Issue with a superior at work who acts like I do not exist

[confused192]

I'm hoping you all might be able to offer some advice on an ongoing situation at my office. Here's the story- a guy at work, who is not my immediate supervisor but is still one of my superiors, will not talk to me. I know that statement alone sounds rather ridiculous but it is almost like he goes out of his way to NOT talk to me. I'm concerned because it is getting kind of awkward when I have to work with him on certain projects.

 

If he needs something from my department, he will only come ask us when both my boss and I are present. He never addresses me or looks me in the eye. If we are in a room with multiple people, he talks to everyone but me and I'm absolutely not exaggerating on this. I sometimes say hello to him in the hallway if we pass each other and he only ever nods to me in response. This has been going on since I started working here.

 

I've only worked here for about 5 months and in that time, I've come to have a great working relationship with just about everyone I work with except this person. I initially thought that he either irrationally hated me or thought that I was a not important enough to talk to but I am not sure I believe this. He does seem to be a nice guy to everyone and he hasn't interacted with me enough to hate me. About the time I started, he was promoted into the position he currently holds. It was a big transition for him and I think that maybe his adjustment into his new role has been a little difficult.

 

I told a co-worker about this issue, someone that is somewhat close to this man, and he mentioned that perhaps he does not talk to me because he is afraid of getting involved with me on an unprofessional level. My co-worker mentioned that this person has a habit of dating co-workers (which I did not know since I am still fairly new) and that perhaps now that he is in a different role with more responsibility, he is being more cautious. I guess I can see his point but if this is the case, why am I the only person he acts this way towards? Why wouldn't he be more cautious with other female co-workers as well? Additionally, why would he sacrifice professionalism on the far off chance that he might want to get involved with me? It is weird that he doesn't talk to me and it makes me feel bad about my ability to work with him. It's unprofessional.

 

Anyway, do you think my co-worker's theory might be correct? If so, is there anything I can do to alleviate this issue or do you think he might eventually get over this? Or do you have any other ideas on what the issue might be?

 

It is strange because over the holiday break (we work at a school), the office was fairly empty except for a few administrators. He and I were both on campus during this time and he actually did come down to my office (which is not near his office) to talk to me for a few minutes randomly every day. I was blown away by this and thought that maybe he had finally gotten over his issue with me. But as soon as break was over and students and teachers were back in school, he went back to his old pattern. I am terribly confused by all of this.

 

I would greatly appreciate any thoughts or advice. I'm just not sure how to proceed and would really like to figure out how to make this better. Thank you in advance!

[ja123]

"perhaps he does not talk to me because he is afraid of getting involved with me on an unprofessional level."

 

That's what I was thinking, but then it confusing that he spoke to you during break. Maybe he's concerned, given his track-record with dating co-workers, that people might gossip about his having his eye on you if he were to talk to you in front of others.

 

You can keep saying hello every now and then if you pass in the hall, but otherwise pretend he doesn't exist. It really seems like the problem is on his end and has nothing to do with you. Just ignore it and don't speak about it to anymore colleagues.

[spiderowl]

Perhaps he is attracted to you. Perhaps you are very attractive (if that's your photo, then this is true). He may be attracted and shy. He may be attracted and not wanting it to show to his colleagues, hence studiously ignoring you but talking to you briefly when they are not around.

 

Another possibility is that he has Asperger's Syndrome or similar and rarely makes eye contact with anyone. Does he make eye contact with colleagues? He may talk to them but does he actually make eye contact? If he does, then it's something peculiar to you. I would think either he feels threatened by you in some way professionally (maybe you have similar expertise?) or he is wildly attracted and desperately trying not to show it to your or colleagues for some reason. Maybe he is married and that's why.

 

Not sure what you can do otherwise than treat him as you would treat anyone else and almost pretend as if he's not ignoring you. Be professional and normal with him. He's probably all too aware that he's being weird and it might make him feel more comfortable if he realises you're not getting hung up on it.

 

Just thought, if he's only recently been promoted and has a reputation for dating colleagues, it's possible he's been warned by high-ups that any sexual approaches to an employee (he's your manager) could be construed as sexual harassment. He may well be thinking you are as aware of his attraction as he is and is madly trying to prevent giving that impression in case it gets him sacked!

Edited January 11, 2012 by spiderowl