about her too much to let her make such a mistake. So i went my own way for awhile, went with my friends and worked on myself and didn't keep track of her world that much. I asked a few of my friends to watch over her since i couldn't. I continued with my own life, until one day i heard that she thought i hated her for everything. I wasn't afraid to contact her, i just chose not to for those 7 weeks but after hearing that... I decided why not? I wanted to assure her i was happy to have dated her and i moved on, so i wasn't angry and didn't hold any resentment towards her. Here i am now. As for being set back for making contact, the worst thing that could possibly happen is me losing her, and that has already happened once. What do i have to lose now? Hope i guess... But i'm too much of an optimistic idiot to ever lose hope. Edited January 13, 2012 by ZimboGon
BigDumbFoot Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 Man, I wish I could just learn to have faith in myself. I have confidence issues clearly, in that I still unconsciously blame myself for the relationship going bad. It seems like it's going to be a longer journey for me then it was for you. Kudos to you for that, one day I hope to have the resilience and self confidence you have. Keep up the good work chap!
Rorschach64 Posted January 14, 2012 Posted January 14, 2012 While I will agree with Philsoraptor's concerns on the first page and just how people are fickle in general when it comes to emotions, I would urge caution with this and wish the same luck and happiness he did to you, man. I will say though, I will agree with what you did by reaching out to her to create a sense of "I don't hate you blah blah", 'cause I did this same just through a hand written letter. Though what I do not agree on, in general, is the fact to break NC with hopes of getting your ex back. Why? Well, if you tried your damnedest(sp?) and you still got the hose, it has to come from the other person to make the realization that they made a mistake. They are sorry, they want you back and so forth, this is a change that has to come from within. If you received no contact for awhile, like I have, they are totally happy with their choice. So move on and try not to double think no contact.
Author ZimboGon Posted January 16, 2012 Author Posted January 16, 2012 Well, we're back together. Whoop Whoop.
IfiKnewThen Posted January 16, 2012 Posted January 16, 2012 congratz!~! now make it last!! BUY men are from mars women are from venus by john gray and read it. i don't care how old you guys are. this should be required text in school, so we can understand how male and female communicate and our differences...and how to talk to each other to be better understood and not offend and hurt. really read it. thats all i can say. oh and buy her a copy too. trust me on this one;) good luck
Author ZimboGon Posted January 17, 2012 Author Posted January 17, 2012 So, a bit of an update. We've talked about the issues in our relationship and i really think with it all addressed it can work out. The date was fantastic. We had a perfect time and got along well. Two days later, we started talking and i invited her over to my place so we could catch up. I just wanted to talk at first, and go at a slow and steady pace. We were catching up about our lives while we were apart, and it slowly got more physical. Finally, she started throwing herself onto me and we ended up having sex (which i didn't want to do so soon). Afterwards, we just layed together for hours and talked. It was nice. We've got a date coming up, and we plan to go out more as opposed to our last relationship. We're officially together now. It seems like its really working out.
confused kitty Posted January 17, 2012 Posted January 17, 2012 Huge congrats Zimbogon, so happy for you!!! Pass the luck onto the rest of us hopefulls on here lol All the best to you both in your new relationship! Keep us posted :-)
IfiKnewThen Posted January 30, 2012 Posted January 30, 2012 how are things going? this was a good post
Author ZimboGon Posted February 7, 2012 Author Posted February 7, 2012 (edited) I can give an update, if you'd like sure. Things are incredible. We have a date night every weekend where we actually go out and do things together and talk and have fun. That was a problem with our previous relationship. Checkmark. I was welcomed into her family by her parents who hated me. She sat them down and expressed to them how much she cared about me. With this opening, i was able to get to know them and earn their approval. Checkmark. We communicate about everything. Checkmark. Our sex life went from lacking to full-throttle. I realized just because we are dating, doesn't mean we have to stop flirting. Checkmark. Its strange. I was so broken up about losing her and i felt like she didn't care. Now we are together and things are steady, she's the one all over me. I was at her house yesterday, and as i was getting ready to leave she chased me out and begged me to stay. I looked her in the eyes, smiled, and told her i had to leave, it was getting late. She looked up at me and asked, "Are you happy we are back together?". I replied, "Are you?". She said exclaimed that she was very happy, and hugged me for like 5 minutes. I also confronted the person she left me for. She had told him off and said she wanted nothing to do with him, he was a mistake and it helped her realize how much she wanted to be with me. I ran into him one day and approached him and shook his hand. He wasn't very friendly, so as i left i glared at him and said, "Thanks for keeping her warm for me.". I understand his hostility, as he went through a period of begging and begging for her back. He promised her he would change and be the man she wanted, and she told him the man she wanted was me all along. I saw the texts. I have no sympathy for him, though. I warned him this would happen back in October... Edited February 7, 2012 by ZimboGon
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